Cedric sat on the Hufflepuff table sulking, chewing on his mashed potatoes wearily. His chin rested on his free palm, it was clear to see that he had no sleep. Something was there, he thought about him more than he should, he wished he was looked at the same way he looked at him, but he realised it wasn't going to happen.
The episode of Percy's smiling face replayed in his mind when Percy told him about his new girlfriend Penelope Clearwater. It shattered his heart, seeing him that happy, to see him fall in love with someone else. Cedric had no choice but to drink his anguish and grin at Percy
"So? You have a girlfriend now? T-that's fantastic! Absolutely incredible!" He said, stammering a little, covering the jealousy in his eyes. Percy grinned at him, the tips of his ears glowing crimson. He put on a phoney smile for Percy's sake.
He wished he could be the cause of that smile, but it wasn't to be. Cedric was heartbroken to learn that Penelope was the recipient of Percy's love. His heart was hollow, and only Percy could fill it, still it remained half filled.
He hadn't slept for weeks, he was dreaming without closing his eyes, he didn't want to put his feet on the ground. Cedric loved to dream wide awake, because in his dream Percy was his. Why did Cedric feel like this? That was his childhood best friend for Merlin's sake. He shouldn't be feeling like this but he does.
He laughs and smiles on the outside masking the scars and hollowness in his soul watching Percy fall in love with someone else. He couldn't let anyone see him mourn but here he was eating breakfast looking just as broken as a fallen china doll.
Cedric has learned that love isn't always flawless, that it's not a fairy tale or a storybook, and that it's not always easy. He's discovered that fairy tales are nothing more than a fabric of lies. While his soul screams and sobs in misery, he is happy for Percy.
Percy notices that Cedric's eyes aren't as soulful as they used to be even if he's laughing, it concerns him. How his playful best friend has painfully little in common with the one he saw now. Percy suspected Cedric was keeping something from him, but Cedric, being Cedric (and an honorary Hufflepuff), didn't tell him. Cedric felt like a well-known stranger.
His vision feels fuzzy, it feels as if it's his fault Cedric's in anguish as if he's the source of the misery but he doesn't know why. He sees Cedric now sitting alone, not like himself. Cedric was gloomy. Percy couldn't tear his gaze off of him as tears formed in his eyes; what had happened to him?
Cedric could hear the birds chirping but even in them he tried to find Percy. He tucked the words of affection flown out of Percy for a cold day. This was one of the days he needed them, he longed to be in Percy's arms.
Cedric had been following Percy since his first year like a lost puppy with glittering eyes. He looked at him like he was the one who painted the moon and stars on the midnight skies. It was awfully obvious to anyone with eyes but Percy just couldn't see it, what a fool Cedric is falling for someone who doesn't consider him as anything more than a mere mate. After all, it is true that you can't read a book so close to your eyes.
That he's fallen for Percy, that he loves Percy Weasley, the git, the prat, the least Gryffindor of Gryffindors, ardently, is a secret he'd bury with him. He was blind to the rude labels that were thrown at Percy, they only saw Percy's shortcomings, yet even the moon has stains. This secret is going to be in the coffin lowering to the ground with his lifeless body.
Cedric wishes that he dies before Percy does, he doesn't want to see the corpse of the one he loved. That would be more agonizing than loving someone who isn't in love with you.
Oh, how excruciatingly hard it is to love someone who isn't yours.
Cedric admired Percy's blue eyes, which were so vast just as big and infinite as the ocean or the evening skies, as well as his long fingers, tall stature, the way he pushed his spectacles up, his silky red hair, and the way his eyes gleamed brightly when he smiled or laughed. Cedric was enthralled by Percy's laughter. Cedric would be drawn to Percy in every way. It was as if Percy was magnetic.
Cedric just couldn't let go of the fact Percy didn't love him back. Cedric couldn't get around the fact that Penelope would be the one to wake up next to Percy on a cold rainy morning and he would greet her with a soft smile, and kiss her on the forehead, with his aroma filling up her mind. Another scar he had to bear.
Cedric wanted to drown in the soup he was drinking.
Cedric felt both happy and terrified of the prospect of Percy falling in love. Terrified that Cedric is going to be replaced and forgotten. Cedric can guarantee love is the most blissfully painful sensation. Couldn't their lives just intertwine into the bond of marriage altogether? Why did Cedric have to feel so pathetic?
Lovesick, that was what Cedric was.
God has the most painful sense of humour of all time. He made Cedric fall in love with Percy but forgot to make Percy fall in love with him too.
For now, the distance between the tables felt more than a few metres. He could scream his confession of his ardent love at the top of his lungs but he knew it would be for naught.
Cedric just loses his mind when it comes to Percy; anyone who dares to insult him in his presence they should be ready to throw hands. It's quite ugly on how low Cedric can stoop to defend Percy from people who talk behind his back. Trying his best not to accidentally confess his love to the worst possible crowd.
Cedric understands Percy isn't his but that can't stop envy and despair from driving him crazy in silence. Percy and Cedric remain good friends but Cedric starved for more. He couldn't help but pout when Cedric started to utter words from his experience of dating Penelope. (Percy's all Penny this Penny that while Cedric? He's Percy this Percy that, which pains him.)
"Sorry about that. How was your day, Ceddy?" He asked.
Ceddy, Percy was the only one who used nicknames for Cedric apart from his parents. It made his heart race, his hands feel clammy and his stomach flips every time he used a nickname. Cedric sleeps with his face buried in a pillow, thinking about Percy. Blushing madly, hearing Percy's laughter ringing in his ears. He never lets anyone know about his nights and his crying silently.
Shower me with your love, I beg of you. Is what he wants to say but never can. Cedric shall always stay Percy's but never ask Percy to be his.