Gryffindors' Bet

Remus thinks about many things, rushing to the Astronomy Tower to meet Sirius. Or rather to confront Sirius. Sirius doesn't even know about it, how could he? It doesn't matter. Remus saw Sirius on the map on the Astronomy Tower, and why would Sirius go to the Astronomy Tower, where him, and Remus would meet so often, if he wanted to avoid Remus? It doesn't make sense, so it's worth to take the risk. And Remus wants answers, so he is going to get them, no matter what. That's because he's scared. Scared of losing the boy he started to cherish so much, that his mind is a chaos just at the thought of losing him. And maybe he will lose Sirius. Maybe they will meet, and Sirius will look at him surprised, and will tell him, that there's nothing between them, that he wants Remus to go away, to never come near him. Remus doubts, that Sirius would tell anyone about him being a werewolf, but it's not… It's not what's the most important, not right now. It scares Remus, that his secret could be spread, but not from Sirius. There's only little doubt in Remus, and it's there only because he can't fully trust even himself. The worst that could happen, is for Sirius to act coldly towards Remus, but isn't he used to acts like these? Wouldn't it be easy to forget the year of slow development between them? It's been only a year, Remus is able to forget about that much. It would be easier, if Remus wasn't half fallen, but… But who is Remus trying to deceive? The half-fallen phase is long behind him, it would be wrong to be still deceiving himself. 

The stress bubbles in Remus throat. Or maybe it's the panic, that starts to kick on. If Remus is in love with Sirius, what does that change? Everything. Sirius is the one, who asked Remus not to go anywhere, and hearing from him to go, would be the most devastating words to listen to. Maybe Remus shouldn't confront Sirius? Maybe Remus should act like Sirius, avoiding the problem, avoiding the talk, and pretending everything is alright, so until they finish Hogwarts, he can peacefully live imagining they came into some weird phase of not talking to each other.

And what then?

Nothing would be different from being rejected, the only change would make the lack of certainty. It would be only worse, because Remus would take glances at Sirius, hoping for him to look at him back, always hoping. Always hoping Sirius would forget about him being the monster. Sirius probably knew about him being a werewolf, already. That is what Regulus once implied. But Sirius never saw. It's different to know, and to experience it. Remus understands it well enough. It's better to not have expectations, because then you won't get disappointed. Is it true, though? Remus doesn't have any expectations towards Sirius?

It's been a lie from the start, Remus thinks, while he enters the Astronomy Tower.

Sirius doesn't look surprised. He is sitting next to the wall, leaning on the wall, and staring at the sky. He doesn't even glimpse at Remus, but knows it's him.

"I think you shouldn't be here," Sirius says with a blank voice. Remus tries not to wince.

"I am where I'm supposed to be."

Sirius instantly turns his head to Remus. "You're supposed to be healing," he snaps, and watches Remus with thin lips, looking angry. "Have you seen how tired you look? And I saw how your wolf form makes damages to your body, so you can't hide anything from me, now."

Remus doesn't have an answer. He is stunned, not knowing how to act. Sirius opens his mouth to say something, but closes it, and seems to be angry at himself, probably for talking at all. But Remus can't stop thinking of the worry that Sirius showed instead of the fear. He is worried about me. He is worried about me. Remus can't think about anything else. It's like his head turned off, a one thought circling around his mind's reach. Sirius thinks of himself so badly, but he's one of the most amazing people Remus ever met. Despite his upbringing, despite the setbacks, despite every challenges, Sirius is simply wonderful. He is a wonder. All these things Remus felt because of Sirius, the fear of Sirius hating him... It doesn't matter. Maybe Sirius doesn't want to be with Remus right now, he has every right to take a rest. But Remus can't wait. If Sirius started to despise him, it doesn't change anything, when Remus confesses. If Sirius is to reject Remus, he'll do it either way. And Remus wants to know, so he doesn't regret it later. Maybe they still can be friends. Sirius is the person, who would be able to befriend a werewolf.

"Fuck," Remus says, though it's not fully voluntary. Sirius instantly is next to Remus.

"Is there something wrong? Something hurts you?" Sirius asks, worry on his face, and the only thing Remus can do now, is to laugh.

"How could you ever think, there's something wrong with you?" Remus questions, and it's a moment really. One moment to look at Sirius face, at the stormy eyes, the emotions behind them to feel tears forming behind his own eyelids. The boy in front of him, the wonderful boy, who believes there might be something wrong with him. The boy whose parents lack empathy, and love, but this boy stands before a werewolf, and asks him if he's alright. "You're so damn everything, Sirius," Remus' voice cracks.

Sirius comes one step closer, and raises his hand, like he wants to wipe away Remus' tears, but holds his hand back at the last moment. Then he takes a step back, looking like he doesn't know how to react. Looking lost.

Remus chuckles, his voice cracking, again, but it's not important. He reaches Sirius' hands, and holds them in his own. One step towards the boy he is in love with. Remus watches their hands, linked, making them linked, too, and a sad smile shifts his face. When he looks up, to see Sirius' eyes, he is taken aback seeing the amount of the feelings in them.

One step. Only one step. Remus takes it.

"You can't tell me, I have to go back to hospital wing, when all I want to do, is to see you, ask how are things between us, and then tell you I'm in love with you, even if it makes you want to run away." Remus confesses in one breath. He does it with a little bit of anxiety, but after the words escape his mouth, it's somehow easier. Whatever will happen, now, is bound to happen, and Remus has no power to change it.

And it's so ambivalent with Sirius, as it always has been. Remus feels his heart pounding so strongly, and he feels his wait prolonged, but at the same time, he reaches some level of calmness, he wouldn't expect to ever experience. Because he feels stressed, waiting for the answer, but he looks at Sirius eyes and at the same time, he feels just… tranquil. Undisturbed. Remus knows time is passing, but he isn't feeling like he passes with the time. It is just Sirius, just before his eyes. If he is about to be rejected, it's not good, but it's also not bad. His feelings will remain, Remus knows it. And it calms him a little. The realization that the object of his affection is alive, and good, and he's someone wonderful, and even if Remus won't experience anything more than friendship from him, he'll know, it is something unforgettable, so he doesn't regret a thing.

Remus wants to laugh at himself, because why would he confront his rejection before he even comes up against it.

"You're…" Sirius seems like struggling to voice what he feels. Remus' shoulders drop. "I… I wanted to… Bloody hell, how do I say it?" Sirius breaks off their hand contact, by taking his left hand to rub it over his hair, but lets the right hand to still be hold by Remus. Sirius seems so unnerved, that Remus wants to stop it right here, but then Sirius speaks again. "I wanted our ways to part, I wanted you to leave me, because you're in a constant danger from my family, and I hate being the reason you could be in danger. I wanted us to go separate ways, and here you are, telling me what…? That you're in love with me?" Sirius laughs almost maniacally, a slightly humourless, but even more shocked laughter, that sounds in Remus' mind. Remus automatically tries to take his hand away from Sirius', but he is faster managing to catch it, and clasps it in his own. "Don't," Sirius says, looking at their linked hands. He closes his eyes. "Don't," he almost whispers, and then opens his eyes to look at Remus. "I told you once. I can't let you go, and it was stupid of me, to think I would be ever able to. Especially now, when you literally told that my feeling are mutual." Sirius squeezes Remus' hand, and Remus just… stands there. Because what can he do? How should he react? He could imagine tens of possible scenarios, but has he ever thought what next? Was there even a scenario, when Sirius told him, he feels the same? "But we can't be together," Sirius says, his voice strangled.

They look each other straight into eyes, and Remus sees all these feeling that they share, all the fears, all the joy, all the hope. And he doesn't know what to do. But it's almost instinctive, when he reaches Sirius' cheek, with his free hand and just places it there. Remus' fingers brushes Sirius' soft skin, as he whispers, "It's so cliché to say." And it's only one step, until it's not his fingers that are brushing his cheek, but Remus' lips, that are softly pressed to Sirius' ones. It's like tasting, really. How they work with each other. A few touches, a few looks in the eyes, a few breaths they share. And Remus feels it all, Remus felt it long ago, but this… This is different. This is real. This is not only emotional, it's also physical.

Then their kisses get more rushed, and it becomes one, long kiss, that is taking their breaths away, that they don't want to end. Remus' hand in Sirius' hair, Sirius' hands all around Remus' body. Then there's a sudden sound, so they both jump, and seeing there's no one else in here, they look at each other, and they both laugh quietly, as if not really believing it's happening. Sirius places his forehead on Remus shoulder, and Remus wraps his arms around the boy in front of him. After a moment, he feels Sirius' arms around him, too. They stay like this, holding each other, feeling each other and knowing they can.

"I'm not letting you go," Sirius says, his voice a bit muffled. Remus holds him, embraces him tighter.

"I'm not going anywhere."

---

"So Bellatrix won't do anything?" Peter asks, sitting with Andromeda, alone. Ted will come later, so they spend time without him for now, and though Peter was afraid it might be uncomfortable at first, with them used to Ted's presence, it's quite alright. More than alright. Peter feels at ease, conversation doesn't seem forced, and the Black taboo is gone.

"Yeah, with Narcissa we persuaded her to drop it," Andromeda says lightly, though her face gets darker suddenly, gloomier. After a moment, she sighs. "However, we don't know for how long. I'm… I'm afraid that Bellatrix views and aspirations are stronger than her desire to have her sisters next to her."

Peter remembers how Bellatrix seems to be recently, and there's an anger pouring through her. More than ever. The three sisters still spend time together, but it's different. Everything is different.

"What about Ted?" Peter asks. He doesn't specify the question, but he knows Andromeda understands. What would happen if Andromeda told Bellatrix there is a boy she befriended, who is a Muggle-born? Would Bellatrix make her sister chose, or maybe would she try to hurt Ted as she tried to Remus?

"I love my sister, both of them," Andromeda admits with a melancholic smile on her face. "But if I have to choose between Bellatrix and my freedom, my answer is clear. And with Bellatrix's views on some things, there's no chance I'd be free, staying at her side." Peter nods. "I'm more worried about Narcissa, though. But well, it's our own choice, isn't it?"

"It is," Peter agrees. "And I'm really, genuinely thankful for your help, Dromeda."

"Oh, Petey," Andromeda looks at him with a sad smile. "It was more about us, Blacks, than you, the Marauders boys. If Sirius can't be with Remus, in a friendly or a romantic way, then how, I can be with Ted?"

And maybe that's how it is always among Blacks. Fighting for your own rights.

---

"Where is Peter?" Remus asks James, who is now having a small lab in their dormitory room. The window is opened the widest possible, but Remus decided to leave the room, just in case. Peter probably did the same.

"He went on a date with Ted," James answers absent-mindedly, adding an ingredient to the potion. Remus doesn't want to interrupt him with his plan, though he truly believes pranking Slytherin isn't as important task, as James claims it to be. Sirius, too, wanted to join James, though, so Remus just will leave them alone, and let them bear the consequences of their own choices.

"Good for him," Remus says. He wants to leave, but then he sees the expression on James' face. The wide smile, bright eyes, a pure joy brightening him all. Just from this expression alone, Remus knows the potion is a success. The Amortentia is done.

James looks up at Remus. "You want to inhale a little?"

Remus smiles. "No, I know what I'll smell."

Then he opens the door, just to stand face to face with a source of his Amortentia smell. Sirius has one hand raised, as if to knock, but drops it slowly. Remus smiles fondly. He knows the smile is fond, and affectionate, because he feels too much for this smile not to be like this. Sirius is surprised, but Remus rarely is, so he takes the opportunity to pull the boy slightly closer to him, and kiss his forehead gently.

"Have fun," Remus says to Sirius quietly, and walks by. Then the rare moment of surprise comes, because he feels a hand on his wrist, and when he looks at Sirius, again, the boy has a sheepish grin on his face. Remus, without words, comes back and hugs Sirius, squeezing him, until he feels it in his bones.

"We'll have fun," Sirius mumbles, his voice muffled, since he buries his nose into Remus' neck.

"Mhm," Remus mutters, relaxing into the embrace, and starting to stroke Sirius' hair. He is simply endeared by him, so Remus doesn't really want to let go, but James will want to go play prank with Sirius, so who is he to stall their time?

So Remus moves away, only a bit at first, because he wants to catch Sirius' gaze, before he does it completely. After Remus does so, he gives a peck on Sirius' nose this time, and smiles.

"I'm going then, see you later."

"See you soon."

It's cosy, it's easy, it's warm. It's safe. Remus wants it to stay this way until the end.

---

The idea of a prank was easy. James and Sirius went to the Slytherin common room, and it was much simpler, since Sirius is the great asset in pranking his House. And, yes, they did manage to pull it successfully. The Amortentia is all around the common room for Slytherins to smell, and if something happens, now, it has nothing to do with Marauders. The second part of the plan just happened not to be so simple, though, because instead of escaping unnoticed, at one point of their retreat, they heard the words.

"Mr Potter, Mr Black, may I see you in my office, now?"

And now, James and Sirius happens to sit in McGonagall office. James got detention, they got a few disappointed looks, and only James dared to actually have a biscuit. He guesses, that Sirius thinks it's a trap, but James has no means to tell him, that Minerva secretly loves them, not when they sit in front of her. So he eats quietly his biscuits, and waits for her to pardon them. He is actually surprised Minerva didn't send Sirius to Slughorn, but it's not the most unusual behaviour of all, today. Minerva looks at them, analysing the situation, and James understands it's a new combination, he with Sirius, but it's still making him a little on edge.

Then Minerva gets up, with a sigh, and unexpectedly crouches beside Sirius. Sirius looks down at her, looking lost and frightened, but James trusts McGonagall won't do anything harmful.

"Sirius, I want to tell you only one thing, and you can freely go, boys," she says, and looks Sirius into the eyes. "I know you were born into a family that doesn't appreciate you, but I hope that you found yourself a real family, that sees you for who you are. And if you ever have a problem you can't resolve, you can write to me, or meet me anytime, alright?"

Sirius nods, though it looks more automatic than with awareness of what is he doing.

"Thank you, professor," James says, and takes Sirius by his arm to walk him away. The moment, the door is closed, James grins. "Aww, you finally joined the Marauders family?"

"How…?" Sirius falters. "How did she know we got closer?"

"Well, aside from catching us on doing the prank, you surely spend a lot of time with Remus, don't you?" James quirks his eyebrow. Then a thought occurs to him. "Wait, if Remus was the only person you ever dated, doesn't it mean you're remussexual?"

Sirius' skin instantly turns into the colour of the Gryffindor.

"I think I would be remussexual even if I dated tens of boyfriends in my past," he mutters quietly, but James hears everything clearly.

"What did you say?" James asks, just to tease him a little. Sirius glares at him, so James laughs, and puts his arm around Sirius' shoulder. "I know, I know. Let's go, brother, we don't want to be late for supper."

---

"Don't you think he looks cute, now?" James asks. Remus knows who he means, so he looks up at the Slytherin table to see Black brothers arguing. It's interesting to see them together outside the Gryffindor table, but Remus knows Sirius wanted to spend a little time with his brother alone, and Regulus apparently wanted to do the same, even if they're now back to their old ways.

"Doesn't Regulus look like he wants to destroy something?" Remus asks, not sure if the anger on the boy's face can be called cute.

"I don't mean-"

"Mates," Peter comes suddenly, and interrupts James. "Remember the chocolates that we found in front of our room?" Peter asks, his voice rushed. Remus nods, the topic piquing his interest. "Elspeth… Elspeth saw me a few times buying them and bought them to me, because she thought they're my favourite…"

"Are you saying…?" James seems shocked.

Peter blushes furiously. "I don't know, she said she likes me a lot, and ran away."

Remus watches Peter, who looks shy, but excited, and a little perplexed. He doesn't know what to do.

"And you?" Remus asks.

"Me?" Peter seems dumbfounded.

Remus smiles. "Yes, you. Do you like her? It doesn't have to be romantically at first."

Peter opens his mouth, then closes it. "Yeah, I like her."

James laughs. "Mate, shouldn't you ask for her address to send some letters or something? The end of the year is only closer."

Remus sees how his friend thinks frantically, and then a calmness suddenly appears on his face. It's decided then, isn't it? Remus is happy, because Peter doesn't need to have a partner, now. But at the same time, the best time for it, starts for Peter, just now. He starts to love himself, he knows he is enough. And paradoxically, that's why he feels ready to love others, too. Peter walks away from the table, as suddenly as he came. Remus watches him walk away with a smile reserved for his best friends.

It's chaotic. The combination of them is chaotic, but perfect. The more people join, the more perfect their circle of friends become. It's a rare sight, their perfect communication, despite the larger group of friends. But maybe, it's because they let the chaos in, the order just happens. After all, it's not about chaos, or harmony. It's about them, and their choices.

But what is it, really, about these boys? About Remus, James, Peter? About their past, or their future? What about the bet? What about their stories?

It started in its own way. Their paths, the one they chose for themselves. They met Regulus and Sirius, so the Slytherin could see they're all the same and allowed to like each other. They ended up loving each other genuinely. They haven't managed to change Slytherins perspective. They all graduated, waited for Regulus to join them and pitied Hogwarts for the way they taught their students to love, but also to hate.

They gained something really important, though. They are all smiling to each other, embracing each other, appreciating each other.

And maybe the younger students, seeing how loud Gryffindors befriended isolated Slytherins thought, they can make a difference, too. Or maybe they thought it's alright to love Slytherin or other Houses equally. And, maybe, the Marauders changed something. Maybe they started the change. It's a long one, but every change starts with an action that will move the remaining parts of the mechanism. Because it's not about changing everything. There is no enough time in one person life to change everything. It's about wanting the change and believing you can make it possible.

So maybe James, Remus, Peter and all the others haven't made changes they wanted. They changed something, though.

They made a difference.