Gryffindors' Bet

James is a morning person, but after a bad night, he, as every other person, can have the need to sleep longer. It's not planned. James couldn’t sleep, so when he finally wakes up, he is actually surprised it's almost late morning. He gets up, takes a glance at Remus' bed, where Regulus is still lying, and looks at Peter, whose eyes are already on James.

"I can't really explain what happened," James says, trying to convey his apologies with a facial expression. Peter shrugs.

"Not my business," he responds, probably not knowing how much burden he takes off James' shoulder this way.

"Remus hasn't come back?" James asks.

Peter shrugs once more. "Honestly, I've got no idea. I got up not so long ago. Regulus woke up not long after, looked at me, not even surprised, and just casually took one of Remus' books." Peter says, and James glances at Regulus, again, only now noticing the shut book next to the boy. His hand closed inside it, between the pages, almost like a bookmark. "He started reading unbothered, but fall asleep quite quickly."

James nods, and comes closer to the sleeping Regulus, then crouches. He smiles, just seeing how peaceful the boy looks. The book catches his attention, so James gently takes it away, trying not to lose the page Regulus' hand ended up on. It's probably not even needed, since Regulus's just started reading, but James takes out the bookmark from Remus' drawer and puts it in the book. It's actually amuses James a lot, how Remus has a lot of bookmarks, most from Lily, but ends up putting whatever is in his reach in the book to mark the page.

When James turns to look at Regulus again, he already has eyes on him. James sure feels observed from the morning.

"Hungry?" James asks with a smile, feeling a bit intimidated. He doesn't really know what makes him this way, but doesn't question it, just living with the feeling.

Regulus yawns, and rubs his eyes, what makes James' heart clench in his chest, because it's so adorable. He just wants to squeeze Regulus, until they both can’t catch their breaths, and it makes James chuckle. Probably from the overflowing emotions, or the difference between today's ambience, and yesterday's. Everything makes him relieved and though there is a bit of stress present at the back of his mind, James just wants to catch the moment of brief ease, before the troubles are ready to occupy everyone's hearts.

"Not really," Regulus answers. "But I guess it's better to do it, now, and get it over with."

James doesn't know why eating sounds like obligation in this one sentence, but since James is a person, who is hungry the moment he gets up, there is little for him to understand. He gets up, and starts searching for the Invisible Cloak.

"It's in the bag," Peter helps, knowing what James looks for without him saying a thing.

"What's in the bag?" Regulus asks, his confoundment clearly audible.

"Cloak," James answers, bending down to take out the fabric.

"You think you need to walk me away to dungeons, so there are no gossips and issues, when everyone sees me with you first thing in the morning?" Regulus asks, actually explaining exactly what James wants to do. Now, though, he is puzzled, pondering if it's something he shouldn't do.

"Yes?" James answers, though it sounds more like a question.

"You don't need to," Regulus sighs and proceeds towards the door. "I don't care anymore," he adds and gestures toward the exit. "James? Peter? Are you going?"

Peter gets up first, because James is still wondering if it's alright. What if Regulus acts too impulsively, wanting to take revenge on… James isn't sure. On Sirius? On their parents? However, when James looks at Regulus, he can realize it's not the impulsiveness. Regulus has his usual unbothered expression, besides, his eyes pierce through James, unwavering. Determination shining like a polished steel.

The decision that Regulus is making, right now, is not something fast and easy. It's the conclusion. The new path he wants to walk on, and if it defies his parents, if it makes Sirius worry… he doesn't care, no more. He wants to live honestly. And James not only accepts that, but also wants to encourage the boy he fancies as long as he can. So he smiles, making Regulus smile gently in answer. Softening his whole face.

"Cheers," James says. The three of them walk toward the Dining Hall, receiving an enormous amount of glances and bewildered looks from these, who see Regulus walking out of their room. Then proceeding together towards Gryffindor table and just sitting, as if nothing unusual is happening. Remus is already seated, and when he looks up, he doesn't seem affected by Regulus joining them to the table.

"Alright?" Remus asks, and peers at Slytherin's table, so James follows his gaze to find Sirius.

And the older Black brother, shows no sign of… anything, actually. He shows no emotion, just looking at Regulus blankly. It makes James' heart clench, this time from worry. Regulus, though, doesn't bother even glancing at his brother.

"May I sit, here?" Regulus asks Remus, after nodding. Remus pats the chair next to him, then starts to place food on his plates.

"I could eat a Hippogriff," Peter states, falling on the chair with a loud, but hollow sound.

"I doubt that," James comments, sitting down, next to Peter.

It's normal, after that. They talk normally, mostly James and Peter bantering, and Regulus with Remus sometimes remarking the conversation. James will need to get used to Regulus staying beside them, as if he was here from the start. He isn't sure if it's going to be like that until the end of the year, or is it a temporary act to spite his parents, but James isn't complaining. He is still worried, though. There is something refreshing about new Regulus, but it's also disturbing to see the boy, who seemed proud of his House, suddenly changing all of his surrounding. What is he going to do? What if Evan and Barty wouldn't talk to him after? What if he is mocked, soon? Regulus is younger than them. After this year ends, he will be at Hogwarts alone. Is it really fine?

James doesn't know, but it's not his decision.

He sighs, and feels the soft kick on his leg. He looks up and sees Regulus staring at him.

"It's alright, I mean it," Regulus says without explanation, but James understands. Regulus watches James, and understands what the moves of his body means, without him saying anything.

And it does make James calmer. The smile is back on his face.

---

Remus sees the moon from the spot his bed is placed. He can't fall asleep, so he just drifts between his thoughts and the beauty of the night sky that is outside the window. The night is full of stars and Remus kind of longs for it, and he hates himself for it, because well, it's still the place where the moon hangs. The source of his misery, of his fears, and the gap between him and the others. So why is the moon beautiful? Beautiful and scary. Remus remembers he is the moon. Not exactly, but for some, he is the moon. And he wonders if he's only scary, or if someone finds him beautiful, too. He chuckles silently, not wanting to wake up the boys, because he believes he knows James' answer to his question. He would get a hug, a reprimand from James, and a smile, quiet assurance from Peter.

Is it all right, for him, to love and hate the moon at the same time?

What Sirius thinks, about him being at the night sky? He is a star, the brightest one. Does he sometimes wonder, thinking of this star as of himself? Does he hate the fact, that he's so bright? Or does he love it? Or is he wise enough not to personify the star, as Remus is doing with the moon?

Remus sighs and really, truly wants to see Sirius, now. He doesn't even understand why right now, probably because he was thinking about him a few seconds before. Remus wishes he could hold back his fall a bit, but was there even a possibility? Wasn't it too late? He was half-fallen already. It wasn't too hard to fall for Sirius, when he was the brightest one around him. Always radiating his own light, dimming everyone around him, because why not? He is the brightest star, just not only in the sky. Remus groans, before he stills, remembering he's not alone. And then he feels the urge, to just look at the map, find this one point that says 'Sirius Black' and give himself a break. He will just see the name, and he'll put the map down. He just wants to look at Sirius that is solid in a way. Not only the one in his thoughts.

So Remus gets up, sneaks into James' part of the room, because he knows the map is in James' bag, and takes the map out.

He hears some of James' mumbles that sound a bit too much like 'mom, I've eaten like ten of them, I will explode' and holds back laughter. He's going to tease James about it later.

Remus takes the map, whispers 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good' and when the map reveals Hogwarts secrets, he automatically glances at Slytherin dungeon. But there is no Sirius in there, so Remus keeps his time to look for him. And it's only second place his eyes wanders to, The Astronomy Tower.

Remus doesn't really plan anything or even think, when he takes the map with himself and goes where the brightest star is looking from and at the sky.

It takes a short while, and at the same time it takes so long, to get to the destination, but when he opens the door, and Sirius looks at him with a kind of relieved sigh, Remus knows. He didn't even spare it a thought, but he knows, it would be always like this, it would always be so long and so short when he will seek Sirius.

Remus smiles. And Sirius does so, too. And then he chuckles silently. Remus fancies the sound, but it's kind of unexpected, so he asks, "Did something happened?"

"No, it's not that," Sirius answers. "It's just that I believe I should apologize to you, I think I've summoned you," he says with a shy smile.

And Remus, of course, thinks how he is always attracted to Sirius, so maybe it would be easier to divide the responsibility between them two. He thinks about his sleepless night, and how he couldn't rest and just had to look for Sirius.

"I think you did," he says and means it.

Remus approaches Sirius and sits next to him, being watched all the time, by the black-haired boy. And Remus is looking back at him, after he's been seated, and they just watch each other, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Remus with his arms behind him, supporting his weight and Sirius with his knees bent, hugging his legs, with a cheek on a knee, looking at Remus from this angle. Sirius looks immensely adorable, sitting this way, with half face covered by his arm, but the eyes… The eyes are visible, bright and smiling. Remus wants to keep Sirius this way. Innocent, content and welcoming. Not thinking about all the expectations his family have of him, his brother's expectation, Slytherins' expectations… Not thinking about who he is, who others need him to be… At this moment, Sirius looks like he is simply enjoying Remus' presence.

And Remus wants nothing more, than enjoying the presence of Sirius.

He straightens, and he doesn't know what look Sirius finds on his face, but Sirius straightens, too, and there is a blush visible on his pale skin. Remus wants to ask, he truly needs to ask, but he doesn't. He looks away, just as Sirius does, and follows his gaze, to look up at the sky. Here, on the Astronomy Tower, the moon shines more brightly than in his room, and for once he wants to thank the moon, because it's because of this light, that he can see Sirius this way. That he can see this blush, the shine in his eyes, the small smile that could be imperceptible in the dark. He can see Sirius so precisely, it almost hurts, because Sirius is bright even without the moon's shine. And it requires a great willpower for Remus to turn away, and not to look at Sirius again. Just to look at him, just to watch the way his eyes observe the night sky, to see the shadows of his eyelashes, of his hair, shadows on his cheeks… To do just that, but at the same time, it is so much. Maybe it's always much with Sirius.

And because Remus doesn't want to break their moment, he focuses on the stars that shine brightly, though not as much as Sirius. Never so much. Remus smiles, feeling the cold wind on his skin, but from his left, there is this special kind of warmth, radiating from Sirius. The warmth of his body, though they barely touch each other. Only brushes of their arms. But it's still perceivable. Remus feels it, like he feels the smell of the night, or as he hears their calm breathing.

Sirius stirs, so Remus looks at him to see the other boy already observing him. Sirius looks away and Remus does, too, with a smile. Their movements remind him of some shy play, but it's a nice play. A comfortable one.

"May I…" Sirius asks, and Remus glances at him, before finding the brightest star in the sky and focusing on it.

"Yes," Remus whispers, not knowing what Sirius wants, but agreeing anyway. He doesn't know what could Sirius ask for, for Remus to refuse him.

And then Remus feels a small weight on his shoulder and revels in the feeling of Sirius' head lying on him. It's something Remus wants to last forever, he wants their story to be everlasting and joyful, and glowing as Sirius seems to be. As Remus feels to be, when he's with Sirius.

They sit this way, two careful boys, who feel comfortable with each other, enough not to feel afraid. To feel safe, to feel warm during the cold night. To feel alive, instead of lying in bed, sleeping. They feel restful and secure, and they could sit this way forever, without the feeling of time loss. On the contrary, they actually feel like they gain everything just sitting this way, just leaning on each other, until they can. Until the sun comes, until the sky colours itself blue, until the calmness of this night fades away. Until they stop being under protection of the moon and the stars.

And though Remus looks at the brightest star of them all, he wonders if Sirius sometimes looks at the moon, the way he watches the Dog Star.

He doesn't know, that for Sirius, there are no stars, when there is the moon.

---

One day later, they meet, again, somehow making Astronomy Tower their meeting place. 

"I could see you in the Gryffindor," says Remus, smiling at Sirius. And there is a silence after these words. Not your usual silence, when people feel awkward with each other, or on contrary, comfortable. Not a silence, when you've told something meaningful and everyone has to contemplate. Not a silence, when someone thinks about the answer. Sirius is not looking at Remus, he looks down, with his hands on his thighs. He is flexing his fingers hard, and Remus wants to straighten them, to make them seem relaxed.

So Sirius is silent, not because he heard something meaningful, but because he has to say something like that. It's visible in the way he focuses on his thoughts, on himself, on the chaos inside his head. Remus sees it, he sometimes has an impression that he can see Sirius like no one else. Like he can understand him, without really understanding. Something pulls him to this raven-haired boy and this pull, this tug is something more than the attraction. It's sometimes… It mostly feels like it's been this way from the start. Like they were meant to be, but something went wrong, but here they are, defying whatever pushed them away.

"I was to be put in Gryffindor," Sirius says quietly, like it's a secret, and surely it is. It's shocking, in a way, but at the same time, it is not. It's Sirius. He is brave and he is kind. He has compassion for people and doesn't want to get higher and higher in the hierarchy. He just wants to be. It's not really slytherinish. "But there are things more important than the House you land in."

Remus thinks about all the Blacks. About how they are hostile, and have a lot of hatred stored just for people. And how Sirius is apart from them. How he always seeks only one person, and it's always his younger brother. How no one seems to take a notice of Regulus, because everyone sneers at Sirius. He is the oldest son of Walburga and Orion, he's the heir. He is important and everyone knows it. And that's why they hate him. And that's why no one's attention is attracted to Regulus.

Remus wants to ask if Sirius's done this for his brother, but it's a sensitive topic, and Remus doesn’t want to force Sirius to speak things he isn't ready to talk about.

So instead, he asks, "Do you regret it sometimes?"

Because Remus would. He can't fathom the idea of going to Slytherin, the most full of hatred and spite, and ambition House, just to be there for someone. Because Remus can't see the other reason why would Sirius have done this.

"I…" Sirius hesitates, and there is a flinch, that Remus could miss, if he hasn't been observing him so intently. "No. I can't regret," he says instead. And Remus wants to ask, about what he wants, not must do. But before he can open his mouth, Sirius adds, "I'll never regret staying with Regulus." And Remus understands, just like that. It's not about what Sirius wanted, not even about what he must have done. It's about his need to do this one thing. He didn’t have to. He didn't particularly want to. But he needed to do this. And sometimes the need is more than feelings or obligations.

Or maybe Remus will never know, in what extent, Sirius wanted to do this.

He doesn't regret it, though. So it's good. It's enough.

Sirius maybe has to work more on thinking about himself, but for now, it's enough.

So Remus smiles and says, "So you are Gryffindor at heart, aren't you?"

And Sirius smiles, too. And Remus hopes he gave something to this boy next to him. That he gave him something more than what he needs. Or just that he gave him enough.

---

Of course, the first kiss of James' wouldn't be a romantic cliché with a planned confession, but an aggressive act of being exasperated by James' eagerness.

The story of his first kiss with Regulus is short.

Regulus walks away from the boys after the breakfast, but James is immensely worried about his well-being, so he follows him. It's a long way of chat, or rather monologue from James to Regulus. It's not bad. Regulus doesn't answer, but nods sometimes, and every so often even smiles. James is worried, that they're too exposed, but Regulus doesn't seem to care, so James just follows his lead. It's nice. It's cosy. It's as it was supposed to be.

Regulus is oddly relaxed, like these acts of defiance give him something he needs to feel better. Maybe James doesn't really have to talk like a madman to take Regulus' mind off his problems. He does so just in case. This way, James talks, and talks, and talks, and doesn't stop. He is often talkative, but probably hasn't ever spoken this much in one or a few hours at once. James believes his chatter is something positive, since Regulus doesn't seem to mind, even looking content, just listening to James' voice.

So James talks, and talks, and talks, and doesn't stop. They walk outside the castle, until Regulus sits down on a bench under the trees and looks up at James, with a smile that James would describe as half-fond, and half-sad. The unhappy part surely makes James stop talking for a few seconds. Makes him worry. Makes him think his method doesn't work. James wonders what else could he do, his mind being a big, complicated tangle of unspecified ideas.

"Are you… feeling okay?" He ends up asking.

Regulus is still looking up at him, and the fond-sad smile is now more fond than sad. Regulus huffs a laugh, and James can swear his heart beats in the rhythm of Regulus' breathing, so hearing the laugh of the boy he fancies, his heart loses its own pulse.

"You're bloody ridiculous," Regulus says, and he pulls down James' tie, making James lean down, too. It's a surprising moment of his lips touching Regulus' ones, and the first thought is that their kiss is warm. It's cold outside, James is sure it's cold. But there is nothing chilly about his contact with the boy in front of him. The branches probably rustle somewhere around them, and the sun shines between the dry branches. James isn't certain, because he closes his eyes, but his hand that he leans on the bench backrest, to stabilize himself, is warm, despite the chilliness. The second hand, that he intuitively tangles in Regulus' hair, can feel only the soft strands.

It's not the sun, that is warm, though, it's the feeling in James' chest. The sound of branches would be more audible, if not the melodious tune of his heart. The time stands still and there are only two beings alive in this brief moment, that is a passionate thrill, a fleeting touch, an unspoken promise. Their lips are locked, but free, and it's an answer to all the things that James spoke of, asked about or the sentences that were only supposed to be told. Something old, but new. Something hopeful. 

The second thought is that, of course, James would get his first kiss with Regulus after being insulted by him, first.

---

Sirius and Remus lie on the ground, on the Astronomy Tower, surrounded by the sounds of the wind. There is tranquillity within them. Sirius seems content, relaxed even. And it hits Remus that it is an unusual sight. He also suspects why.

Remus sits up, disturbing their moment of peace. "You know, you will have to let go of Regulus one day," he says, and observes how Sirius tenses. "It's not only about you, it's also about him. He loves you, Sirius. And it's surely comforting to him, that you love him, too. And it was meaningful to go to the House you thought he will go, because you wanted to be there for him. But you know how rare it is, to see you relaxed? Happy? It sometimes seems like you live for Regulus. Like you don't live for yourself. And you need to start seeking things for yourself, all right, Sirius? It's not about not talking to Regulus anymore. Or not helping him, or not being there for him." Remus leans forward a bit, just to tuck a lone strand of Sirius' hair behind his ear. To look him into the eyes. "It's about you starting doing things for yourself. About you, stopping deliberating over your actions like every step forward yourself, is one step farther from Regulus. Or even his happiness. Regulus is not your lifetime goal, he is your brother. You have to find your own dreams that are for yourself only. You have to live for yourself, Sirius. You have to start being alive, not only existing. Live, Sirius." Remus stops talking, noticing the conflicted look on Sirius face. He can see shades of grey in Sirius' eyes. The shades of emotions behind them. Remus wants to close the distance between them and hold Sirius, to keep him close, to squeeze him the way no one probably did. Remus wants Sirius to know that he is for him, he wants to comfort him. Remus sees how the boy next to him looks at him with eyes so full of emotions, but says nothing. He actually seems on the verge of tears, and Remus is afraid he got ahead of himself. That he told too much. "Sirius? Can you say something?"

And it's Sirius who closes the distance. He leans into Remus, lying his head on his shoulder, and Remus is acting almost automatically. He tugs Sirius closer and hugs him tightly, like he could cover him whole, defend him against his negative thoughts.

Remus knows he can't though, and it hurts him, but he still feels the need. And the need gets stronger after Sirius starts to tremble in Remus' arms. He faintly gets the idea that Sirius is crying in a silent, unexpected way, but just then, the sobs get louder, and Remus places himself to hold Sirius more comfortably for them both. It's heart-breaking to listen to Sirius crying, but it's consoling in some ways. Remus doesn't know if before Christmas, Sirius ever cried, while being comforted by someone. If he hasn't been telling himself to be strong, not to show weaknesses and held his head high, when he only wanted to hide himself under the sheets.

Remus places his chin on Sirius' head and squeezes him, just being here, holding Sirius, and listening to him crying. He whispers words of comfort. Quietly, in a tender way, Remus whispers to Sirius that he is really proud, and Sirius is so brave and kind, and he can be tired, and he can want whatever he would like to. And that Remus is here, with him, and that he is not going to go anywhere.

And they sit like this, no one knows how long, Remus holding Sirius, and Sirius being hold.

Sirius suddenly raises his head and looks up at Remus with the whites of the eyes appearing bloodshot. There is a lot of crying lately, more than earlier, but it's good. It's needed. "I… I think there may be something wrong with me." Sirius says, making Remus shake his head instantly. "Maybe I'm just too dependent on others. I can't think of letting Regulus go. But I think it's not about Regulus, it's more about me, because Remus… Remus I don't think I can now let go of you, too."

Remus reaches out to touch Sirius' cheeks and gently wipes his tears away.

He wants to tell a lot of things. That everything is alright with Sirius. That it's nothing odd to want someone kind to you to stay beside you, after all the malicious people trying to destroy yourself. That it's not dependence to need someone, it's a support. And Remus will tell all these things one day. He'll be repeating them time after time, until it's enough, and even later, when it's no longer needed. Now it's not the time for it, though. Too much was said this day, too much to think about. Remus only wants to tell Sirius one thing.

"I'm not going anywhere."

---

Later, when Remus studies in the common room with Lily, one of the Gryffindor younger students comes in with a curious expression on his face.

"Sirius Black asks if he can talk to you," he says to Remus and passes them, going somewhere else. Remus gets up, exchanging puzzled gazes with Lily, and goes to the door. Behind them, stands the boy, with hair the colour of the night sky. He looks up, stares at Remus with an undecipherable gaze, and then, suddenly, looks like he is about to burst into tears any moment.

"Remus," Sirius says like it's a relief, like he's what Sirius needs right now. Like Remus is the remedy for his condition. "I've just got the letter. It seems my parents haven't told me about everything going on during Christmas."

Remus doesn't know how to respond, because he isn't sure if the situation got slightly better, or much worse.

"A letter?"

"My uncle died," Sirius exhales a deep breath. "It's… it's not a happy event. But he… he left me… everything. A fortune. Remus, I'll be able to afford I's and my brother's lives. I can… I can get us out."

Remus hugs him, before he can decide if it's a good move. He squeezes him hard, feeling a quiet laugh escaping his mouth. It's a relief, like nothing else. It's a happy moment. An ending. A new start.

The past will always intertwine with the future, but it's not important. What is important, though? It's the feeling of anticipation, of something that is about to happen. Something new. It's making plans for a future, that means breaking a few of your connections with your past. It's being brave enough to smile, despite the wrong around you. It's about hope.

It's about hope, fighting off the fear.

And Sirius found it. He found hope.