Ouroboros.
When Remus enters the common room, he sees Peter and Elspeth, playing chess, mostly Peter talking, and Elspeth blushing profusely. And though Remus tries not to, he still chuckles to himself. At this point, it's common knowledge among his circle of friends that Elspeth has a crush on his friend, and the only people that don't know it are Peter himself, and Marlene.
Though it's probably better, that Marlene has got no clue.
Remus sits next to the chess table and leans his arm on the settee backrest.
"How's it going?" he asks, and Peter grins at him. Elspeth meets his eyes for a brief moment and is back to focusing on the chessboard. Remus nods to his friend and tries to think of something to talk about with Elspeth, since he feels a bit obligated to, because of the things he told Marlene. At the same time, he's been seeing Elspeth for such a long time, and he's been hearing about her from Marlene enough times, to truly believe that they could get along.
"She's playing chess for the first time, so I try to teach her the rules mostly," Peter says, before Remus can think of something. It's still a good start.
"Oh, really?" Remus asks, and the surprise is not pretended. "I kind of presumed you've played before," he says, addressing Elspeth. "But it's nothing bad. I've just thought so, because you're one of the best students of your year, and just…" Remus doesn't finish, because he realizes that a lot of students haven't tried Wizard Chess. Possibly, even him wouldn't have tried it, if not Peter. "Sorry, I was presumptuous."
Elspeth, though, doesn't have a chance to answer to that, because it is Peter's turn to be surprised.
"You're one of the best students of your year? That's amazing!" Peter says, and it warms Remus a little, because he knows it makes his friend truly insecure, not coping well with studies, and he still can congratulate other wizards on their achievements.
"It's nothing, really," Elspeth says quietly, and raises her eyes for a few seconds to meet Peter's and then Remus'. "It's nothing compared to you, Remus," she says and then blushes more, probably because she had to directly call Remus' name.
"That's not true," Remus says. "I, for example, had real problems with Potions, especially for the first years of Hogwarts, and I've heard you're a second Lily Evans."
"Or first Elspeth McKinnon," Peter corrects him.
"Right, there's only one Lily Evans, and only one Elspeth McKinnon. Still, it's something you should be proud of. To have a lot of knowledge. It's nothing to be shy about, admitting your efforts and achievements."
"Second that," Peter agrees, and they smile at each other. Elspeth shyly raises her head to send them a smile, herself.
"By the way, you're playing with Gryffindor's master of chess, do you know that?"
"Oh, Merlin's beard, Remus," Peter complains, because he doesn't feel confident enough to brag, even though he beats everyone who dares to challenge him to a chess duel. But that's their Peter. Elspeth doesn't seem consoled, though, and Peter seems to notice it. "But you're doing great, Elspeth. I think a few more games, and soon we can play as equals. Though I will have the advantage of years of experience."
"Oh… I doubt, I can beat you," Elspeth says.
"You never know," Peter declares, and she nods instead of saying anything.
"And what do you like to do, with your free time, Elspeth?" Remus asks to keep the conversation going.
"Ymm… I like reading books," she says, and Remus feels an instant connection with her.
"Really? Have you tried some muggle ones, or do you read the ones written by wizards?"
"Oh, both, though I prefer muggle ones. They're… paradoxically more magical, than ours."
"I agree," Remus grins at her, and when she looks up for a brief moment, she meets his smile, with her own, small one. "Do you have a preferred genre?"
"I actually like a lot of them. I think it depends on the mood," she admits quietly. Remus actually has to pay a lot of attention to hear what Elspeth is saying. Not because she speaks unclearly, but since her voice is soft and lowered.
"Same as me," he says. "Nowadays I'm back to reading classics, though. I think it's the genre I'm reading the most."
"Have you read Elizabeth Gaskell?" she asks, and seems like it requires a lot of courage from her.
"Only Wives and Daughters," he answers. He knows other books of the author, but hasn't really had time to read it, and then he forgot. It's enough though, becuase Remus can see the moment Elpseth's eyes shine brightly with awakened excitement.
"Oh, it's one of my favourite books. Now I'm reading North and South and the female lead is one of my favourites of all time, I truly recommend it."
"Do you have it here at Hogwarts, then?"
"Yes…" she says, and there are a few seconds of silence, before she meets Remus' eyes. "I can borrow it to you, after I finish it?" she asks, and Remus smiles at her.
"I would be grateful."
"Oh," Peter says, suddenly. "I think James should be here any moment." He turns to Elspeth. "We'll have a little Gryffindor party. Do you want to join us?"
"I…" she hesitated. "I have things to do, I'm sorry."
"That's alright," Peter eases her. "But if you would like to come, you can join us any moment. Well, it's not even an actual party. Just the start of the year, so probably a lot of chatting and making up for the holidays time."
"Alright…" she says, and glances at the common room's entrance. "I think I should go, so…" she gestures towards girls dorms.
"Of course," Peter answers, and it's also the moment, that James barges into the room, beaming and being all sunny.
"I have Firewhisky," James announces, and Peter with Remus clap to applaud his effort to get it.
Soon, there is Marlene, Dorcas, Lily and Mary coming in, then Ted passes by, so Peter shouts to him to join, and he does, too. They all talk about how they spent their free time during the break, they laugh, they mock each other, they get comfortable together. At some point, Remus is sitting between Lily's legs, so she can braid flowers into his hair, and Remus is doing the same for Marlene. Dorcas looks at them softly, Mary talks animatedly with James, and Peter chats surprisingly cosily with Ted.
They all made some groups, that change into different ones, but when Lily finally asks about Sirius, all attention is on Remus. He laughs, seeing how everyone is interested in Blacks, but they are too nervous to ask, or just waited for the perfect opportunity.
"He's like…" Remus thinks a little about Sirius, trying to find a word that would describe Sirius in the best way. It's not that easy, though. He knows everyone is waiting, when he thinks about the perfect portrayal, but it's an important mission for Remus. Because, he doesn't know Sirius that well, but has his own idea, of who Sirius is. He could say that he is beautiful, because he is. Remus had a crush on him, a few times, during their Hogwarts years, and it's not because Remus knew him well. It was only physical. Sirius has the face that is the art, that you think of, when someone asks how to describe a beauty that is sharp and soft at the same time. Sharp features, but soft angles, soft skin, soft shadows. Maybe a sharp look, with soft eyes. Sharp sudden movement with a soft pace, elegant posture, graceful stance, and sharp, but soft vagueness about who he is.
But now, when Remus thinks about Sirius, he feels the nervous energy, a strange kind of liveliness, the kind that is originated in the environment, but also in the person, themselves. It's more about holding energy in one's body, instead of using it when the need arises. It makes Remus think of the unshed tears, or suppressed laughter. Of restrained energy, that is natural. Sirius seems to want to laugh all the time, but at the same time, it looks like he tries to control himself as much as he is physically capable. It makes Remus want to trigger some emotion for him. More and more. He wants to…
"Puppy," James says, interrupting Remus' thoughts, and he realizes he is among his friends, and they were waiting for his answer, when he was getting into spiral contemplating.
"Puppy?" Lily asks surprised.
"What?" Remus is a little dumbfounded, but a few thoughts about Sirius being a puppy makes all the puzzles fall into the right places. "Wait, you're right," he says, and James grins.
"How is Sirius Black a puppy?" Peter asks, and when James seems to wonder about the answer, Remus can think of one thing.
"All bark, no bite," he half-jokes. James actually laughs, a full, open laughter, but beside him, only Peter chuckles a bit.
"I have a more important question," Dorcas declares, and everyone turns their attention to her. "What was your train of thought, that made you making moves on Black?"
Lily snickers, but James seems to be self-assured, when the question lands on them.
"It started with James' boredom," Remus says.
James shrugs. "He kind of says the truth."
"James wants us to befriend some Blacks, because they're like Slytherin's royalty, and this way we can make other Houses believe they're not that bad, as they say." Peter explains more.
"So…" Marlene ponders. "Remus takes Sirius, James takes Regulus I suppose, and you?" she looks at Peter, but he shrugs.
"I have no idea, really. I mean, I don't even know if I'm going to try."
"Hey!" James points at him accusatory.
"I don't feel motivation to do this…?" Peter tries to find a reason, but James is sending him angry looks, either way. What surprises Remus, is that Ted is watching Peter carefully, with a strange expression, like he tries to analyse something. And what Remus doesn't like about this look, is that Ted doesn't seem to like whatever he is noticing. It makes Remus tenses a little. He feels himself getting protective and wary, and he doesn't like this feeling at all, because subconsciously, Remus is aware, that Ted is not an enemy.
"Mate, we'll have a talk later," James more like declares, than anything else.
"Oh no, the talk," Peter feigns the fear, and the girls laugh.
Remus rolls his eyes, but smiles.
"But," Lily says, "weren't you telling something about your true opinion of Slytherins, once?" she asks, and Remus suddenly remembers that there was something about it. Peter said, at the beginning of this year, that he has a controversial opinion about Slytherins, and if he remembers correctly he said…
"Are you drunk enough to tell us, now?" James asks, confirming Remus' recollection.
"Bloody, no. I'll never be ready." Peter says, looking at the ceiling above them. "But, I guess, I'm at the state of mind, that convinces me that I can try."
"You're safe here, mate," James pats his back, but Remus automatically looks up at Ted. He seems to feel the gaze on him, because he meets Remus' eyes.
"Just try something," Remus mouths to him, and they have a little eye fight.
"Okay," Peter starts, and Ted breaks off the fight, changing the target to Peter. Remus isn't saying anything, because if something would get out from this room to the outside world, he would know where to search to find the one responsible. Or the most probable one. "First, I actually pity them."
Dorcas scoffs, "You're not the only one."
"No, don't misunderstand me," Peter continues. "I pity them, because I don't believe it's their fault to be the way they are. I believe it's the fault of the environment. Their parents, Hogwarts, even because of us."
Mary looks at him sceptically. "And how is that?"
"Alright, now, it's going to be a monologue, but it was you, who wanted me to talk, so bear the consequences."
"We're all ears," Remus says, because, well, he might know what Peter wants to tell. Remus might have thought about it countless times earlier, but had no courage to talk about it, or do a thing about it.
"So," Peter clears his throat. "It's not like it was their choice to think this way. It was that no one told them their way of thinking is wrong, or if someone did, probably they told them too late. Or was drowned out with lots of different, typical, stereotypical voices that belonged to the parents, family, pureblood ideologists, etcetera. And I can't believe they're happy, now, doing all these bullying and acting like they're superior. Slytherin is the House that was determined to be mean, and when students are getting into Slytherin, they actually don't have any choice. I believe Slytherins could be changed, the way of their thinking could be changed, but then they get into Slytherin and their beliefs are only fixed. It's like the stupidest thing to do, instead of trying to understand them or trying to clear some things for them, Hogwarts is putting them into a House where they're convinced that their way of thinking is right. And even if not, how would you have acted, if your House was despised by all the others? What can they do? Cry into their pillow at night? Or fight the way the society of Hogwarts taught them? Because that's what we're all doing by sneering at them, by talking as if they're the villains. They become villains, because we all teach them to be. There surely are a lot of real villains in Slytherin, but it's the same in other Houses, right? There are bad, and mean wizards everywhere, and in every House. It's just it's not considered their main feature. And what if you're actually good, but you're just really ambitious, so you're in Slytherin, but you have literally no occasion to be good, because no one lets you? It's like a vicious circle. There will be no end of mean Slytherins, and their superior way of thinking, if Slytherin will be taught to be this way. Where they could change? In their Houses, where they're praised for believing in 'mudbloods' and 'halfbloods'? They're coming to Hogwarts when they're 11 years old, it's like the last chance to show them they don't have to think this way, and instead we're putting them into this vicious circle and then tell them it's their fault."
Peter finishes with cheeks painted in red, his expression heated and slightly angry, probably at the injustice of the system they're still feeding. And Remus, even if he wanted, he wouldn't be able to tell all those things in a better way. He wants to stand up, and clap, but it would surely be an improper choice, so he pats his friend on the back, and James is doing so, too, when they all sit in stunned silence. Because have anyone thought that they're supporting the vicious circle that Peter talked about? Have they thought about how it makes them the bullies? How Slytherins are the bad ones, just because they get snake label? How could they act differently, when no one gives them the choice?
Peter made some good, clear points, that should have been made by Hogwarts' teachers, not students.
But Remus is still grateful, that in this circle of friends, they can talk freely about things, that are not talked about enough. Even when he glances at Ted, he seems to ponder about Peter's words. They all do. Lily has furrowed brows, and Remus wouldn't be surprised if she would start some kind of campaign, just to try to make Houses even. Marlene is furiously whispering something in Dorcas' ear, to what Dorcas is nodding, and Mary is leaning in, to hear what Marlene have to say. They all are intensely thinking, right now, and when Remus meets James eyes, they both nod, at the same time. Following Blacks can be fun, but it's more significant, now. It's like their mission. It's important. It's their last year, but they have to do anything they can to fight the injustice, because if not them, then who?
"Snakes are actually quite wonderful and mysterious creatures, aren't they?" James says, smiling at Peter. Remus forgot, that when they all were contemplating, Peter was probably really stressed out, talking about things that seemed to be forbidden. But James remembers about things like that. About making everyone comfortable. He always remembers. "They slither on the ground without limbs and regenerate whenever they shed their skin. They can be horrifying as well, opening their mouths so wide that they can swallow their prey whole. It's scary. But then again, it's their way to live, right? They have to eat something, to survive. But Remus showed us pictures of people who took snakes and let them crawl on their bodies. Snakes did nothing to the people. They actually acted like their pets. It kind of reminded me of what Peter said, because if treated like an enemy, they attack, and when treated with friendliness, they can be lovable and endearing."
"And snakes have various representations," Remus adds. "They symbolize poison, and they represent medicine. In folklore and mythology, they represent the duality between good and evil, light and darkness."
"I'm going to pretend I understand what you've just said, Remus," Marlene says, and everyone laughs, even Peter lets out the nervous laughter.
"We may not know what our Moony said, but everything said by Wormy is true," James says, and hugs Peter. "You have such a great mind, Pete, I would love to crawl there sometimes and see the way you're thinking."
Peter laughs nervously. "Better not."
Girls laugh, too, but Remus looks at his friend seriously and smiles at him. "You know that James is right. You think about your grades, but it's not them, that makes a person wise."
"I know," Peter whispers, and Marlene approaches him and James to join the hug. Then comes Dorcas, and also Mary, so they all are squeezed in a tight embrace, laughing, or complaining.
Lily stands up to sit next to Remus, and she puts her head on his shoulder.
"I'm so thankful, we all were able to meet each other," she says, and Remus doesn't know how the Peter's speech made them so sentimental, but he agrees. He wouldn't change them for anything in the world.
"I know, I believe we all are."
And the mood continues, because when the boys reach their dorm, it's James that suddenly halts, so Peter and Remus turn around to look at him.
"Mates," he says. "Brothers, I love you."
Remus can't help but let out a little chuckle. "We know James."
James, though, has his eyebrows furrowed and is looking at them sceptically. "No, you don't. I literally love you," he says, and Remus exchanges looks with Peter. They smile at each other and Remus is aware, how warm their relationship is even without the assurances, but it is still kind of James to never stop reassuring them. "I would give my life for yours, you know?"
Peter approaches James and gives him a hug. "James, it's okay, we understand."
"No," James tells confidently. He reaches for Remus, so he also can join the hug. "No, listen to me. We've known each other... yes… for 6 years, now. And yeah, it's a great base for friendship, but Moony, Wormy… We literally slept next to each other for these 6 years. It's already ground for the family. We've lived together half of the life we remember. We love each other, do you understand? We love each other," James squeezes them tightly. Remus is actually in a quiet uncomfortable position, with his arm bent in a painful arrangement and the other one crushed by both boys' bodies. But it's still good. It's still fine to feel this kind of ache. "We're inseparable at this point," James mumbles, his head placed on Peter's arm, his voice muffled a little. "I can't remember how it was to live before you. You're my family, the same as is my mum and dad. I love you." James tries to hug them tighter, but he somehow manages to trip, and they all land on the floor. Pile of alive bodies that can't let go of each other. No one is moving from their position.
"We know James," Remus says, a little breathless, because someone's elbow is stabbing him in the stomach. "How we're important to you. You show it with every smile. You're our personal sun, you know."
James raises his head to look at Remus, and he beams at him, then at Peter, but seemingly has to put his head down, again.
"Always shining," Peter chuckles. "Our little king, not only of the forest."
"I love you," James mumbles again.
Remus laughs, "We love you too, you git."
What he doesn't say, is that of course James and Peter are his family. And he, too, would fight for them, because it would be easier to lose himself, than to lose them.