Regulus.” Sirius called from outside of his room at Grimmauld Place, “Come in, Sirius.” He called back.
Watching as his brother stepped in with a somber look on his face, Regulus’ heart dropped into his stomach at the sight of that look on his big brother’s face and the briefcase he was holding.
“Reg. I need you to go right now, get out of this house. Don’t ever come back.” Sirius hissed in a rush.
“No, I’m not leaving without you.” Regulus argued, “You need to, I’m sorry my star.” Sirius whispered stepping closer and wrapping Regulus up within his arms.
“Why?” He croaked. Sirius only stepped back, lifting his sleeve revealing the Dark Mark on his forearm.
“No, you didn’t.” Regulus took a step back, Sirius’ eyes filled with tears. “It’s the only way to keep you safe, to make sure they won’t come after you. I’m sorry Reggie. You have to go, now.”
Sirius’ tone left no room for arguments but he argued anyway. “I’m not leaving you to suffer alone here.” Sirius let out a sob, shook his head, gave a small smile. “I’m sorry for this, I love you, I’d do anything for you, little star.”
“Tell Remus I love him more than anything.” A whisper only meant for a dimming star to hear.
Then the world went black.
⛥
Sirius was filled with panic. He was brought to the Dark Lord only the day before to take his status as a Death Eater.
He didn’t want this, never wanted this. Nevertheless, he knew if not him, it would be his little brother. He could not let that happen, he needed to get Regulus out.
Sirius wished with his whole heart that they could both reside at the Potter’s. That he could be with Remus for the rest of his life, that he could be happy.
But sacrifices must be made, and he’s prepared to make this one.
He knew that he would be getting the Dark Mark way during summer term, he didn’t tell anyone about it.
Knowing that they would try to prevent it, he wishes they could but Regulus’ happiness means so much more to him than his own.
In order to get Regulus to safety. Sirius had packed a small briefcase adding an extension charm inside and packed all things Regulus would need along with his personal things that he would rather his loved ones have to decide what to do with them.
He was planning to pack personal things of Regulus whether he had to knock his brother out or if Reg was going to go willingly. He doubted the latter.
In preparation, he wrote letters to Remus, Regulus and James as he had no time to write any more.
Dear James,
I’m so incredibly sorry for this. Please take care of my brother and Remus.
You’re the kindest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, youmake me happy and even better you make my little brother happy.
Thank you, he deserves the world. I trust you’ll bring that to him. You’ve always been as bright as the sun.
Keep being bright, Prongs, it makesyou complete. Without it, you wouldn’t be Prongs.
Tell Pete I love him, I’m sorry I don’t have time to write enough letters. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done.
You all deserve more than I could ever give you.
With all the love,
Sirius Black.
James’ wasn’t too hard to write but the concept of the writing hurt him more than ever.
Hi Regulus, my little star always,
I know you’ll never forgive me or yourself for this.
I want you to know this isn’t your fault, this is my choice and I’m choosing to give you the ability to live.
Please, don’t beat yourself up for this. I want you to thrive. I love you so much, I hope you know that. Please don’t forget it.
If I could be a different person, Reggie, I promise you I would.
I’m giving you a chance to be you, whether you like it or not.
This has been inevitable for a long time, I know it and I know you know it too.
I would never choose my own happiness over your own. I’m willingly to live likethis if you’re out there, happy and thriving.
I’m aware a part of you will always mourn the loss of your brother.
But I want you to know that, that’s normal no matter how much I’ve possibly hurt you.
I will always love you and miss you as long as I continue to breathe.
Don’t forget me, little star.
Lots of love,
Your big brother, Sirius.
Sirius wanted to make that letter longer but he knew eventually Regulus would understand, the hardest and longest letter needs to be to Moony.
My love,
What can I ever say to you that will make this a little less painful.
I know inevitably, you’ll be the one the most crushed from this. I didn’t do this to hurt you, whatever you may think. Please don’t think I did.
I pledged myself to the Death Eaters and Voldemort in order to protect my brother, I couldn’t let him be in this position. I would much rather bare the consequences of this life than let him do it.
I wish more than anything in the world that I could be with you, have our little cottage somewhere in Greece, with all the muggle historic landmarks that you love whilst you’d sit on the window still reading one of your books bathing in the sun.
I wish that I could grow old with you, have kids with you and be your husband. That’s my dream but for the Black Heir even a simple dream is too unrealistic.
You’re so much more than I ever deserved, Moons.
I hope you find someone who rocks your world, who knows all your soft spots, someone who can offer you the world whereas I cannot. Though I wish I could.
Don’t settle for anyone less than perfect. You deserve perfect.
It’ll be okay love, I promise. You’ll be okay, please be okay. I need you to be okay.
And I know you and I’m begging you not to come looking for me, you’ll get yourself killed.
I won’t say this doesn’t hurt me more than life because it does, it really does and I know it hurts you too and I’ve never been more sorry for something that is both helpful and painful.
Just know, you’ll never be alone whilst I’m still alive and when you need me, look up to the night sky and search for my namesake.
That’s where I’ll be, my subconscious will always be intertwined within yours even if you don’t need me anymore.
I know you’ll be thinking that you’ll always need me but I hope not, I hope you learn how to carry on without me.
Know that I love you and it isn’t enough, I will never stop loving you.
Goodbye my beautiful boy,
I hope we meet again in another life,
Always yours, Padfoot.
(I was going to propose to you love but it’s not possible anymore, here’s the ring. Do as you wish with it, my love.)
As he was done with Remus’ letter, he dropped in the engagement ring that he was going to propose with after he finished school into the envelope but it was too late to fulfil the want.
He started to shake with tears no doubt them dripping onto the ink.
Instantly he sealed the envelopes and charmed them to stay protected.
Then he set off to Reg’s room as his parents were in a meeting with the Dark Lord.
Sirius was not attending because he needed to show he could be trusted first and he would be, in order to keep his brother and family protected.
He knew Regulus would not have a good reaction to this. Meaning, he was excepting that Regulus would fight and Sirius would have to use magic to make sure he was safe.
Knocking on Regulus’ door, he felt time slowly ticking down to their parents arrival.
Dread filled his stomach when he told his brother he needed to get out of the house and he refused, causing him to use stupefy to knock him out cold.
He instantly began rushing around the room throwing his brothers belongings into the briefcase as quick as he could.
Luckily, there was a fireplace located within Regulus’ room. With a quick ‘accio floo powder’ he was able to push his brother and the briefcase into the floo network.
With tears running down his face and whispering a goodbye as Regulus came too.
He threw down the powder into the floo and said ‘Potter’s Manor’.
Immediately after he summoned his patronus to Mrs Potter, telling her to cut their floo connection right now watching as his brother disappeared, sighing a breathe of pure relief.
He heard his Mother racing up the stairs and quickly babbled an apology and that this was needed for Regulus’ safety, to check the letters in the case and not to contact him for his own safety.
He knew he sounded panicked and that you could possibly hear the stilettos through the misty black dog but sent the message anyway.
“Sirius.” His Mother said calm which meant danger, he turned to face her feeling nausea well in his throat. “Yes, Mother?” He questioned, knowingly.
“Where is Regulus?” His Father asked, who had just appeared behind Walburga.
“I don’t know, sir.” He responded, chin high, unwavering except the twitch in his foot.
“Don’t lie to me, boy.” Orion sneered, “I’m not lying, Father.” Sirius responded, a waver in his tone now.
That was all they needed.
“Crucio.”
And Sirius whole world was painted in a haze of red, fire, knifes and the void.
⛥
Regulus was so unbelievably angry at his big brother when he came to and saw a glimpse of his brothers tear stained cheeks.
Before he was in the Potter’s living room.
When he realised no one was occupying the living room, he pulled out the briefcase from the floo network.
But he heard Sirius’ panic filled voice with the sound of stilettos echoing in the background from a room upstairs and rushed up there.
“James!” He shouted with a tear choked voice.
Immediately, his boyfriend came rushing out of the blue light filled room where Sirius’ voice was coming from informing them to cut their floo connection.
He pulled Regulus into his arms and they both broke down over the loss of their best friend and brother all in one.
He briefly clocked Effie running down the stairs seemingly to cut off all floo connection to their house.
The real thing that made Regulus break down was the small whispered, “Regulus?” coming from Remus, who had just walked out of his room possibly at the sound of his boyfriend’s panic filled voice along with his boyfriend’s brother crying out in the hallway.
Tearing himself away from James, he approached Remus. There must of been something in his eyes because Remus took a step back with the shake of his head, his whole face crumpled.
He held a shaky hand up to his mouth, before letting the tears fall. “No, no, no. Regulus, tell me he’s not still there.” Regulus didn’t respond. Remus collapsed to the floor.
Regulus kneeled down next to Remus reaching out before Remus’ head snapped towards him, “He left me, he’s gone and I’ll never get him back.” He cried out looking into Regulus’ eyes.
Insanely for him, he blindly pulled Remus into his arms whilst he cried for the love he just lost in a sacrifice.
James and Regulus were as much as a wreck as Remus over Sirius’ sacrifice for Regulus.
Nevertheless, Remus’ reaction had them aching for the boy who had lost the love of his life so suddenly.
Fleamont and Euphemia came up the stairs with tear stained cheeks and saw the two boys who had lost an extremely important person in their lives huddled up in sorrow whilst their son stood with his whole body shaking and tears dripping down his face.
“Boys.” Effie croaked, they all looked at her waiting for her to continue. “Sirius wrote you letters, he’s hidden them in the briefcase and mentioned it in his patronus message.” She spoke again looking saddened, which she was.
Remus stood up, “Thank you” He pleaded as he came up to the woman who tugged him into a hug, “I’m so sorry darling, he was yours to hold. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling.”
Remus’ only response to that was another fit of sobs.
“C’mon then, let’s search through the briefcase since I’ve cut floo connection off, it’s perfectly safe.” Mr. Potter murmured, whilst bringing James into his side and James bringing Regulus into his as they headed down the stairs.
Regulus took a step forward in front of everyone, “Let me. Please,” No one argued.
He lifted the case and shoved aside his clothes, finding Sirius’ belongings and three letters addressed to James, Regulus and Remus along with numbering.
James being first, Regulus second and Remus last with a small object inside. Everyone could only guess why Remus’ was last as it would be the most painful out of them all.
Remus seem to realise this too as he sucked in a sharp breath.
As Regulus was roaming through his brother’s things, he caught sight of polaroids including multiple snaps of Remus he so clearly took without Remus knowing.
There was a moving picture here too, of Remus and Sirius where the taller of the two seemed to be raising the camera above the two of them, then leaning in and kissing his brother and both pulling back to smile and rest their foreheads together.
His heart tugged at how happy his brother looked and it hurt to know it was given up all for him.
He knew his brother loved him so much but loved Remus just as much maybe even more — he didn’t resent his brother for that.
All Regulus wanted to do was hug his brother for all the suffering he’s endured and the happiness he’s had to give up for his safety.
Before he got to look at the other polaroids, Remus seemed to have spotted them and pulled them away from Regulus with a small sympathetic smile in apology.
Within Sirius’ things, it consisted of his leather jacket, as you know polaroids, his personal rings, his star clips and three knitted sweaters he so clearly stole from Remus who sunk into himself at the sight of them.
There was love letters to Remus from him and from Remus to him — Remus also took them. A golden snitch that James took, and the thing that made Regulus cry was the little mirror he had gifted Reg years ago that he had given back to him.
The second he saw it, he snatched it up and tucked it away where it would be safe.
There was Sirius’ filled personalised journal within his things too and they all decided that Effie and Monty should have it in order for them to see Sirius’ past life and memories in his view.
When that was done they all went separate ways to read the letters.
⛥
Remus was distraught, Sirius was never coming back all in sacrifice for his brother’s happiness.
He loves that boy more than anything in the world and he would do anything to get him back.
He knew that Sirius was planning to escape Grimmauld Place but his age caught up with him before he could, he guesses.
Now, sitting on his bed. He was staring at the white obviously tear stained envelope with a small ring object lump inside in his scarred hands.
He dreaded opening this letter and reading what Sirius had to say.
But it had to be done but he decided to leave the object inside of the envelope in denial of what it was and read.
The first line said,
“My love,
What can I ever say to you that will make this a little less painful.”
Nothing, there’s nothing you can say that will make this hurt less. Remus thought.
He pledged on reading the rest of the letter. Reading of Sirius’ sacrifice and his love for him hurt Remus more than you could imagine.
“I pledged myself to the Death Eaters and Voldemort in order to protect my brother, I couldn’t let him be in this position. I would much rather bare the consequences of this life than let him do it.” This confession alone made Remus double over and sob into his hands.
He didn’t want this for Sirius and he knew Sirius wanted a different life too. He knew this man better than himself, he knew Sirius would drive himself to insanity over the killings he would have to do.
Through the loneliness of making this decision and through the constant reminder that Regulus was gone from the premise.
Remus had no doubt his boy was being severely tortured right now, it made him want to scream out in anguish for the boy he’s lost.
“I wish that I could grow old with you, have kids with you and be your husband. That’s my dream but for the Black Heir even a simple dream is too unrealistic.
You’re so much more than I ever deserved, Moons.” Remus knew this was untrue, Sirius was so much more than Remus and this sacrifice proves the extent of his love.
Sirius spoke of wanting to growing old and have kids and a house in Greece with Remus and to be utterly tied to Remus forever.
How tragically beautiful this was, the rebellious, Gryffindor Black Heir with a werewolf, bound to fall in love and bound to fall like dominos.
Remus wanted exactly what the writing of the man he loved wanted but it was no longer reachable.
Goodbye my beautiful boy,
I hope we meet again in another life,
Always yours, Padfoot.
(I was going to propose to you love but it’s not possible anymore, here’s the ring. Do as you wish, my love.)
This is what hurt Remus so much, he felt his heart clench feeling like it exploded.
Sirius was going to propose.
Straight away, Remus scrambled for the envelope. He tipped it over and exactly like he thought a ring fell into his palm.
The ring was gold and engraved with a crescent moon and a star.
Inside the band, it said.
Will you marry me, beautiful boy?
Remus slipped the ring onto his ring finger and gasped at the right fit.
With no hesitation, Remus sent a patronus to Voldemort.
“The Dark Lord, I cannot find you any other way. I would like to pledge my allegiance to your cause. My name is Remus, Remus Lupin. If you don’t know me, ask Fenrir Greyback. I’m sure you have an allegiance with him”
⛥
Siriuswassat in the middle of a meeting, after being tortured to high-heaven, as some were held at night when the familiar wolf patronus came bounding in.
Sirius felt like a snake had twisted itself around his body as he went still when Remus’ voice spoke.
“The Dark Lord, I cannot find you any other way. I would like to pledge my allegiance to your cause. My name is Remus, Remus Lupin. If you don’t know me, ask Fenrir Greyback. I’m sure you have an allegiance with him.”
No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. Not Remus, not his boy. Sirius pleaded to himself as he along with everyone turned towards Greyback.
“Well, if the pup wants to come let him.” He cackled causing the rest of them to follow his example.
Sirius felt sick, there was no way to stop Moony from joining him in this hell hole.
⛥
Meanwhile, whilst Remus was planning on joining his lover and securing himself a place within the Death Eaters.
Regulus and James were reeling over the words in Sirius’ rushly written letters including Effie and Monty comforting them as Remus requested to be alone.
And Sirius had no way of warning anyone of what the love of his life was about to do to himself and it was killing him right in the middle of this meeting table.