Regulus hated himself. Hated his body the way he acted, talked. They way he was. No matter what he did it was always wrong. Just like me he thought. Because he always hurt those he loved, no matter how hard he tried to be perfect. He just wasn’t enough. He was lost. He was lost in his head, in this world. Why couldn’t it all just end. Just stop. Everything was just too loud or- or just. It just was and that hurt because he could be too much for people. And that hurt because he just wanted someone, anyone to stay. But no one ever did because why would they want him. He wasn’t even a whole person, just a cracked human who had been discarded one too many times.
Maybe, just maybe he would survive this, but then what? What do you do from there? He’d be a traitor. He hoped the waves would come. That he would suffocate beneath them, because that was easier. He hoped. He deserved that, deserved to feel the air leave him. Deserved the pain that would come as his instincts kicked in. He almost longed for it.
The waves did come crashing. He was dragged under, hands grabbing and pulling at him but he didn’t fight. Let them take him willingly because it was easier. Let the pain consume him because he deserved it. Let the air leave his lungs as he died. Never to see his- the sun again.