The mattress dipped beside Lover, waking her. She blinked, eyes adjusting to the dusky darkness of the room. Rubbing her eyes, she propped herself up on her elbow when she noticed the figure beside her sitting up on her side of the bed.
"Rep?" Lover whispered, her words soft and mumbled.
Reputation looked down and her shoulders sagged slightly . "Sorry baby, I didn't mean to wake you."
The older girl smiled softly, though it wasn't visible. "S' okay, why are you up?" She yawned and sat herself up against the headboard.
"Just... couldn't sleep."
Lover hummed. "Why, sweetheart?"
Reputation hesitated, her hands fiddling with the blanket in her lap. "I'm... worried. It's just nerves... you should go back to sleep." She pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin between them and exhaling softly.
"Is it tomorrow?"
The other nodded.
Lover sat up more, shuffling closer to her wife and making contact with vivid blue eyes that reflected the moonlight pouring into the room through the cracks in the blinds. "Its not unusual to be anxious about appointments, my love."
Reputation stayed quiet, as though lost in her head. She took another shuddering breath before blinking and looking at Lover again, the extensive activity swarming her mind visible in her eyes. "What if- what if they say something?"
"We'll take everything they say into our stride, whether it's good or bad, okay?" Lover gently picked up the anxious girl's hand, squeezing softly and running her thumb over knuckles. "No matter what happens, we'll make everything work."
Reputation blinked plagued eyes, listened.
"Which is even implying that something will happen. I'm sure it will be okay, Rep. They won't say anything, and if they do, that's okay too," she smiled.
"Yeah... thank you."
"Any time." Lover lifted her hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her lover's warm skin. "Do you want a tea or something?"
Reputation nodded and let her wife gently pull her to her feet, head still submerged with worries amplified by a feeling that wouldn't cease. She wasn't an overly anxious person, but sometimes it would hit her and consume her every thought.
Slipping her hand into Lover's, she stayed close as they headed to the kitchen through the gloom. She'd been fighting tears all night, and had been balancing on the knife's edge when Lover had asked what was wrong. That was her least favourite feeling in the world. The kitchen light was flicked on, the soft yellow adding a slight sense of relief.
"You sit, sweetheart." Lover kissed Reputation's forehead, pulling a stool out for her and brushing hair off her face before stepping over to the kettle.
Soon a steaming mug was placed on the counter, and Lover set one in front of herself too.
Reputation looked up as she wrapped her hands around the mug, the warmth only slightly burning, but grounding her. "I'm not anxious."
Lover tilted her head. "You sure?"
"I'm not anxious," anger slipped into her tone, her words a defensive snap.
"Rep..."
"I'm not, I'm not... I'm" her voice lost its fire and completely died, now pure vulnerability. Reputation inhaled shakily and much to her frustration, the tears she'd been holding at bay for so long escaped.
Lover quickly stood up straight and moved to her wife's side, heart aching for her. "Oh, my love." The older girl wrapped her arms around Reputation's trembling torso, soothing her with soft shushes and cradling her. "Its okay, just let it out, my girl."
For once the younger one obeyed, but not by choice. The tears continued to fall as she held onto Lover, willing her demons to be taken away. She cried into her love's shoulder, every breath shaky.
Even as her sobs reduced to sniffles she held on, more than reluctant to ever let go.
"You're okay, there you go," Lover murmured, rubbing the overwhelmed girl's back. "Feel a bit better now?"
Reputation nodded, feeling considerably lighter now some of the weight was off her shoulders. She pulled back, her eyes glossy and tear tracks marked into her cheeks. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me, I promise. I hate seeing you sad, my love." A hand was lifted to Reputation's face, thumb lightly brushing away tears.
The younger girl yawned and nodded softly, exhausted, but grateful. She picked up her tea and sipped, elbows leaning on the counter.
Lover smiled, picking up her own mug. The two sat in silence, just thinking while enjoying each other's company.
It was now half past three, and the thoughts which had been keeping Reputation awake were gone, leaving her exhausted, her eyes slipping closed where she sat.
She put her empty mug down on the counter and looked at Lover, who did the same.
"Bed time?"
Reputation nodded, and took Lover's then outstretched hand, slowly hopping off the stool with another yawn.
Promising herself to put the mugs away in the morning, Lover led her wife upstairs and back into their bedroom.
The two slipped back into their large, awaiting bed, and Lover rolled over, pulling Reputation into her arms. She ran her nails through the other's curly hair, gently scratching her scalp. It was a method that Lover often used when Reputation was having a hard time getting to sleep, which wouldn't be an issue now, due to her overwhelming fatigue.
The moonlight was still lighting up a small part of the room, the one beam of light landing on the edge of the bed.
"Lover?" A drowsy word cut through the silence.
"Yeah baby?" Lover continued to play with her wife's hair.
"D'you think I'll be anxious tomorrow?"
"Maybe. Its okay if you are, though. You know that, right?"
Reputation hummed quietly in response.
"I used to get anxiety," Lover murmured, weight sinking into the mattress, her arm curled around Reputation's side.
"Yeah, it was really bad sometimes. I still do get it, on occasion."
"How come you haven't told me?"
"I normally do, but I know how to handle it."
"Can you teach me how to handle it?"
"Of course, sweetheart. I love you."
"I love you too."
Lover pressed a kiss to her wife's head, and in less than a minute or two, Reputation was asleep.
~~