Crossroads

Regulus gets up from his bed and calls for kreacher to take out his day clothes. Since the healer had suggested that he rest for a month after waking up from his coma, he had most of the time not had the energy to even get up and take a bath. Some days were better than the other. But he always wore loose night clothes and stayed in his room.

Regulus had no plan still. And there could be no perfect plan when facing a literal Dark Lord, a cold hearted mother you thought was capable of making right decisions for you only to realise that those decision were the beginning of the doom for yourself and of house of Black and a father who was no better than a vase placed in patio of his home, i.e. only for prosthetics. The three of them combined together will be too many smart people for his 15 year old mind, that he is not ashamed to agree.

He quickly takes a bath and dresses in a black shirt and grey pants. Urgent as it maybe but Regulus is not stupid to even think about venturing outside of his room in his dressing gown lest his mother beheads him for not following the upper-class non spoken rules to a T. Black is his lucky colour. He hopes that he is able to pull this off. Whatever that is. Merlin, he is not good at this. This area is his brother’s expertise. Running head first into trouble and coming out only a little worse. Regulus is the planner and most of the time even then chickens out during execution. He wishes his friends were here, they always find a way to cheer him up. Or his cousins.

What to do, Regulus, think fast. But he does not only has his brother to think for. He has his friends and cousins too.

::::::::::::::

Barty with his puppy dog personality, always being his positive self. Evan with his sarcastic comments and personality similar to Regulus’s. Pandora with her all knowing sweet voice lifting his spirits. Dorcas with her big sisterly advices. And Emma with her determined words that if anything goes South she will pull him out of it.

Until now, Regulus has not had the guts to think about his friends’ future which he got a little peak too. He had been so into his self pitying state. But he is scared for them too. Life had not been easy on any of them. Barty in Azkaban for a few years and then under imperious for years curtsey of his bastard of a father, Crouch sr.. His only crime being wanting to support and be there for two of his best friends. Only to loose them both within 2years of graduation and then Barty was only alive physically. Emotionally and mentally he was with Evan and Regulus. Dead. Only left a feral, maniac beast who strikes at anyone who looked at him the wrong way.

The Rosier twins separated by war and duty to their family. Evan dead at 20 years of age. All those dreams he had of wanting to bring changes in the wizarding society once he held onto his family seat at the Wizangamot were gone with him. Died even before the birth of his niece. Pandora practically isolating herself from what was her life a little ago to protect her husband and then a daughter. But still allowing herself one pleasure. Experimenting on potions and charms. But her passion, that once was a source of happiness and success became the reason of her death. Leaving a daughter in the wake who had seen her mother die in front of her own eyes, forever changed to never be the child she was meant to be.

Dorcas who had fought alongside Dumbledore’s order because that was the right thing to do but it must have hurt her to fight against her best friends. To know that all those people she had shared food with and laughs and late night conversation could be the one she had to fight against. How hard it must have been for her to be in an organization which had mostly Gryffindors that most of them despised most of the time. To find herself without a group of friends. To float adrift without the people who helped her ground. All this suffering only to be one day Killed brutally by the dark highness himself.

And Emma had to marry that Parkinson git who is 5 years older than her. All her dreams to become an international quidditch star shattered. Sold off like a piece of livestock by her family. Failed by all her friends on a much personal level, after all they had promised to help her when her family begun Pressurising her to get settled.

These 5 people are his best friends, his lifeline. His go to people.

Earlier, Regulus always thought that he loved everyone on a different level. Like his love for Sirius is not the same as his love for his parents. His love for his cousins is different from his love for his friends. And romantic love, that Regulus had never experienced as far as he could remember from the future peak. He must have been waiting for his mother to arrange for a betrothal. Like the obedient son he is. But now he knows better.

The emotions and feelings he has for his parents are not love at all. It is a strange mixture of fear, a sense of knowledge that a child and parents should love each other, the fact that they are his family, that he had a responsibility for them for everything they had done for him, his want to make them feel proud so that he can prove to himself that he had been useful to them. It’s not love. Because love should be easy. Not twisted. Future Sirius's love for Potter as one sided as it was but still it was his brother’s biggest strength, that is why he could stand to watch Potter be in love with someone else. Sirius's love was pure because he was happy in his loved one’s happiness. But his parents never are. Regulus knows now that till the end his mother never stopped complaining and his father never became more involved. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry that his mother blamed him at last for Sirius running away. The audacity of that woman to say that Regulus should have been more like Sirius so that Sirius did not had to go and befriend Potter, when his whole life he had been praised for not causing trouble like Sirius did. For being the quiet child.

His love for Sirius was pure but also with a little jealousy mixed with it for every time their parents dotted him for being the heir. The plight of all younger siblings at never being good enough in comparison to their elder sibling. The constant competition. As they grew, that competition became toxic from the once healthy one.

His love for his cousins. Narcissa had been always similar to him in personality and nature so obviously they enjoyed each others' company. Both being the youngest of the siblings. Never good enough in comparison to Andromeda and Bellatrix and Sirius. Never being centre of attention in a room. Never demanding people to acknowledge their presence. Always the quiet one’s in the corner, observing, remembering. The true snake of their house. Once upon a time, strength of their elder siblings then not even a side character in their life. The last of Blacks who stood to hold this crumpling empire with their bare hands. So he will always love her for offering a silent comradery to him. For being his support. But besides that they didn’t knew each other much. Always being their to show up when you needed but otherwise only offering silent cheer form the corner and not at all interfering. But Regulus always felt jealous that she still had at least one elder sister to protect her. And her husband was also devoted to her. The support she had from family, Regulus didn’t have that. He had an absent father and a mother who could never be happy.

He has no relationship at all with his cousin Omeda. We was only 11 years old when she ran away with that mudblood lover of hers. The only thought Regulus had for her was that the poor girl couldn’t even attend her last year at school because she was carrying a child and had to go away form all the society circus. But future Regulus as per the pensieve hated Omeda as much as Cissy and Trixy hated her. But they had all different reasons.

Cissy hated Omeda because her runway stunt had caused a disturbance in her family that could never be set to balance again. Trixy hated her for not carrying her responsibilities, the burden of which fell upon her because she was the next in line. Namely, Omeda was to marry Rudolphus Lestrange. Trixy had to sacrifice her own happiness in the name of family. Had to stand up on that altar to marry a guy that her elder sister was supposed to marry.

But Regulus hated her because she showed to Sirius that other than always rebelling there is one other way. You could just up and run away one day. Future Regulus often wondered if she had never run away then maybe Sirius also didn’t got the same idea. Then maybe he would have stayed because his favourite cousin was still a part of the family. P

Future Regulus often compared Sirius to Omeda. Both selfish enough to just run away. Leaving the weight of their responsibility to their younger siblings. Bellatrix had to marry Lestrange because of Omeda and Regulus had to become the heir because of Sirius. Many think that Regulus wants his brother’s place as the heir but he knows that that is far from the truth. Even Sirius himself think that Regulus is trying to impress mother because he wants to one up Sirius and prove to everyone that he will be better. But that’s not it. He just craves her love and approval. He knows that Sirius will always be better suited to become Lord Black. He will know how to lead there house not Regulus. Regulus just wants to be the right hand man who helps Sirius in the things he lacks and other underhanded techniques where Sirius’s morals will come in the way. Nothing more. He wants to be useful to both mother and Sirius so that they can love him.

Later on when mother urged, future Regulus became a death eater, the youngest to join they all said, admiringly but till then Regulus from future had lost his wish to become one. He started having doubts.

Trixy was the person who sat and listened to his complains about everything that went wrong in his life. Though she herself had not been handed a better card in life but she just listened. She was his support. They were both upset with their elder siblings. He loved her for being their. For loving him. For showing him that she cared. For being interested in his life. For making Regulus feel that he was worth considering. For supporting him .

But his love for his friends is the purest of all. Not as strong as his loyalty for his family as a Black scion. But at least it’s not tinged with sadness or toxic love or duty or betrayal or mutual pain. It is freeing in a way.

All these people make Regulus who he is. Though he understand that future Regulus leaves too much to be desired. He wants to be better than that version of himself but not at cost of his people. His brother, Cissy, Trixy, Barty, Evan, Dora, Cas and Emma.

 Omeda had been a lost cause to him since long ago. Besides nobody knows where is she. Not even future Sirius has any contact to his favourite cousin. She had left to live in the muggle world, foregoing everything for one person. He could just hope that it was worth it for her. That her husband keeps her happy. And that no harm comes to her family. That she and her daughter are well.

::::::::::::::

So, Regulus has to think for them all. Not just Sirius. But all 8 of his loved ones. Merlin help him.

He rushes as quietly to his father's study to eavesdrop on his conversation with Sirius. But Sirius is not their as it is totally silent and a room never remains quiet for long when Sirius is in it. Also there is no tell-tale sign of any muffling spell being cast. So Sirius has already left. Strange it’s not like Sirius to just easily surrender and agree without putting a fight.

Nevertheless, Regulus rushes to his brother’s room. Was he really so slow in thinking what to do (and still not being able to come up with an idea, good or bad) and getting ready? Because just as he was about to knock, doors opens from inside and Sirius is standing there, all dressed up in a way he never had for years. Regulus gets a foreboding feeling.

His brother holds his upper hand and peaks on both sides of the corridor, he silently takes Regulus in his room with the hold he has on his arm and makes him sit on his bed.

“Reg, what are you doing out of your bed. You had not left your room for weeks. Why are you out now and all dressed too… . What is it… . Is something the matter,,,, did father ordered you to get ready too?”

“No, I had not talked to father since he gave that monologue on my birthday about family values. But what are you doing all dressed up? Have you forgotten that you are in your rebellious stage? You had promised to never listen to our parents? Merlin, are you already under imperious. You can fight it Sirius. I know… ..”

Sirius interrupted him, “Reg, what the fuck. No one has me under imperious. Why would you think so. Mother had never used imperious curse on me and father was never around. Have they used an unforgivable on you too? When Reg? Why didn’t you told me. I mean it’s one thing to use it on me. I mean I am always fighting with her but when did it… ..”

“Sirius, no. I had never had imperio cast on before. But what do you mean they had used it on you. When did that happen if not today?”

“That doesn’t matter. Regulus, just go to your room and stay there until I come to you. Don’t come out. If mother calls just act to be sleeping.”

“What,,, why would you want me to be in my room. Sirius just answer when had mother cursed you with an unforgivable.”

“Reggie, I don’t have time. Just listen to me.”

“Sirius, answer me.”

“Regulus.”

“Sirius.”

Sirius sighed, he looked at the grandfather clock on the wall and then answers.

“When you were unconscious, three weeks ago, when Walbitch got the brilliant idea that maybe you are just acting to be ill to get her attention. As if anyone is stupid enough to want that. She started throwing cutting hexes at you. Kreacher was wailing in the corner. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I pushed her aside, her wand fell down and we started bickering you know, as always. Apparently that day her patience was already running thin. Before I could even know what happened, she just crucioed me. That was the only time. Now you tell me. And be honest Reg, had she used it on you,,,, like ever.”

“No, Sirius. No unforgivable has been used on me. And why didn’t you tell me? All those days in my room. You would tell me all those stories why didn’t you tell me about this.”

“As if you would have listened to anything I had spoken against your sweet dear mother. Thought better than to bring something that would have broken the little truce we had formed there. You would have said that I might have done something to earn her ire. Then I would have been angry at you at not even considering that I am telling the truth. That maybe mother could have hexed you and crucioed me. It was not the worth.”

Now, Regulus is ashamed to agree that what Sirius is saying is true. Regulus would have given the same reaction. He would have sided with mother. Would have said that Sirius deserved it. That mother must have been so irritated by his vulgar language and disgusting behaviour that she was right to set him straight. But now Regulus has seen the plight that both future Sirius and future Regulus have suffered. That what their mother thinks is right for them is not always right. Future Regulus himself had been crucioed by dark Lord a few times. So, he knows the pain that it causes. To think that his mother had hurt her son using crucio. How could a mother be capable to hurt her own son. He knows for casting an unforgivable you have to mean it. Did his mother hated his brother so much to cast it on him?

As per the pensive memory of his future, on this day in last timeline, mother had cast imperious on Sirius. Sirius has felt betrayed and hurt when Regulus just stood there and gave no reaction at an unforgivable being used on his own brother. That was the final straw, after which Sirius wanted nothing to do with him. Regulus can see how Regulus’s indifference might have hurt his brother even more than what their parents did to him.

So Regulus just nods his head, not looking Sirius directly in the eye.

“Sirius, you go to Potter. You shouldn’t be here. We will meet at school. Just leave.”

Yes, this is the right idea. Last time when this happened, the dark Lord never came to grimmauld place and Regulus received his mark on his next birthday. Regulus wanted to avoid this because he did not wanted Sirius to be disowned and him to have to become an heir in his stead. But with no other solution coming to his mind, this will have to do. At least this time, Sirius will not be angry at him. They will be on talking terms. This is a little better than the last time. It’s not the best but this will have to do. Regulus will find a way to not become a death eater till his next birthday.

“What Reg, what do you mean go to potters. We are having guests. I have to go down and meet them. You go to your room and rest.”

“Sirius why are you not listening to me. Why you always have to be so impossible all the time. Usually just the name of Potter and you will go running to him and today when I want you gone then you want to meet Him.”

“what do you mean, want me gone? Reg what do you know that I don’t?” Sirius asked with narrowed eyes.

“I know who is coming today. What I don’t understand is why do you want to meet him. You always are giving speeches about equality and that blood purity is a nonsense then why do you want to meet the man. Sirius you are not making any sense.”

“Reg, I am not changing sides or anything. Just meeting the man who is causing so much upheaval in our world. I am not going to shake hands with him or whatever it is that you are thinking.”

That is the problem, Sirius might be thinking that he will just be meeting the dark Lord. But the dark Lord is coming here to mark him. Regulus can say this with conviction because he was the same age as Sirius is now when future Regulus was marked as a death eater. Sirius will only leave that meeting, either dead or as a death eater. There will not be any other option. Sirius is a brilliant wizard but he is no match to the dark Lord.

“Sirius, you idiot” Regulus said with gritted teeth, “just leave. I know you were planning to leave anyways so why don’t you,,hmm. Because mark my words, you will not be coming out of that meeting without being a part of that group. Why are you being this difficult today. Go to Potter.”

“Reg,,, I was not leaving… I mean I was….,,,how do you know that. But that doesn’t matter. And I am not leaving now. Why are you trying to send me away. Do you want me out of the way so that you are asked to be part of your precious dark Lord’s little group. Is this your plan?”

It would have been a plan had Regulus not known about future events. Now he wants to be away from dark Lord’s reach as far as possible.

“No Sirius. I just, I don’t want you present in the same room as him. I promise, I will be staying in my room. And I am no more eager to meet him than you are. Please Sirius.” Regulus said with conviction.

Sirius scans Regulus’s face to detect any lie but finds none. He looks into his eyes, which are strangely hopeful in a way that Regulus had never seen before. Then Sirius smiles and hugs Regulus. He doesn’t remember the last time they hugged like this. Regulus was just letting himself be happy that finally Sirius understood that he had to leave but Sirius’s next words shattered that.

“Then let’s run away together reg. Oh merlin,, I am so happy… .. I never thought I will see the day that you will see the logic that our parents are rotten… .. Wow, prongs will be so happy to see me. I knew my brother was not like them… ..” Sirius trudges around the room looking for something. He takes out that mirror from the drawers through which he communicates with Potter and pockets it and then take his wand out and flicks it. Suddenly all of his belongings are collecting in his trunk neatly while his brother is happily muttering to himself how happy Potter will be.

“Sirius.” Regulus says a little loudly so that he can be heard over his brother’s celebration. When he gets his attention he speaks again. “ I said that I am not eager to meet the dark Lord. I never said I am agreeing to leave home. You just go alone. We will meet at the school.”

Sirius's eyes bulges a little and a deep frown is on his face. “Reg, if I leave alone, they will hurt you. I am not leaving without you.”

Regulus gives an irritated huff and “Sirius… .. Ughhhh… . Why can’t you understand. I am not like you. I can’t just leave as if this all means nothing. This place is my home. I know it has never been one to you but for me it is. I can’t leave our parents, kreacher. They are my family. I was here whenever you didn’t come for holidays or winter vacation. You were gone a long ago but I was always here. I just… . Please this is not easy… . Why don’t you understand. Neither I am as brave as you nor as selfish. And both are required to leave this place. This house needs an heir and with you gone it will have to me.” Regulus notices that there are tears welling up in his eyes when his vision gets a little blurry. He blinks his eyes to get rid of them.

Sirius is looking at him as if he has seen him for the first time in his life. “Reg.” there is al long pause where Sirius is lost in his thoughts then he looks at the mirror in his pocket, a reminder of a life he will have ahead if he leaves now. Regulus sees determination in his eyes. “I can’t reg, I can’t leave you alone in all this mess knowing that they will hurt you and you won’t be able to fight. Please come with me. To hell with the noble house of Black, reggie. Don’t you remember it’s you and me against the world. I will be there with you. No one will be able to hurt you okay. I will be brave for the both of us and it’s okay to think about yourself only and not Walburga. Please reg. Just this once please.”

Sirius is crying full on now but Regulus has not shed any tears. He will not. Sirius has to leave. This was what had happened. What should have happened. Regulus cannot be the one stopping Sirius from leaving.

But before Regulus can open his mouth to convince his brother once again, he hears his mother’s voice calling for Sirius and her high heels clicking on the Carpeted floor, approaching Sirius room.

He locks eyes with Sirius. Whose eyes also widens. For the first time in a long time Regulus sees fear in his brother’s eyes.

“please reg. Let’s go” He whispers. Regulus shakes his head and says “Leave Sirius, please.”

Sirius closes his eyes takes a deep breath, wipes his face of any tears and walks forward to open the door. There mother is standing with her hand just coming up to open the door.