The 1979 Era - 3
REGULUS: It took a week for James and I to present each other new songs. He showed me “Now That You Don’t Talk”, which was a fantastic song. I loved it. We worked on that first, and it didn’t take long. The only thing we added was a little chunk at the end.
He wrote this beautiful song about missing someone and realizing you can’t go back, but I knew it needed something at the end. Something more. So I suggested we add a few lines about being better off without this relationship. It took us a half hour and then we wrapped up that song.
JAMES: After that stroke of genius, Reg pulled out a wad of various different pages and presented “Dear John”.
REGULUS: I didn’t originally want to show him “Dear John”. First of all, it was a sad song, and I wouldn’t let it have a happy beat.
PETER: He said it was sad? The first time I heard, I sat in the shower for like forty-five minutes. It’s depressing.
REGULUS: Second of all… it was so vulnerable. At that point, I had never gone into detail about John and our relationship. And here I was, airing it out.
The thing is, I thought I was going to heal by writing it. And I did. But I also knew that having people hear it… having people who relate feel like they’re not alone… that would be even more healing. And I decided I needed to start putting myself first. Sure it didn’t paint John in the best way.
But if he didn’t want me to write about the things he had done to me, then he shouldn’t have done them at all.
JAMES: So Regulus plays “Dear John” and the first thing I think is that I want to find John Seeley and kick his ass. Then, I think that maybe I should offer Regulus a listening ear. And third, I think that this has to go on the album exactly the way it is. No tweaks, no changes.
REGULUS: I finished playing it and I’m worried James is going to look at me differently. I’m afraid he’s going to pity me. But his face is normal, and the first thing out of his mouth is him asking if he can beat John Seeley up. [laughs] He had the audacity to be mad when I said no.
JAMES: I was ready to get Sirius, Remus, Peter, and my mother. My mother would have annihilated that son of a bitch.
REGULUS: Then James…
…
Then he asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Now I have been asked that question countless times already, but never by him. I opened my mouth to say no, but… I found myself saying yes.
JAMES: I didn’t think he was going to say yes. But he did. And I was happy he did.
REGULUS: It was strange, how easily it all came out. But talking to James felt so… natural. It felt so right. I told him everything start to finish, and he’d curse John out on all the parts I usually would and get a little teary-eyed at the parts I would.
It’s never been that easy for me to talk to someone.
JAMES: I could have listened to Regulus talk for hours. He has a voice that’s perfect for talking. I don’t know how else to explain it aside from that.
I had never hated anyone more than John at that time. I thanked Regulus for sharing his story and his song. I said that if he was okay with it, that it would be a perfect addition to the album.
REGULUS: He thanked me for sharing. At home, if I ever shared anything with parents—which was rare, mind you—I usually got scolded for being so whiny. I was… I was not used to it.
He started blabbing something about adding the song to the album, and once he mentioned the album, I remembered just how many songs were about Lily. And then I asked about Lily.
JAMES: He asked me about Lily, which surprised me because he knew everything that had happened with Lily because I’m generally an open person. I knew he already knew about Lily.
REGULUS: Of course I already knew everything about Lily. But I wanted to give him the chance to talk like he gave me the chance.
JAMES: I talked about Lily, trying to tell him things he didn’t know, which was just the last time we’d slept together and how poorly that had gone. And normally, whenever I even thought of that, I would start crying. But I didn’t cry. I didn’t even feel that sad anymore.
Writing songs really helped me get all of the anger and sadness out. Music has always been my therapy, but it really helped me out here. It helped me come to terms with everything. And when I was talking to Reg and I wasn’t bawling, it all clicked to me.
I stopped mid-story and said, “I think I’m over it now. I’m clean of her.”
REGULUS: He said he was clean of her, and as soon as he said the word, it got stuck in my head. John had made me feel used and dirty, and clean was exactly what I felt.
I grabbed a pen and a random piece of paper.
REMUS: It was the electric bill and we missed that payment.
JAMES: I saw the lightbulb go off in his head. He scrawled something down and told me to pick up my guitar. And he said, “We’re clean”.
And what else did we do? We got to writing.