Hogwarts Years - 2
PETER: The first few years passed without much. At least for James and I. James pined over Lily, we hung out, we did schoolwork, and that was that. During summers, we’d all accompany the Potters on their holidays. Those were the best times. My favorite is when they took us to America. Sirius ate so much Taco Bell he threw up in the parking lot.
Everything changed in our fifth year, when Sirius ran away from home, James picked up a guitar, Regulus started seeing Barty, and Remus… well, yeah. Remus and Sirius.
SIRIUS: I’ve never mentioned it before, not in real words. Sure, Reg wrote songs about it, but… not me.
I was… abused as a kid. Reg and I were. We were victims of child abuse.
[pauses]
I hate saying that. I hate the idea of me being an abused child. It could have been worse, right?
I feel like when a lot of people think of abused kids, they think of sad little wankers and feel immense pity. And I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I don’t want people to see me differently.
The abuse was physical, emotional, and verbal. It was both of my parents. It wasn’t… I didn’t realize what it was until I came to school. I was with Peter, getting dressed for a game of footie.
PETER: He took off his shirt and it was the first time I had ever seen him without his shirt. It was a week or two in? Anyway, he had these long, thick scars on his back, like from a belt or something.
I was petrified. I think I screamed.
SIRIUS: He shouted and I turned around in confusion and asked what he was on about.
I said, “You act like your mother never hits you.”
PETER: I said, “She doesn’t.”
SIRIUS: It had never occurred to me that a mother wasn’t supposed to hurt her children. Ever. To me, that was as normal as her buying me my school books.
Back then, I still wanted to believe my parents were good. I mean, who wouldn’t? Who wants to hear that the person who’s supposed to protect you from harm is the one who’s inflicting it?
JAMES: He came to my house.
REGULUS: He went to James.
JAMES: There was a knock on my front door during dinner in mid December, a week before Christmas. My mother answered it, and she screamed when she saw him.
He… he was covered in blood. So much blood that you couldn’t tell where it was coming from. And he was crying.
Sirius hated crying then. Because he wasn’t allowed to at home. He was crying like I’d never seen, just sobbing and wailing for his mother over and over.
To this day, I don’t know exactly what happened. I know bits and pieces. But that’s it. He tells me everything, and I’m sure he’d tell me if I asked but… honestly, I don’t want to know. I can’t.
REGULUS: It all started with chicken.
Sirius had decided he didn’t want to eat meat anymore, and he very politely asked our mother if he could have something else. But she got all offended. She didn’t even cook it. But she was angry.
She tried to force him, but Sirius said it made him sick. Still, she shoved the plate closer to him and told him to eat.
He wouldn’t do that.
My father stood up and slapped across the face so hard he bled.
SIRIUS: That was it for me. They wouldn’t even let me tell them I didn’t like fucking chicken.
I was tired. I just wanted to be free.
I said, “Why do you abuse us?”
REGULUS: They were both quiet. Mum and Dad. Then Mum took the plate and threw it at his face.
The glass cut him all over, and he fell out of his chair. As he rolled around, she looked at me and asked if I agreed.
I said no. I didn’t want her to hit me. I thought… I thought this was a normal fight. I thought I would still have my brother.
SIRIUS: When Regulus said no, that was it for me. I don’t know how I did it, but I pushed her as hard as I could into the table and sprinted out the front door. And I walked to James’s house.
JAMES: My parents called the police. They came about three hours later, after he was asleep thanks to some pills. Mum told him everything, and he just laughed.
“You want to tell me that Walburga and Orion Black beat their kids? Everybody knows that.”
My father had demanded to know why they didn’t do anything, but we all knew the answer.
The Blacks owned half near everything. They were one of the wealthiest families in the world.
SIRIUS: I fell asleep on their couch worrying about where I was going to live. I knew I couldn’t go back, but where would I go?
When I woke up, Mum had made my favorite breakfast. After we ate, the three of them showed me the room next to James’s.
Mum said, “Sirius, you were raised to believe violence was love. It is not. This is your bedroom. Despite blood, you are James’s brother. You are our son. We love you.”
JAMES: He’s my brother. He’s family.
SIRIUS: It took some adjustments for me to realize that they actually loved me. I tried my best to be perfect the next few days. I had to unlearn a lot of behavior from back home.
Once, she asked me to unload the dishwasher and I forgot. I was ready for her to yell, hit, or even kick me out. But instead, she shrugged and said we all forgot things.
I started to learn a mother’s love then.
JAMES: The next week was Christmas, and I could tell Sirius was nervous about getting and receiving gifts. He damn near worried himself to death trying to pick out the perfect gifts.
He also never told me, but I knew he was worried if he’d get anything himself. Not in a vain way, but… like he wanted to see if they were being straight with him. If they were being honest.
You should have seen his face light up that morning. It’s one of my favorite memories.
That Christmas changed everything. First of all, Sirius had the family he deserved. And second of all, it was the beginning of The Marauders.
SIRIUS: I got a lot of things that Christmas. Clothes, room stuff, books. Mum and Dad loved the books I picked out for them.
My second favorite gift was a letter from my father saying I was disowned. We all celebrated with wine.
But my favorite gift was the set of drums I got. ‘75 Ludwig’s.
JAMES: I don’t remember a single thing I got besides my guitar. A 1975 Fender.
SIRIUS: We were fucking menaces that holiday break. Outright menaces. We’d get up early, scarf down breakfast, and play all day long. All. Day. Long.
JAMES: We sucked. But we went back to school with our instruments in hand.
SIRIUS: We dragged Remus and Peter into our shared room and said, “We should start a band.”
REMUS: I honestly thought it’d be some small, teenage years thing. So I agreed. One of my cousins taught me how to play the bass.
SIRIUS: I thought we’d have to convince Remus. Turns out Pete thought it was stupid. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t play an instrument. He was basically a piano prodigy.
PETER: I told him that was the dumbest fucking idea I’d ever heard. I mean, I had visited them over break and they sounded awful. Who was going to want us?
REMUS: [laughs] I told him, “You don’t even have to stay if you hate it.”
PETER: Fucking Remus Lupin. He made me do it. If you need to thank anyone, thank him.
JAMES: Me on the guitar, Sirius on the drums, Pete on keys, and Remus on bass. All we needed was a name.
REMUS: None of us came up with it.
SIRIUS: Snivellus—Snape did. He always disliked us, and he was close with Lily. Childhood friends. Anyway, one day, he said we were always marauding around the place like we owned it.
PETER: We thought that sounded sick. Maraud. Marauders. And there it was.
SIRIUS: If you talk to Severus, tell him we say thank you.