Tangerine
January 30th, 1960
Petunia Evans looks down at the red blob her parents assure her is her baby sister, and begins to cry.
It is not a very auspicious start.
March 15th, 1961
A baby with a few wisps of ginger hair slowly stacks her blocks.
Her sister, who has been left to watch over her, toddles over and with a deft and mean hand sends them crashing down.
The baby begins to cry; a horrible wailing sound that causes her sister to scrunch her face up even though she’s smiling. As she stomps away, satisfied with a job well done, she fails to notice her younger sister’s crying stop.
Baby Lily giggles as the blocks spin round her; joyfully reaching out for one, as the rest land gently to where they were stacked before.
When her mother comes rushing in, she coos at the sight of her daughter and her perfectly stacked blocks.
”Look Honey!” She calls out, to her husband behind her, “Lily’s stacking blocks already!”
While her parents gush over their youngest daughter, Petunia looks at the blocks in confusion. That’s not right - that’s freaky.
June 20th-21st, 1963
Petunia cuts Lily’s hair. It’s not an accident, but it feels like one, as the pair stare down at the orange locks scattered on the floor.
Little Lily’s face trembles, and Petunia stares at the scissors as though they’ve betrayed her, though she was the one who picked them up and wielded them.
Lily knows Tuney didn’t really mean to, so she doesn’t cry, doesn’t call for Mama or Papa. There’s a silent agreement between the two children that they will avoid this for as long as possible.
Lily manages to hide from her parents until bedtime, while Petunia sweeps away the hair on the floor. Then the bedcovers disguise her shortened hair when her Mama comes to say goodnight.
Lily doesn’t worry about what will happen the next day. She forgets it entirely, as the dream-world takes her.
In the morning, Lily wakes. Her mother comes to rouse her from her bed, and she toddles downstairs without a fuss.
When she sits down at the breakfast table, Petunia looks at her with horror.
Lily drops her spoon into her cereal, and clutches her hair. But her hair’s not short anymore, or choppy. It’s the same length it was before.
Petunia’s mouth opens and closes, and Lily can’t help but giggle as it reminds her of the fish they see at the Aquarium.
Petunia spends all of breakfast staring at Lily’s hair. Though she did that before anyway; she doesn’t like Lily’s hair, says It draws too much attention.
So Lily goes on eating her cereal, and thinks about how lucky they are, that her hair grew so quick.
Petunia goes on staring, and eventually stops gaping. She can’t say anything, though she desperately wants to. Even if she did, she knows no one would believe her.
Lily soon forgets these events. As one does, when one is three. But Petunia remembers.
Petunia always remembers.
September 7th, 1965
Lily is five now, and expected to go to school. Her parents say she ought to be a brave big girl and join the other boys and girls, but she refuses to let go of her mother's leg, clutching on tightly as though it is a lifeboat.
”Come on Tangerine, let go of Mummy.” Her mother pleads, as she attempts to pry off her daughter's hands from her stockinged legs, to no avail.
When she eventually does, parts of her tights are torn, as though something that was stuck to them was pulled away abruptly- taking the fabric with them.
She doesn’t notice until she takes them off at the end of the day, and she blames the prickly bush at the end of their driveway, which has a tendency to snaffle unsuspecting clothing.
She is wrong of course.
April 18th, 1966
The first thing people notice about Lily is her hair, the second are her eyes. The third, is a pervasive sense that something is different. Like a changeling amongst humans; slightly too vibrant, slightly too alive, slightly too special.
Lily plays tag with the other school kids sometimes, but she doesn’t have any proper friends. Not like Petunia, who’s only two years older but is already part of a close-knit gaggle of girls.
Lily is quite small when she realises all the reasons people like her are the reasons they dislike her as well. The boys tug at her hair sometimes, before running away red faced.
When she complains about this to her mother, her mother says in a chiding voice lined with humour, “That’s what boys do when they like you Tangerine, to get your attention.”
Little Lily scrunches up her nose and decides at the tender age of six, that she doesn’t want boys to like her at all, if that is what being liked entails.
People find her fascinating, in a superficial way. Special Lily, unique, with her fire hair and forest eyes.
Lily is the only girl at school with red hair. It’s not important, but it is.
May 29th, 1966
They hit people, at school. Lily was appalled when the teacher explained the punishment; a slap on the hand with a ruler for the girls – three hard slaps actually, it needs to leave a mark to count. The boys were ‘disciplined’ with the long ruler; had to bend over, sometimes with their shorts pulled down. But she heard some boys say that's what their parents did too – hit them to teach them a lesson, to make sure they didn’t do whatever it was again.
Lily's glad her parents don't do that to her. Lily doesn't try to be naughty, but it seems to come naturally to her sometimes.
She’s always on her best behaviour at school though, especially after she’d seen what the teachers do to naughty kids.
There's a terribly naughty boy in Lily's class, and he's always getting the long ruler. He has a way of infuriating the teachers, so they hit him in anger, swinging it back with force. By the fifth time it happens, Lily is convinced this is not only horribly cruel but also a very ineffective method.
As the boy gets called up once again, Lily scrunches up her eyes and fists and tries her best not to cry. He trudges up, trying to swagger, but she can tell he’s frightened. Knowing what’s coming must make it worse. He probably has marks and bruises from when it’s happened before.
The teacher closes her eyes to dole out the punishment, she isn’t as angry as some, she’s the sort who believes ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’ – but she feels it’s her duty to do it properly, that it’s the only way he’ll learn.
With her eyes closed, she doesn’t notice that the ruler bounces off the boy's shorts. Almost like a balloon bounces off the ground, when hit.
She doesn't notice that her ruler has had no power, has left no mark, but the boy stands up and rubs his backside, a little confused. The teacher can’t look at him, she busies herself putting the ruler away and reaching for the board duster – so she doesn’t see that he isn’t wincing or limping back to his desk as expected.
He scurries back to his seat, unharmed and with a disbelieving smile.
Lily doesn’t even realise, too busy blinking back tears.
October 8th, 1967
Lily is tasked with cleaning up for the day. So as her classmates file out, she takes the broom that resides at the back of the class and begins to sweep.
“Look!” A classmate suddenly crows, “The witch with her broom!”
The rest of the class laugh, and Lily feels each one like a blow to her skin.
Weird things happen when Lily Evans is around, it’s a fact of life. But this is the first time someone’s put a name to it.
The chuckles eventually disperse, but Lily's hands are white-knuckled around the broom, and her lips are trembling.
She keeps it together until her mother comes to pick her up from school. When she's safely in their car, she bursts into tears.
Her mother, luckily, has not started driving, so she is able to lean over and give Lily a hug. As she pats her hair gently, she asks her daughter what’s wrong.
“A boy called me a witch - at school today.” Lily trembles, “Everyone laughed!”
”Oh Lily, that’s a horrible thing to say to someone. Did the teacher tell him off?” Her mother's grip has tightened, and her hand has stilled.
Lily sniffs, “No. I don’t think she heard.”
Her mother looks at her tear-streaked daughter with a furrowed brow, “Well, I’ll come with you to school tomorrow and tell her what happened then-”
Lily shakes her head fervently. “No Mummy - then they’ll call me a snitch - or a- a baby.” She says with distaste. If it is a toss-up between snitch and witch, Lily will take witch any day. At least she gets to pretend to hex people.
”Alright.” Her mother acquiesces, though she still looks pensive. Then, she straightens up, forehead un-creasing, as though a lightbulb has brightened in her mind.
When they arrive home, her mother takes from her shelf a worn copy of a book called 'The Wizard of Oz.' She cheerfully points Lily to Glinda the Good witch, but as Lily flips through the pages, she gets stuck on the other witch. The one that's wicked; who’s horrible and evil and doesn't even win in the end.
But her mother tried, and it’s nice to know not all witches are bad. If Lily has to be a witch, she'd like to be a good witch.
It's meant to make her feel better, but it doesn’t really. It just makes her feel confused.
June 2nd, 1968
Lily’s family isn’t particularly religious, but they go to church sometimes. A nearby one in Cokeworth, that’s older than anything Lily’s ever seen.
Lily likes its high arches and stained glass, it makes her feel like there’s something bigger than her out there; that there’s more to explore.
That if there were people a hundred years ago, that could build things like this; then in a hundred years to come, they’ll be so much more.
One Sunday, there’s a new lady at church. An elderly woman who must be new to the neighbourhood. She greets Petunia perfectly politely, but when she catches sight of Lily, she looks at her with a horror Lily’s never seen before.
“Child of the devil.” The woman mumbles, clutching her cross with white knuckles.
The fervour with which the woman says this makes Lily shy back, into her parents hold. They look scandalised, protective of their daughter, and unsure of what to do.
”Our Lily’s a perfect angel.” Her mother assures, as her father ushers her into a pew.
She doesn’t hear what the old woman says in return, but when her mother slides into their pew, she has a contrite look on her face.
”You’re not a child of the devil Lily.” She says firmly, "Or a Witch!" She adds, attempting to ingrain this in her daughter’s mind. Lily thinks she can hazard what else it is the old woman said, if witches are being mentioned.
Her Mothers’ gaze reassures her she’s not wicked, or devilish. But all throughout the sermon, and all the way back home, Lily can only think: what if I am?
What if I am?
Lily never goes back to church, and her parents let her, with sad eyes. Petunia just rolls her eyes and huffs that if Lily gets to stay home, then she’s not going either.
The Evans family stops going to church. It’s just as well. Any faith they have is stripped away when Lily gets her letter.
July 27th, 1969
Lily loves her sister, even though she’s mean sometimes. Petunia sniffs and raises her head haughtily, but Lily lets her lead them when they play, and follows her instructions. And sometimes Petunia looks at her, and Lily knows she doesn’t hate her. And that’s enough.
Their parents make Petunia play with Lily, even though Lily is what Petunia calls ‘a baby’ because she’s two years younger and that’s ‘pants’. But there’s a playground near their house, and the Evans sisters can often be found there.
It’s a desolate playground, that has led to many a skinned knee on its concrete floor. There’s a swing-set, and though it’s rusty, it allows them to fling themselves skyward, with many a giggle.
They sometimes sit by the bushes, where in spring a patch of daisies grow, making daisy chains and prancing around with them on their heads. These times are simple, and sweet, and Lily enjoys them thoroughly.
Their parents let them go to the park alone. On account of it not being far from their house, and Petunia being old enough to look after the both of them. Ten is very grownup, Lily thinks, and so does Petunia - who takes her parents rules to heart and makes sure her sister stays inside the lines. Don’t wander too far away, don’t spin on the roundabout too fast, and be careful on the swings.
Lily follows her sister dutifully, but there’s always an itch under her skin. A tugging, that tells her to go faster, and swing higher. So Lily begins to spin a little faster, and swing a little higher.
Then, one day, Lily gets bold, and she jumps from the swing when the timing feels right, so high she feels she can touch the sky. But then she’s falling, and the ground seems far away, but it’s getting closer and closer-
Lily lands gently, to Petunia’s horrified shrieks, and has the oddest feeling that something important has just happened.
“Lily!” Petunia shrieks, aghast, “How did you do that?!”
Lily is too confused, herself, to answer. So Petunia marches them back to their parents, and tells them the whole story. Lily cannot bring herself to be outraged at this, which probably adds to Petunia’s concern.
”Oh Lily,” Their Mother sighs, “You oughtn’t to do that, it’s very dangerous! You could hurt your head!”
Petunia looks frustrated, as though this was not quite the point she was meaning to get across. But before she can argue, Lily says, “But I didn’t.” And then softer, “I couldn’t.”
Petunia mutters something about ‘freaky sisters’, but Lily is too busy lost in her own mind to notice.
July 30th, 1969
She goes back when she can, alone, to the park. She approaches the swing hesitantly and then, with a detached methodical-ness, swings herself back and forth. Until she’s back at that peak again, up with the treetops, and she jumps.
This time, she feels it as she floats slowly to the ground. She trembles there, before bursting upright, and doing it again and again and again-
When Lily returns home, elated and strangely sated, everyone is too busy doing something else to notice. Her mother is cooking dinner, her father is at work, and Petunia is doing her homework.
Lily feels the urge to tell someone rise, but she squashes it down. She hovers for a bit, but no one asks her what she was doing, so she makes her way upstairs and thinks it’s for the best.
Even though she wishes to be able to share this with someone - it feels a bit private. And also, what Petunia might call ‘freaky’.
So she goes to the park as often as she can, and frequently uses the swings. But eventually she looks around and thinks, ‘what else can I do?’
She purposefully never thinks, why is it - that I can do?
She finds out she can make the flowers move, not just bloom, but curl in and out, like a hand making a fist.
The bushes beside her tremble, as though something is in them, but she is too busy with her discovery to notice.
August 8th, 1969
Eventually Lily persuades Petunia to return to the park, and when they're on the swings again she catches her sister’s eye and gives her a wide smile. She’s ready now, to show her sister that the things she does aren’t always freaky - they can be fun too!
”Lily, don’t do it!” Petunia yells, knowing what her sisters’ smile means.
But Lily’s already let go, and she’s flying, and she can’t help her laughter as she soars, going higher than she should, and landing easily on her feet.
”Mummy told you not to!” Petunia protests. But Mummy doesn’t realise that Lily isn’t going to hurt herself. Mummy doesn’t know what Lily can do.
“Mummy said you weren’t allowed, Lily!” Petunia stresses.
“But I’m fine,” Lily assuages, still giggling as she does, “Tuney, look at this! Watch what I can do!”
Petunia, ever worried her friends are going to chance upon her playing with her baby sister, glances around furtively. But the playground is empty as usual.
Lily heads over to a bush and picks a fallen flower from below it. Petunia follows, less convinced, but still curious - she’s lagging slightly, torn between curiosity and disapproval.
Lily waits until Petunia is near enough to have a clear view, and then holds out her palm proudly. The flower sits there, opening and closing its petals.
”Stop it!” Shouts Petunia shrilly.
“It’s not hurting you,” protests Lily, but she closes her hand around the daisy and throws it back to the ground anyway.
”It’s not right.” Petunia says determinedly, but then she looks down at the flower again, and with an odd tone asks, “How do you do it?”
Then, a voice comes from the bushes, “It’s obvious isn’t it?” It says, and as it does, a boy emerges, with odd mismatched clothes and long hair.
Petunia startles, and with a shriek, runs back to the safety of the swings, and only slows when she realises Lily isn't following.
Lily remains where she is. Though she’d jumped slightly at the boy’s appearance, she could see he didn’t mean to scare them. In fact he looked abashed, as though he regretted what he’d done. He was turning slightly pink, which Lily always did when she felt embarrassed, (Lily turned very pink, to her great shame) so she stayed where she was, next to the curious bush boy.
“What’s obvious?” She asks, confused by this turn of events. How did the boy get in the bush? How long was he watching them?
The boy looks over at the swings, where Petunia still stands, and with a hushed voice says, “I know what you are.”
”What do you mean?” Lily has an impending dread about where this is going.
”You’re… You’re a witch.’ He whispers.
When Lily Evans is told she is a witch, by a boy with black hair, it is not the first time she has been told this. It is, however, the first time it hasn’t been said in a jeering or horrified manner. Lily can't see this at the time however, so she rears back at this verbal blow.
”That’s not a very nice thing to say to somebody!” She says with affront, and turns right around and marches back toward her sister.
But the boy follows her, spluttering protests. "You are! You are a witch! I've been watching you for a while. There's nothing wrong with that - My mum's one, and I'm a wizard!”
Lily had let the spiel go on, and part of her was frowning at the knowledge she had been watched like some entertainment show. The other part, was distantly wondering if the boy was telling the truth - he sounded awfully sure of himself. But Petunia's high pitched laugh douses her with cold water, and shakes her back to reality.
"Wizard!" Petunia cries, with her characteristic high and mightiness. "I know who you are- You're that Snape boy!” She then turns to Lily and hisses, “They live down Spinner's End, by the river." And though Lily does not recognise the name Snape - she does remember Spinner's End: the place of town her parents had told her to stay away from.
"Why have you been spying on us?" Petunia asks, with slitted eyes. But Lily thinks she knows the answer, it’s because of her. It's always because of her- maybe if she wasn’t so- so freaky- people would stop following her around and calling her names.
"Haven’t been spying," says the boy- Snape, if Petunia is to be believed. He shifts uncomfortably, and Lily is reminded of a Vampire, with his long cloak like shirt, and pale skin. "Wouldn’t spy on you anyway," He says to Petunia, with something nasty in his tone, "You're a muggle."
Petunia scrunches her nose in confusion, and looks to Lily for guidance. But Lily doesn’t know what that word means either. Though it’s clearly meant to be rude. Petunia sees this, so she lifts her head and looks down her nose at the boy.
"Come on Lily, we're leaving!" She commands, and for once Lily is thankful for her sister’s imperiousness. As she follows Petunia, she can’t help but give one last look to the boy, as they march away. He looks disappointed, and Lily's gaze hardens as she sees this. He shouldn’t be the one disappointed! Throwing accusations left and right! People got hung for being called a witch, they'd learnt in class. It wasn’t funny to joke about. (But she wasn’t sure the boy was joking. Was she really-)
As they exit the playground gate, Petunia looks at her with something new in her eyes- or something kindled. They go home anyway.
Petunia regales their parents with the tale over dinner, while Lily picks at her chicken and doesn’t say a word. Her parents seem concerned about a strange boy ambushing their daughters, and chalk her silence up to that. But Lily is silent because she’s busy replaying the incident over and over in her mind.
Unlike what her parents assure her - the kids aren’t being mean or jealous- maybe they’re just telling the truth. Maybe she is freaky- maybe she’s a witch. The flowers do move-
But her parents said that there was nothing wrong with her- that she was normal.
These thoughts plague her through the rest of the evening, up until she’s tucked in bed, with her hands clutching the covers, and even then they only stop when a restless sleep takes hold of her.
August 9th, 1969
This is (probably) why she returns the next day, slightly tentatively, alone.
She’s worried the boy will have disappeared. But he’s there, sitting on the swing this time, and when he sees her, he lights up visibly.
She goes and sits next to him.
“I am a witch, aren’t I?” She asks him, quietly.
The boy visibly bites back his, ‘I told you so.’
“Petunia says witches aren’t real. She just says I’m a freak-“
”You’re not a freak!” The boy says hotly, and then goes pink again. “She’s a muggle, what does she know?”
”What’s a muggle?” Lily asks curiously, testing the word on her tongue. It’s not one she’s heard before, and Lily knows a lot of words, her teacher says she’s the best reader in class.
”Someone without any magic.” The boy says simply.
She thinks, oh is that all then? A bit hysterically. Because Lily Evans was born to be a pragmatic girl, and then magic got all mixed up, and so now she stares at her feet as they dangle and thinks she probably ought to have a lie down.
Weird things happened around Lily Evans, it was a fact of life. Flowers moved when they shouldn’t- and falls didn’t hurt as they ought-
But Severus said it wasn’t freakish; he was the first. Her parents were well meaning, but simply insisted it wasn’t happening. That Lily was perfectly normal; special in her own way that people were simply jealous of.
Lily is not normal. Turns out that's not such a bad thing.
August, indeterminable, 1969
Lily grasps onto Severus like she’s never done to anyone before. He is her first proper friend.
Their friendship blooms slowly but steadily. Their first meetings are unsure, secret things. They spend their time hiding in bushes, cloaked amongst the leaves.
Lily learns a lot about him. Firstly, that his name is Severus. She learns he doesn’t like being at home, because his parents fight. When she asks why, he shrugs it off. But Lily thinks it might be about magic - Severus is apparently what people call a 'halfblood'. His mum’s a witch and his dad’s a muggle. She thinks his dad might be a bit like Petunia, but a lot worse. Lily struggles to picture this. But she sees the ever growing shadows on her friend’s face - she sees his homes effect. It makes her newly protective of her new friend, in a way she hasn’t been for many other things before.
So, after their friendship grows, she eventually invites him home. She introduces him to her parents, and though they eye his well worn robes, they welcome him with open arms, too busy being ecstatic their daughter has finally made a friend.
Severus - Sev - teaches her about magic, of the world that awaits her. He weaves stories of its old buildings and colourful clothes, and portraits that move and talk and castles that sit on rocky cliffs, just waiting to be discovered.
It means a lot to Lily, even if she doesn’t believe it. She wants to - desperately - to believe that there’s a world that will take her as she is. A world where she can just be - without fear of people judging her for something as stupid as her hair, and people who’d rather she be quiet than speak at all.
When she expresses this to Severus, he has a strangely strained expression on his face, before it passes and he agrees. That does sound like a magical world.
August 29th, 1969
They’re in a small grove that’s further into the park than the swing-set, Sev had eagerly led her there. Lily had never gone so far in before; Petunia liked to keep to the edge closer to their house.
There was also a river, that was startling not only for its clearness, but also because of its existence at all.
Lily rather did not think rivers existed in towns like Cokeworth. They seemed at odds and ends with each other.
It's a blistering day, which is why Sev had suggested the trees in the first place. The canopy of leaves shelter them from the sun as they talk.
Lily was originally worried about grass stains, but when Sev had sat down with no fuss, she’d felt weird left standing. So now they were both cross-legged on the ground. On the grass. Petunia would have a fit if she saw.
Every time they meet, Severus tells her something new about the magical world- about Hogwarts. Currently, he's explaining how she isn't allowed to do magic outside school- and if she does, she’ll get punished by the government. The Ministry. That they’ll send letters.
“But I have done magic outside school!” Lily cries, panicked. In her head, she’s picturing a very imposing building, very grey, with the word Ministry on it. Imaginary-Lily is being pulled into it, to face her doom and presumably a very large ruler. She isn't yet sure if wizards use rulers as punishment.
“We’re all right. We haven’t got wands yet. They let you off when you’re a kid and you can’t help it.” Sev says, allaying her fears. “But once you’re eleven and they start training you, then you’ve got to be careful.”
Lily lets the silence sit, as she contemplates this. She isn't sure what the point of magic is, if you can't actually use it- outside of school anyway. Spying a twig next to her, she picks it up and swishes it, imagining sparks exploding from its end.
The mental image looks cool. Magic was magic. Lily would trade her freedom of magic for a wand. They seem cool, Lily decides. She drops the twig.
Leaning in, “It is real, isn’t it?” She can’t help but double check, “It’s not a joke?”
Then, it was as if all her worries bubbled out of her at once, like a stream. “Petunia says you’re lying to me. Petunia says there isn’t a Hogwarts. It is real, isn’t it?”
“It’s real for us, not for her." Sev says, tilting his head back imperiously, "But we’ll get the letter, you and me.”
“Really?” Whispers Lily.
“Definitely,” Sev says, and he looks so confident, Lily has to believe him.
“And will it really come by owl?”
“Normally,” Sev nods, “But you’re Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain to your parents.”
Something cold like ice has been building in her, ever since Sev had introduced her to the divides of Pureblood and Muggle-born; something akin to worry. It’s probably unfounded, but Lily wonders if she’ll just be a freak all over again, just in the magical world this time.
“Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?” She asks, her pleading tone doing little to mask her desperation.
Sev hesitates, and that split second is enough to make her heart race, but then he says, “No. It doesn’t make a difference.”
Lily practically melts in relief, “Good,” she says. She lets her tension fall away as she leans back and stretches out on the ground. Sev’s voice fades away as she looks up at the ceiling of leaves overhead that blocks the sky. It looks beautiful. It feels like they’re in another world, like Oz. Lily half expects Dorothy to come skipping out of the bushes.
“How are things at your house?” Lily asks out of nowhere. Or, well, it seems out of nowhere. Really, Lily has resolved to checking every so often, just incase Severus wants to talk about it. Turning her head, she sees the crease has appeared between his eyes; the one he only gets when he’s upset.
“Fine,” he says.
“They’re not arguing anymore?”
“Oh yes, they’re arguing,” He looks privately amused as he says this, as though he is part of some inside joke. It doesn’t seem like a very funny one though, to Lily.
Sev picks up a couple of leaves from the ground, and begins tearing them apart, seemingly unaware of what he’s doing. “But it won’t be that long and I’ll be gone.”
“Doesn’t your dad like magic?” It still seems ridiculous to Lily, that people don’t.
“He doesn’t like anything, much."
Sev looks- He looks worse than sad, when he says this. Lily can't put a name to it yet. For all that she reads, she hasn’t come across any word that could encompass what Sev looks like, in this moment. Lily decides a topic change is necessary.
“Severus?” She asks.
He smiles, a small twisted thing, but it's enough. “Yeah?”
“Tell me about the dementors again.”
Sev looks fondly exasperated. He's mentioned them a couple times before and Lily's obsessed. “What d’you want to know about them for?”
“If I use magic outside school-”
“They wouldn’t give you to the dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You’re not going to end up in Azkaban, you’re too-” He clams up, cheeks flushing. More leaves get torn.
Then, before Lily can urge him to continue his sentence, a small rustling noise from behind Sev makes them both turn to face the tree that stands there.
It’s Petunia, half peeking out from behind the tree. From the looks of her slightly twisted ankle, it seems she’s lost her footing.
“Tuney!” Exclaims Lily, a mixture of surprise and welcome in her voice.
Though her and Sev’s meetings were not exactly a secret now, they still seemed like one. So while Lily had not invited her sister, she also would not turn her away.
Severus however, felt slightly different.
“Who’s spying now?” He says with derision. “What d’you want?”
Petunia, who had followed her ankle more out into the open, next to the tree instead of behind it, struggles to find a way out of the proof that she was sneaking.
”What are you wearing, anyway?” She goes for the old divert and insult method, “Your mum’s blouse?”
She sounds slightly breathless, and a bit uncomfortable, and also like she had pointed out the first thing she saw- but before Lily can process any of this-
There’s an ominous creaking noise, and then a sudden crack. Lily watches, horrified, as the branch above Petunia’s head falls on her.
There’s a scream, and Lily only realises it’s her when her hands come to clutch over her mouth.
Luckily, the branch avoids Petunia’s head, but it still delivers a good thwack as it hits her shoulder instead. She staggers backwards, while the branch then falls forward onto the ground, as if her body were just a stepping stone. She bursts into tears.
“Tuney!” But Petunia is already running away. Lily lurches after her instinctively, before rounding on Severus. “Did you make that happen?” She asks, voice still shaking with fear.
“No.” He looks both defiant and scared.
“You did!” Lily cries, as she backs away from her friend. “You did! You hurt her!”
“No! No, I didn’t!” He says again. But Lily has learnt to see when someone is lying, when their eyes shift right instead of left. After one last burning look, she runs from the little thicket, off after her sister, and doesn’t spare him a second glance.
Petunia’s running back to the house, and though she has had a head start, she’s running funny, a hand clutched to her shoulder. So Lily, hale and whole, catches up to her quickly enough.
“Tuney!” Lily calls to the figure in front of her. But instead of slowing, or turning, the figure begins to pick up speed again.
Lily is not so easily discouraged, though her heart sinks with every step, she keeps running after her sister.
“Tuney!” She cries, but still Petunia keeps on running.
“PETUNIA!” Lily finally roars, flushed red and panting.
Petunia has reached their house and has let herself in through the gate, too busy hurrying to shut it. Which is how Lily knows this situation is not good. Petunia is very fussy about keeping the gate shut.
Lily follows after her, so it seems this confrontation will be happening on their front door steps. Lovely.
Her sister turns, anger covering hurt. “You cant stop me, I’m telling Mummy! He’ll never be allowed back in the house!”
“Wh- That’s not- I’m here for you Tuney. Are you hurt?”
“Obviously I’m hurt! A branch fell on me!”
“Right- Right yes, uh, do you need a plaster?”
Petunia stares at her sister in disbelief.
“You’re so stupid sometimes! Just go back and hang out with your creepy, murderous friend!”
“I don’t think he meant to murder you Tuney-“
“He bloody well could have!” She yells, and then seems ashamed of her profanity, eyes darting about as if just now realising they are outside, in public place.
“He’s a freak!” She hisses, in a much lowered voice.
“Tuney!" Lily says with some exasperation, "You think everyone's a freak-“
“-Not true!“
“Just tell me why you really don’t like him. And don’t say he’s a freak, or from Spinner’s End. You can’t judge someone based on where they live Tuney, that’s horrible and unfair.”
Petunia is silent for a long while, stewing, as though making up her mind. When she speaks, it’s like the words are being dragged out of her mouth, like a dentist pulling out teeth.
“I don’t like that he’s taking all your attention. All your time.” She grits out, “We used to play together. Now it’s just all about Severus.” She hisses his name with such vehemence, Lily physically leans back, “Sev said this- and Sev said that-“ She sucks in a breath, “I’m your sister!”
Lily is quite overwhelmed with this, but one thing comes to mind, “You don’t seem to want to be my sister!”
Petunia blinks, and opens her mouth to deny it, but doesn't manage to get the words out. There's a terrible, rending, silence.
“I’m not stupid Tuney, I know you wish it was just you- that I- that I wasn’t born!”
“Don’t say it like that-“
“But that’s it, isn’t it? I don’t know if you wish you didn’t have a sister- or if you just don’t want me as a sister.” Lily doesn't know which would hurt worse, “But I’m not gonna spend my time chasing after you anymore!”
“Good!” Petunia finally exclaims, wild around the eyes.
“Good!” Lily chimes, still quite angry.
Then they both stand in silence. Until Petunia shifts, and winces again. Hand going back to clutching her shoulder.
Lily sees this, and it's as though all her anger washes away. She doesn't feel shameful per-say, despite her sisters complaints, she doesn’t think she's done anything wrong. But Petunia- her sister - is hurt, and that's enough to put their argument to the side and say, “I know where the first aid kit is, and the icepack. I could… help you.”
Petunia looks very resigned to this fate, “If you feel you must.” She sniffs.
Lily feels heartened; Petunia is acting more like herself. She manages a small smile. “I must.” She says, “That’s what sisters do isn’t it? Help each other.”
Petunia doesn't end up telling their mother, in the end.
August 31st, 1969
The next time Sev shows up at their house, Lily and Petunia stick their tongues out at him from the window, and giggle as he scowls at them both.
As he walks away, Lily watches her sister laugh and feels a sad sort of happy. She can’t exactly put her finger on it, but she’s been feeling it a lot lately. It feels like everything she loves is coming to an end.
September 30th, 1969
After a month long cold war, waged with glares and the silent treatment, Lily had tentatively forgiven Severus, after he had effusively explained that accidental magic was, well, accidental, and that his magic had gone out of control as Petunia was making him feel bad.
Lily couldn’t remember ever hurting anyone with her magic, but she’d definitely be more careful now. It seemed like Hogwarts was very necessary; she didn’t want to hurt anyone, and apparently a wand would help channel your magic, so that kind of stuff wouldn’t happen.
Lily never wants to hurt anyone.
September, indeterminable, 1969
Lily spends more time with Petunia and they don’t talk about magic at all. It’s the complete opposite of the time she spends with Sev, in which all conversation seemingly revolves around magic.
Lily feels a bit like she’s living a double life. There’s the Lily Evans her parents know- her sister knows. And then there’s the Lily Evans Sev knows, who’s far more openly fascinated and cheeky.
Her parents still don’t know about her magic. Lily thinks it’s probably best this way. She’s not as close to her mother anymore, as she was as a child. There’s a disconnect there that didn’t use to be, mainly on Lily's side. She doesn’t think her mother has noticed. That just makes her feel even worse.
It feels like preparation for what’s to come. Sev said parents can’t come visit at Hogwarts.
January 30th, 1970
Turning ten is a big deal. Mummy bakes a Devil’s food cake, Lily's favourite, and they all sing happy birthday, even Petunia.
Lily doesn’t get much for her birthday. She knows they're struggling at the moment. But having everyone around just to celebrate the day she was born is enough, it warms her inside.
It’s only her Parents, Sister and Sev. But that's more than enough for her.
September 25th, 1970
Lily's changed, and grown. But so has the world surrounding her. Now she has magic, she watches everything she does carefully. She'd been doing it without even really realising.
The world requests more of Lily, day by day, year by year. The Homework feels even more of a chore, now that she knows it doesn’t even matter anyway. Sev's told her there's no mathematics at Hogwarts, it’s one of the things she's looking forward to most. (But maybe she'll miss it when its gone).
Her classmates seem to agree. The boys act up even more in class, so they get punished.
The ruler’s bigger now that they’re older. More menacing. The teacher raises it to strike, but as it does, it breaks. The pieces scatter ineffectually, and the boy doesn't feel the pain he ought.
It feels like victory.
October 1st, 1970
Sev watches her do magic. She makes the flowers move; bloom, blossom and bend.
"You've got loads of magic." He says wistfully, "You're going to be amazing at Hogwarts."
Lily laughs, elated. "We are, Sev." She says. "We're going to be amazing."
December 25th, 1970
Christmas, which has slowly been declining in magic-osity over the years (as Petunia deems them too old for such silly celebrations), receives an odd renewal, as they spend the holiday furtively checking for any magic and the existence of Father Christmas.
Sev had sworn he wasn’t real. But he hadn’t looked too certain and Lily’s pretty sure if witches are real, so is Santa.
January 30th, 1971
Lily's birthday seems to come around again dreadfully quick, like the blink of an eye. At her birthday, Sev and her share a look.
She's old enough to go to Hogwarts now.
January 31st, 1971
Lily's letter arrives, along with a woman who announces herself as Professor McGonagall. Who has a long chat with her parents in the dining room, from which they emerge shaken and amazed.
"Oh Lily," her mother grasps her, "We should've known."
Petunia's face looks sour, and Lily's insides feel the same. It's all very well, saying what you should've done, or noticed. But they didn’t.
Lily and Petunia share a rare look of commiseration.
February12th, 1971
Lily catches her parents looking at her. Sometimes, they even open their mouths, as if they want to say something or ask something. But they always shut them. They always stay silent. And the divide between them grows larger day by day.
"I'm sorry Mum." She says, one day, after another look.
"About what, Lily?"
"You kept saying I wasn't a witch. I'm sorry I turned out to be one in the end."
"Oh, Lily no! No, that's not- Tangerine-" She bundles her daughter up in a hug. "I'm sorry we never realised. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like it was a bad thing. It's not. In-fact, from what Professor McGonagall tells me, it’s pretty magical."
Lily smiles at the pun.
The gap lessens.
June 3rd, 1971
Sev appears to their meeting with a bruise on his jaw.
“What-“ Lily jumps up and runs to him, “Who did this?!” She asks, a dreadful fury rolling in her.
Sev jerks away from her hand, which has reached out towards the contusion.
”It’s fine.” He mutters, “Don’t worry about it.”
”I’m obviously going to worry Sev! Was it those boys who hang round the-“
”It was my dad!” He interrupts, practically yelling. “It was my dad.” He says, again.
Lily’s eyes well up. She fists her hands on the skirt of her dress. “Oh Sev.”
She hugs him, and he lets her.
June 8th, 1971
It’s a couple days later, when the bruise has started to heal, turning yellow and green, that he says-
“You know how I told you he doesn’t like magic.”
Lily stays silent.
“He doesn’t want me to go to Hogwarts. Doesn’t want me doing any magic, or- or anything.” Sev practically gulps the words out, “He doesn’t want me to exist.”
She holds his hand, and tries very hard not to imagine what her magic could do to Tobias Snape.
June, indeterminable, 1971
They don’t talk any more about it. But she sees in Sev’s eyes, that Hogwarts is something very important for him. Something he needs. A magical castle he’ll escape to, and everything will be fine.
She hopes it lives up to expectations. For all their sakes.
August 1st, 1971
Her father goes with her and McGonagall to Diagon Alley; as her parents agreed over her head that it would be unfair for Petunia to see into a world she couldn't be in. So her Mother stays behind with her sister, when the scheduled journey happens.
They take a train to London, and Lily natters all the way to Professor McGonagall, asking every question she can think of- even ones she's already asked Sev, just so she's sure.
They exit the train station, and walk a bit, until they're infront of the 'Leaky Cauldron'. Which Lily thinks is a brilliant name, and more people should name things like pubs are named. There’s one in Cokeworth called the 'Cherry Ram' and she half wants to go in it just for names sake.
Her head seems to be on a permanent swivel, as she takes in everything there is to see. McGonagall weaves them through the pub, and out the back to a brick wall. With ease, as though she has done this many times before, she takes out what can only be her wand and taps the bricks three times.
As Lily is busy staring in delight at the magic wand, the bricks rearrange themselves - almost peeling back - to reveal a cobbled street.
Her father is just as wide-eyed as she is, he blinks a couple times, and seems reluctant in a way. But Lily bursts ahead, bobbing up and down and through the crowds, taking in the sights. It’s amazing; it’s all wonky and weird. It’s perfect.
Lily gets a few disdainful looks, but she barely notices. It’s magical.
They exchange muggle money for wizard money at a bank run by goblins, called Gringotts, and open a vault for her. (Goblins!) (Goblins!) (What'll be next, unicorns?!)
After that, they go through their shopping list readily.
Lily doesn’t get a pet. All the animals seem stereotypical, and Lily can still hear in the back of her mind, like a refrain, ‘look, the witch with her broom!' Except the broom gets turned into a toad and then a cat and then an owl.
So she shakes her head and says no to an owl, absolutely not to a toad, and wisely remembers Petunia is allergic to cats. So definitely not.
Her father looks like this is news to him, and Lily wonders if it is all fathers who forget important things like birthdays, and allergies, or if it is just hers.
Then, they get to what she's really been looking forward to. Severus told her all about wands; how they’re way more than just a piece of wood (though they are pretty stick like). They’d been practicing with sticks, mimicking supposed wand movements, which eventually just devolved into them poking each other with said sticks.
Ollivanders is a suitably wizened shop. Cluttered and full of old wooden shelves, on which she spies row upon row of wands, and wonders which will be hers.
The man behind the counter looks down at her with wizened eyes, and says, “Ah, what’ll it be hmm?”
The first one causes Lily to set a small fire, which Ollivander fans out while mumbling, “Not that then, not that.”
Lily is very apologetic, but she just gets shoved another one, which she only manages to catch has got unicorn hair inside of it.
She stares, wide eyed in awe, “Sorry, are you saying unicorns are real?”
”As real as you or I my dear.” He says, kindly and with a certain amount of whimsy.
Lily grasps the wand and hopes this one works, she wants to have a unicorn wand, how tops is that?
She twirls it and a pot explodes.
She’s downcast, but Ollivander looks thoughtful. “Not the right wood, but the right core.” He murmurs, and disappears back into the shelves.
Her dad grasps her shoulder in support, but he seems just as shell-shocked as she is, so it might be more support for him.
Ollivander re-appears with a wand. “Ten and a half inches, willow wood with a unicorn hair.” He informs them, slightly gleefully, “Very rare, Willow wood, very rare indeed.”
He brandishes the box at her, and Lily gingerly picks up the wand nestled inside.
It’s a pretty thing, not at all stick like. It’s beautiful even. It looks old, in the way the church at Cokeworth did; like someone had loved it very much in creating it.
She cradles it. At this point Lily will take anything, as long as she stops exploding things please.
She grasps the wand, and from the first swish, it feels like a warmth runs through her hand and settles in her bones. Along with the strangest feeling, as though she wants to cry, but isn’t sure why. As though a great melancholy is realised.
Ollivander looks at her with a straight face, as though he’s looking through her.
“There’s a saying in my family you know, that he who has the furthest to travel, will go fastest with Willow.”
Lily looks down at her wand. Willow. Petunia and her used to play under a willow tree. (They still will- won’t they?)
Lily is taken aback, and opens her mouth to question this. But McGonagall clears her throat, “Right I think we’re all done here- Thankyou Garrick.” She says pointedly, before ushering them out.
As they amble to their next destination, she leans down so she’s closer to Lily’s height. ”Don’t take it to heart dear. When you’re exposed to as much magic as he has-“ She shakes her head, “Well, it’s a miracle he makes as much sense as he does.” She says briskly.
Lily gets the feeling that magic isn’t as whimsical as Severus had made it out to be.
A woman sneers at her as they walk down the street.
Yeah.
August 29th, 1971
Petunia, for the next month, is so visibly torn between wanting to know what happened, and wanting to stay out of it. She locks herself in her room.
”Don’t you want to know what she does up there?” Sev asks, silkily.
And Lily- Lily does.
So they creep in when she's finally out, on a playdate with her school friends. She and Lily don't share a room, so the consequence of this is that they both have quite small ones. Just enough for a bed a dresser and a desk, and not much else.
Sev instantly makes for the desk, and Lily follows, more hesitantly.
He picks up something from it, and stares at it in glee. “Look, a letter from Hogwarts!” He says, awed. “Dear Miss Evans, regretfully I cannot accept you into my school-“
Severus turns to her with a horribly wondrous expression. “She asked to be let into the school?!” He barks, “A muggle?!”
Lily doesn’t like how he says that word, like it’s something wrong, but she’s too consumed by the letter to investigate.
”Petunia… wants to go?” Lily asks quietly.
Severus, not realising her shift in mood, says confidently, “Obviously. I mean who wouldn’t. Can’t believe she managed to even write to them, they must have wizards working at the post office-“
Lily folds the letter back up and puts it back where they found it. “Let's go Severus.” She orders him, feeling suddenly terrible, “We shouldn’t be here.”
September 1st 1971,
The whole family gets into their beat-up Ford Cortina and drives to Kings Cross Station. Lily spends the drive anxiously re-reading Hogwarts: A History, and repeating Severus's instructions in her mind.
‘When you get there, go through the wall on Platform 9 and three-quarters’, he'd said.
When you get there, go through the wall.
Petunia and her mother, when they get to it, stare at it doubtfully. But her father, who has seen bricks re-arrange themselves to reveal Diagon alley, strolls through with certainty. They watch him disappear with wonder. Lily is the next to run after him, instinctively shutting her eyes as she goes. She meets a surface, but it's softer than expected. When she opens her eyes, she's in her father’s arms, and there's a train and a whole other platform in front of them. A sign above them says 9 and ¾.
Her mother comes through, holding Petunia's hand (Lily feels better when she sees her eyes are shut too) and they in turn gasp.
They still have a while before she has to board, so Petunia and Lily go up closer to the train, while her parents hang back.
She stares at the steam train that’s come to take her to her new life. It’s red. Lily isn't sure how she feels about red. She's always been cautioned against wearing it, for one, and now that Lily thinks about it, there’s not a lot of red in her life (bar the obvious). She wonders if the sudden increase means something.
Maybe it’s the onset of nerves, or just something that’s been building up between them, but Petunia and her get into a row.
It's stupid and petty, but when Petunia calls her a freak it makes her feel wrong. So she brings up the letter her and Severus found and Petunia flounces off, and then it's just Lily and the train that’s come to take her to her new life.
Lily isn’t sure that she wants to go away to boarding school, no matter how magical it is. She's read Malory Towers of course and it had seemed fun then, but that was a book. The place Sev describes sounds like it ought to be in a book. He’s the only thing that’s getting her through this. Patiently re-explaining everything; how she's allowed to come back on holidays, she won’t be away from her family forever and she can always send an owl. (An Owl!)
She watches as other kids jump on to the train, and she takes a step forward, before hurtling back the way she came.
Petunia looks at her angrily when she approaches, but there must be something truly awful in her expression because she visibly bites her tongue.
Her parents look down at her, as she splutters her way through some excuse, all the while the train hovers in the background, feeling like Chekhov’s gun.
She turns to her parents, suddenly overcome with anxiety, “Do I have to go? Maybe, maybe I shouldn’t - I could just stay at home with you- “
Her parents seem befuddled by this onslaught, but Petunia grabs her by the shoulders and stares into her eyes.
”Lily Evans, you are a witch. And if you don’t go and be one, I’ll throttle you myself.” She says firmly, but for once not meanly. (If you don’t take this, this that I want so much, I’ll never forgive you.)
“I love you Petunia.” Lily says wetly.
Petunia looks at her, and her face seems to be warring with itself, but she eventually says, “I love you too, Lily.” And even though it sounds like she’s being held at wand point, Lily embraces her sister tightly. Because she said it, which means part of her means it (even if it’s really really deep down).
"Good luck, Tangerine," Her father says, while her mother sniffles. She gives them both one last hug.
With goodbyes done, Lily has no excuse left, she turns and approaches the red steam train.
With a final look behind her, she makes her way to the nearest door.
She boards the train.