Take on the world

Adrian Toomes and his coworker, Phineas Mason, are studying a child's drawing of the Avengers.]

Toomes: Things are never gonna be the same now. I mean, look at this. You got aliens. You got big green guys tearing down buildings. When I was a kid, I used to draw cowboys and Indians.

Mason: Actually, it's Native American, but whatever.

Toomes: Yeah. Tell you what, though. It ain't bad, is it?

[Toomes squints at the drawing and Mason nods.]

Mason: No. Yeah. Kid's got a future.

Toomes: Yeah, well... We'll see, I guess.

[Toomes looks up at the damaged Avengers Tower. Helicopters pass overhead. Scaffolding covers the tower's lower floors. A roving view sends us into a ruined building across the street.]

[A clean-up crew works around a giant deceased Chitauri alien creature with pointed teeth. Alien artifacts lie among the rubble. Walking through the site, Toomes gives a worker a thumbs up. He turns to Herman Schultz, who is one of his workers.]

Toomes: No, hey! Uh-uh! You can't saw through that stuff. These alien bastards are tough. You gotta use the stuff they use.

[He picks up an alien object from the ground and uses it as a tool to break down the Chitauri chariot.]

Toomes: See?

Schultz: All right.

Toomes: All right. (to Brice) Oh, hey! Glad you could join us. Afternoon.

Brice: Yeah. My alarm didn't go off.

Toomes: Yeah, yeah, yeah, your alarm. Look, just go stack that armor plating like I asked you. This is a huge deal for us.

[Anne Marie Hoag, the director of the Department of Damage Control, walks into the salvage site with her crew.]

Anne Marie Hoag: Attention, please! In accordance with Executive Order 396B, all post-battle cleanup operations are now under our jurisdiction. Thank you for your service. We'll take it from here.

Toomes: Who the hell are you?

DODC Agent: Qualified personnel.

Toomes: Look, I have a city contract to salvage all this, okay, with the city, so-

Anne Marie Hoag: I apologize, Mr. Toomes, but all salvage operations are now under our jurisdiction. Please turn over any and all exotic materials that you've collected, or you will be prosecuted.

[The workers look puzzled. A worker slips an alien artifact that looks like a power source into his pocket unnoticed.]

Toomes: Ma'am, what am I- Please. Come here. Hey, lady, come on. Look... I bought trucks for this job. I brought in a whole new crew. These guys have a family. I have a family. I'm all in on this. I could lose my house.

Anne Marie Hoag: I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing I can do.

[Toomes is left to stare at her back as she leaves. Behind him, a Damage Control Agent speaks up.]

DODC Agent: Maybe next time, don't over extend yourself.

[Toomes looks around and grins.]

Toomes: What'd you say?

[He looks around at his crew of workers. Brice whistles.]

Toomes: Yeah, he's right. I overextended myself.

[Suddenly, he punches the agent. The agents point their guns at him.]

Worker: Don't do it.

Anne Marie Hoag: Put them down.

[The agents lower their guns.]

Anne Marie Hoag: If you have a grievance, you may take it up with my superiors.

Toomes: Your superiors. Who the hell are they?

[We see a TV screen playing the news about Tony Stark and his contract with Damage Control. Toomes watches the TV with an angry look on his face.]

News Anchor: A joint venture between Stark Industries and the federal government, the Department of Damage Control will oversee the collection and storage of alien and other exotic materials.

Schultz: So now the assholes who made this mess are being paid to clean it up.

Mason: Yeah, it's all rigged.

[Mason is tinkering with the alien power source that one of the workers stole from the salvage site earlier that day.]

News Anchor: Experts estimate there are over fifteen hundred tons of exotic material scattered throughout the tri-state area.

[The glowing alien artifact is now connected to a motor with wires. The blades on the motor start to spin and the machine floats off the table. One of the workers pulls off a tarpaulin sheet covering a large piece of Chitauri artifact, revealing a dozen of glowing Chitauri energy cores.]

Worker: Hey, chief! We still have another load from yesterday. We're supposed to turn this in, right?

Brice: I ain't hauling it.

Mason: It's too bad. We could have made some pretty cool stuff from all that alien junk.

[Toomes stares at the truck full of alien items and makes up his mind.]

Toomes: I tell you what, let's keep it. The world's changing.

[Mason lifts his magnifying goggles and looks at his boss.]

Toomes: It's time we change, too.

8 YEARS LATER

[The Rolling Stones' "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" is playing in the warehouse. Workers are moving piles of alien tech and tinkering with machines. Mason works on an elaborate rifle gun. Another worker fires a neon blast from an exotic gun. The blast shears a large item in half. Workers load piles of high tech weapons onto a van.]

[Cash pours through a money counting machine.]

[A figure wearing a flying suit with expensive metal wings soars toward the warehouse. Doors in the ceiling open and the figure drops crates of alien tech from the suits' claw-like feet. The helmeted figure comes through the roof and lands on the platform. He steps out of the wing suit and faces Mason.]

Toomes: There you go, Mason.

[The helmet opens, revealing Toomes. Mason grins.]

Toomes: Business is good.

a Film by regulus Parker

[Through a small, rectangular screen, we see the scenery of New York passing by at a high velocity. We seem to be on a highway.]

Regulus: (in a gravelly voice) New York. Queens. It's a rough borough, but hey, it's home.

Happy: Who are you talking to?

[Camera quickly pans to reveal Happy Hogan driving in the front seat.]

Regulus: (in a normal voice) No one. Just making a little video of the trip.

Happy: You know you can't show it to anyone.

Regulus: Yeah, I know.

Happy: Then why are you narrating in that voice?

Regulus: Uh... Because it's fun.

Happy: Fun.

[Apparently, Happy thinks this whole situation is the opposite of fun. He puts on his sunglasses and solemnly looks out the windshield.]

Regulus: So, uh, why do they call you Happy?

[Happy raises the limo's partition. We see a reflection of regulus Parker holding up his phone and filming.]

[regulus gets out of the car to find a small private plane waiting for him.]

Happy: Come on. I'm not carrying your bags. Let's go.

Regulus: Hey, should I go to the bathroom before?

Happy: There's a bathroom on it.

[Inside the plane, we see a view of the cockpit. Two seats for the pilot and the copilot are there no one is sitting in them.]

Regulus: Whoa. No pilot? That's awesome.

[regulus sits down across from Happy, directly facing him.]

Happy: Is that where you're gonna sit?

Regulus: Yeah.

Happy: This is your first time on a private plane?

Regulus: My first time on any plane.

[Happy moves away to sit in another seat.]

Regulus: Should it...? Should it be...? Should it be making that noise?

[Later. Regulus puts a finger to his lips and makes a shushing sound.]

Regulus: Shh.

[Camera reveals Happy snoring. At the sound of regulus's chuckle, Happy jerks awake, causing the whole frame to shake.]

[Inside Berlin Brandenburg Airport, we see German signs, Happy dragging his luggage behind him, and regulus's face in quick succession.]

[regulus is sightseeing Berlin. We see Berlin streets, the Brandenburg Gate, a street performer, foreign girls, and a pretzel vendor.]

Regulus: No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.

[Happy and regulus enter a hotel.]

Happy: (pointing at a door) This is you.

Regulus: Oh, we're neighbors?

Happy: We're not roommates. Suit up.

[regulus's hotel room. Standing in front of a mirror, we see regulus wearing his homemade Spider-Man suit, consisting of a thin, baggy sweatshirt, goggles with shutters, and web-shooters.]

Regulus: Okay, regulus, you got this. You got this.

Happy: What the hell are you wearing?

[Happy is staring at regulus with a horrified look. Regulus tilts down the camera to reveal his feet.]

Regulus: It's my suit.

Happy: Where's the case?

Regulus: What case? That's not my...

[Happy opens a door, showing Peter another area of his suite.]

Regulus: What? I thought that was a closet. This is still my room?

Happy: Go. Please.

Regulus: My room is way bigger than...

Happy: There.

[A case is sitting on a coffee table.]

Regulus: I found the case. I found the case. I found the case.

[He plucks up a card that says "A minor upgrade -TS" from the case.]

Regulus: "A minor upgrade"?

[When regulus unbuckles a lock the case unfolds itself, revealing a high tech Spider-Man suit complete with awesome holograms.]

Regulus: Whoa. Oh my God.

Happy: Put it on.

Regulus: What the...? This is the coolest thing I've ever seen-

Happy: Let's go.

Regulus: But, yeah. Well, I don't understand. Is it for me?

[Camera spins to find Happy leaving the room.]

Regulus: Happy, Happy, wait.

[regulus takes off the mask of his homemade Spider-Man suit with a huge, excited grin on his face.]

Regulus: This is insane. Insane. Look at this thing. Look. Look at the eyes. This is the greatest day of my life.

Happy: Let's go.

[He has come to drag a hyped-up regulus out of the room.]

Regulus: Okay.

Happy: Come on.

[Outside Flughafen Leipzig-Halle, We see Iron Man, War Machine, Captain America, Black Widow, and Black Panther confronting each other.]

Regulus: (whispers) Okay, there's Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow. Whoa. Who's that new guy?

Tony: Underoos!

[We see regulus, now dressed in the Spider-Man suit that Tony gave him.]

Regulus: Oh, that's me. I gotta go. I gotta go.

[webbing comes down, grabs Cap's shield and cuffs his hands. Spider-Man lands on a nearby truck holding Cap's shield]

Tony Stark : Nice job, kid!

Spider-Man : Thanks! Well, I could have stuck the landing a little better. It's just, new suit... wait, it's nothing, Mr. Stark. It's... it's perfect, thank you.

Tony Stark : Yeah, we don't really need to start a conversation.

Spider-Man : Okay. [salutes]

Spider-Man : Cap... Captain? Big fan. Spider-Man.

Tony Stark : Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Just...

Spider-Man : [waves]  Hey, everyone.

Tony Stark : Good job.

Regulus: Hey, everyone.

[He is holding his camera and flying through the air to find a safe spot. We see and hear explosions everywhere.]

Regulus: Okay, so the craziest thing just happened, right? I just had a fight with Captain America and I stole his shield and I threw it at him-

[We hear a metallic noise. Ant-Man grows into a giant in the background and grabs War Machine by his ankle. Regulus turns to see this.]

Regulus: What the hell? He's big now. I gotta go. Hang on.

[The phone is put down and for a moment, all we see are the sky and the clouds. Then we hear the battle commencing and see regulus being flung through the air.]

Regulus: Whoa!

[Back in regulus's hotel room. Regulus is facing the camera, now dressed in a grey NASA T-shirt. It is obvious that he is still high on adrenaline.]

Regulus: It was the most amazing thing that's ever happened! So Mr. Stark was like, "Hey, Underoos!" and I just sort of flipped in and I stole Cap's shield. I was like, "Hey, what's up, everybody?" And then...

[There's a knock on his door.]

Regulus: Hey, just a second! Coming!

[He backflips to the door, but before he can open it, Happy enters in a bathrobe.]

Regulus: Hey.

Happy: We have thin walls here.

[Camera starts rolling. We are now inside Tony's car. A hand reaches for it and we tilt up to find Tony Stark in a suit and sunglasses ensemble.]

Tony: What are you doing, a little video diary?

Regulus: (embarrassed) Yeah.

Tony: It's all right. I'd probably do the same.

Happy: (from the driver's seat) I told him not to do it. He was filming everything.

Tony: It's okay.

Happy: I'm gonna wipe the chip.

Tony: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what? We should actually... We should make an alibi video for your aunt anyway. You ready?

[Tony takes off his sunglasses, revealing a badly bruised face.]

Regulus: Yeah, hold on.

Tony: We rolling?

Regulus: An alibi? Sure.

Tony: Get in the frame.

Regulus: Okay.

Tony: Hey, May. How you doing? What are you wearing? Something skimpy, I hope.

[regulus turns to Tony with a frown on his face. Tony chuckles and pats regulus's shoulder, whose face now wears an uncomfortable smile.]

Tony: regulus, that's inappropriate. All right, let's start over. You can edit it.

Peter: Mm-hmm.

[Looking at Tony, regulus chuckles.]

Tony: Three, two, one. Hey, May. My gosh, uh, I wanted to tell you what an incredible job your nephew did this weekend at the Stark internship retreat. Everyone was impressed.

[Tony is putting on a solemn face. Regulus offers the camera a wide-eyed, tight-lipped smile, trying to look innocent. Suddenly, we hear a loud honk.]

Happy: Come on! It's a freaking merge. (to Tony) I'm sorry.

Tony: This is because you're not on Queens Boulevard. (to the camera) See, Happy is... is hoping to get bumped up to asset management. He was forehead of security, and before that, he was just a driver.

[Still driving, Happy gives Tony a sidelong glance.]

Happy: That was a private conversation. I don't like joking about this. It was hard for me to talk to you about that.

Tony: No, seriously, was he snoring a bunch?

[Happy slams on the brakes, making the car screech to a stop.]

Happy: All right. Here we are. End of the line. Whoops.

[Tony laughs and films Peter, who looks a bit pale.]

Tony: Happy, can you give us a moment?

Happy: You want me to leave the car?

Tony: Why don't you grab regulus's case out of the trunk.

[regulus's film finally stops rolling. He slowly lowers his phone, shocked.]

Regulus: I can keep the suit?

Tony: Yes, we were just talking about it.

[Tony puts his sunglasses back on and clears his throat. Through the rear window, we see Happy struggling with regulus's case.]

Tony: Do me a favor, though. Happy's kind of your point guy on this. Don't stress him out. Don't do anything stupid. I've seen his cardiogram. All right?

Regulus: (enthusiastically) Yes.

Tony: Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do. There's a... There's a little grey area in there, and that's where you operate.

Regulus: Wait, does that mean that I'm an Avenger?

Tony: No.

[Happy knocks on the window and holds the case up.]

Happy: This it?

Tony: Seventh floor.

Regulus: I can take that. You don't have to take it.

Happy: You're gonna take it?

Regulus: Yeah, I can take that.

Happy: Thank you.

[Happy drops the case by the car.]

Regulus: So when's, when's our next... When's our next "retreat," you know? Like...

Tony: What, next mission?

Regulus: Yeah, the mission. The missions.

Tony: We'll call you.

Regulus: Do you have my numbers?

Tony: No, I mean, we'll call you. Like, someone will call you.

Regulus: Oh.

Tony: All right?

Regulus: From your team.

Tony: Okay.

[Tony reaches for the door. Regulus mistakes the gesture as a hug and brings his arms around Tony.]

Tony: It's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you. We're not there yet.

[regulus awkwardly climbs out of the car. Almost as an afterthought, Tony calls out:]

Tony: Bye.

[Tony and Happy drive off. Holding his bag and the Spider-Man suit case, regulus grins.]

Regulus: They're gonna call me.

[He heads to the apartment entrance. There is a definite spring in his step.]