The restaurant is small, cozy. It’s made up of a lot of glass doors which allow the light of the summer day to flood inside and illuminate the restaurant in a comfortable yellow haze. Plants are scattered all throughout the room-on shelves, near the door, on empty and occupied tables, hanging from the ceiling-and the sunlight hits them in just the right way, making them almost look like they’re glowing. The place was mostly empty before they came in and it stays that way as they wait for the check.
The sunlight keeps hitting his face in a way most would find annoying but he finds quite nice. He can feel the warmth of it. Or maybe it’s just because he’s sitting across from him, looking at him like that. He remembers just an hour ago when they were tangled together in his bed cuddling and before that when he was above him, in between his legs. They did that-had casual sex, no strings attached. They were best friends at the root of it all and that wouldn’t change but he can’t deny the extent of his feelings did. He liked him as his best friend, the person he’s known for over half his life now, the person he tells all his secrets to, the person he goes to when he has had a bad day and just wants to be comforted. And he liked to fuck him; liked how eager he could make the other boy, how quickly he would beg for it; liked when they both had a rough day at work and would meet up to ‘hang out’ just to end up fucking on the couch or the bed or the shower rough and fast; liked the noises he made. But overall he liked him.
He didn’t mean for it to happen. Intended for it to stay strictly platonic with the casual fuck here and there. But then he’d grab onto his hand as he thrust into him and hold onto it for the rest of the time even after he was already stretched and being fucked into just how he liked it. And it would leave his hand feeling tingly for at least an hour after the other boy had let go. And then he would kiss him, to initiate sex or in a casual display of affection and it made him feel things, made him want for the other to do it more. They could just be hanging out, doing anything, and he would find himself staring at him, this warm feeling in his chest and the urge to reach out and touch him, just to touch, nothing more.
This morning had been different. Felt different. It was slow, not because of lack of energy but because they wanted it to be. He woke up first, he almost always did, and took to admiring the boy next to him. He was beautiful; long, curly black hair, eyelashes so long that they rested again the circles under his eyes, and, when he was awake, eyes a silvery grey that he liked to get lost in when he was fucking him or staring. He’d placed a soft kiss on the pale skin of his cheek and snuggled closer, wrapping his arm around his waist and pulling him closer. He liked when they were like this; waking up next to him after a night of fucking and talking, naked and entwined in each other. The movement must have caused the other boy to wake up because he made this cute sleepy noise in the back of his throat-that James smiled at quite helplessly-and twisted around to rest his head in the soft crook where James’ chest met his shoulder.
He’d run his hand through the tangled black curls, smiling when the boy would make these soft little sighing noises in the back of his throat. “Do you want to get breakfast?” he’d asked, placing a kiss on top of the heap of black hair.
“Want you to fuck me,” the other had replied, shuffling his hips so they met with James’.
He laughed, light and quiet, just for the two of them to hear. “Sirius. Breakfast first then we can do whatever you want.”
“Whatever I want first and then breakfast,” Sirius had said, twisting them around until he was straddling James’ hips, staring down at him through half-hooded eyes.
“You’re barely awake. Breakfast first,” James had reasoned.
“What, you don’t want to fuck me?” Sirius teased, rocking his hip over James’, smiling when James gasped slightly.
“I do and I will. After breakfast.” He’d said, holding onto Sirius’ hips to keep them from moving again.
“Fuck me. Now. Please,” Sirius had whispered, covering one of James’ hands with his own and dragging it up his stomach and towards his chest.
James had felt high from the touch, from the fingers covering his own. He wasn’t arguing for any real reason, he didn’t give a fuck about breakfast in that moment. Because Sirius was on him, towering above him, hair all over the place, with that hungry look in his eyes. He looked like a god and James was ready to fucking worship him. “You’re so beautiful,” he’d said, taking the hand Sirius had moved up his chest and using it to cup his jaw, thumb caressing the defined edge.
Sirius had turned his head then, moving his face into James’ warm hand and ghosting his lips over the palm. “Really?”
“Yes.” He’d felt fucking breathless with Sirius touching his hand like that. He was hard, so fucking hard.
“Show me,” Sirius had said back and James was done for.
So he showed him, took his time with it. Kissed him soft and slow, on his lips and then his jaw and neck, then his collarbone and his chest, brushing his lips over the nipples and leaving soft kisses there as well, and then down his stomach and hips, skipping over the part the other boy wanted him to touch the most and going to his thighs instead. And then, after James left no area unkissed, he kissed where the other boy really wanted him; kissed up the base of it and then the head, tasting the precum that coated it.
Eventually, when he’d taken his time with him, listened to the little inhales and gasps and whimpers Sirius had let out, he fucked him. That was slow too. His thrusts precise so he hit that spot every time, loving how the boy beneath him squirmed and clenched around him. By the end of it, James had come so hard his body shook with it, breathy moans escaping his throat and going into where James rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Everything part of him felt warm and fuzzy around the edges, including his hand that Sirius had grabbed onto when James had taken him in his mouth earlier. He’d looked into his silvery gray eyes like he does now, utterly transfixed by them even as he took his cock deeper down his throat.
“What?” he asks because Sirius is still looking at him like that and it’s making his heart do weird things in his chest.
“I can’t just look at you?”
“No, you can. It’s just you’re looking at me like I’m…” he trails off.
“Like you look absolutely beautiful with the sun shining on you like that?” Sirius finishes for him.
“Yes,” James breathes out. His cheeks heat at the words. Fuck, he likes him so much.
Sirius doesn’t get to say anything back before the waitress is giving them their check. They both reach for it at the same time which leads them to spiral down into a five-minute debate over who should pay, both being the one who thinks they should. It gets to the point where the waitress comes back and says she can just split the check if they want to which they both say no to. James eventually wins the little squabble they have, grinning triumphantly when he successfully grabs the check and gives the waitress his card.
Sirius glares at him when the waitress walks away, James’ card in her hand. “Cunt.”
James laughs. “You look adorable when you’re angry.”
“You’re annoying.” And yet he still looks at him like that when he says it.
He leans over the table, closer to Sirius, and whispers, “You can always just shut me up once we get out of here.”
Sirius raises a brow. “Yeah?” James nods a little too eagerly and then is letting out a shaky gasp as Sirius’ foot travels up his leg, to his thigh, and settles on his crotch, lazily moving up and then down. “That desperate are you?”
His eyes squeeze shut, trying and failing to ignore the pressure of Sirius’ foot against him. “S-stop. I’ll get-” his voice cuts off as the foot presses down against him with more pressure.
Sirius smirks. “You’re going to stay like this,” he taps his foot against him, “until the waitress comes to give you your card back. Then,” his voice lowers, “I’ll take you to the bathroom and shut you up.”
He swallows harshly. His pants feel so fucking tight. “We could g-get caught,” he says as if the thought doesn’t make him that much harder.
Sirius tuts. “I thought I was beautiful. You don’t want them to see how beautiful I look with my dick in your mouth? You want to just go home?”
“No,” he says immediately. “Want them to see.”
Oh god, this is dirty, so fucking dirty. And a part of him knows that this wouldn’t be hot if it was anyone but Sirius. He’d be too anxious, too in his head. But Sirius has this way of making him feel grounded but also like he could do pretty much anything. He has this energy that’s contagious and James always seems to catch it from him. He’s wild and spontaneous and James is too, less so but still, and so paired together they’re what most people would call reckless. Doing things they know they shouldn’t but do anyway because one of them could say ‘Jump’ and the other would say ‘How high?’
The waitress comes back, setting a receipt and James’ card on the table with a ‘have a nice day’. James grabs both, putting his card back in his wallet and the receipt in his pocket, digging out money to leave as a tip. Sirius takes his foot off of him then and stands up, raising his eyebrows at James who is still sitting down. So he stands up, adjusting his pants immediately even though it doesn’t do much good. The bathroom is thankfully and expectedly empty. Sirius is grinning devilishly as he pulls open a stall and pulls James in by his hand. There’s approximately two seconds between Sirius locking the door and James dropping to his knees on the floor.
Sirius laughs. “You really are desperate.”
“Mhm,” James hums, hands trailing up Sirius’ jean-covered thighs and towards his pant zipper.
“Hey, wait a second.” James’ hands stop. “Come up here,” he says.
“Thought you were going to shut me up,” James teases, now standing at full length in front of Sirius.
Sirius doesn’t say anything, just brings his hand up and runs his thumb over James’ bottom lip, moving to the top when he’s traced the full expanse of it. James’ lips part instantly, instinctively, ready for his thumb or his lips or his dick-anything. God, every place Sirius touches him feels like it’s on fucking fire, making him warm and desperate for anything and everything Sirius will give him. In moments like these, when James knows he should be thinking about his undeniable feelings for Sirius and how he probably shouldn’t keep doing this because he’s already in too deep, all he can really think about is making Sirius feel good and in turn, himself.
When Sirius pulls his hand away from his lips he lets out a whine of protest. Sirius chuckles at this, clearly enjoying the hold he has over James, and oh how he has one. His lips are only left unoccupied for a few seconds before Sirius is taking his face in his hands and kissing him. James makes an utterly pathetic noise at the contact before pressing closer, making Sirius settle against the wall of the stall with James flush against him, chest to chest, thighs to thighs, tented pants to tented pants. Dizzy dizzy dizzy he feels kissing Sirius. He feels like the sun; warm, scorching hot when Sirius gets close and touches him like this. He’s quite sure he could come just like this; Sirius’ lips against his, the firm pressure of his body against his own.
Sirius’ hips twitch up against his and James gasps into Sirius’ mouth, the small sliver of pleasure already making him feel undone. It’s then that James remembers the reason they came here in the first place and so, because James can’t find it in himself to pull away from the kiss, he slides his hand down from Sirius’ shoulder and to his pants, palming him through the denim, letting another gasp float into Sirius’ mouth because he’s just as hard as James, if not harder, in his hand. Wasting no time, because the possibility of someone walking in here is very real, he unbuttons Sirius’ jeans, pulling the zipper down-not bothering to pull the jeans or boxers down before sliding his hand into them, taking Sirius into his hand.
Sirius lets out a whimper, lips falling from James’ as his head drops back against the wall. “Fuck,” he breathes out, dick twitching in James’ hand.
“Want me to use my mouth?” he asks, voice mumbled against the skin of Sirius’ neck which he’s taken to kissing and sucking at.
“No,” Sirius says, voice breathy and strained, bringing James’ head back up and kissing him. “Like this. Please,” he begs between kisses.
“Okay, okay. Whatever you want, love,” he mumbles against Sirius’ lips, head too foggy to realize the use of the pet name, much less the way Sirius immediately thrusts up into his hand the second the word has fallen from his lips.
“Do you-” Sirius’ voice chokes off as James twists his wrist on his way up. “Me…To t-touch…you?”
Although his sentence is broken James understands the question. “If you want. Whatever you want.”
“Say it again. Say it how you did before,” Sirius pants out, hands already going to James’ pants.
This confuses James for all of ten seconds before he realizes what he said before. He feels his cheeks heat, more so than they already were. “Whatever you want, love.”
Sirius whines, loud, and before James can remind him to be quiet, Sirius is taking him in his hand and James is consequently making a noise quite similar to the one Sirius just made.
“Fuck,” he gasps out, looking down at their hands against the other. Sirius finds a steady pace, twisting at the right place and using his thumb to spread James’ precome across the head, causing James to thrust up against his hand every single time. “Just like that-fuck-love.”
Sirius moans, loud and vulgar, speeding up his movements. And fuck, James is hard, so hard, sensitive and already on the edge in a way that only Sirius can make him. It’s good, so good, when it’s soft and delicate and gentle but it’s just as good like this; frantic and desperate and wanting. Every stroke and twist of the wrist makes James feel all blurred edges and hazy-headed.
“I…N-need to…Fuck…Come…Please,” Sirius says, voice distorted with heavy breaths and a consistent spiel of whiny noises and too-loud moans given the fact that they’re in a public bathroom.
“Shh, me too,” he soothes, running a hand across Sirius’ cheek. “Need you to be quiet for me though, love. Okay?”
Sirius nods in understanding, lasting all of five seconds before a throaty mewl leaves his mouth. James’ unoccupied hand comes up and covers Sirius’ mouth. Sirius’ eyes widen at the contact, not having expected it.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
Sirius relaxes, nodding softly so as not to disturb James’ hand on his face. Sirius presses a kiss to the open palm and James feels the heat pooling in his stomach intensify, threatening to spill over the edge.
“Good. So good, love,” he breathes out. “You look so pretty for me like this you have no ide-” his voice breaks off into a broken mix between a moan and a groan, Sirius’ hand having decided to pay extra attention to his head and slit.
He feels as Sirius grins against his hand and then brings his own hand up to cover James’ mouth.
They come like that; hands against each other's mouths that do only a decent job of blocking out the string of noise the two of them are making as they come undone, spilling out in warm streaks in the other’s hand.
They’re breathless by the time the orgasm has taken its full course and they’ve pulled their hands away from each other’s mouths. They fall into each other, James’ head dropping down onto Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius’ head resting on top of James’. They stay like that for several moments, catching their breaths, and then rather suddenly Sirius is laughing.
“What?” James asks against the material of his shirt, already grinning because of the sound of Sirius’ laughter.
“God, we just got each other off in a public bathroom like fucking teenagers.”
James laughs, finding the whole thing funny when put like that. “It was your idea,” he reminds.
“And I regret nothing.” And although James can’t see his face he knows Sirius is grinning.
“We are never coming back to this restaurant,” James says, the last inklings of laughter in his words.
“Don’t want to come back for a part two?” Sirius teases, clean hand coming up to run through James’ hair lightly.
James hums contentedly at the touch. “I like it when I have you all to myself. Like being able to hear all the pretty noises you make.”
Sirius hums. “Says the person that seemed to really like what we just did.”
“Oh fuck off,” he grumbles halfheartedly, nipping slightly at Sirius’ shoulder, smiling when Sirius laughs.
↣
It was Marlene’s idea for everyone to meet up at the pub. It’d been several years since they all well and truly hung out together; college (which led several people hundreds of miles away), getting their own places, and their jobs all keeping them well busy. James thought it was some sort of miracle for everyone to not only be in the same area at the same time but also not be too busy to meet up.
So James didn’t mind the fact that the music was terrible as Pandora pulled him up and hauled him to the wooden platform designated for dancing, just let her haul him away, smile on his face. Marlene and Dorcas were already on the platform making out more than actually dancing, opting to sway around a little to keep up the illusion. James has missed them, even in spite of the disgusting public displays of affection they were always prone to making.
James had known Pandora for the least amount of time. Marlene, Remus, Peter, and him were childhood friends and James had met Sirius when he was eleven and then Regulus a year later and then consequently Regulus’ friends Evan and Barty. Mary and Lily came along a few years later, friends of Marlene’s before becoming acquainted with the rest of the group. And then there was Pandora. She had transferred to their school mid-year when James was fifteen, becoming friends with Regulus and then consequently the rest of the group. James loved Pandora. She never failed to make him feel like he belonged, not judging his random bursts of energy but rather joining in, listening as he babbled on and on, and in turn doing just the same. Pandora got him in a way few other people truly did and he couldn’t help but feel incredibly grateful for her.
Dancing with Pandora felt freeing. There was no class or precision to it. They just danced, not caring about how they might look to other people. It was wild and free and fun and everything that the two were when they were together. It was laughter and cheeks pinked from moving so much. James thinks he could be content like this for the rest of his life, surrounded by his friends, the people he loves-that maybe he would never need anything more. But then he looks over and finds Sirius grinning at something Regulus just said and his heart warms at the site and he knows that he’ll always want something more.
The last song he and Pandora dance to is a slow one. They fully commit to the part, of course, arms around each other’s shoulders and waist. They twirl each other around until they’re both dizzy and, as the songs coming to a close, Pandora dips him down and plants a kiss on his cheek. James laughs, a smile never quite leaving his face. A few of their friends jokingly cheer for them and that makes him smile wider. After, they go to the bar and get drinks. The bartender says they make a cute couple and the two promptly burst into a fit of laughter, probably confusing the poor bartender. They’re still laughing about it when they sit down in a booth.
“God, I can’t believe he actually thought we were together!” James says through another fit of laughter. His stomach hurts from doing it so much.
“I know,” Pandora says, “Especially since you’ve been eye-fucking Sirius since we’ve got here.”
“Have not,” James retorts even though it’s so clearly a lie. He’s looked over and seen Sirius looking happy and has wanted to go up and kiss him or drag him to the bathroom and get on his knees for him like he was supposed to do those few weeks ago several times.
Pandora gives him a deadpan look. “Yeah, sure,” she says. “What’s going on with you two anyway? You call me a few months ago freaking out because you guys hooked up while drunk and said that you’d ruined everything and then you meet us here late looking all disheveled with Sirius who looked like he just had the fuck of his life with the way he was walking.”
James shrugs, aiming for nonchalance. “We’ve just been having sex. Casual sex.”
“Casual sex?”
“Yeah…” James trails off, gazing wandering over to the dance floor where Sirius has apparently started talking to some guy. He’s good-looking James vaguely recognizes and much more Sirius’ type than James surely has ever been. He tries and fails to ignore the terrible pang of jealousy that rests in the now tense muscles of his body. Because Sirius is not his. Hasn’t been and never will be. They’re best friends who occasionally sleep together and that’s all they’ll ever be. That’s all Sirius will ever want them to be.
“You like him.” Pandora’s voice breaks him out of his spiraling thoughts and stomach-churning ache for how he feels about the boy.
He exhales, deflating against the table, just a little. “Yes,” he murmurs. “He’s just so lovely.”
“You do realize how bad of an idea it is to be having ‘casual sex’ with someone you clearly have feelings for, right?”
James groans, dropping his head down onto the wooden and slightly sticky table. “I know,” he grumbles.
“You should tell him how you feel,” Pandora says, “Maybe he feels the same.”
James lifts his head back up and gives Pandora a deadpan look. “Oh, yes he totally feels the same for me and isn’t totally flirting with a guy across the room.”
Pandora takes a sip of her drink, glancing back over to Sirius and the mystery guy. “They could just be having a…friendly conversation.”
James glances back over to Sirius and the guy-they do not look like they are having a friendly conversation. He puts his head back on the table, putting an arm down so the hard (and sticky) wood of it doesn’t hurt his head.
Pandora pats his head in an attempt to be soothing but probably also to try and knock some sense into him. She cards her fingers through his hair, scratching the scalp softly. He feels a little less self-loathing at the motion.
“I’m sorry, James,” Pandora says. “But you know you can’t keep having sex with him anymore, right? You’ll only hurt yourself.”
“I know,” he says, voice muffled by his arm and the table.
And oh how he does. He’s known since that day when he woke up later than usual and found Sirius making breakfast in the kitchen wearing one of his shirts. It was baggy on him and fell to the top of his thighs and James realized how much he liked him. How much he wanted every morning to be like this; slow and easy with Sirius there, asleep next to him in bed or up wandering the house. How much he liked Sirius’ company. How much he wanted Sirius to notice him standing in the entryway and come over and give him a kiss and commission him to help.
He knows.
↣
It takes him two days to work up the courage. They’re sitting on the couch in James’ living room and Sirius is working on something for his job and James is supposed to be too except he can’t think about anything other than: Sirius looks so cute when he’s concentrating and Stop it, you idiot and Just tell him already. He’s probably looked over at Sirius at least a dozen times in the past thirty minutes, or thirty seconds, James doesn’t really know. Each time he feels the words on the tip of his tongue and…and then he chickens out. He doesn’t know why he’s so anxious if he’s already sure Sirius is just going to say ‘okay’ and give him a friendly clap on the shoulder and go back to his work like they haven’t come inside each other before.
He looks over again just to look away and stare back at the paper in his lap, toying with the edge. Another few seconds and he looks back over, this time being met with Sirius’ whole face instead of just the side of it. He looks away quickly, blush already tinging his cheeks.
“You’re staring,” Sirius states.
“Sorry.”
“Thinking about all the times we’ve had sex on this couch, are you?” Sirius teases.
I wasn’t but thanks for the image. “No,” James says. You just look cute with that little furrow in between your brows. And I’m going to miss having you like I’ve been able to; miss kissing you.
“Really?” Sirius asks, grinning, setting his papers to the side and moving closer to James. “Not even about that time I was on all fours and you fucked me in that one skirt?”
James swallows, finds his mouth incredibly dry. Because he wasn’t thinking about it but now he is and-No, no, no. Nope. This is not where the conversation is supposed to be going. Sirius is supposed to be saying okay and clapping him on the back and dutifully working on whatever it is he has been doing since he’s got here and James is supposed to continue acting like he doesn’t like him and-
“I don’t think we should have sex anymore,” he blurts out, taking not only Sirius but himself by surprise. When did he decide to tell him? But also bless his mouth for just saying it so he didn’t have the chance to overthink it.
“What?” Sirius asks, shifting away. He’s not grinning anymore.
“I-I don’t…We shouldn’t. Anymore.” Apparently knowing what he wanted to say was short-lived because he can’t even properly string a sentence together now.
Sirius raises his eyebrows. “You bent me over your table and fucked me so hard I have bruises on my hips just two days ago but now you don’t want to have sex anymore?”
James closes his eyes. This is not how it was supposed to go and now he doesn’t know what to say except a: “Yes” that feels too thick leaving his mouth. Maybe because it’s the farthest thing from the truth and that, in reality, James is quite sure he’ll always want to have sex with Sirius; it's just that he’ll always want something more. And Sirius doesn’t so he can’t. Not anymore.
“Why?” Sirius asks and his voice is quiet in a way that James knows means he thinks that somehow this is his fault.
“It has nothing to do with you,” James assures even though it’s quite the opposite. “It’s just not a good idea for the long run.”
Sirius scoffs and…looks mad, or maybe it’s hurt? “Oh, so you want to stop having sex so you won’t have to feel guilty when you find a nice girl who you’ll take home to your parents and eventually marry and have cute little babies with. Right?”
James wants to pull his hair out. Yell that Sirius is the only person he’d want any of that with. Be mad at him for making this so hard. For looking hurt even though all this has ever been to him was sex, just sex.
“Oh please, like you care. I’m sure there are plenty of other guys just dying to have a chance to fuck you!” he says, a little harsher than he intended to.
“You’re right, there are,” Sirius sneers out.
“So why don’t you go and fuck one of them? Maybe the guy from the pub the other day?” he digs out. That jealousy is back, making his muscles tense and his jaw clench.
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Is that what this is about? Some random guy from the pub?”
James doesn’t say anything. This hurts more than he wanted or expected it to and he doesn’t understand why Sirius keeps pretending like he actually cares. Pretending he won’t keep going right on like this stupid friends with benefits thing never happened between them.
“I’m surprised you even noticed. Thought you’d be too busy dancing with Pandora. You two would have really cute kids,” Sirius says, voice cold in a way James hates.
James’ brows furrow, entirely fucking confused about the turn in conversation. “What the fuck are you on about? Pandora is my best friend. Nothing more, you know that.”
“You liked her back in high school.”
James scoffs. “Yeah for like two months before I realized that I preferred being her friend. I don’t understand how any of this is fucking relevant.”
Sirius shrugs. “I don’t know, you seem to change your mind really easily, so…”
“Why are you acting like you care? All this ever was was just sex to you,” James bites out, bitterness coating his tone in a way he doesn’t want it to. He hopes Sirius doesn’t notice.
Sirius’ jaw clenches. “Oh, like it wasn’t just that for you.” And there’s no mistaking the bitterness in his tone.
And maybe it’s because James is tired of arguing or because he’s tired of Sirius saying things that are the opposite to what he really feels. Maybe it’s simply because his mouth is moving and speaking before he can overthink. Nonetheless, he does speak; “It wasn’t! That’s why we can’t keep doing this!”
Sirius’ jaw unclenches, eyebrows raising up slightly. “What?”
James blinks quickly, turning away before he makes all of this worse and starts crying in front of Sirius. Why did he say that? Why couldn’t he just keep his feelings all bottled up like a normal person?
“James,” Sirius says, “Look at me. Please.”
James looks at him. He could never quite say no to Sirius. Oh, the trouble it’s got him in over the years.
“What was it for you?” Sirius breathes out, voice barely a whisper, soft like saying them too loud could change the answer.
James looks down. Can’t handle the blue-gray of Sirius’ eyes. “I like you. Like really like you,” he says, voice just a whisper as well, soft like saying them too loud could change everything. They could. They already will.
Sirius gives a simple “Oh” in response.
“I’m sorry. I know I’ve gone and ruined everything. I understand if you’re mad or don’t want to be friends anymore.” And yep, there’s the tears. The thought of Sirius not being his friend hurts worse than Sirius not reciprocating his feelings. He wishes he could go back to the first night they even slept together, slightly drunk and frantic for each other, and not have done it. He would have fallen for Sirius regardless, he’s certain of it. And that would have been the right way, the good way, and although nothing would have probably come of it at least there wouldn’t be the mess that is whatever this is now.
Sirius reaches out and grabs James’ face, lifting it up and wiping at the tear-streaked cheeks, cupping his face in between his hands. They’re cold James briefly recognizes. “You haven’t ruined anything, James. I wish you’d told me and-”
James cuts him off before he can finish his sentence. “I know. I should’ve. I’m sorry. It was unfair to you and-” A cold hand covers his mouth and James’ brows furrow.
“Can you stop interrupting me, I’m trying to confess my feelings for you.”
James’ eyebrows shoot right back up and Sirius laughs, removing his hand.
“I like you too,” Sirius says, looking every amount of earnest.
“You do?” James asks even though he can see the truth behind the words on Sirius’ face. This, Sirius liking him back, is just something James never even thought could happen and so now that it has it feels surreal. And also like one of the best days of his life.
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Yes, you idiot.”
James is smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. He doesn’t really care. “Since when?”
Sirius gives a barely there shrug. “Dunno. For a while I think but I realized it at the restaurant a few weeks ago. You?”
“Enough time for me to feel a decent amount of self-loathing.”
Sirius laughs again and James wants to taste it. Wants to feel the vibrations of it against his lips. Wants to feel it against his shoulder when Sirius rests his head there. Wants to hear and feel it in the morning while they’re lazing around in bed, tangled up together.
“Good,” Sirius says.
And then they’re kissing.
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The cracks of sun slipping through the curtains is what wakes James up the next morning. The golden rays cast the room in a beautiful yellow haze. James is thinking about how pretty Sirius always looks when the sun shines on his skin when he notices the empty space of bed next to him and the missing weight that is usually Sirius wrapped around him. He wipes groggily at his eyes and gets out of bed. He slips a pair of boxers and some sweats on because he had been stark naked before and made his way to the bathroom. Dark circles are present under his eyes but he doesn’t really mind. Him and Sirius had spent several hours of the early morning fucking and talking and then fucking some more. He brushes his teeth and flosses before exiting the bathroom.
James leaves his room in search of Sirius. He misses him and wants to drag him away from what he’s doing and back to bed so they can cuddle and James can gaze fondly at the truly beautiful way the sun hits Sirius’ face. That is until James finds Sirius standing with his back to James in front of the stove, flipping what James recognizes as pancakes. He’s wearing one of James’ shirts again and James feels love swell in his chest for the boy and a wide smile spread over his face. And it’s as if Sirius can somehow sense James because he turns around from the stove and looks directly towards James.
Sirius walks over, smiling as he wraps his arms around James’ waist. James feels his smile stretch impossibly wider at the touch and brings his own arms around Sirius’ neck. “You look cute in my shirt,” James says like he wanted to all that time ago when he first realized he liked Sirius.
“Yeah?” Sirius asks with a teasing raise of his brows.
“Mmhm,” James hums in confirmation. He cuddles closer, glad that the weight of Sirius is present again. “I missed you.”
“Got hungry and didn’t want to wake you. Looked so peaceful,” Sirius mumbles against James’ neck, leaving soft, barely there kisses against it.
James hums, already feeling that familiar warm, fuzzy feeling he gets whenever Sirius kisses him. “Smells good.”
“I know. Come cut up some fruit while I finish making the rest of the batter,” Sirius says, more of a statement than a question.
James grins, entirely content and happy. “Whatever you want, love.”