Chapter 1
“I want you—"
"Then fucking have me."
"—but I don't want this."
Alex wants to grab Henry and shake him, wants to scream in his face, wants to smash every priceless antique in the room. "What does that even mean?" "I don't want it!" Henry practically shouts. His eyes are flashing, wet and angry and afraid.
"Don't you bloody see? I'm not like you. I can't afford to be reckless. I don't have a family who will support me. I don't go about shoving who I am in everyone's faces and dreaming about a career in fucking politics, so I can be more scrutinized and picked apart by the entire godforsaken world. I can love you and want you and still not want that life. I'm allowed, all right, and it doesn't make me a liar; it makes me a man with some infinitesimal shred of self-preservation, unlike you, and you don't get to come here and call me a coward for it.”
“Ughhh. Delete, delete, delete.”
James slumps forward on his desk, his head resting on his arms.
He’s been trying to work on writing his new book for hours, and so far he’s hated everything he’s written. For some reason, he can’t find the inspiration he needs to finish it. He has exactly two months before they start filming for the movie adaptation of his book, which means he has one month to finish writing the ending. But no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to finish it.
His thoughts are interrupted when a calendar notification chimes on his phone
Meeting with producer
“Shit!” He was already supposed to be at the office to meet with the producer to go over the contract for the movie adaptation of his book. Another reason why he needs to finish writing it.
“Fuck, I’m gonna be late,” he quickly throws on jeans and a blazer over his slept-in t-shirt, running out the door of his apartment. Remus, his agent, was going to be pissed that he was late. He had already reminded James about the meeting three times the day before, but James was never good at remembering appointments.
He rushed into the conference room, sighing in relief when he only saw Remus sitting at the large table.
“You’re late,” Remus said pointedly
“Hey, I’m not the only one!” James replies, faking offense
“That’s only because I told you the meeting was fifteen minutes earlier than it actually is”
“Remus, you wound me,” James said, placing a hand on his chest in mock pain, “besides, I’m not usually that late.”
Remus gave him a pointed look.
“Okay, fine. I’m usually late,” James smiled as he sat in the chair next to Remus.
James had gotten lucky in the agent department. He and Remus had gone to school together along with James’ best friend Sirius, and some of their other friends, so he was an expert in all things James.
All of his friends had similar professions, so they stayed close to each other after school, and they still hang out a lot.
“The producer should be here any minute, and the actor they chose to play one of the leads is coming as well.”
“They already did casting calls?” James asked, surprised.
Usually, they waited a while before casting the roles. That means he has even less time to finish the book than he thought. Just the thought caused him to start stressing even more.
“They had already had someone in mind for the role when they signed on for the project,” Remus replied. He looked slightly worried, but James had no idea why.
“James, there’s something you should know before they get here” Remus started, but he was cut off by the sound of the door opening.
Before James could turn around, a voice sounded from the door.
“Oh you have got to be fucking with me”
James knew that voice.
“Regulus?” he said, standing up as he turned around.
Regulus looked at the two people beside him. James knew Barty, the producer, but he wasn’t familiar with the other boy. He was tall, and his shaggy blond hair fell almost in front of his eyes. He assumed that he was Regulus’ agent.
“Evan, please tell me this is a joke.”
“I told you what the role was, I assumed you knew,” the boy replied.
James spoke up before Regulus could reply.
“Wait, you’re the actor they cast?” He didn’t mean any offense, he was just surprised to see Regulus, but Regulus must have heard it differently than James meant to say it.
“Unfortunately, yes,” he replied
James was too much in shock to say much of anything else.
Remus thankfully noticed, and took over. He stood, walking over to shake Regulus and Evan’s hands.
“Please, feel free to sit.”
The three of them moved toward the table, Regulus reluctantly so.
Barty, who seemed very inclined to ignore the whole encounter, pulled his laptop out of his bag, spinning it around so they all could see.
“Alright, let’s get to work”
Yes, James thought, let’s get to work revealing my biggest secret.
— — —
Regulus was sure that this meeting was going to kill him.
It was just his luck that his new role was for James’ adaptation. This role was so perfect for his skill set that it was almost unreal, and not only that but he had read the advanced copy of the book that they had given him. He had read it before he had realized it was James’ obviously, but he had really resonated with his character.
“Regulus?”
Everyone was looking at him.
Evan gave him a look that told him he had zoned out a while ago.
“Could you repeat that, I didn’t catch what you said,” he asked, and Barty obliged.
“I asked if you had any issues with the contract.” The producer, Barty Crouch Jr., said.
Regulus glanced at Evan, who gave a slight shake of his head.
“No, It sounds good,” Regulus told Barty, a bored expression on his face.
“Alright then, everything seems to be set,” Barty exited the room, leaving the four of them alone.
Evan cleared his throat, giving Regulus what seemed to be an apologetic look, though Regulus didn’t know why.
“Before we go, there was something Remus and I wanted to talk to you about.” He said, addressing James as well as Regulus.
Evan motioned to Remus, who continued.
“We want you two to work together in order to bring the character to life. So for you, James, that would mean explaining the character to Regulus and helping him become the character.”
No.
No fucking way.
Regulus turned to Evan, glaring hard enough that he was surprised the boy didn’t catch on fire.
Evan just stared right back.
“Regulus you know you have a choice here, but remember that until filming starts your contract is strictly verbal. The producers can and will drop you if they don’t like what they see.”
Regulus didn’t know what to do.
He wanted to turn and run as far away from James Potter as he could get, but he also didn’t want to lose this role. He would never tell James this, but this character meant a lot to him, and he wasn’t about to give it up that easily.
Regulus looked at James, who was silently watching him, waiting to see what his answer would be.
James, apparently giving up, dropped his eyes to look at his fingers.
“It’s okay Regulus, you don’t have to work with me. I’ll make sure the producers don’t give up your role.” James said. Regulus couldn’t see his hands, but he knew James was picking at his fingernails under the table. He always did that when he was nervous or overwhelmed.
Regulus wanted to play this character right, but seeing James again hurt. He knew it was no one’s fault but his own, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He and James could never go back to the way they were before, he wasn’t even sure he could stand them being friends. But it was only for two months. Two months until filming started, and then he wouldn’t have to see James again.
He hesitated, still watching James, who was now avoiding meeting Regulus’ eyes.
“I’ll do it” he finally said, praying that no one heard the slight crack in his voice.
James’ head jerked up at that, a small smile forming on his face.
That damn smile.
Three years ago
Regulus knew he hated James Potter from the moment he met him, which was a pretty impressive feat considering that James made it very hard to hate him.
He especially hated him at this very moment.
“Reggie, I’m not… I can’t come back,” Sirius said, his voice cracking around his tears as he hefted his bag onto his shoulder.
“So you’re just going to leave? Just like that?” Regulus whisper shouted, careful not to wake their parents.
“You can come with me?” Sirius suggested, “Please Reggie, just come with me. You know the Potter’s, they’d take you in without hesitation.”
Regulus hesitated, tempted to run into his brother’s arms regardless of the consequences.
“I… I can’t, Sirius,” he finally said, shoving back the tears that threatened to drop.
Crying shows people that you’re weak. His mother's voice sounded in his head.
He couldn’t go with Sirius, no matter how much he wanted to. His parents needed someone to carry on their legacy, and if it kept Sirius safe, he would gladly stick himself under their thumb. Even if it meant that he had to shut himself away to do so.
He had to keep Sirius safe.
“Just go, Sirius,” Regulus whispered, “but promise me…”
He trailed off, his voice failing him.
“Promise you what, Reggie?” Sirius was looking at him, pity in his eyes.
“Promise me that you won’t come back. No matter what.”
“Reg…” Sirius took a step toward him, his hand hovering in the air between them.
Regulus shied away, knowing that if he touched Sirius, he wouldn’t be able to let him go.
“Please, just promise Sirius”
“Alright, I promise.”
“No matter what?” Regulus repeated
“Yeah Reg,” Sirius sighed, “no matter what.”
Sirius turned around, hesitating as if he wanted to say something else, before silently closing the door behind him as he walked out of their house.
Regulus made it to his room, barely closing the door before he broke down.
“He’s gone,” he whispered to himself, hot tears streaming down his face, soaking his shirt as he pulled it over his mouth to muffle his sobs.
Sirius had run away to the Potters, and Regulus hated James because of it. Because Sirius had gone to live with the brother he always wished he had, the brother Regulus never was.