To Be A Prince

Pads, 

Sure – when you get here, come by my room. I’ve got something to tell you too. 

P.S. I’m temporarily staying in the guest wing because they’re having my room re-done, so I’ll wait outside the door for you.

xoxo,

Prongs

After James, Remus, and the King and Queen had finished eating, a message for the Prince arrived. The note was delivered by Fabian, one of the redheaded twin palace employees trusted with their notes. Sirius had written, asking if he could come by to talk to James alone in about an hour. He underlined “alone” several times, which seemed odd to James at first, until he remembered the interaction they had at the ball regarding Remus. 

James had glanced at his security guard who had been checking something on his phone. He scribbled a note back to Sirius and handed it off to Fabian before, feeling horrible and sneaky, even though he doesn’t really understand why.

On their way to James’ room he tries to casually ask Remus to wait outside of his room.

The taller man nods, but gives a questioning look to the other. James clears his throat before explaining that Sirius just wants to talk alone. 

Remus’ eyebrows shoot up and he cocks his head, implying that James and Sirius might not just be talking alone. 

“No, no.” James laughs at the implication. “It’s not like that.” 

“Hey, I mean,” Remus pauses as if considering holding his tongue, but thankfully doesn’t. “If you can’t have the brother that’s trying to steal your crown…” 

James bursts into laughter and Remus joins, chuckling at how funny James found the joke. 

“In all seriousness,” James says between gasps as he calms himself down, “Sirius and I could never. We’re like brothers, ironically. Plus, we’re not each other’s types.” 

Remus looks at James with an incredulous raised eyebrow. 

“Okay, so yes they look alike, they’re both objectively gorgeous men. But Regulus is just… different. There’s something sharper and, like, meaner and more intense about his beauty.”

James pauses to look at Remus who seems a bit amused by James’ ramblings over Regulus’ beauty.

“I’m also much more of a personality person,” James continues. “I find a lot of people pretty . It’s the personalities of all the people I’ve dated or hooked up with or just had crushes on that are similar. And Regulus fits quite well into that type.” 

“Are you telling me your type is just pretty people that are mean to you?” Remus says flatly.

“I-” James stops himself. He can’t argue against that because it sounds kind of right. 

Remus laughs, shaking his head. “You’re a mess, James.”

There’s something about hearing someone else acknowledge what James has felt for so long. He is a mess . It’s not a compliment, but being seen in itself might as well be one. He smiles and lets out a little breathy laugh. 

“I know.” They walk in silence until James realizes something. “Hey, um,” he hesitates, trying to find the right words. “Please, don’t mention my crush on Regulus to Sirius. I don’t know how he’d react, honestly.”

Remus makes a motion mimicking zipping his mouth shut and James nods in thanks. 

When they reach the hall James’ room is on they find Sirius already waiting outside of it. The long haired man is leaning against the wall next to James’ door and glances down the hall towards them. Sirius smiles at first and then he notices Remus and his smile falters. James can see how his friend’s body language immediately shifts with anxiety. He pushes himself off the wall, standing up straight and forcing a smile. 

“Hey, Pa-” James starts to say as they reach the door, but Sirius cuts him off with wide panicked eyes. 

“Hey! James, c’mon,” Sirius says, opening the door to the Prince’s room and grabbing him by his sleeve. He clears his throat, eyes darting towards Remus whose eyebrows are pulled together in confusion. “We need to talk,” Sirius says, dragging James into his room and shutting the door behind them. 

James stumbles into his room and laughs, “Sirius, what the fuck was that?” 

Sirius is standing with his back to the door with that same panicked look on his face. He is chewing on his lip anxiously and his eyes wander for a moment, seemingly trying to figure out what to say. 

“Okay,” Sirius says quietly and steps away from the door. He walks over to the couch and James follows, joining him. “I promise I will fill you in about the Regulus stuff and what happened with my parents, but,” he glances at the door and lowers his voice, “first I need to tell you something about, um…” 

“Remus?” James suggests.

“Yes,” Sirius says. He’s wringing his hands in his lap and James can’t help but feel nervous for whatever is about to be revealed. 

“Do you remember how I told you about that one boarding school I went to for a bit that was really, like, hippie-dippie?” 

Sirius had attended many boarding schools while growing up, so James had to search his mind for the details about this particular school. Sirius’ stories about this school were easier to remember than some of the other more strict and militaristic schools though. They had only served vegan, organic food in the cafeteria and their P.E. alternated between yoga and physical labor in the form of farming and gardening. 

Once James nods, Sirius continues, “Do you remember how they had us pair up with penpals from like their sister school in the UK?” His tone has notes of shyness in it which takes James off guard, making him almost not notice how Sirius is hinting that he can figure out the rest based on the rhetorical question. 

“Remus was your penpal?” James asks, putting the pieces together. Sirius nods stiffly, looking off to the side at the rug. 

“I’m sorry, Pads, I still don’t understand why you’re so stressed about him being here.” James notices that Sirius grimaces at the sound of his nickname, but decides to wait to ask about that. 

Sirius takes a deep breath and finally meets James’ eyes again. 

“Well, we stayed in touch after I left that school and we kept writing to each other for a long time. You know how I don’t really get a lot of crushes, well I developed one on Moony over the years.”

“Moony?” James asks.

“Yeah, so at the school there were some kids with like NDAs, so they made us only use nicknames. That’s why I cut you off when you started to call me ‘Padfoot,’ because I used that as my nickname for the pen pal program.”

“Why was his ‘Moony’?”

“Oh, he’s really into space, like astronomy.” Sirius brushes it off, but James knows that Sirius has probably romanticized Remus’ love of space. Sirius’ namesake is literally a star . Moony and his star , James smiles at the thought.

“Anyways, we were able to keep the email addresses with our nicknames and we decided to just continue using them… Until we decided to meet up.”

“Oh?” 

“We were supposed to meet up when I was living in Paris during our gap year. He was going to be in Paris for some security job he got and we decided to meet at this coffee shop and finally exchange our real names and see each other’s faces.

“James, I had never had a crush like this before. A crush that lasted so long and was completely based on how well I knew him, even though I had never laid eyes on him.” 

“What happened?” James asks.

“I went to the coffee shop and he was there and I saw him. I knew who he was immediately because he had told me about the scars on his face – that was how I was supposed to find him.” Sirius pauses, lost in the memory. “I saw him and, James, I immediately wanted him .” 

James can’t help, but laugh at that because Remus is admittedly a very attractive man. 

“No, James, seriously. You know how I am, it never gets that far. I have crushes, but they never last and I never really have a desire for physical intimacy with them. But I saw him and… I felt like there was a rope tied around my stomach – like the organ, not my torso – tugging me towards him.” Sirius is gesturing with his hands wildly now, acting out someone tugging on the rope metaphorically tied around his stomach. 

“Like I just wanted to be as close to him as possible and maybe eat him alive.” Sirius finally pauses and looks at James with that same panic from earlier. 

The Prince bites his lip, trying to keep his laughter inside because he can tell Sirius won’t appreciate the humor in the situation right now. He nods, buying himself time to get his amusement under control. 

“Okay, so what happened next?” 

“Nothing!” Sirius says, almost hysterically. “I was so freaked out I turned around and left!” He lightly taps his forehead, mimicking hitting his head against a wall. 

“Did you continue to email after?” 

Sirius shakes his head no, looking at the ground and moving his hand to press his thumb and index finger into his temples.

James leans back as the full picture starts to come together in his head. 

“So, Remus never saw you and thinks that you stood him up and ghosted him?”

Sirius groans and nods.

“And since he never saw you and only knows you as Padfoot, he doesn’t know that you are you , which explains why you’ve been weird, but he hasn’t.” James is talking it out more for himself, but Sirius nods in response anyways. 

“And I’m guessing that you still, uh, feel that rope tugging on your stomach?” James asks, trying not to show his amusement. Sirius was right, it isn’t often that he has crushes and James had never seen him like this . 

Sirius looks up at his friend with big, sad puppy dog eyes and nods again. 

“What do I do, James? I know everything about him. I know his favorite color, his favorite meal, his favorite family tradition. I know that he wanted to be an astronaut when he was a kid, I know…” He hesitates and shakes his head. “But I can’t let him know that I know him without revealing that I was the biggest jerk in the world to him, which would defeat the very purpose of telling him that I know him and am very much, like, in love with him.”

James’ eyebrows shoot up and his head cocks at the L-word. 

“Not literally,” Sirius quickly adds. “Hyperbole.” 

James nods slowly, squinting at his best friend suspiciously. His suspicion subsides to fondness and he sighs, smiling at Sirius. 

“I guess we’re both fucked,” James says, shaking his head. 

Sirius remembers the original reason for his visit and launches into telling James the details of the fight he had with his parents and the subsequent fight that he had with Regulus. James feels his chest swell with pride at hearing how Sirius stood up for himself against his parents, but quickly deflates hearing how his friend recounts the argument between him and his brother.

“I can’t believe he’s doing this,” Sirius says. “It’s insane. I almost wonder if he wants to be doing it, because he could so easily get out of it. I gave him an out.” 

“Well if I don’t get married, then someone in your family is going to become the ruler of Genovia and if it isn’t you or Regulus, then it’s Bellatrix .” James is only truly processing this terrifying reality as he says it out loud. 

“Fuck,” Sirius says, “I hadn’t even thought about that.” 

“Maybe – maybe he did think of that and he’s doing this just to protect the Kingdom from Bellatrix’s reign of terror.” James really wants to believe that Regulus has a good reason for doing this. Mostly because he doesn’t know how to shut down his crush on the man, and he doesn’t really want to. 

“James,” Sirius says in a flat tone, looking at him through his eyelashes. “Don’t make him into a martyr. He may have thought of that, but he wouldn’t sacrifice himself for Genovia like that unless there was a part of him that wanted to. Hell, if I had known he wanted to rule something I would’ve abdicated my rule of the Isles to him.” Sirius shakes his head and sighs. 

“It gets worse.” 

The long haired man freezes, and eyes his friend for a moment, waiting for him to break the bad news. 

“He’s moving into the palace.” James can feel heat rising up over his face and thanks his parents for blessing him with a dark enough complexion to make it harder to see his blush.

“He’s what?” Sirius exclaims, leaning forward with wide eyes. “Why?” 

“My mum invited him and possibly Bellatrix, unsure about that part honestly, I was a little distracted by the surprise. She says it’ll make it easier to know if they’re getting up to no good.” 

Sirius takes a moment to process the information, mouth slightly ajar in shock, and then barks out a laugh. 

“Your fucking mum is a genius, mate!” He leans back into the couch, relaxing for the first time since he saw Remus. 

“Maybe,” James looks down and scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know…” 

The one thing James hates more than lying is lying to Sirius. This factor is the most convincing of all the reasons James can think of to not have a crush on Regulus, if he’s being honest with himself. If it was literally anyone else , he and Sirius would be talking about how insane it is that James’ crush is not only challenging him for the throne, but will also be living down the hall from him. 

“Oh fuck.” James hadn’t thought of that yet. 

“What?” 

“I’m living in the guest wing.” 

“Yeah…?” Sirius says, not catching on. 

“Regulus is going to be a guest .” 

“Oh,” Sirius lets out a little laugh, “yeah, I don’t think you two will be having any slumber parties.” 

James forces out a laugh and hopes the increasing heat in his face is still hidden. 

“But if you do –” Sirius is fully laughing now, caught up in his own joke. “Avoid any pillow fights. He’s a killer.”