Xylophone Chronicles

Envy woke up with a startle, her cheek pressed against the cool floor of headquarters. Her teal blanket was wrapped loosely around her small frame. She squinted groggily at the vibrant console, which blinked rhythmically as Riley’s morning alarm buzzed in the world outside. Morning had arrived, and Riley was about to wake up for school.

The end of another Dream Duty shift.

Envy sighed deeply, a familiar wave of disappointment washing over her. It happened at the conclusion of every shift, this quiet drop back to reality. The magical nights spent with Shame always ended the same way: abruptly, leaving her yearning for just a little bit more time.

But the bustling sounds of the other emotions stirring broke through her thoughts. From upstairs, she heard Anxiety, making her way downstairs in a hurry, flipping through her notepad to review today’s schedule. Joy was next, bounding down the steps with infectious energy, a bright smile already lighting her face. She quickly joined Xy by her side as two leaders at the front of the pack. Behind them, Sadness trailed sluggishly, and the others, Fear, Disgust, Anger, Ennui, and Embarrassment, all followed soon after.

Envy pushed herself up onto her feet, smoothing out the teal blanket draped over her shoulders. As the group gathered around the console, preparing to guide Riley through her morning routine, Envy greeted each one in turn.

“Morning, Joy,” she said with a polite nod as Joy hopped energetically over to her.

“Good morning, Envy!” Joy chirped. Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

“So, how was Dream Duty last night? Any exciting dreams?”

Envy’s heart skipped slightly, but she held her composure, forcing a smile.

“Oh, nothing too crazy,” she replied nonchalantly.

“The usual. You know how dreams are, sometimes weird, sometimes fun.”

“Sounds like a typical good night,” Joy laughed.

“Anyway, great work, Envy! Looks like we’re ready to tackle the day with Riley!”

Envy nodded, still smiling, though she felt a twinge of guilt for keeping her secret. She wasn’t ready to explain her double life with Shame, not yet. She turned to her sister figure, Ennui, who was now sprawled lazily on the couch.

“Morning, Weewee.” Envy called out.

“Morning.” Ennui muttered in her characteristically sluggish tone, not even looking up from sending a text message to Anger with a faint smile.

Envy chuckled faintly, watching as the rest of the emotions settled into their positions for the day. She made her way towards Ennui with a slight spring in her step.

“Weewee? Carry me upstairs? I need to get changed.” she told her before giving her her biggest puppy-dog eyes.

Climbing the stairs was always an ordeal for Envy. Her tiny frame made it feel like scaling a mountain. Ever since the crisis, she’d become far less reliant on others to carry her around. However, that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to ask for help when she really needed it.

Ennui groaned but not without smiling at her little sister. Shaking her head, she slid off of the sofa and picked Envy up.

“One of these days, we’re gonna have Joy build you an escalator.” she said, yawning.

“What’re you talking about?” countered Envy, enjoying being held in Ennui’s arms.

Ennui finally reached the top of the stairs and put Envy down gently. She told her to meet her downstairs in ten minutes before smiling and disappearing back to the control room.

Envy entered her teal-themed bedroom and closed the door softly behind her, taking a moment to breathe. Light from the mindscape filtered through the curtains, casting a warm, calming glow over the room. Everything in the space reflected Envy’s personality, subtle, serene, yet tinged with a sense of longing.

Heading to the small sink in her bathroom, Envy picked up her little plastic toothbrush. As she brushed her teeth, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror above the sink. There was something different about her this morning, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. Her cheeks looked faintly pink, her eyes seemed brighter, and there was a subtle excitement buzzing in her chest, a feeling she couldn’t explain.

After finishing up at the sink, Envy turned her attention to her wardrobe. She slipped out of her white nightgown and changed into her usual lavender dress. The fabric fit snugly, making her feel comfortable and ready for the day ahead. She brushed her hair until it was smooth and tidy, completing her morning routine.

But as she adjusted the bow on her dress, that fluttery feeling returned, soft but insistent. It was the same feeling she had during her nights with Shame, though she still refused to name it outright. What was different this morning?

She thought back to the peaceful moments of the previous night. Shame’s illusions had been as breathtaking as ever, but there had been something more in the air, something unspoken between them. Though he never used words, his gestures and quiet attentiveness made her feel… special.

She turned toward the window, gazing out at the labyrinthine structures of headquarters beyond. Somewhere out there, Shame lingered, existing in his enigmatic way. The thought of him stirred that inexplicable mix of emotions in her, curiosity, nervousness, and an odd, growing warmth.

And yet, despite her uncertainty, she felt a spark of excitement about the day ahead.

The prospect of joining the others at the console didn’t feel like a chore. Instead, she felt ready to contribute, to play her role in guiding Riley through whatever challenges the day might bring. The recent nights of companionship, laughter, and surreal adventures had reawakened something in her, a quiet kind of joy, the finally knowing what it feels like to be content with what she had.

As she folded her favourite teal blanket neatly onto her bed, Envy smiled softly to herself. Today felt better. It was as if a weight had been lifted from her, and she carried that sense of renewal as she made her way back downstairs to join the others.

With each step, she felt more sure of herself, her movements confident despite her small size. When she finally re-entered the main floor of headquarters, the energy of the console room greeted her like a welcome embrace. Joy’s enthusiasm, Xy’s meticulous planning, Anger’s grumbles, it was all so familiar and comforting.

Though Envy wasn’t sure where this newfound positivity was coming from, she didn’t question it.

She simply embraced it.

Headquarters was alive with its usual bustle as the emotions worked together to guide Riley through another ordinary school day. The console glowed brightly, flashing data about Riley’s current situation: Volleyball in Gym class. Joy stood at the forefront of the console, her energy infectious as she zipped around, making sure everything was perfect. Xy stood beside her, radiating energetic efficiency as she assisted, occasionally sharing flirtatious glances at her lover. Sadness sat quietly nearby, offering occasional remarks, while Fear buzzed nervously, double-checking potential pitfalls. Disgust rolled her eyes at Fear’s worries, but not without reassuring him with a squeeze of his hand. Anger kept a watchful eye on things, ready to explode at the first sign of trouble. He kept his brand new phone in hand in case Ennui wanted to send one of her deadpan, yet humorous memes to calm him down. Even Embarrassment managed a shy contribution, pointing out potential social missteps Riley might encounter.

On the couch, Ennui was sprawled out as usual, her lanky frame slumped with boredom as she absentmindedly scrolled on her phone. Every so often, she lazily glanced up at the screen, only half-interested in the events unfolding.

But Envy wasn’t at the console or lounging on the couch. When she made her way downstairs having just freshened herself up, she curled herself up in Xy’s “special chair”.

The chair’s gentle vibrations on their lowest setting provided the faintest distraction. Despite her best efforts to focus on Riley’s day or the gentle hum beneath her, one thought continually crept back into her mind.

Shame.

No matter how much Envy tried to steer her thoughts away, they always found their way back to him. It was maddening. She watched Riley and her classmates battle it out in their surprisingly competitive game of volleyball, trying to let herself be pulled into the rhythm of Joy and Xy’s conversation. She even attempted to focus on Sadness’s quiet commentary about Riley’s unease. But none of it stuck. All she could think about was Shame.

Her teal cheeks flushed yet again. Her next Dream Duty shift wouldn’t come for at least another three to four days and so his lingering presence had left her completely unmoored. She cursed herself silently.

“What is wrong with me?” she thought.

She shifted uncomfortably in the chair, trying to concentrate on the gentle, steady rhythm of the vibrations, but even that reminded her of the massage chair he had crafted for her that one time.

She recalled every detail of her last interaction with him: the creative simulation of the orange lava lamp, the playful banter, the feeling of protection and ease he’d brought her during Riley’s night of dreams. Her stomach twisted with some mixture of excitement and embarrassment as her mind returned to the shadow dancers he had conjured on the back of the red sofa a while ago. In particular, her thoughts lingered on the shadow of the male dancer.

What kind of form would he take if he showed up for real?

She wondered for what felt like the hundredth time.

She let herself imagine it: mysterious, yet somehow charming, with a deep and melodious voice. Or maybe something completely unexpected, whimsical, or even awkwardly endearing. No matter what, the thought sent her into another flustered spiral, her face growing hotter.

“Snap out of it,” she whispered harshly under her breath, her small fists clenching at her sides.

Envy desperately tried to find something to do to occupy herself. She glanced at the console, thinking she could join the others, but even the thought of standing among them made her feel more self-conscious than ever. What if one of them noticed the way her cheeks flushed? What if Joy asked why she seemed distracted?

Instead, Envy glanced around headquarters and spotted the memory orbs on the shelves. She sprang out of the chair, eager for any distraction, and started to inspect them. She observed the memories within the orbs, even replaying some of them with her tiny fingers. The task was random but soothing, until her mind drifted back to him again.

She silently cursed herself again. Every time she tried to push Shame from her mind, he crept back in. She remembered the glowing particle that had led her to the pedal car in the mysterious but welcoming cabin, the rush of racing through Riley’s Formula One dream, and the tender care he’d shown her by keeping her hot chocolate warm. It was all so unexpected.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the memory of her laughter surfaced. She could still hear the music blaring in the background of the racetrack illusion, feel the wind rushing past her, and sense the strange yet comforting energy that had enveloped her during the race. It was almost like being happy in a way she hadn’t felt before, her own experiences matching those of Riley inside her own dreams which Envy was no longer jealous of.

A sudden blush crept over her face again. She growled softly in frustration and rubbed her cheeks, trying to cool them down.

“Get a grip,” she hissed to herself, glaring at the shelf of memory orbs as though they were to blame.

From across the room, Ennui glanced up from her phone, raising a brow at Envy’s muttered frustrations.

“You okay there, bean?” Ennui asked in her usual deadpan tone.

Envy froze.

“What? Me? Oh! Totally fine!” she stammered, her voice a little too high-pitched.

She quickly busied herself with the memory orbs again, pretending to inspect an orange orb as though there were something wrong with it?

Ennui shrugged and went back to scrolling.

“If you say so,” she mumbled, clearly unconvinced but too uninterested to press further.

As soon as Ennui’s attention drifted back to her phone, Envy exhaled a quiet sigh of relief. Her heart raced as she leaned against the shelf, clutching one of the empty slots for support.

“What is happening to me?” she whispered under her breath.

Her thoughts raced as she tried to unravel the feelings that had taken root over the past few days. She hadn’t forgiven Shame for everything he’d done during the crisis, not by a long shot. She hadn’t forgotten how much pain he’d caused. And yet, she couldn’t ignore the warmth she felt whenever she thought about him, nor the strange comfort in his presence.

Envy let out another frustrated sigh. She’d never experienced anything like this before, and it was driving her mad. The emotions she was feeling seemed far too big for her tiny form, like they were going to overflow at any second.

As she walked back to Xy’s chair and jumped onto it again, she stared blankly at the console, lost in her thoughts. All she wanted was to figure out what Shame had done to make her feel this way, and why she couldn’t seem to stop herself from blushing.

Envy set Xy’s special chair to its lowest vibration settings once again. She tried watching the activity around the console intently, but in reality, her mind was a million miles away.

“Look at our girl!” Joy exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air as Riley scored a point for her team with a powerful spike.

“We are CRUSHIN’ this game!”

“Crushing it?” Xy muttered, standing stiffly beside Joy.

“Or about to be crushed by it? Are we really good enough to beat Jessica’s team? Volleyball’s not Riley’s game, I need to remind you…”

“Xy, relax.” Disgust rolled her eyes, her arms crossed as she leaned against the console.

“It’s volleyball, not brain surgery!”

“Don’t even say that,” Fear piped up, gripping his end of the console.

“You know what happens when we assume the worst won’t happen, THE WORST HAPPENS!”

“And if it does,” Anger growled, his expression simmering,

“we’ll handle it. I’m not about to let Jessica laugh at Riley for losing. I’ll…” His flame rose momentarily, crackling at the edges of his blocky form before he managed to rein himself in.

“Can we please stay focused?” Sadness chimed in gently from her spot near the console, her soft voice cutting through the group’s back-and-forth.

From the couch, Ennui barely stirred.

“You all care too much about this game.” she muttered flatly, scrolling lazily through her phone with one hand while resting her chin on the other.

“If Riley’s team loses, she’ll forget it ever happened and go back to hockey.”

The faint hum of the chair beneath Envy should have been soothing, but it barely registered through the whirlwind of thoughts consuming her. One single, dominating thought still claimed her focus. It was impossible to think about anything other than Shame.

No matter how hard she tried to distract herself, watching Riley’s day unfold on the screen, helping around headquarters, or even just people-watching the other emotions, her mind always drifted back to him. Her small teal hands gripping the armrests of the chair.

Envy’s cheeks flushed once again, much to her frustration. She pressed her cool palms to her face, trying to wash the warmth away.

“Focus, Envy. Focus.”

She turned her eyes back to the screen, where Riley was nervously preparing for the final round of her volleyball game in Gym class. Joy had worked so hard to keep her heart in the game alongside Xy.

“Final round! Are you ready, my lovely?” Joy remarked with a glance down at her lover.

“I’m always ready.” Xy muttered under her breath.

“But one wrong move could cost us the game, and our social status!”

Envy half-smiled at the quips as Joy gave her girlfriend a reassuring but light hearted pat on the back. Normally, she’d be right in the thick of it, throwing in her own commentary or perhaps snarky observations about Riley’s classmate’s trendy sneakers. But she stayed quiet.

Instead, she was wondering where Shame was now, whether he was watching.

Was he thinking about her too?

The very idea made her cheeks warm again, and this time she groaned softly in frustration.

She pushed herself up from the chair and glanced around headquarters.

“Maybe I should…uh, I dunno, read some mind manuals?” she mumbled to herself, more to give her hands and mind something to do than anything else. Something different to just looking at memory orbs.

Spotting the shelf of mind manuals near the back of headquarters, she hurried over to them. She inspected the uninteresting titles of each one of them before picking the one labeled: “Sleeping Patterns and Nighttime Routines”. She pulled it out of the shelf, opened it up on the floor and got to reading. She figured if she was needed, she was at least in ear shot of anyone calling her name.

The activity was mindless, but it gave her a small sense of control. Yet even as she focused on the words on the page, her thoughts kept circling back.

Seeing the words inside the mind manual was giving her unwanted flashbacks of how Shame used the words inside them to torment her, to possess her.

“Like a lost puppy with three legs.”

Those were the words inside the mind manual that Shame had used against her. Those were the words that hurt her the most.

Envy thought about how far everyone had come since those days.

How far Shame had come.

Every part of her still for the life of her, couldn’t believe what was happening between her and him, after everything he’d put her through.

As she flipped through the pages in her favourite prone position, she imagined his shadowy form flickering into view or the gentle gust of wind that often signaled his presence. Her fingers slipped on the page, and the edge of the paper slashed across Envy’s tiny finger, cutting her.

“Ow!” she yelped, retracting her finger and inspecting it.

Then, she pressed the injury against her lips, scowling when she inspected it one more time.

“Looks like I can’t even read properly.” she muttered under her breath, closing the mind manual with a bit more force than necessary.

As she stared at the front cover, she felt her frustration building. She couldn’t figure out why this was happening. Why him? Why now? She shook her head, her gaze drifting toward the ceiling.

“Ughh.” she groaned softly, her voice carrying a mix of confusion and longing she didn’t yet fully understand. And, just like that, her cheeks warmed all over again.

********

As the hours went by, Envy’s earlier spark of positivity was dimming by the minute. While she had started the morning with a sense of uncharacteristic excitement, the longer Riley’s school day went on, the harder it became to hold on to that energy. Small distractions nagged at her mind, chipping away at her focus until she was left feeling utterly drained.

The other emotions continued managing Riley’s day seamlessly. Joy was cheerful as ever, guiding decisions with her usual exuberance. Xy kept a careful eye on potential stressors, ready to intervene if needed, while Fear, Disgust, and Anger bickered over other details. Even Sadness contributed her quiet wisdom, softening any harder edges. But Envy felt distant from it all, trapped in her own swirling thoughts.

Her tasks felt mechanical, fetch this, check that, while her mind stubbornly drifted elsewhere. No matter how much she tried to resist, Shame kept creeping back into her thoughts. His quiet gestures during their dream duty nights, his ability to understand her without words, it was all so confusing. Why was she thinking about him like this? Why couldn’t she just move on?

By the time Riley got home, Envy was at her limit. She watched through the giant central screen as Riley trudged into her bedroom, dropping her bag onto the floor with a heavy sigh before crawling under the covers for an impromptu nap. As the girl drifted off, the console dimmed and the emotional control room relaxed.

“A couple of well-earned hours to ourselves!” Joy announced with a smile.

“Let’s make the most of it! Great work, team!”

Xy gave Joy an impromptu hug, while the others responded with varying degrees of enthusiasm: Anger grumbled, Ennui muttered a lazy agreement from the couch and Fear buzzed nervously about the threat of cockroaches under the bed.

Envy, however, stayed silent.

Quietly excusing herself, she moved to the giant glass window that overlooked Long-Term Memory, the colourful labyrinth of Riley’s memories stretching endlessly into the distance. She rested her forehead against the glass, closing her eyes. The coolness of the glass pressed against her skin, soothing and grounding her, but it wasn’t enough to stop the storm in her head. Slowly, she lifted her head and gave the window a light headbutt, not enough to hurt but enough to jar her into focus.

“Riley before all, Riley before all, Riley before all…” she whispered to herself, repeating the mantra with each light headbutt.

Her thoughts lingered in the quiet space, her breath fogging up the glass slightly as she remained motionless. Shame was consuming her thoughts again. She hated this, hated that she couldn’t stop thinking about him, hated how it was affecting her focus on her day job. Leaning heavier on the window, she let herself dwell on her feelings for a moment. Her stomach churned as she examined the strange mix of emotions within her. Her heart and mind began racing and her cheeks warmed for the hundredth time despite her best efforts to suppress it. Images filled her mind, Shame’s gestures, his illusions, his presence during Dream Duties. The way he seemed to anticipate her moods, the way his quiet kindness had started to feel comforting. She was feeling something. She wasn’t sure what to call it, but it was beginning to feel bigger than just a simple bond.

An idea popped into her head.

Her breathing quickened.

No.

No, surely not.

Envy shook her head vigorously, pressing harder against the glass as if to physically push the idea away. She couldn’t allow herself to entertain it whatsoever.

“No, that’s ridiculous.” she muttered harshly, her voice laced with frustration.

She clenched her fists, her head still pressed against the glass. She was anchoring herself to stop the tide of emotions welling up within her.

This was Shame she was talking about, the entity who hurt Riley on a scale unlike anything ever has before. The same Shame who had possessed her, who had twisted her feelings into something dark and horrifying. The same Shame who was responsible for turning the mindscape into a nightmare, turning everyone, including her family, into zombies with his ink-spewing chaos.

Shame didn’t even have a real face. Or a real voice.

How could she even entertain the idea of forgiving someone or more accurately, some THING like that?

Let alone longing for him like some kind of hopeless rom…

Envy wouldn’t dare to finish the ‘R’ word.

And yet.

She couldn’t deny how her body betrayed her. The symptoms were there, the flushed cheeks, the increased heart rate, the occasional lightness in her chest when she thought of him. No matter how hard she tried to force these feelings away, they clung to her, persistent and infuriating.

“Stop it,” she hissed to herself, giving the window another light headbutt.

“Just stop it.”

But the thoughts wouldn’t relent. Deep down, she knew there was more to Shame than the entity who had caused the crisis. She had seen glimpses of it during their nights together, the care he took in crafting illusions for her, the way he seemed to genuinely enjoy her company despite her snark and banter.

She saw glimpses the day he saved Riley. Okay, the form he took that day was…scary…but he saved Riley, didn’t he?

She pressed her forehead harder against the glass, groaning softly as her emotions churned. How could she feel this way about someone who had once caused so much pain? How could she reconcile the two sides of him, the chaotic, destructive force from the past and the quiet, kind presence of today?

Envy moved away from the window and began pacing around the back of headquarters with frustration in her steps. Her head was lowered and her brows were furrowed. Even if she could admit to herself that there was something growing between them, she didn’t want to.

Not yet.

Not ever.

No chance.

No way.

After another long moment of wrestling with her thoughts, Envy finally let out a long, shaky sigh. She looked out over Long-Term Memory once more, her gaze distant and unfocused.

For now, she decided she would shove these feelings down. Deny them, ignore them, whatever it took to make them go away. She wasn’t ready to face what they meant, and she certainly wasn’t ready to forgive Shame for his past actions.

But even as she made this resolution, the doubt lingered.

Biting her lip, she wrapped her arms around herself and turned away from the window, heading towards the stairs, towards her room for a moment of solitude. The warmth in her cheeks had begun to fade, replaced by a dull ache in her chest, a feeling she wasn’t sure how to describe or shake. She allowed herself to wonder if this war inside her would ever truly go away.

Feeling drained, Envy decided she couldn’t keep pushing herself.

Maybe a nap would help clear her mind. The thought of stepping away from the buzz of headquarters and the endless whirlpool of her thoughts was tempting, and for once, she allowed herself to give in.

The rest of the emotions were spread out. Some were in their own corner of the control room, while others were absent, most notably, Joy and Xy who had presumably disappeared off to the games room, the bar or the cinema room. Envy looked toward the couch where Ennui was still sprawled during the emotions’ break time. She was lazily watching the central console display Riley’s dream fading into memory storage.

Taking a deep breath, Envy approached.

“Hey, Weewee,” Envy began hesitantly, her hands behind her back.

“I think I’m gonna head upstairs and take a nap for an hour or two. D’you think you could carry me again?”

Ennui didn’t even glance her way at first, flicking her wrist dismissively and letting out a dry, deadpan reply.

“Non.”

Envy’s lips formed into a small pout, but the exaggerated expression only seemed to amuse Ennui.

Before Envy could get out a retort, Ennui turned her head and gave another one of her rare, endearing smiles.

“That was a joke.” Her tone softened for a brief moment, a flicker of sincerity breaking through her usual sarcasm.

She slid off of the sofa and moved to scoop Envy off the ground.

Envy’s pout melted into an expression of gratitude.

“Thanks, Weewee.” she said quietly.

With that, Ennui carried Envy up the stairs for the second time of the day. When they reached the top, they said their byes to each other before Ennui made her way back downstairs, allowing Envy space to retreat into her room.

She let out a small sigh of relief, pausing briefly before heading down the hall to her teal-themed room.

When she entered, the familiar calm of her space greeted her. The walls were a soft shade of teal, her bed adorned with a matching comforter and pillows. Her shiny objects collection sat on the shelf, keepsakes that represented her small, personal joys.

The mindscape was still bright, signifying daytime still, with it’s light still blazing through Envy’s window.

She closed the door behind her, letting out another sigh as she leaned against it for a moment. The muffled sounds of activity from the rest of headquarters felt distant now, and she welcomed the relative quiet.

Crossing the room, she took a moment to look at herself in the small mirror hanging on the wall. Her lavender dress, as usual, looked pristine, but there was a tiredness in her expression that even she couldn’t deny.

She undressed over her head and neatly folded her clothes, trading them for the same white nightgown she would wear during Dream Duty. After brushing her hair back from her face and exhaling deeply, she crawled into bed, pulling her blanket over herself snugly. As Envy settled in, she told herself she needed a real break from everything, her thoughts, her emotions, and most of all, Shame.

Closing her eyes, she allowed the quiet of her room to envelop her, hoping sleep would provide some kind of escape, however temporary.

As Envy lay tucked under her teal blanket, eyes shut tight, she hoped for her thoughts to drift away into restful nothingness. But the quiet in her room seemed to magnify the churning in her mind. What was meant to be a peaceful nap quickly turned into a full-blown spiral of questions, and before she knew it, her thoughts had inevitably landed back on the shadowy entity.

The first question nudged at her mind almost shyly.

When were they going out?

She caught herself and groaned internally, pulling the blanket over her head as if she could block out the silly idea. But it persisted, stubborn and insistent. Would they walk together down Long-Term Memory’s twisting aisles? Visit Imaginationland and laugh at its bizarre creations? Or would they step into Friendship City?

Her cheeks heated at the thought, even though she tried to convince herself these were just idle daydreams. It didn’t matter if Shame agreed or not, right? It was just a fun little scenario her mind had cooked up to entertain itself.

And what if…

What if Shame decided to take a physical form, just for her?

She’d lost count how many times that question popped into her mind.

That thought startled her eyes open for a moment, her gaze flitting around her room as though someone might’ve overheard her.

Ridiculous, of course no one was there but her. Still, she couldn’t help imagining it.

She turned onto her side, a small smile creeping onto her face despite her best efforts to remain composed.

What would he look like?

Envy closed her eyes again, trying to picture it. Her thoughts turned toward his nature, that ever-present aura of melancholy and self-reflection. Would he look mysterious, cloaked in shadows with sharp eyes and a faintly tragic air about him? Or would he be warmer somehow, someone whose mere presence felt comforting despite his sad demeanor?

Her mind played out scenarios, constructing faces only to discard them one by one. Tall or average height? Thin, broad-shouldered? Jet black, ink slicked hair or no hair at all? Somehow, none of her ideas seemed quite right, and yet they all felt thrilling in a way she couldn’t explain.

Then her thoughts shifted again, making her heart rate pick up slightly.

What would he sound like?

She covered her face with her hands beneath the blanket, embarrassed by her train of thought but unable to stop it. What sort of voice would suit Shame? Deep and soothing, maybe? Something soft and raspy, that could whisper words that felt both sad and profound? She almost giggled at her own ridiculousness but managed to stifle the sound, embarrassed even with no one else around to hear.

Her hand instinctively clutched at her blanket as another thought wormed its way in, one that made her pulse quicken further.

What would it feel like to touch him?

Her imagination painted a dozen different possibilities, each one sending small thrills through her as she pondered them. Would he feel cold, like the lingering chill of self-doubt? Or perhaps he’d feel warm, a surprising contrast to the sorrow that surrounded him?

And what if she touched his hand? Would it tremble under her own? Or maybe it would feel firm and reassuring, anchoring her to something steady.

Would he have hands?

She couldn’t help herself now, her mind diving deeper into questions she hadn’t even dared entertain before.

What would his arms feel like if he ever pulled her into an embrace? Would the weight of his sadness transfer into her, or would her own doubts and insecurities fade away in his presence?

The smile on her face grew unconsciously as she thought about it. Her fingers idly traced patterns on the blanket as if imagining what it would be like to run them over his form, though she didn’t stop herself to think about what he might wear.

She wondered how her own hand would graze his arm.

Envy snapped her eyes open, suddenly overwhelmed by a fluttering sensation in her stomach. She buried her face into a pillow to hide from her own thoughts, but it was too late. The final thought came quietly, hesitantly, as if it was the culmination of everything her imagination had conjured so far.

“What would it feel like if he touched me?”

Her lips parted slightly as she exhaled, her fingers gripping the fabric of her blanket tightly. A wave of nervous excitement washed over her at the idea.

Would his touch be hesitant, filled with doubt, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed? Or would it be steady, a testament to the connection that had formed between them over the days of unspoken understanding? Maybe his touch would bring warmth to her cheeks that matched the glow she already felt at the mere thought of him.

She bit her bottom lip, her heart rate increasing exponentially.

And what about his hands if he chose to have them? Would they be soft, delicate like the care he put into crafting illusions for her? Or rough, textured with the weight of his struggles and self-loathing? Envy imagined the way his palm might brush against her cheek, or how his fingers might sweep aside a strand of her hair. Just the thought of it made her shiver, though she wasn’t sure whether from excitement or embarrassment.

She finally let out a long, shaky breath as her thoughts refused to quiet.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” she muttered to herself, her voice muffled by the pillow.

Envy tried to refocus, forcing herself to think of something else, anything else. She didn’t know why her thoughts were running away from her like this or why her body reacted the way it did. Maybe she was just tired. That had to be it.

It wasn’t like she actually felt…something for Shame. Right?

Her cheeks flushed even deeper as she recalled how often she’d defended her feelings with that same denial.

“Snap out of it, Envy,” she whispered firmly.

“You’re overthinking.”

But even as she told herself this, her lips curved into the faintest of smiles once more.

As Envy’s thoughts spiraled deeper and deeper, a storm of curiosity and longing tangling in her mind, she felt the tension within her body reach its peak. She removed the pillow from her face and took a deep breath, trying to suppress the warm, fluttering sensation that had spread through her chest.

And then, before she could even process what she was doing, she whispered aloud….

“Shame.”

The name left her lips in a soft, swooning sigh, laced with emotion she wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge. Her eyes snapped open immediately, her hand flying to her mouth in shock.

Had she really just said his name out loud?

The suddenness of her own voice startled her as her heart began to pound even harder. For a few long moments, she stayed perfectly still, her wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, her palm pressed tightly over her lips. A mixture of embarrassment, confusion, and something she couldn’t name swirled inside her. But beneath all that turmoil, something else took root.

Satisfaction.

The feeling of finally letting that name fall from her lips sent a wave of release washing through her. She hadn’t realised how much she’d wanted to say it until now. The sound of it filled her mind, echoing softly as if her heart had memorised it for years.

Envy slowly removed her hand from her mouth, staring at it like it had betrayed her. She hesitated before letting out a small laugh, her cheeks heating further.

“Shame,” she murmured again, her voice barely audible but no less filled with emotion.

The sound lingered in the stillness of the room, and she found herself relishing the weight of it.

With an odd sense of freedom surging through her, Envy rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, her blanket pooled around her like the remnants of a fading cocoon. Another smile began to creep its way onto her face despite her efforts to remain composed.

“Shame,” she said again, this time a little louder, letting the name carry more weight.

A giddy giggle escaped her lips, entirely unbidden, as adrenaline buzzed through her veins.

Why did this feel so thrilling?

Her chest rose and fell quickly as a strange, effervescent warmth bubbled up inside her. She closed her eyes again, savoring the sensation while her smile widened.

Then, without fully realising what she was doing, she said it once more.

“Shame.”

The name slipped past her lips with growing ease, her voice becoming softer, almost tender. It felt less like she was calling out and more like she was confessing something secret to the quiet space around her. Each time she repeated it, her tone grew gentler, holding something close to surrender.

Her hands, unbidden, began to roam.

One traced lightly along her collarbone, her touch slow and hesitant as if even her own body was uncertain of the path it was taking. The pads of her fingers danced over her skin, brushing warmth into places that were already tingling.

“Shame…” she breathed again, the name filling her mind completely now.

Her other hand moved to her side, her palm grazing the curve of her waist. A shiver ran through her as if every small touch amplified the wild thoughts swirling in her head. With each repetition of his name, her body seemed to echo its own kind of acknowledgment, tightening slightly, responding without her permission.

The rhythm of the name spilling from her lips seemed to lull her into a trance. Her hands were now gripping tightly onto the fabric of her sleeping gown.

A burst of laughter escaped her, sudden and raw, as her body seemed to flood with an adrenaline rush she couldn’t quite explain. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down at the dizzying drop and feeling both exhilarated and terrified at the same time.

Her lips parted as she drew in a shaky breath, murmuring his name one more time.

The word carried an almost dreamlike quality. It felt right, almost too right, and it sent her pulse racing like an unbroken rhythm in her chest.

“I’m ridiculous.” she said aloud, half-laughing at herself as she shifted and fidgeted in bed.

And yet her smile remained, tugging at her lips like it belonged there, refusing to budge even as she fought to dismiss the lingering thoughts.

As the seconds passed, Envy’s murmurs grew louder, more longing. She wasn’t afraid of saying his name anymore. She wasn’t whispering or muttering anymore, she was saying his name loudly and proudly.

After a few more moments, Envy finally ran out of energy.

She took one more long, deep breath to gather herself. Then, she rested her hands gently on her blanket-covered thighs. For a moment, the room was quiet again, the only sound was her quickened breathing as her body relaxed back into the mattress.

She stared up at the ceiling, her fingers lightly drumming against her legs as her thoughts continued to swirl. This was more than a passing fascination or a silly daydream. It felt different.

Bigger.

And though she wanted to deny it, though she knew she had every reason to bury this feeling deep inside her, Envy couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if she stopped holding back. If this strange, unexpected connection between them grew into something tangible, something real.

As she lay there, the echoes of his name still resonating in her mind, one realisation began to dawn on her: she wasn’t sure she could stop herself from feeling this way anymore.

As Envy allowed her thoughts to wander, the room around her seemed to fade into the background, overtaken by the depth of her emotions. Her mind was alive with an unrelenting swirl of imagery and possibilities, her name intertwined with Shame’s presence, the warmth of imagined companionship, and the mystery of what could unfold if he ever fully appeared to her.

She rested her hand over her chest, feeling her rapid heartbeat as it amplified in her mind.

“This isn’t real,” she whispered to herself, as if attempting to ground her emotions.

But even as she spoke, there was no denying the vivid intensity of what she felt. She was consumed by questions, fantasies, and a confusing blend of excitement and unease.

“What am I doing?” she muttered, her cheeks heating up, yet the thought brought an involuntary smile.

Giggling softly at her own ridiculousness, Envy rolled onto her side and clutched her blanket tightly, burying her face against the soft fabric. She couldn’t deny how deeply rooted these feelings were becoming. Yet, they didn’t feel unwelcome, just overwhelming, confusing, and, most surprisingly, a little thrilling. Her sighs filled the quiet room as she let herself enjoy the tender imaginings of what a night out with Shame might truly feel like.

Deep inside, she knew there was something more to explore, between her growing affection, her hesitancy, and the history they shared. For now, she let the feelings simmer, choosing not to fight them anymore. They were hers, after all, tangled up with longing, curiosity, and a surprising comfort in the unknown.

No matter how she tried to rationalise or resist, these thoughts, this yearning, had taken root in her heart.

Envy’s last thoughts before she dozed off…

Was of herself being enveloped by shadows and black ink.