Mary lived in a near constant state of confusion these days. She stumbled through life, as if the hands that once would’ve caught her were just out of reach. She often felt as if she was looking through a foggy window, not quite seeing the whole picture. She felt oddly fuzzy most of the time, a glassy feeling sliding over her conscious.
She sighed and turned on the street that felt oh so familiar even though she only moved in last month or so. She wasn’t sure how long it had been. Mary stopped on instinct at the coffee shop by the corner. She always stopped there, though she wasn’t sure why.
For a moment, Mary thought she saw a flash of red hair pass by, and hope rose in her chest. She turned around frantically, only to see a little red haired girl clinging on to her mum. Disappointment quashed any hope she had, though she did her best to shake it off.
She wasn’t even sure why she’d been hopeful really. It was an unexplainable phenomenon, something just out of her grasp. She’d sometimes hear a great barking laugh and she’d turn expecting to see a dog like black haired boy. She once saw a man with rounded glasses cradling a baby and she burst into tears right then and there.
These types of emotional outbursts made no sense to her, though they always felt as if she was some type of traitor for not remembering the reason behind them.
“Are you okay?” The voice made her jump, and the familiar hand on her shoulder made her throat close up as she resisted the urge to start crying again. The emotion left almost as soon as it had popped up in her mind, and she felt that same sort of glassy feeling slide over her.
She looked up and met the speakers eyes. An unfamiliar face looked back at her. The man hastily removed his hand and began to speak haltingly.
“You seemed a bit shaken, that’s all.” He said.
She pushed the thoughts from her mind and smiled. She didn’t know this man. She didn’t know that little girl. And she certainly wasn’t going to get upset about it.
“Yes, I’m- I’m fine. Sorry to bother you.” She said, then did a double take. The man’s was marred with scars, and something about them seemed so achingly familiar she almost couldn’t breathe. “Do I know you?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking him. She felt as if she would know if she did. People aren’t so easily forgotten. She didn’t recognize him, not truly, but something nagged at her mind. His hand had seemed so, so familiar when he’d put it on her shoulder, and she half expected to turn around to an old friend.
The man grimaced slightly, then smiled, “No, you’d know if you had. I don’t have a very forgettable face.”
She laughed nervously, “sorry, I just-“ she looked behind her again, though the little girl was out of sight. A forced smile overtook her face as she looked back at the man, “Im a little bit disoriented today. What’s your name?”
“Remus Lupin.” He said, and Mary almost thought she could hear a pang of sadness in his voice.
“Sorry to bother you Lupin, I’m Mary Macdonald.” She reached out her hand for him to shake and he took it eagerly.
He seemed pained when he spoke again, this time much quieter, “It’s nice to meet you Mary Macdonald.”
Mary nodded and turned to continue on her walk. Perhaps it would clear her head of the fog that clouded her brain.
She almost turned to look back at the scarred man but decided against it. Something about him nagged at her mind, pulling the string that would unravel the mystery of her past. He invoked a painful sort of nostalgia in her, but also an emotional pain so deep she couldn’t breathe.
Mary shook her head and ignored the intense emotion. Her mind became glassy and she walked back to her apartment on autopilot. She couldn’t remember why she went out for the life of her.
as she turned the lock on her apartment, she heard her neighbors partying in the apartment next to hers. The scent of cigarette smoke burned in her lungs and the memory of sitting on a balcony and star gazing flashed in her mind.
The memory hit her like a train, keeping her frozen in place. In the memory, Mary had looked to her side to see a girl with fiery red hair leaning on her shoulder. Mary couldn’t remember the persons name or face, but a cigarette dangled precariously from her fingers. The girl had said something, and Mary’d laughed. Then she’d taken the cigarette from the girls fingers delicately and placed it on her lips. The ginger hadn’t moved her hands as Mary had done this, in fact she helped guide her. Mary’d jokingly placed a little kiss on the girls fingers as she’d inhaled, then she had turn to look at the girl as they both leaned in and-
The fuzzy feeling returned, and Mary unlocked her apartment mechanically. She put the kettle on and grabbed one of the many records she didn’t remember buying.
She could deal with todays confusion some other time.