Some Words Can’t Be Taken Back
21st May 1978
Solana struggled in Antonin’s grip.
“Get off me!” she squirmed but his hold only grew tighter.
“Oh but if I do, you will miss the show,” Antonin told her, he put his hand on her cheek lifting her head up, “You’ve met Bellamy before haven’t you– I mean he wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you actually.”
“What are you doing?” Solana barked.
“Well, you know he was serving at the dinner a few months ago, the night I got my dark mark,”
“Let him go Antonin–”
“Don’t start demanding things Solana, I haven’t finished my story.” Antonin said, digging his wand into her neck. “Because I distinctly remember you leaving the table for a little while and Bellamy here was gone for the same amount of time.”
Solana shook her head. “Antonin–”
“Shut up, Solana I am talking,”
Somehow his grip had gotten tighter.
“So I did a bit of looking around, I wanted to know what the two of you were doing,” Antonin told her, “And there was this very informative bartender telling me all about Bellamy chasing you into the bathroom.”
Solana closed her eyes, her heart pounded.
He knew.
“You weren’t just talking were you?”
“Antonin–” her throat burned.
“You have a lot of nerve telling me that you weren’t going to marry me after you caught me and Alecto whilst all this time you were fucking another man–”
“No, I stopped it,” She shook her head. “We kissed– we only kissed, I didn’t–”
Antonin removed his wand from her neck and pointed it at Bellamy.
“Antonin, please don’t–”
“You need to learn.” he growled, “Avada Kedavra!”
Solana screamed as the room filled with bright green, she stared wide eyed at Bellamy’s lifeless body, tears began to fall as Antonin lowered his wand.
“You need to learn that no one touches my property,” he growled into her ear, letting go of her finally.
She dropped down to her knees, her face stained with tears, Antonin pushed her down on her back, sitting on her stomach, using his legs to keep her arms bound, as he ripped open her shirt, pulling a knife from his pocket.
“You are my property and you will act like it. Do you understand?” he growled, opening the knife, he bent down, covering her mouth as she screamed whilst he carved her skin. “No one touches my property!”
She looked down, A.D was sliced into her skin, her blood treacled onto the floor. “You are mine!” He stood up, looking at her.
“Where’s your necklace?” he commanded.
Solana touched her bare neck where the pendant had been for months.
“I don’t– I don’t know–” she choked.
“That necklace belonged to my grandmother–”
“I’ll find it,” she told him, covering herself with her shirt.
She knew exactly where it was.
She had taken it off the night she and Remus–
Oh Remus.
She couldn’t see him again.
Not like that again.
Antonin could never find out about them.
She couldn’t lose him, so she had to end it before it was too late.
“You better fucking find it.” Antonin growled, he lifted her up to her feet, her stomach filled with bile as she glanced at Bellamy.
“This is a warning, Solana,” Antonin told her. “If you ever try a stunt like this again, you will be hanging up there as well, do you understand me?”
Solana swallowed hard. “Yes,”
“Good,” Antonin said, he handed her a shovel from behind her, she stared at him. “Now get digging, Solana.”
Her breathing quickened as he pushed her outside. The wind howled, the moon not quite full yet shone above her in the black night.
“Make sure the grave is big enough,” Antonin said, taking a seat on a rock, watching her.
She looked at him, tears once again filled her eyes, trying her hardest to ignore the pain in her shoulder.
She wished it was his grave she was digging.
☀
22nd May 1978
Solana tossed and turned all morning, she’d scrubbed all the mud from under her nails, from her hair, her clothes, but she still felt dirty.
And she couldn’t sleep no matter how hard she tried. All she could imagine was it being Remus instead of Bellamy.
She couldn’t let that happen to him, she couldn’t let Antonin hurt him, so she would have to.
She rubbed her eyes as she lifted herself from her bed, grabbing her clothes and putting them on.
It was just after lunchtime, she’d missed all her morning lessons. But she didn’t care, she needed to go to the room of requirement, she had to get the necklace back so that Antonin would be happy.
She buttoned her cloak before leaving the dorm room, heading up to where she thought the room was.
She hadn’t really taken notice where it had been, she searched every floor thoroughly, she stood by every blank wall hoping that a door would appear in front of her but nothing ever happened.
An hour into looking she heard her name being called.
“Lana?”
She turned around and faced Remus, he had his walking stick, the bags under his eyes had grown more since last night.
“Hey, you weren’t in class,” he said, softly, he checked the empty corridor then reached for her hand, but she pulled away, stuffing both of them into her pocket.
He furrowed his brows. “Is everything okay?”
“Fine,” she said, avoiding his eyes.
“Lana?” He lifted her chin up, noticing that her bags were almost as bad as his. “Are you okay?”
She pulled her head away from his hand. “I’m fine, Lupin–”
“Have I done something?” he asked.
“No,” she said, “Just– we can’t– we can’t do this anymore–”
Remus stifled a laugh, but stopped as he realised she was serious, he studied her eyes. “What has he done to you?”
“What?” she breathed out.
“Dolohov, what has he done to you?”
Solana shook her head. “Nothing–”
“He’s done something, you wouldn’t be saying this–” Remus stated.
“He hasn’t–”
“Solana–”
Solana knew that once she said this he would never speak to her ever again. She hated what she was about to say. She knew it wasn’t true, but he wouldn’t know that. An apology will never be enough for what she was about to say but this was to keep him safe. She didn’t want to lose him, but in order for that to happen, she would have to lose him in a different way.
“I’ve just realised I would never be with a filthy werewolf like you.” Solana said, her head held high, begging herself not to crumble in front of him.
This was to keep him safe and she would do anything to keep him safe, even if it meant hurting him in the worst way possible.
Remus stepped back, his face pulled into a frown. “You don’t– you don’t mean that–” he swallowed, shaking his head.
“Yes I do,” her throat burned but she stood her ground.
This was for him, this was for him.
He would be safe if they never spoke to one another ever again, and this would make sure they would never speak to each other ever again.
He stared at her, waiting for her to change her demeanour but she didn’t, she didn’t even look guilty at what she said. He screwed up his face. “Sirius was right about you,”
He whipped around leaving the corridor, when she heard the last of the tapping from the walking stick she allowed herself to fall back against the wall, allowing herself to cry into her knees.
Some words can’t be taken back, Remus would never forgive her and she would never be able to forgive herself for that.
She wiped her face free from tears and stood up, she still needed to find that necklace. So she continued on, until she got to the fifth floor.
The door appeared in front of her, she pushed it open, the library was gone instead there was a small table, the necklace was placed in a small trinket dish. She picked it up, holding the pendant in her hand staring at the crest.
She jumped as she heard the door slam behind her, she turned around and saw Antonin leaning against the wall.
“I found it,” she said, holding up the necklace.
“I see you have,” his arms were crossed. “What was the little chat with Lupin about?”
Her eyes darted towards his. “What?” she asked quickly.
“Well I was bored so I followed you,” Antonin said, “You two looked quite cosy,”
She swallowed hard. “I don’t know what you mean–”
Antonin hummed, he walked towards her, taking the pendant from her hands. “Do you know why I gave this to you?”
Solana didn’t have an answer.
“I told you that my great grandfather had it made for my great grandmother, didn’t I?” he asked.
Solana nodded, he was backing her into a wall again.
“Well you see, us Dolohov men have not been lucky with our women, they seem to be disloyal just as you are.” he told her. “So when my grandfather, who I am named after, just a little bit of Dolohov history for you there, when Antonin had the necklace made he charmed it so it would show every move my grandmother made. That's how he found out about his illegitimate son, because my grandmother was a whore…”
Solana gasped as he dropped the necklace on the floor and stepped on it making a loud crunch, thick grey smoke covered the two as all of Solana’s memories played up above them, Antonin giving her the necklace, him assaulting her, her finding out Remus was a werewolf, her going to see Andromeda, finding out she was pregnant, getting the abortion, the party she went to with Remus, their kiss, and the moment she took it off.
The smoke disappeared, Antonin stood in front of her, the vein in his forehead was visible.
Solana’s heart began to race as she shook her head. “Antonin–”
“What did I fucking say?” he shouted, pushing her to the ground.
“Antonin please!” she reached into her pocket, pulling her wand out within a moment he was thrown against the wall.
“You fucking bitch!” he growled, she ran towards the door gripping the handle but he was faster than her, grabbing her and throwing her at the table, her wand had fallen in front of her, she reached for it but yelped as Antonin stood on her hand, picking it up and snapping it in half.
“No!” she cried.
“Was yesterday not a good enough warning for you!” Antonin shouted, he turned her around onto her back, she screamed as he pressed his hand onto the initials he had carved the night before.
“Was I not fucking clear, Solana?” he wrapped his hands around her neck, her kicking and squirming was no match for him. “You want to be with that disgusting mutt you can fucking be with him.”
Solana dug her nails into his hands but her vision blurred, then faded to black.