“Lily!” James shouted. “Lily, take Harry and run! I’ll hold him off!”
Lily cast one more look at James as she clutched Harry to her chest and ran for the floo. She heard the door crash open just as she threw the floo powder into the fire.
She shouted the first address that came to mind. “Diagon Alley!”
Just as she disappeared in the flames she saw Voldemort’s harrowing face in the doorway. She clutched Harry to her chest in an ironclad grip.
She was spat out of the floo into the Leaky Cauldron.
“You okay, ma’am?” She felt someone help her to her feet.
“The Aurors.” Lily gasped out. “Call the Aurors.”
The man who had helped her to her feet called for other people in the pub, shouting at them to call the Aurors.
“Sit down, ma’am.” The man said and gently led her over to a seat. “Is there anyone we can call?”
Lily rocked Harry in her arms as she tried to steady her breaths. “Mary MacDonald. Please.”
“Just wait here, ma’am.”
Lily held Harry in a vice-like grip as everyone rushed around. The noise woke Harry and he began to cry.
Lily whispered nonsense to him even as she began to cry as well.
“It’s okay, Harry. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.” Lily wished she could believe what she was saying.
“Lily, oh my god.” She heard pounding footsteps and looked up into her best friend’s face. “Why are you here? You’re supposed to be in hiding.”
Lily shook her head mutely as sobs took over her body.
Mary gently took Harry into her right hand and wrapped Lily in a hug with her left. “It’s okay, Lily. It’s okay.”
Harry’s cries had quietened as he stared at his mum in confusion.
“Are you hurt?” Mary asked quietly.
Lily only responded with a sob and Mary took the hint and held her tighter.
—
Lily sat motionless in Mary’s living room. She had a sleeping Harry in her arms. He was the only thing she could focus on right now.
Mary was on the phone with Remus on the other side of the room. Lily could only hear static.
She stroked Harry’s forehead gently. She could already see James in him. His hair was already unruly, never yielding to her when she attempted to brush it. Just like James’.
“It’s okay, Harry.” She whispered shakily. “Mummy will look after you. I promise.”
She felt Mary sit down beside her more than she saw and slumped into her like someone had cast a jelly leg curse on her whole body.
Mary didn’t say anything. Just adjusted her position so both Lily and Harry could be comfortable.
Lily didn’t think she’d be able to sleep but her body seemed to have other ideas as it completely shut down.
—
Lily woke up with a start and everything came crashing down on her. Harry. Where was Harry?
She was out of the bed -how did she get in a bed?- in a heartbeat and threw the door open, wand in hand.
“Lily, it's okay. He’s here. We’re all safe.” Someone’s cool hands touched her forehead and her eyes finally focused on Mary.
“Where is Harry?”
“Over there.” Mary nodded to a high chair where Harry was making desperate grabby hands toward Lily.
Lily practically sprinted over and picked him up. She felt tears spilling over again as she rocked Harry softly.
“Mama?” Harry said anxiously as he pressed his hand against her cheek.
“It’s okay, Harry.”
Harry brushed his hand over her tears, seemingly confused. “Mama?”
Lily pressed a kiss to his head and tried to stem her tears. “It’s okay, Harry. Mummy’s fine.”
Harry didn’t seem convinced but laid his head on her shoulder and took a firm hold of her jumper as if expecting her to disappear.
“Come sit down, Lily,” Mary said and took her by the arm as she led Lily to a seat.
Lily sat down heavily. “Have- Have aurors gone to the house?”
Mary nodded solemnly. “It was almost burned to the ground. You-Know-Who was on a rampage.”
“And- Jam-James?”
Mary took a deep breath and shook her head. “He’s gone, Lily.”
Lily didn’t know what she had been expecting. A miracle, maybe? That James had defeated Voldemort somehow? Maybe the miracle was that she and Harry had survived. Maybe the miracle was that she got any time with James at all?
Lily let out a choked noise and Mary didn’t hesitate to bundle her up into her arms.
Mary didn’t say anything, just rocked Lily from side to side.
Harry woke up and began to cry as well after seeing Lily crying.
Lily coughed out a wretched sob but stroked Harry’s hair off his forehead. “I’ll look after you, Harry. We’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”
Mary provided silent comfort as Lily quietly reassured Harry.
Lily wasn’t sure if they would ever be okay again.
—
Lily and Sirius had held each other for more than an hour. Remus had taken Harry and was cradling him in his arms. Mary had her head laid on Remus’ shoulder.
They had started 1981 with a friend group of eight. Now there were four of them left.
Sirius’ shoulders were shaking as wails racked his body. Lily seemed to have used up her tears as she coughed out angry, heartbroken, tearless sighs. They both held each other with only cries breaking the silence.
Sirius and Lily eventually ended up falling asleep in each other’s embraces, both of them physically and mentally drained.
“What is she going to do?” Remus asked quietly as he held the sleeping Harry close to his chest.
“I don’t know,” Mary whispered.
---
Lily was only staying upright because Mary was holding her. As she watched James’ coffin lower into the ground she was almost tempted to jump in after him but then she felt a tug on her hair and looked down into the eyes of the reason she had to stay.
Harry was looking up at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes. He didn’t know who was in the box. He didn’t even understand where his dad had gone. He just knew he was gone.
Lily had woken up this morning to Harry asking for ‘dada’. She had picked him up and they both had a crying session together.
Lily knew she had to power through, if not for herself, for Harry. Her darling baby. The person she loved more than anyone else in the world.
Sirius was standing beside her motionlessly. He seemed to be completely unaware of his surroundings, his sole focus on the coffin in front of them.
Remus had a hand laced through Sirius’ and was trying to put a brave face on for Sirius.
Mary had an arm wrapped around Lily’s middle, holding the smaller woman upright. Lily could see the tears streaming down her friend’s face.
There were other people scattered around. Friends from work and school. Lily didn’t think she’d be able to remember a single one of their names right now. She couldn’t think of anything except James’ last moments. Shouting at her to take Harry and run.
She should’ve stayed and fought with him. She should’ve hidden Harry and stayed. She should’ve left the country with both of them when Harry was born. She should’ve never trusted Peter.
At the thought of Peter, a whole new set of sobs tore through her body. The small timid boy she had known from school had turned out to be more malicious than the rest of them put together. James would have been completely and utterly devastated.
Harry was subdued and quiet as everyone around him cried. He didn’t understand what was happening. He wanted his mummy to smile and laugh like she used to. He wanted Uncle Padfoot to turn into a dog and bounce around like he used to. He wanted Uncle Moony to rock him side to side and sing lullabies like he used to. He wanted Aunt Mary to tickle him and dance around the kitchen with him like she used to. He wanted Uncle Wormtail to play Peek-A-Boo and Horsey with him like he used to. He wanted his dad to kiss mummy again as they both laughed then pick him up and show him all kinds of magic.
He didn’t understand why everyone was so sad. Most of all he didn’t understand where his dad had gone.