Remus sits in the corner of the room, feeling his blood boil. His bones are buzzing, like they are going to break anytime. He hears steps in the tunnel and has time to feel relief, they were coming after all. Then he realises that it’s not the footfall by any of his friends, then the scent hits him. Snape, the smell of grease, curiosity, and something else that Remus can’t place.
All people smell different, but their emotions smell similar and how many times had he not smelled curiosity from Sirius? Every time they talked about his werewolf attributes which to be fair was not often, he hated talking about it. But also, during their explorations of the castle or yet during a prank. Sirius curiosity was not this dark though, it smelled fresh and sweet. Snapes curiosity smelled dark and bitter twinged with something like vindication. Remus could feel the panic spike in him.
Snape should not be there. Snape enters the room. He looks down at Remus over his hooked nose. “What is going on?” Snape sneers. “Leave” Remus groans, feeling his neck snap. His joints often cracked and snapped before they broke. “Did they lock up a psycho? Is the freak loony Lupin actually insane?” Snape leers. It is obvious he is enjoying his little show.
“Please, please go. I am begging you” Remus pleads leaning into the wall, anything to get away from Snape. “And why is that?” Snape asks, a wicked smile playing on his lips. “Because you will die!” Remus shouts, needing him to understand. “Oh I don’t think so, you are at my mercy you see” Snape continues, pointing his wand at him. Remus has no doubt he would use it. “I am serious! This will not end well” he replies, desperately. “Oh yes it will” Snape smirks. “You don’t understand” Remus tries. He can smell James. James fast footsteps echoes in the tunnel. He smells desperate and of perspiration. Remus can hear his heart pounding quickly and his breath coming in fast rasping successions.
“Don’t you bloody dare” James shouts. Snape snaps around. “Come now” James demands. “No” Snape replies simply. “What is going on with the freakshow?” Snape asks. James eyes bore into Snape. Remus has never seen James look properly furious. He was angry when he insulted Lily, yes but that was nothing to this. “You will die if you don’t come now” James explains. “I don’t think so and anyway why would you care?” Snape snaps. “I don’t care about you; I care about what would happen to Moony if he killed you!” James shouts, janking at Snapes arm.
He feels something break and twist in his hand. Remus bites down but a growl of agony still escapes him. He is shaking now and more bones snap and break in his hands. It breaks up the skin and he can feel the skin tearing and hears the drip of blood on the floor. He can’t help the scream that escapes him. His vision begins to blur and his heartrate spike. “It’s starting, get him out!” he shouts through the agony.
“Moony” James’s voice is different then, soft, and worried. He is at his side and gently helps him to his feet. Everything spins and even James’s light, gentle grip hurts. “I will get him out, everything will be okay, I will fix this” James promises. He sets him gently down on the cot, but it feels like falling and landing on concrete all the same.
The pain shoots through him and his head is pulled down by the agony. His ribs are beginning to creak ominously and then they break. He can’t breathe and his head is constricting.
“He is a bloody werewolf” Snape whispers. “We have to go!” James shouts. He screams again as he feels his legs break and twist. “We have to kill him!” Snape shouts back. Yes, yes please Remus thinks desperately. Anything to make it stop. Put a stop to the miserable thing that is his life, stop the never-ending pain.
“No!” James screams and then Remus can only hear screaming. He doesn’t know who screams, he doesn’t know who he is, he just knows the pain. His blood burning him alive, his bones buzzing and breaking, tearing through flesh and skin. Something painful twisting in his guts, a bone crushing agony. Something hot and sticky runs down him. He is all pain and he can feel something tugging at his mind. It is all claws and power.
Remus is in his usual hospital bed. His entire body ache, his head pounding. He can not remember waking up in the shack, which was strange. The transformations had always been dreadful, but he had felt slightly better with his friends there. Now he was as bad as when he had been alone. The wolf attacked him no matter what they did, and he got injured during the transformations itself but both he and the wolf felt calmer with Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail there. He is shivering all over and felt like he was going to throw up. His body always rejected food before the transformations but a few days before he was always buzzing with energy. After though he felt starving, like he could eat the entire world. He could easily eat 4 full plates of food a meal but the first day he was always too sore to keep it down.
His head is pounding and then he remembered. Snape. Snape had been there, he had seen and James. But how had he known? He can not open his eyes. Remus had always hated this bit. His mind had come back but he could not open his eyes, just lay there unable to move, only hearing as from under water.
“He is supposed to be awake by now. Why isn’t he awake?” James asks, desperately. A woman sighs, Madam Pomfrey for sure. “He used to sleep this much when he was little. There is a theory that it takes willpower to wake up soon after the exhausting transformation but if the person does not wish to wake up, it takes longer. It is common for people with Remus condition to sleep for a few hours after the transformations” Madam Pomfrey replies sadly.
Remus did not know that and a part of him want to prove that he has the willpower to wake up but another, stronger part wants to just fade into the unknown, to never wake up.
“How bad is it?” James asks. “When I went there, he had a cracked skull, a dislocated shoulder, a broken arm, seven broken ribs, a punctured lung, a fracture in a bone in his leg and he had lost a lot of blood” Madame Pomfrey sighs sadly. “It seamed to have got better of late, but I suppose that was wishful thinking. Maybe he was angrier than usual after you and Mr. Snape escaped.” Madame Pomfrey gently strokes his cheek.
James lets out a quick gasp. “Don’t worry dear, he has been through this before. He just needs some rest. I can mend bones in a jiffy” Madame Pomfrey soothes kindly. Remus can tell however that her reassurances has done sod all to steam his concerns.
The heaviness begins to fade, and he opens his eyes. James and Madame Pomfrey is looking at him. “What” he croaks “happened”. His voice is rasping, and it hurts to speak. “Snape saw” Remus continues and feels his heart beat faster. Madame Pomfrey and James exchange a worried glance. ”Mate” James begins and eyes him in obvious concern. It crawls in him, he knows James doesn’t mean any harm but he still loathes the pity. “I am fine” he cuts him off. “Maybe it is better if I tell him in the dorm?” James asks Madam Pomfrey and she nods. She holds forward a dreamless sleep potion to James. “Make sure he takes it after… you tell him” She orders James. He nods.
They walk in silence towards their dorm, James looking down. Remus tries to hide his limp but James notices and slows the pace.
Their dorm room is empty. “How did Snape know? How is he? Do I have time to pack before I leave? Where is the others? Does everyone know? Did I hurt you? What the fuck happened?” Remus asks as soon as they reach the eerily quiet of their dorm.
James shifts, and something hardens in his face. “Sirius told Snape how to get past the whomping willow” he spits, and Remus has never smelled so much anger coming off him. A sinking feeling sinks to his stomach. Then the rage fills him. “He did what?” he growls without thinking.
James jumps and Remus knows why. He knows he can look terrifying, with his scars and then when he is so furious, he barely knows what to do with himself… well it is only natural that James reacted. Remus can’t even bring himself to care.
Sirius, Sirius did that. Sirius was the one that almost made him kill someone. Sirius was the reason everything could be ruined. Sirius was the one that exploited his darkest, deepest secret against him, knowing the consequences.
How could you trust him? he asks himself. Why did you trust anyone? The panic crawls up his throat and he struggles to breath. Magic fills up within him whilst the adrenaline pumps in his veins. The people down in the common room serves as a drawing point of power. Magic always came when he felt he was in danger. It fizzed and buzzed like electricity from his toes to the tips of his fingers. He needed- he needed to leave.
“Leave” he began to mutter over and over to himself. His vision began to blur again, and his limbs felt weak and shaky. He had not even realized he was pacing. He can’t even hear James calling his name, he is barely aware of his presence. Remus just knows he have to go, anywhere, away. His bags begin to pack themselves, without even as much as a whisper from him. He didn’t need his wand; the magic was already too much for him.
Without thinking he punches the stone wall, needing to get rid of the magic and all emotions bubbling in him. The stone cracks and he falls down on the ground, his legs no longer bearing him. Someone shakes him but he barely notices, his throat aches and the air still don’t seem to reach his lungs.
“Ok I am ok. I will leave now, and the ministry won’t be able to get me. Search down Greyback earlier but that is ok. I still would never be able to get a job. But Sirius, Sirius. Fucking Sirius, all his fault. Shouldn’t have trusted- stupid. Don’t think- block it out. I am ok, everything is ok. Never see him again. Hate him” he mumbles, trying to soothe himself.
“Remus, Remus” James shakes his shoulder and Remus remembers he is there and hastily pulls himself up. His bags are already packed. “Thank you for everything James. Goodbye” Remus fights the tears welling up in his eyes. He must leave and all he wants is to be alone, preferably high and drunk. “Snape won’t tell anyone!” James tries but Remus is already too far gone in his emotions to care very much. “You can’t leave!” James begs. “We can’t lose you” James pleads. “I was so stupid; I should have seen this coming. He never cared. Tell wormtail goodbye for me, I must go now. I am off to McGonagall” and he turns tail and exits the room.
His heart ache painfully, and he walks as fast as he can towards McGonagall’s office. He wonders if Snape had already told the whole school everything. Remus knew he would never ever forgive Sirius Orion Black. His best friend, the boy he had fancied for so long. He would never forget what happened. Goodbye Hogwarts.