Regulus and James have been together for two months now. Sirius has just come out of his dramatic episode about it, though they still can't be affectionate without him saying- or attempting (thank you, Remus) to say something. Not that Regulus is usually the touchy-feely type in front of others, anyway.
Regulus is more of an observer. It's exceptionally hard to try not to observe the group of friends before him. They're all so weird.
However, Regulus has noticed one thing.
"James, you take such good care of us," Sirius drawls as he presses a sloppy kiss to James' cheek before sitting across from him on the bench. It's lunchtime, and the group is gathered at a picnic bench outside like usual. Regulus grimacing at his brother's act, James' arm around his waist.
James laughs and audibly groans at the gesture, wiping his cheek.
"Careful, Pads, you're gonna make Reg jealous," James jokes, eyes flickering to Regulus, who looks pissed to be involved at all.
"But he gets to kiss every part of you-!"
"Pete!"
"Wormtail!"
James and Sirius say simultaneously, James blushing and Sirius looking disgusted.
"I'm just saying if we can't have the cheek, then what can we have?" He shrugs innocently.
"Fair point. Reg," he turns to face his boyfriend, "what can they have?"
Regulus observes how quickly James changes the conversation from how it originally was. He narrows his eyes a little more while standing up, giving the group a once-over before landing back on James. He leans down and presses a long kiss to the other's mouth, pulling away and leaving him flushed as he holds his tie, and while looking at just James, he says, "Cheek is fine, I get everywhere else, remember?"
His voice makes James dizzy. Sirius gags as Regulus walks away, books in hand.
***
He next notices it when they're lying on the Potter's couch. Regulus is in sweatpants (sweatpants - his mother would kill him) with his legs half curled up on James' lap. He runs a hand through the other's fluffy hair as they talk about what's happening in their lives.
"I just worry, you know? Pete's such a great guy, and when he doubts himself like that, it's heartbreaking."
Regulus hums, his voice soft, reserved for James only. "I understand, mon chérie, but you've already given him all the support you can; that has to be enough," he says gently.
James buried his face into his boyfriend's side.
"But it's not enough," he urges.
"James -"
"It's not enough." His voice lacks energy. Regulus doesn't argue, he just holds him.
***
James doesn't break down a lot; he gets vulnerable, but Regulus blames that on him being 'in touch with his emotions'.
The point is, James doesn't break down, but his friends certainly do.
***
Remus is more uncommon than the others. However, he can be a lot around exam season or tests in general. But they all love him regardless, so when Remus starts to panic about grades and feelings of not being good enough, they're all there to support him.
But the thing is, he goes to James first. Remus is in a relationship with Sirius, sure, but James can always provide that comfort he needs. James would hold him, reassure him, and regularly check in until he knew his friend was feeling better.
Peter was next in the line of breakdowns. Peter Pettigrew was a panicker. As the sentence may suggest, he panics. He overthinks and ties himself into knots of worry. Little things get to Pete. If he's doing okay in a class, then one day, he doesn't understand something, it throws him off kilter. He goes into a spiral of feeling like he doesn't understand anything. And who does he go to when this happens?
James.
James is his rock. James asks him about things he does understand, then, as best as he can, links them to the things he doesn't. Or he gets him a tutor or finds a book on the topic. James does something, James helps.
Then, James would check in until Peter felt more settled. Peter would throw his arms around the other, and James would remind him that he's always been smart and that one hiccup doesn't mean anything.
And finally, Sirius. Sirius was known for his dramatic flare. If James held his breath every time his friend had a self-proclaimed 'emergency', he'd be dead.
Of course, there are serious times, like when Sirius ran away from home or when he began to rekindle his relationship with his brother.
As ironic as it is to his name, Sirius doesn't like being serious.
He hates it. Too much of his life has felt serious. He wants it to be fun now. So when things actually get serious, he goes to James. James is unlike any other. James listens to him and waits until he's finished before offering advice or his own view if requested.
James holds him whenever he wants. Always ready to guide Sirius and tell him everything will be okay. And like the others, if Sirius is having a rough time, James will check in regularly until he knows he's doing better. James is a great friend.
***
James is tired. James won't admit he's tired, of course. He's been pestering Regulus all week, asking what was wrong with the younger one, but Regulus has yet to give him anything to work with.
James is tired but swears he has room for whatever's bothering Regulus. He swears hearing it won't make him more drained; he promises taking on Regulus' pain is manageable because whatever it is, it's worse than whatever James is feeling. He swears.
Regulus sees right through James. He sees how burned out he is.
Regulus knows James' friends don't see it, having been 'James' for too long. Never giving himself the chance to be genuinely vulnerable. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is sensitive in front of others, but he never expresses the exhaustion of being the 'therapist friend'. A title James would flat-out refuse to be true.
Regulus has been thinking of a way to bring this up to James all week. But he realises now, sitting on the couch with his boyfriend, that James is trying to play therapist again, trying to take on Regulus' burden.
"Baby, I can tell something is wrong," James whispers, feather-light touch on his boyfriend's knuckles. The term of endearment can only be used privately, so James takes full advantage of it when they're alone.
Regulus sighs, frustration and immense concern running through him.
"Come on, love, tell me what you need," James urges.
"I need you to put yourself first," Regulus blurts out. James' eyes widen in confusion.
Before he can question anything, Regulus continues, "I can see how stressed you've been. You take on everyone else's problems and won't lean on anyone else or ask for help. I'm here, James. I'm in front of you, and I love you, and I want to help you. But I can't because every time I try to, you shut me down and say you're not doing enough. You're doing too much; it's hurting you, Jamie."
James is staring at him now, awestruck.
"Did you just say you love me?"
Regulus tilts his head with a smile and humoured eyes, "Yes, and if that's the only thing you got from what I said, I'm going to kill you-" James kisses him.
"I love you too," he says between breaths.
Regulus allows it for a moment before pulling back and looking at him knowingly.
"C'mon, tell me what's going on," he says.
James shifts to sit up a bit more, "Nothing is going on," he shrugs and avoids eye contact.
"Mon cher, please," his voice is bordering on desperate.
"They need me," James admits quietly.
"Always?" Regulus responds.
The older can only shrug, "I guess."
"I think you forget that they have each other, and now me, technically," he says the last word quietly, making James laugh. Regulus smiles softly and pushes some hair out of the other's face, "You deserve to be taken care of too, mon amour."
"I am taken care of," he protests weakly.
"I have to practically force you to tell me what's wrong; I can see you holding back from telling them when you're not doing well."
James is silent for a moment, considering what to say next.
"They're there for me. I know that they are," James is firm. Regulus stays unwaveringly calm.
"I know, pet, I know. But the care you give to your friends, how often you give it, while it's so admirable and brilliant, sometimes you need to be able to step back and take time for yourself. Let them check in on you; be honest when they check in on you."
James can feel his walls breaking down.
And he went into this thinking it was Regulus who was emotionally repressed.
"But I have to be there."
"Why?"
"Because…"
"Because what?"
"Because they need me! They need me, so I'm there. And I'd hate myself if I wasn't because I love them so much. I care about them so deeply."
Regulus doesn't know if he'll ever get used to the crying; however, considering he instantly knows how to soothe his boyfriend, he reckons he's figuring it out okay.
"Okay, alright," he coos as he pulls James to his chest. The taller boy cries; Regulus runs a hand through his hair and whispers reassurances.
When he's calmed down, Regulus takes a different approach, "You love them so much, hm?" there's no teasing in his tone.
"Mhm," James sniffles, looking up at Regulus.
"But you're overwhelmed, right?"
James looks almost ashamed of himself when he nods. Regulus wants to squash the voice in his head telling him he's not doing enough.
"Well, I love you so much. How about when you start feeling burned out or overwhelmed, you come to me? And we can talk it out and see how you can help while still taking care of yourself. How does that sound?" he presses a kiss to his temple.
"When did you get so in touch with your feelings?" James asks wetly, smiling softly at the other.
Regulus shrugs, "Believe it or not, but I'm good at other people's feelings," James gives him a look, "and therapy," Regulus finishes, pressing another kiss to James' temple, "a whole lot of therapy."
"That sounds good," James says after a moment of consideration. "Thank you, love."