Warm

Life at Potter Manor was different this time around. It was still teeming with teenagers at all times but there was a tension in the air that hadn’t been there before.

Marlene, Peter, Remus and Evans were there most frequently. So frequently, in fact, that Regulus was half-sure they’d moved in unofficially. Remus and Peter had both taken to sleeping in James’s room (an obstacle to Regulus that he was unsure he should tackle yet) while Evans took Peter’s old room that he had abandoned likely because it was in the Slytherin cohort of the house.

The rest of the Gryffindor-ish horde popped in and out too, but they stayed as far away from the Slytherin-ish side as they possibly could. More than once, Regulus would walk into a room only for it to be vacated within seconds.

James was in arguably the most awkward spot, poised between the two groups. Evans was too, though not quite so much; she had clearly decided to act as a neutral party to all. With James though, there would be times Regulus could hear someone screaming that he was a spineless doormat and other times that Regulus walked past a room and caught a glimpse of someone crying in his arms.

Remus, in particular, had taken to cuddling up to James at any given time, even if they were fighting, taking physical comfort from his friend to replace that which he’d lost. At first, Regulus had comforted himself with the knowledge that it was purely platonic, no matter how boyfriendy it looked, but it was starting to get on his nerves with how aggravatingly constant it was. Regulus had a sneaking suspicion that Remus upped the ante whenever he or Sirius was in the room, cuddling closer just to piss them off.

It was working.

But Regulus knew he couldn’t say anything to James. He couldn’t add any stress to his already full plate because his boyfriend was being torn in a hundred different directions as it was.

So, instead, he filled his days with hanging out with his friends, inviting them over and relishing that he could. He brewed down in the lab with Monty and asked Effie to teach him how to cook some basic meals. It was quite similar to Potioneering, Regulus found, though his creations were never quite as good as Effie’s or James’s. He spent time with his boyfriend too, wherever they could, given how much of James’s time was being taken up by others.

And he spent quite some time with Sirius.

It was undeniably strange and very obviously strained between them, but they were both trying. They stuck to low-pressure activities like boardgames and tried to talk without murdering each other, James having to mediate more often that they’d all like. They still fought quite a bit but each and every time they would find each other and apologise after (usually on James’s prompting). They revisited a lot of their shared trauma too, trying to talk things out and reframe their terrible memories so that they could stop resenting each other quite so much. It was extraordinarily slow going but it was working and Regulus felt lighter with every interaction that passed.

Still, James was clearly having trouble mitigating everything, pulling himself apart in an attempt to keep all the people he held dear in his life. It was his people-pleasing, peace-keeping tendencies rearing their head in an ugly way that allowed a fragile peace to be kept but at the expense of himself.

It hurt Regulus’s heart to watch.

He tried to coax James into taking more time for himself. Tried to tell him that he couldn’t save everyone all at once, especially when he was still hurting himself. But James was stubborn and couldn’t seem to stop. So, Regulus was forced to watch that bleeding heart drain himself dry to fill them all up.

The shaky peace wouldn’t last forever, Regulus knew. James knew it too, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. They each waited in their own minds for it all to come to a head and Regulus waited for James to snap.

He could only hope he would have help picking up James’s shattered pieces when it finally happened.

*

Three weeks into the Summer Holiday, Regulus was confident enough in his abilities that he joined James and Effie in making dinner for everyone. He got his own frilly apron to match theirs and had the time of his life bantering with them and watching them in their element. Nothing went disastrously wrong and Regulus was quite proud of the end result, biting back a grin as he helped place the dishes on the table.

The dinner itself was fairly usual for the new normal, the Slytherins at one end of the table and the Gryffindors at the other (with the exception of Sirius on the Slytherin side), James and Evans in the middle.

It was a fairly tame comment that did it really.

“Moujza, dear.” Effie was saying to her son. “Could you help me with the rosebushes tomorrow?”

“Sure Ammi!” James responded easily. “They do look a little wild.”

She hummed. “Yes, they need cutting back so that the peony patch doesn’t get strangled up.”

“I know of something else that needs cutting back.” Peter mumbled, though it was loud enough for most to hear.

Suddenly, James’s hands dropped onto the table with a startling thud, utensils still clutched in his fists. Regulus was completely caught off-guard by the pure rage in his eyes.

“And what is that?” James asked harshly, his gaze hard where he was normally so soft as it drilled into Peter. “What needs cutting back?”

Peter blinked at him in surprise and didn’t answer immediately which only served to harden James more.

“Well?” He prompted, his tone aggressive. “You clearly have so much to say so why don’t you bloody well say it.”

“Jamie…” Effie’s voice tried to soothe, but it was half-hearted. She was a smart woman and knew as well as Regulus did that this needed to happen. James needed to finally fight back or he was going to drown under the weight of everyone else’s needs.

“I’m sorry, Ammi.” He said, his tone still clipped. “This isn’t appropriate behaviour but I’m fucking tired of us all dancing around this shit. I think it’s time we address it once and for all. So go on Peter, what were you saying?”

Ever the Gryffindor, Peter collected himself and shot back a heated glare, rising to the clear challenge. “I was saying you need to cut some things out of your life.”

“Like what?” James put his cutlery down and folded his arms against his chest. He gestured with one of his hands for Peter to continue. “Go on and say it.”

Oh, he was fuming, Regulus could tell. It was like a cement wall had slammed itself down right behind James’s eyes and he was harder and more unforgiving than Regulus had ever seen him.

(It was a little bit hot despite the circumstances.)

“Them!” Peter waved in the direction of the Slytherins and co. “Those cursed Blacks and slimy fucking snakes who seem to have you by the balls! They need cutting out of your life like an infection, James.”

“Oh, well if you say it, it must be true!” James’s tone was like iron.

“You’re too soft!” Peter told him next, and Regulus couldn’t agree less right now. “You would let them get away with murder because you’re so fucking desperate to be loved by everyone!”

“Oh, so now you’re projecting?” James bit back, surprising Regulus. He didn’t think James was capable of being mean like that. “Has it ever occurred to you that I might actually know myself better than you?”

“He’s a snake!” Marlene joined in, probably unable to help herself. “Can’t you fucking see that they all are?”

“They’re rotten to the core, James.” Remus added, slightly quieter. “We can’t trust people like that.”

“YOU’RE SUCH HYPOCRITES!” James screamed, standing up now, a tornado of rage encased in the steel trap of James’s body. “YOU PREACH ABOUT UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE AND THEN PILE ON ABOUT HOW ALL SLYTHERINS ARE EVIL! HOW ALL BLACKS ARE EVIL! THEY’RE NOT FUCKING EVIL, YOU’RE JUST HURT!”

The table was deadly silent, staring up at James as he utterly lost it.

“THEY DID TERRIBLE THINGS! I KNOW THAT! DO YOU THINK I DON’T FUCKING KNOW THAT? BUT YOU ALL SEEM TO HAVE THIS IMPOSSIBLE STANDARD FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN’T YOU! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I HAD TO PULL YOU FROM A FIGHT YOU STARTED OVER USELESS SHIT?!” He yelled at Marlene.

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HAD TO APOLOGISE ON YOUR BEHALF WHEN YOU SAID SOMETHING AWFUL?!” That was directed at Remus.

“AND HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES HAVE I HAD TO PULL YOU FROM THE TROUBLE YOU BROUGHT ON YOURSELF?!” He directed at Peter.

“YOU’RE ALL AWFUL! EVERY ONE OF YOU! YOU’RE MEAN AND YOU’RE RECKLESS AND YOU DO AND SAY THE STUPIDEST OF SHIT MORE TIMES THAN I’LL EVER BE ABLE TO COUNT BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY! I PUT UP WITH YOUR FIGHTS AND YOUR INSULTS AND EVERY BIT OF SHIT YOU THROW OUT, BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, YOU’RE HUMAN! FALLIBLE, FLAWED, AWFUL HUMANS WHO I ADORE WHICH EVERY INCH OF MY BEING!”

Regulus was frozen as he watched him rave like never before.

“IT DOES NOT MAKE ME SOFT, OR WEAK, OR SPINELESS THAT I HAVE IT WITHIN ME TO FORGIVE! THERE IS INCREDIBLE STRENGTH IN BEING SECURE ENOUGH IN MYSELF TO SUPPORT OTHERS AND LET MYSELF BE SUPPORTED RIGHT BACK! THEY ARE TRYING TO BE WORTHY OF MY FORGIVENESS AND I WILL NEVER BE HATEFUL ENOUGH TO SCORN THEM FOR THAT! I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT NONE OF THEM WILL EVER DO THAT SHIT AGAIN, AND I AM NOT NAÏVE OR DELUSIONAL TO THINK SO! I AM NOT A FOOL BECAUSE I AM OPTIMISTIC! I AM NOT WEAK BECAUSE I AM LOVING! I WILL LOVE AND I WILL CARE AND I WILL FORGIVE AS MUCH AS I DAMN WELL WANT TO BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I AM! AND I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SHAME ME FOR THAT ANYMORE!”

He was panting heavily and it was the only sound that filled the room. After a moment he scrubbed a hand over his face and visibly tried to collect himself.

“If you’re not ready to forgive, then fine.” He continued, quiet now but still so loud against the silence. “And if you want to keep holding onto resentments and keep making yourself unnecessarily miserable then that’s also your prerogative. I won’t stop you. I’ve personally asked Regulus and Sirius and Barty and Evan and all the others to keep trying with you lot because it would make me happy to see everyone moving forward together, but if that’s not possible, then fine. I guess I’ll just have to accept that.”

He sighed. “But I am a grown man. I know my own mind and I know my own heart. I know what I can handle and what I can’t. It is not up to you, any of you, to tell me how I should feel and what I should do.”

He squared his shoulders. “So this stops now. All the little comments. All the yelling at me. All the trying to manipulate me into doing what you want. You’re trying to control me just as much as they were. You’re using me for your own comfort, guilting me into doing things, and taking out all your feelings on me instead of the actual targets. I love you all so I took it, but I’m not doing that anymore. It’s not healthy for me. Which, by the way, Regulus is the only one who cared enough to point out to me.”

Regulus gave him a sad smile.

“So, accept my relationship or don’t. Accept that I am working on forgiving them or don’t. I’ll be here if you need help, but only as your friend from now on, not your stress-toy. And maybe instead of focusing so much on me, you should try actually confronting your own problems. We’re adults and we’re going out into the world soon enough. It’s about time we start acting like it.”

With that his impenetrable wall seemed to crumble and he took a step back to steady himself. “Godric, I’m sorry, Ammi, Abba. That was really inexcusable behaviour from me–”

“We’ll let you off.” Monty told him kindly. “Just this once.”

“May I be excused?” He asked, and tears were already welling in his eyes. It was clear, he suddenly wanted to be anywhere else.

“Of course, darling.” Effie consented and he didn’t waste another second before heading out the door.

Regulus scrambled to his feet before he knew what he was doing. “May I–?”

“Go.” Monty interrupted with an encouraging smile.

Regulus didn’t think twice before hurrying after his boyfriend. It was his turn to give comfort this time. James was certainly going to need it.

*

There was a knock on the door.

Regulus caressed a hand over James’s back at the sound. They were lying on Regulus’s bed, tangled up together and James’s head cradled against the Slytherin’s chest.

“Do you want to let them in?” Regulus asked his boyfriend, unsure of who was at the door and if James really wanted to speak with anyone right now.

The two of them hadn’t done much speaking at all, really – it wasn’t necessary. James just wanted to be held so he could feel like less of a horrible person for berating his friends at the dinner table (not that it made him horrible at all), and Regulus was happy to do that for him.

“Dunno.” James mumbled against him.

“That’s a yes, isn’t it?” Regulus couldn’t help but smirk, just a touch.

The man blew out a breath. “I should probably hear them out.” He answered by way of confirmation.

“Well, you don’t have to. But knowing you, you’ll feel guilty if you don’t.” He gestured for the House to open the door and it swung open obediently, revealing…

“Hi.” Peter greeted awkwardly. “Can I speak with you, James?”

The man in question shifted around to face him. “Okay.”

Peter eyed Regulus, having clearly meant that he wanted to speak with him alone, but James ignored that fact rather pointedly.

“Okay!” Peter squared his shoulders and entered the room properly, the door swinging shut behind him. He came to an uncertain stop at the foot of the bed and James sighed but moved to sit up. Regulus went with him and they rearranged to sit with the Slytherin against the headboard and his boyfriend between his legs, arms wrapped around his waist. Peter hesitantly sat down at the other end.

“I’ve been a dick.” Peter stated bluntly, his hands fidgeting nervously in his lap.

“Yeah.” James answered tiredly.

“You’re your own person.” He continued.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Peter said next.

James heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

“Things with Em…” The blond trailed off.

His friend gave him a small commiserating look. “I get it.”

“Do you think…?”

“Yeah. But you’d have to stop being a dick.”

Peter huffed a laugh. “You’re probably right.”

There was a pause.

“Sirius…” Peter’s face twisted conflictedly.

James nodded once. “Same.”

The blond ran a hand through his hair. “That was so fucked up.”

“So fucked up.” He agreed.

“I need to get my shit together, don’t I?” Peter asked him wryly.

“Your shit has been stinking up the place, so yeah.”

That startled a laugh out of Peter. “Since when did you get so wise?”

“Since always, you’re just a prick.” James retorted but he was smiling a little now.

“Thanks for the advice, mate.” Peter gave him a genuinely thankful and sincere look. “I’ll talk to her if I can. And Sirius too.”

“Good.” James’s smile widened. “I don’t like being mad at you.”

“You’re shit at it.” The blond told him. Then, his expression turned hesitant again for a moment. “We good?”

His friend blew out a breath. “We’re good.”

“I’m sorry, what just happened?” Regulus was completely and utterly baffled. “That was not nearly enough words for you to be all good.”

James leaned back into him further. “We’ve known each other too long. We don’t need that many words anymore.”

Peter smiled fondly. “We were convinced we could read each other’s minds when we were seven. Nowadays it’s even easier.”

“He’s sorry.” His boyfriend told him. “And he’s done taking his shit out on me. He’s finally going to talk to Emmeline and to Sirius.”

The boy flopped down on the bed to lie facing up. “We’ll see how it goes.”

“Need…?”

“Nah.”

“Ready?”

“Godric, I don’t know.”

“I think you are.” James stated, then paused. “But be nice.”

“That’s your schtick.”

“Good luck!”

Salazar, Regulus felt like he needed to see a transcript of this conversation so he could spend hours trying to read between the lines.

Well, at the very least, they seemed to have made up.

“Your turn!” James patted the side of Regulus’s thigh twice.

Regulus squeezed his waist to communicate his confusion. “What?”

“You promised me you’d try to earn my friends’ forgiveness.” James explained, wiggling in his seat to get more comfortable. He settled in for a show. “This is a prime opportunity. Proceed.”

Shit.

Peter got more comfortable too, raising an eyebrow at Regulus expectantly.

“Right.” He said, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

Regulus paused. They’d done this dance plenty of times by now and Peter hadn’t gotten any closer to forgiving him. Maybe it was time to try a different approach.

“For being an idiot.” He answered much to Peter’s surprise. “I was being stupid and short-sighted and immature.” He continued, watching the blond’s eyebrows rise higher with every word. “And selfish. I was only thinking of myself and how much I wanted to hurt Sirius. There’s no excuse for what I did and I’m sorry that I dragged you into it and hurt you too.”

Peter processed this for several seconds. “As far as apologies go, that was rather good.”

“I mean it.” He told the boy plainly. “I never meant for everything to get this fucked and I’m sorry.”

Peter heaved a sigh. “Alright, I suppose I have been a bit harsh on you.”

“A bit?” James raised a pointed eyebrow.

“More than a bit.” His friend admitted. “I mean, you didn’t actually go through with it in the end.”

“No, I didn’t.” Regulus confirmed.

“The intention was still there though, and I’m pissed for that.”

“That’s fair.”

Another sigh. “But I’ll try to get over it. For Jamie.”

“That’s not a good reason to do something, I’ve found.” Regulus said quietly. “Do things for yourself or not at all.”

James gave him a proud look while Peter stared at him consideringly. A few moments passed.

“You know what? You’re right. I miss my friend. I’ll do it for me.”

Regulus smiled faintly. “I missed you too.”

“Yeah, yeah. This is too soppy for my liking.” Peter waved the emotions off. “We need to do something macho or I’ll break out in hives.”

“What? Like roll around in the dirt?” James seemed unimpressed. “Just a couple of men in the good old dirt. Back in my day–”

“Oh, stuff it would you?” Peter hit him on the arm as he cut him off. “You’re such a prick.”

“And you’re a pussy.” James shot back with a smirk. “Embrace your feelings. Cry like a man.”

“No-one has ever said that.”

“I did. Just now.”

“You little–” Peter started to get up, looking ready to wrestle him.

“Absolutely not.” Regulus shoved him back down. “You two are such children.”

“You love us anyway.” James grinned unrepentantly. Regulus wasn’t looking at his face but he could just tell. “What does that say about you?”

Regulus tightened his grip around his waist and leaned his head on James’s shoulder. “That I have excellent taste.”

His boyfriend made a happy noise, leaning further back into him.

“Oh, you two are back to this again.” Peter flopped back on the bed again. “Making the rest of us feel incredibly single. Thank you so much.”

“That’s why you have to talk to Emmeline.” James said without missing a beat. “Regulus, inside source, how are his chances looking?”

Woah, okay. Regulus actually wasn’t entirely sure.

“She misses you a lot but you also said some rather awful things to her.” Regulus told the blond. “I’d say there’s a chance but it would take work on both sides. …A lot of work.”

James opened his mouth but Peter held up a hand. “Yes, yes, I know. ‘Any love worth having takes work and pain to blossom.’  No need to lecture me, Mum.”

Regulus couldn’t help but smile as recognition flickered in his mind. “You really do believe that story, don’t you?”

“About Salim and Attiya, yeah.” James nodded along absently. Then he paused. “Wait, how do you know that story?”

“Your Father told me after I told him what I did.” Regulus explained, letting his fingers caress James’s stomach lightly. “I think he was trying to reassure me that you’d still want to get back together and that it would all be worth it in the end.”

“Huh, okay.” James tilted his head as he pondered that.

A thought suddenly occurred to Regulus. One he’d had before.

“When did you fall in love with me?” He asked. “If the curse is true it would have to have been at a time I still hated you.”

James was suddenly very still and Regulus could practically feel embarrassment seeping into him.

“James?”

“This is really embarrassing.” His boyfriend stated. Peter meanwhile looked extremely entertained, holding back laughter.

“James when was it? I’m not judging you.” Regulus cajoled. “If I’m being honest, I thought you were fit even back in my Third Year.”

Peter was letting out little puffs of air from his nose as he shook quietly in near-silent laughter, his lips pressed together as he watched them both.

“Peter?”

“Go on Jamie.” The boy encouraged, his voice laced with amusement. “Tell him when the magical moment was.”

James had actually started to flush a little bit.

“Sunshine.” Regulus tried at last. It did the trick.

“Do you remember when we first met?” James asked and there was no fucking way. “It was on the train – Sirius introduced us. You said my glasses were weird and my hair looked like a disgrace to my whole bloodline, then you insisted on sitting next to me and grilled me about Hogwarts.”

Regulus remembered vaguely but the memory didn’t particularly stand out to him. He was only eleven at the time, after all, and it hadn’t exactly been an eventful meeting. All he could really recall was being unimpressed and angry that this was the boy Sirius was so enamoured with. He had written James off and hated him even before they met.

“I remember thinking that your eyes were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” James continued, still frozen like a startled deer. (Because he was a stag. Oh, that suddenly made sense.) “It was very confusing to me at the time because I had the same thought about Lily’s eyes a year earlier and your eyes aren’t that different from Sirius’s really.” He took a breath. “But I never stopped thinking that way about you. I made my feelings for Lily known but with you… It was always there in the back of my mind, but… you were off limits so… yeah.”

Regulus’s mind was whirling as he processed this.

“You fell in love with me the very first time you saw me?!” He burst out eventually. “James, I was eleven! You were twelve!”

“Yes, it was very confusing.”

Peter cackled in the background.

“James, I hated you back then! You stole Sirius from me! I thought you were a blithering idiot!”

James turned in his lap to smile at him. “The curse strikes again.”

Regulus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you telling me that you loved me for over four years before I even flirted with you the first time?” He asked incredulously. They could have had so much more time together.

James’s expression twisted wryly. “And even then, it was fake.”

Guilt shot through him. Salazar, all that time James spent resisting him, he had already been in love, thinking it was doomed.

“I hate this curse.” Regulus spat unhappily. “Fuck Salim, honestly. He should have let Attiya lift it.”

“I don’t hate the curse.” James kissed his cheek quickly. “I would endure a thousand more years of hatred to have this.”

Regulus’s heart fluttered in his chest.

“Ugh. Jamie, you’re soppier than the Great Lake.” Peter pulled a disgusted face, getting up. “I’m out of here.” He paused. “But we’re good, right? Or on the way to good?”

“Yep!” James confirmed while Regulus gave him a meaningful nod.

“You’re still on my shit list, Baby Black.” Peter pointed at him as he walked to the door. “But we’ll work on it.”

“Buy Em dahlias.” Regulus advised. “They’re her favourite.”

Peter grinned as he reached the door. “Okay, you get brownie points for that. Let the forgiveness games begin!”

*

The house was awkward and quiet for the next few days as half of their friends avoided coming over, or at least avoided James and Regulus. It was making James all sad and Regulus didn’t like it. He resolved to put his boyfriend in a good mood.

“Let’s go on a date.” He said suddenly one morning when he was lounging with B, Ev and James in the sun room. It was beautiful on a Summer’s day like this.

“A date?” His boyfriend asked. “Where? Actually, why?”

“Because it’s a lovely day.” He answered, his mind already planning furiously. “It should be a double date.”

Barty perked up. “Ooh, yes! Again, where? Why?”

“Because your first date was while closeted and pretending to be friends, and our first date was when James was completely oblivious to the fact that it was a date.” Regulus told them.

“So, a do-over?” Evan surmised. “That could be fun.”

Barty’s eyes had lit up. “We can actually kiss! We can actually kiss on our second-first date! In public!”

That decided it for Evan. “Okay, we’re definitely doing this.”

Meanwhile, James had a considering look. “It’s weird – what I consider our first date, was actually our second date. And on our real first date, I didn’t know so I wasn’t even being all date-y.”

Regulus kissed him on the cheek. “You were date-y enough. Still, do-over?”

“Do-over.” James agreed with a smile. “I’m guessing you have a plan already?”

“How about Diagon Alley?” Regulus suggested. “That’s about as public as we can get.”

“Yes!” Barty was looking excitedly at his boyfriend. “We can snog everywhere!”

“Madam Malkin’s.” Evan grinned.

“Flourish and Blott’s.” Barty looked ecstatic.

“Fortescue’s.”

“The Leaky.”

“Literally everywhere we have shit memories.”

“And no-one can stop us!”

Regulus’s heart melted. This had been a good idea.

“What are we waiting for?” Barty leapt up. “Time to get ready!”

“Meet back in an hour?” Regulus proposed.

“An hour? Who needs an hour to get ready?” James frowned. The three Slytherins gave him scathing looks in unison, causing him to raise his hands in surrender. “Fine, sorry! An hour! That sounds perfectly reasonable!”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You can tell Effie and Monty where we’re going. Meet us by the floo.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” James mock saluted.

They peeled off from the Gryffindor to go get ready and Regulus actually found himself rather excited. A proper first date – in public – and with two of his closest friends. It was bound to be an excellent time. He already formulated a list of places they’d go to and it was starting to get him to smile subconsciously.

“What’s got you smiling like that?” Sirius’s voice called out, bringing him out of his head.

Regulus paused and saw him strolling around the corner on his lonesome. He hesitated to tell the truth – they were on such delicate terms anyway, he didn’t want to rub it in his brother’s face that he was going on a date with his best friend while Sirius’s (ex-)boyfriend wouldn’t even talk to him.

“Pfft. Have fun explaining that one.” Barty grinned wickedly with a mocking pat on Regulus’s shoulder. He and Evan giggled as they rushed off, leaving the two brothers alone.

Traitors.

“Well, that’s not ominous at all.” Sirius watched them go. He turned back to Regulus. “What’s going on?”

He cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to keep his tone light as he answered. (He was not sure he managed it.) “B, Ev, James and I are going to have a first date do-over, so to speak.” Sirius stiffened. “You see, our first date was whilst my friends and I were still closeted and James was oblivious to the whole thing, so…” He trailed off awkwardly.

“You’re gonna do the whole public, shove it in people’s faces thing, aren’t you?” Sirius commented after a moment with a wry smile.

Regulus tilted his head in mild surprise. “How did you know?”

His smile twisted ruefully. “Because I did the same thing, first chance I got.”

Oh.

That made sense. It was strange to think they had shared thoughts and experiences after everything.

“You’re going to get ready?” He nodded in the direction of Regulus’s room in question.

“Yes.” Regulus responded. It was so awkward and stilted between them right now.

“Cool.” Sirius gave him a weak smile.

“Cool.” He echoed back.

There was a moment of strained silence.

“Right, I’ll just–” “Can I maybe–”

They both paused.

“You go first.” Sirius said.

“No, you.” Regulus countered. “Yours sounded like a question.”

“Right. Uhm.” Sirius straightened up and squared his shoulders. “Can I maybe help you get ready?”

Regulus blinked. What?

“You know… I wasn’t there for your real first date but… I can be there for your do-over?” He offered awkwardly. “I can do the older brother thing? Help you pick out an outfit? I don’t know, maybe this was stupid, I’ll just–”

“No!” Regulus burst out frantically before settling himself. “No. You can… That would be… nice… I think. You can– yes.”

Sirius blinked this time. Then he lit up. “Really? Cool. Yes. Let’s go! Second-First Date – woo! I’m on board!” His enthusiasm was a little awkward, nervous and over-the-top, but Regulus appreciated him trying.

He pointed jerkily in the direction of his room. “Let’s–”

“Yes, let’s go!” Sirius strode forward with forced bravado. “You’ve got a date to get to!”

Regulus followed a tad bemusedly and when they made it into his room there was another odd moment of them both standing around, unsure how to proceed. Regulus tried to make it less awkward by throwing open his wardrobe.

“Clothes.” He announced needlessly.

“Clothes!” Sirius repeated with gusto. He threw himself onto Regulus’s bed without permission and examined the contents of his wardrobe critically. “You don’t have any denim? Or leather?”

“Why in Merlin’s name would I have either of those? I have class.” Regulus derided on autopilot before wincing. “Sorry.”

“Already forgotten.” His brother waved away. He settled back more comfortably on Regulus’s sheets, getting his shoes all over them and making him cringe.

Regulus couldn’t help himself. “Take your shoes off.”

“What?” Sirius blinked, caught off-guard.

“Shoes. Off.”

“You know we don’t live with her anymore.” Sirius said carefully. “We can afford to let loose a little. Play by our own rules.”

“My rules say no shoes on the furniture.” Regulus told him clearly.

Sirius stared at him. Then a small smile of amusement crept onto his face. “So, you’re still uptight.” He kicked his shoes off using his own feet and they landed unceremoniously by the bed.

“And you’re still an animal.” Regulus shook his head disgustedly. “Shoes on the bed. Honestly.”

“Was that one of those fake insults hiding a compliment or was it actually an insult?” Sirius asked lightly, but there was an awkward undertone.

Regulus paused. “It was a light-hearted insult. The type I’d give my friends.” He clarified haltingly.

Sirius nodded in understanding, though he didn’t look particularly convinced by the ‘light-hearted’ part.

“I called Barty a pathetic whore earlier.” He said suddenly. “I didn’t really mean it but I also kind of did. It was a joke really. He didn’t get offended.”

“Oh.” Sirius suddenly looked assuaged. He paused. “That’s weird.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Piss off.”

Sirius grinned. “You didn’t mean that, did you? You were just joking around!” He looked rather proud of himself for spotting it.

“Yes.” He replied patiently. “I was just joking.”

“Oh, hell yeah!” Sirius fist-pumped. “Let’s get this outfit locked and loaded ‘cause I am on a roll!” He rolled off the bed dramatically and strode straight up to Regulus’s wardrobe. He started rifling through the contents without permission, touching what felt like everything in there. Regulus bit his tongue and decided to let it go.

“No. No. No. No. No. Maybe? Actually no.” Sirius narrated obnoxiously as he flicked through Regulus’s shirts. “No. No. Do you own anything that’s not black? Wait this is navy! But it’s ugly. Moving on!”

Yeah. This may have been a mistake.

“Fuck off, it’s not ugly.” Regulus glared in annoyance. “You just have no taste.”

“I am the arbiter of taste.” Sirius argued, continuing to cycle through his clothes. “You’re quite lucky to have me on board actually.”

Regulus shoved him out of the way and snatched up the shirt he had in mind. It was a loose black linen shirt that he could unbutton low to show off his jewellery. And James really loved fiddling with his jewellery. Not to mention staring at his bare chest.

“That’s kind of boring.” Sirius pouted.

“It’s classic.” Regulus countered. “Besides James–” He cut himself off abruptly.

Sirius’s face twisted in disgust. “What were you going to say? That James likes it? Oh, fuck, I need to bleach my brain!” Then he suddenly backtracked. “Wait! I didn’t mean that! I’m being happy for you two! Look at me – I’m so supportive! You should wear the shirt! It’ll go great with…” He opened a drawer to reveal Regulus’s many pairs of black trousers. “…more black! Black on black! It’s very in! I’m so excited!”

Regulus couldn’t help it. He laughed. “Salazar, you sound like I put a wand to your head.”

Sirius reluctantly started giggling too. “Oh, we’re bad at this.”

“So bad at this.” He agreed, chuckling.

They continued laughing quietly with each other for a few minutes and it was nice. Regulus couldn’t recall the last time when they laughed together instead of at each other. They were trying at least, and for all their awkwardness, that was what mattered.

“You’ll have more fun jewellery picking.” Regulus estimated, after he finally calmed down. “I’ll let you take over there.” He said like a peace offering.

Sirius’s eyes lit up. “Prepare to look better than you ever have!”

At the very least, Regulus actually did appreciate his brother’s taste in jewellery, and so he decided that even if he didn’t pick what Regulus would have, it would still be decent.

Regulus picked out a pair of tight black trousers that made his arse look phenomenal and changed in the bathroom. While he was in there, he fixed up his hair a bit until he was happy with the way his curls lay.

When he came out, Sirius gave him an appraising look. “Okay, I see the vision. Where’s your shit?”

Regulus directed him over to his jewellery and obediently sat as Sirius fussed about, taking the whole thing very seriously as he ummed and ahhed over which ring should go on which finger.

“Is this…?” Sirius paused over James’s ring. His brother brushed his thumb over the engraving of the antlers. “Prongs.”

“It was my birthday present.” Regulus told him with a soft smile. “He said it’s sort of a promise ring.” He looked up at his brother happily. “He made it himself. And from solid diamond no less.”

Hesitantly, Sirius smiled back. “You always did have expensive taste.”

“I would have been happy with a paper ring.” He admitted quietly. “But this is wonderful. It’s my new favourite actually.”

“Then you’re definitely wearing it.” Sirius said decisively, not moving the ring from its home on Regulus’s finger. “Godric, only you would casually walk around with a solid diamond ring.”

“In my defence, I didn’t buy it.” Regulus tried to banter back, after probably a second too long to be smooth.

Sirius was similarly stilted, even though they were both trying their best to ignore it. “You absolutely would have, you snob.”

“It’s not my fault I have taste.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “There. Done with your rings. Necklaces next – how many is too many?”

“No such thing.” Regulus smirked.

Sirius matched his expression. “Finally. Something we can agree on.”

His brother took great care in arranging his necklaces, frowning in concentration as he worked. It warmed Regulus’s heart just a little bit to see and he was rather happy with the end result – not what he would have gone for exactly, but good, nonetheless.

Sirius nodded in approval. “It’s a shame you don’t have your ears pierced – I have some wicked sword earrings that would go with that necklace.”

That actually sounded pretty cool.

“I’ve been thinking about doing it.” Regulus revealed. “I’m not sure if I want to commit to it though.”

Sirius perked up. “You should! It really pulls a look together sometimes! You could pull it off, I bet – not as well as me, of course – but you’d look good nonetheless.” Regulus rolled his eyes, but his lips were quirked up. “We could go together!” Sirius continued enthusiastically. “I know a good place I swear – they do tattoos too!”

“Maybe.” Regulus answered diplomatically. “I’ll think about it.”

“Will you let me take you?” Sirius asked, abruptly looking him in the eye very earnestly. “If you decide to do it?”

“Yes.” Regulus decided after a moment. It seemed important to his brother. “I’ll let you take me if I decide to get my ears pierced.”

Sirius broke out into a wide and overjoyed grin. “Hell yeah!” He unthinkingly pulled Regulus into a sudden hug then froze. “Sorry!” He started to pull away but Regulus hesitantly put his arms around his brother in turn.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispered and hugged his brother back. It was weird and awkward but also really, really nice. It had been a long time since they had done this. He relished in the feeling for a bit.

When they both pulled back there were some awkward coughs and refusing to meet each other’s eyes.

“That was…” Sirius trailed off.

“Yeah, I know.” Regulus replied.

He swiped under his eyes, which were a touch teary. “Merlin, I refuse to fuck up my makeup. My eyeliner looks killer today.” Then he gave Regulus a cautious look. “Have you ever put on makeup before?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “No. Why?”

“Would you want to?” His brother asked carefully. “I mean – special occasion and all – it’s your second-first date!” He laughed a little awkwardly to mask his nervousness.

Regulus considered it. His brother wore makeup all the time but it didn’t really look too much on him – it was only really recognisable by the eyeliner and lip-gloss on a day-to-day basis (for parties he tended to go more elaborate). Regulus knew his female friends wore day-to-day makeup too – usually just something called ‘mascara’ as well as lip-stuff (balms, glosses, sticks, etcetera, etcetera). There was a tasteful and subtle way to do it, he supposed, and it would probably make Sirius happy.

“Do you think James would like it?” He wondered out loud to his brother.

“I think you might send him into cardiac arrest to be honest.” Sirius smirked a little slyly. He was probably right – James thought he was hot no matter what and would probably enjoy the change.

He paused though, a touch nervous. “Would I look any good in it?” It sounded a bit childish and insecure even to his own ears, but his brother treated the question seriously.

“You would look good in makeup, I promise.” He answered earnestly, looking him in the eye and everything. “I won’t let you go out looking silly.”

It comforted Regulus more than he’d care to admit.

“Okay.” He said quietly. “You can put it on me, but… just a bit.”

“Subtle man-chic. Got it.” Sirius smiled encouragingly. “I’ve done this before – you can trust me.” Then he turned around and started looking for something. “Is this empty?” He gestured to a cupboard that was, in fact, empty.

Regulus frowned in mild confusion. “Yes. Why?”

“I’m about to teach you a trick.” Sirius grinned. He put a hand over the cupboard. “House, could you bring me my makeup please?”

Regulus tilted his head in interest. No way.

Sirius then opened the cupboard and sure enough, there was a large makeup box as well as a couple of smaller makeup bags inside the previously empty cupboard. “Cool right?”

“That’s so helpful.” Regulus breathed out. He tilted his head to the ceiling. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks!” Sirius agreed cheerily before giving his brother a knowing look. “It’s not enough that the Potters have to be perfect – they have to have a perfect enchanted House too.”

Regulus let out a breath of mixed amusement and disbelief. “You can say that again.”

The curtains fluttered happily.

Sirius snatched up his makeup. “Alright, your bed, I think. It will be most comfortable.”

Regulus hesitantly followed him to the bed and watched in minor trepidation as Sirius started rooting through his stash and pulling things out.

“Good thing for you…” Sirius said. “… we have the same skin tone, so I already know what’s going to suit you and I have the perfect shades.”

After getting Regulus to wash his face, Sirius got him to rub something called ‘primer’ onto his skin as well as moisturiser. He was starting to wonder what he’d gotten himself into but Sirius seemed very confident in what he was doing so he tried to relax and trust him.

He applied something skin-coloured on only a few places around his face like his under eyes – it was called ‘concealer’ apparently – and then added what he assured Regulus was a very light blush. He brushed something through Regulus’s eyebrows which was a strange sensation but his brother seemed pleased with the result.

Next up was the eyes. Sirius decided to forego eyeshadow and went straight for eyeliner – a pencil at first, sort of smudging it all around his waterline as Regulus struggled not to cry and ruin it. And then proper eyeliner too, for above his eye. 

“You know…” Sirius murmured as he painted Regulus’s eyelid. “James bought me my first eyeliner.”

Regulus made a curious sound, trying not to move. He hadn’t known that.

“Yeah.” Sirius continued. “He noticed me staring at Mary’s one day and asked if I wanted some. I was all awkward and defensive about it but he got the gist anyway. Apparently, he went to the girls and asked for their advice on what to get me.” Regulus heard him chuckle. “And James being James went all out. He got me eyeliner, mascara, an eyeshadow palette and a tube of bright red lipstick. Then he just handed it to me – on a random Tuesday, no less.”

Sirius pulled back to examine his work and Regulus slowly opened his eyes. “I’m not surprised. That’s such a James thing to do.”

“My favourite part is imagining him in a makeup store, looking utterly lost as a shop assistant bamboozles him into buying the most expensive shit.” Sirius grinned.

Regulus chuckled. “Oh, that’s definitely what happened.”

Sirius snickered too. “It was very sweet of him though. I’ve never really looked back when it comes to makeup.”

“He also wore a crop top to make you feel more comfortable wearing a dress.” Regulus remembered out of nowhere. James had looked so hot in that.

“That’s James for you.” Sirius joked but it was forced. Regulus waited him out until he spoke again cautiously. “What do you think of that by the way?”

“You wearing women’s clothes?” Regulus clarified. “It’s not any worse than those ripped jeans you insist on wearing.”

“So, you’re fine with it?” Sirius pressed nervously. Regulus wasn’t sure what he was so worried about.

“Why wouldn’t I be? We’re free now – you can wear whatever the fuck you want. And I’ll think you look like shit no matter what you’re wearing.”

His brother seemed to sag in relief. “I’m still a man, just to be clear. I just also like…”

“Dresses and makeup and painting your nails and wearing pretty jewellery.” Regulus listed for him. “I’m literally doing three-quarters of that right now.” He held up his black-painted nails that Dorcas had done for him the other day and gestured to his jewellery then his face.

Sirius looked arguably lighter than Regulus had seen him in a while. “I suppose you are. …You’d look shit in a dress though.” He joked.

“I’d probably look better than you.” Regulus shot back.

“No, you wouldn’t. Now, close your eyes so I can do the other side.” Sirius instructed; he was radiating happiness now. Regulus obeyed after rolling his eyes.

“Do you think that crop top of James’s was a one-time thing?” Regulus muttered after a few moments of quiet, trying not to move again. He could practically sense his brother’s smirk.

“It was meant to be but I don’t think he’d take a lot of convincing to wear it again.” He answered, sounding sly and amused. “You liked the show?”

“I think half the party liked the show.” Regulus murmured back. “I liked touching the show.”

“You had to make it weird, huh?” Sirius lamented. “Open your eyes, you little shit.”

Regulus did. “It’s Summer. I could convince him to wear it again, right? Hot weather and all.”

“Yeah probably. Worst case scenario: buy him one and refuse to kiss him until he wears it.” Sirius examined his handiwork. “Eyeliner’s all good because I am an artist at heart. Mascara time!”

He pulled out a tool that looked like a torture device.

“The fuck is that?” He asked suspiciously.

“Eye-lash curler.” Sirius answered nonchalantly. “Sit still so I can make you pretty.”

Regulus practically held his breath as his brother clamped his eyelashes into that thing, half-convinced it was going to tear them all out. But it didn’t, and Sirius was very careful with him, instructing him softly when to blink and when he could move. At last, both sets of lashes were done and Regulus breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled out a much more familiar item that Regulus recognised (but still had no clue how it worked).

“Okay, we have to be careful not to let the mascara smudge here.” Sirius cautioned. “Blink whenever I say. I’m putting this on your lashes.”

That… sounded like it was going to be really odd. “Why do people do this?”

“Beauty is pain. Suck it up.”

Regulus did as instructed and tried not to cringe at the wet sensation on his eyelashes. It dried quickly enough though, and after a little bit of cleaning things up, Sirius seemed satisfied. He put a touch of what he called ‘highlighter’ in the inner corner of Regulus’s eyes before placing it some other places too. Finally, it was time for the lips.

“Okay, part your lips slightly.” His brother instructed. “I’m going for ever so slightly pinker than your lips normally are, plus a gloss.”

When he was done, Regulus’s lips felt sticky but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“Mirror!” Sirius announced excitedly. “I’m all done! Time to see my masterpiece!”

Regulus walked into his bathroom and braced himself for what he was about to see. When he finally saw himself, he looked… pretty.

His eyes were lined with a wickedly sharp liner and the kohl smoked out along his lower lash-line looked actually quite sexy against his pale grey eyes. His lashes looked longer and thicker than normal, and the colour and gloss on his lips made them look very tempting. The rest of his face looked pretty much the same to Regulus – though he supposed he had a bit more colour than usual, and his eyebrows looked a tad neater.

All in all, he looked… pretty was definitely the word for it. He knew he was attractive in general – had used that against James (and others) plenty of times – but this was just him looking nice for a date with his boyfriend. It was a little odd but it made him smile.

“You like?” Sirius asked, leaning against the doorway.

“Not bad.” He answered.

“Please.” His brother scoffed. “It’s more than not bad. And you definitely like it.”

He decided to be honest in the face of Sirius’s earlier insecurity about his femininity. “I do like it. I might have to steal that lip shit.”

“‘That lip shit’ he says.” Sirius shook his head in disappointment. “It was a matte lipstick applied mostly to the centre and smudged out, plus a gloss. A very expensive one at that.”

“Can I have them?” Regulus asked cheekily.

“You can borrow them for reapplying on your date.” Sirius emphasised. “After that, you’re going to give them back and buy your bloody own.”

Regulus smirked at him. “We’ll see about that.”

“This is the thanks I get? You’re such a little shit.”

Regulus smirked in amusement at him for a few seconds before a wave of sincerity hit him. “Thank you.” He said quietly, looking away.

“You’re welcome.” His brother responded, equally quiet. “Thank you for letting me…”

“You’re welcome.”

They stayed there for a few moments, basking in a quiet contentment – no awkwardness for once, just comfort.

“I should probably get my stuff together.”

“Right. Yeah.” Sirius stepped out of the doorway.

Regulus collected his things – money, wand, the tubes of lip shit, other items. Then he was standing ready with a few minutes to spare.

“I should go meet the others.” He stated eventually.

“Have fun.” Sirius smiled at him. It looked a little sad.

“I’ll tell you about it after?” Regulus offered, unsure if that would make him feel better or worse.

“Looking forward to it.” Sirius pushed him towards the door gently. “Run along.”

With one last awkward smile at his brother, he left to meet the others.