Warm

“You spoke with Sirius?” Barty bolted upright immediately in his surprise. “Do I need to punch him or–?”

“No.” Regulus interrupted. “It was… good.”

“Good?” Evan asked groggily, sitting up now too. Both boys were in Evan’s bed, still sleeping when Regulus had come in, but Barty had woken up shortly after his return, asking where he’d been.

“What does ‘good’ mean?” Barty prodded, clearly much more awake than his boyfriend.

“He… apologised.” Regulus told them, still a bit in disbelief.

“Really?” The brunet exclaimed in shock. “Salazar’s tits. Was it a good one?”

“…Yeah.”

Barty regarded him calculatingly. “You apologised too, didn’t you? We’re talking about a proper reconciliation chat here.”

Slowly, Regulus nodded. “We’re not all the way there but…”

“Well, fuck me.” His friend commented. “I never thought I’d see the day. …Does this mean I have to stop tripping him in the halls?”

“You’ve been–?” Regulus shook his head, smiling a touch. “Yeah, you should probably stop that.”

“What about stealing one of every pair of his socks? That’s been quite fun.”

Regulus blinked at his friend in surprise. “How many mild revenge plots towards my brother have you been partaking in?”

Barty grinned. “Seven.”

“In his defence,” Evan mumbled from where he was sleepily slumped against his boyfriend. “You did lift the rule – you should have expected him to run wild.”

Regulus huffed a small laugh. “I suppose I should have. B you can continue only one of your mild plots. Just because it will be funny.”

Barty pouted as he considered this. “I suppose I’ll have to content myself with Plan C.”

“And what does that entail?”

“Taking up the hems of all of his trousers and sleeves. It’s been driving him mad – he knows he’s not growing but his clothes keep shrinking, and he can’t figure out why.” Barty smirked wickedly.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re fucking insane?” Regulus asked him in wonder. “Because that’s genius but also psychotic.”

Barty inclined his head performatively. “I’m a visionary, I know.”

“You’re also really hot when you’re ruining lives.” Evan added, beginning to lazily kiss his partner’s neck. Barty tilted his head to accommodate him.

It reminded Regulus of James. Of how fucking lonely he was without him.

“No progress on the others?” Barty asked, even as he gripped Evan’s hair.

“No.” Regulus answered, unfazed by their antics by now.

“You should try Em and Cas, at least.” Barty said distractedly. “I think they’re wearing down.”

Regulus hoped so. He missed them.

Barty gasped as Evan bit down especially hard.

“We have class first thing.” Regulus told his dorm-mates flatly. “You’re going to be late.”

“So, we’ll be late.” Evan muttered against B’s skin.

Barty abruptly shifted so he was in Evan’s lap and the blond resumed attacking his neck while B started to grind down against him filthily. That was Regulus’s cue to get the fuck out.

“Are you doing okay?” Barty panted out breathlessly.

“Doing more than okay, sweetness.” Evan answered but Barty made a protesting noise.

“Was taking to Reg.” He corrected distractedly. “You doing good?”

Regulus just squinted at him with incredulousness, pausing as he shrugged on his shirt. “You’re checking in now?Right now?"

“I’m a good friend.” Barty said, still grinding down obscenely. Regulus was going to need to wash his eyes out with Lobalug Venom.

“And I want to gouge my eyes out. I’m leaving.”

“Good idea.” Evan murmured, reaching around to squeeze Barty’s arse. 

“It’s okay if you’re not okay.” Barty breathed out and Regulus could not fucking believe him. “But don’t– Salazar don’t stop that– don’t give up hope, Reg.”

Regulus was swiftly dressing and picking up his things. “I am not listening to advice you give while you’re having sex.”

“That’s when I do my best thinking.” Barty panted. Then he moaned. “You might need to give him space.”

Regulus snatched up his tie and started aggressively fastening it around his neck, not looking at his friends. “It’s been weeks. How much space does he need?”

“You shouldn’t– ah! – you shouldn’t pressure him. He can react how he wants.” Barty’s pyjama trousers landed nearby Regulus.

“I like how you’re reacting right now.” Evan purred, making Regulus hurry further.

“I’m not pressuring him.” He argued even as he swiftly pulled his shoes on.

“He’ll come to you. Ev, oh – When he’s ready he’ll find you.” Barty managed breathlessly.

“So, I should give up?” Regulus shoved his books into his bag.

“You should be – ah, oh – patient. Right there, yes!”

Fuck. He was probably right. Still: “I’m not listening to you right now.”

“Oh fuck! Reg, you should talk to Monty.”

Regulus stilled but didn’t turn around. “What?”

“He knows his son well – oh, that’s so good – and you two get along. Unh! He’ll give good advice, I’m sure. Another one, Ev. Please. And you’ll feel a lot better if you know for– oh! – for sure that you’re not getting kicked out. Yes! Right there!”

Regulus fucking hated that that made sense. He hated even more that Barty could apparently give good advice while being fingered.

“Goodbye, Barty.” He said emphatically, marching towards the exit.

“Talk to Monty!” His friend called before Regulus shut the door. Based on the sounds after that, he made it out just in time.

*

Later that day, Regulus did write to Monty. But it had nothing to do with Barty’s sex-fuelled advice. Nothing at all.

With shaking fingers, he wrote what he had done, the plan he had made. He wrote of everything that had changed his mind and everything that had happened after. He wrote of Em and Cas not speaking to him. Of all the Gryffindors’ anger. He wrote of shouting matches with Peter and Remus. He wrote of their plan to convince James to move out and Regulus’s promise to leave himself to stop it. He wrote of the drowning sensation and constant coldness that wouldn’t leave him. He wrote of Sirius and the hope that had bloomed there. He wrote apologies and begged for Monty’s forgiveness. He wrote it all down. All of it. An emotional confession that was quite unlike him but came spilling out the moment he put pen to paper.

He signed it off, sealed it up and headed off to the owlery without letting himself second guess it. He had just sent the letter off with a school owl when he bumped into them.

“Oh, it’s you.” Came Peter’s derisive voice. “Are you following us?”

“Pete, he was here first.” James’s voice came next and Regulus whipped around to face them, caught off-guard.

There, sandwiched between Peter and Remus, was a tired, unkempt James. He still looked gorgeous to Regulus.

“Hi.” The Slytherin greeted breathlessly, unable to keep his eyes off of James. “I’m sorry–”

“Oh, fucking save it!” Remus cut in. “James, just send off your letter so we can go.”

“Yeah, we have better things to do than listen to lying snakes.” The blond boy agreed viciously.

James stared at Regulus for a moment, before biting his lip and abruptly pulling his gaze away, moving to obey his friends.

“James, I–” Regulus tried to speak but it was James who interrupted him this time.

“Please stop.” He said quietly and Regulus’s heart dropped. He immediately wanted to cry. “I can’t right now. I just…”

James trailed off and the Slytherin steeled himself. “Then, I’ll wait.” He stated firmly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready. As long as it takes.”

James looked up at him again, pausing in his movements, his eyes searching and hopeful.

“No!” Peter cut in loudly. “Nuh-uh. Nope. He’s a liar, James. Don’t listen to him. Owl your letter.”

Remus stepped up to his friend and placed a hand on his cheek, redirecting James’s gaze to himself. “Those brothers used us and we’re better off without them. Remember?”

“Moony–”

“Stay strong, Prongs.” Remus tilted his head so that their foreheads rested against one another, their eyes both falling closed as they leaned into each other. “I know it hurts.” He whispered. “But stay strong.”

So that’s where the dating rumours came from. Even despite the situation, Regulus felt a flicker of jealousy in his stomach. He swallowed it down.

“James.” He said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. He did his best to ignore Peter’s glare and the other two’s lack of reaction. “Take as much time as you need. I’ll be waiting. I’m not giving up on us.”

James’s eyes squeezed tighter closed as if Regulus’s words pained him to hear, and he took a deep breath. Still, he didn’t respond and didn’t move away from Remus.

“Just go.” Peter spat harshly, standing in front of the other two like a bodyguard.

With a heavy heart, Regulus did, unable to do anything else. He held back tears the whole way.

*

When he got back to his dorm room, it wasn’t just occupied by Barty and Evan, but the girls too.

Upon his arrival, Dorcas and Emmeline started to get up. “We’ll be off, then.” The latter started, her voice hard, but Regulus didn’t pay them any mind. He just threw himself onto his bed and immediately burst into tears. He couldn’t hold off any longer. It had all just built and built and he needed to explode.

They all paused.

“Reg?” Pandora asked carefully, moving over to his bed cautiously. “What happened?”

“He could barely even look at me.” Regulus managed to sob through the tears, his whole body shaking. “I’ve ruined everything.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Pandora soothed, moving closer. He let her manoeuvre him to cry into her embrace, latching on tight.

“He’s a mess.” Regulus wailed, his breath hitching violently. It was like a dam had opened and he couldn’t stop himself. “I’ve destroyed him.”

“You haven’t–”

“I’ve destroyed everything!” Regulus continued to gasp out as he fully and completely broke down. It was dramatic but he felt like the world was caving in and it was all his fault. “I’ve destroyed him! And Remus too! And I killed Em and Peter! And Cas–” A sob wracked his body. “It’s all wrong! I’m wrong! I destroyed it all!”

The bed dipped with another weight. “It’s not all on you.” Emmeline said tightly.

“It is!” Regulus insisted, his voice shaky as he cried. “It’s my fault!”

“You were right the other day.” She said quietly. “I need to take responsibility for my own actions. I was just as much a part of this as you, and so it’s not all your fault.”

Regulus just sobbed harder at that, unable to muster a response. So, Em scooted further onto the bed and wrapped him in a hug, transferring him from Pandora to herself.

“I’m sorry for blaming you.” She whispered, her own voice starting to shake as tears filled her eyes too. “I’m angry at myself and I took it out on you.”

“I deserve it.” Regulus lamented between tears.

“No, you don’t.” Dorcas cut in, sitting down on Regulus’s other side. She hesitantly joined the hug. “You’re getting enough shit as it is, you didn’t deserve it from us too.”

“I missed you.” Regulus murmured shakily.

“We missed you too.” Dorcas admitted. “I’m sorry.”

Regulus suddenly shifted to hug them both tighter, another round of tears setting off. Emmeline started crying too now, and Dorcas blinked back tears, tightening her grip.

They stayed like that for a while, crying and hugging each other, but Regulus felt a whole lot better afterwards. And he finally had two of his best friends back.

*

Regulus got a reply from Monty first thing the next morning. Apparently, he bribed Dumbledore with a case of Fizzing Whizzbees, so they could talk in person.


Regulus felt like he was walking to his execution as he made his way to Dumbledore’s office.

“Regulus, my dear boy.” Monty greeted warmly when Regulus entered, the Headmaster nowhere in sight; but the boy hesitated by the door, fear gripping his heart. The man noticed immediately.

“Regulus, please do take a seat. I’m not going to hurt you. Or yell at you. I’d just like to talk.” He smiled kindly and gestured to the seat beside him. “In fact, I’d like to tell you a story.”

Slowly, Regulus made his way over and took the offered seat, carefully cataloguing the man’s expression as he did. “A story?”

“Yes.” Monty’s gaze was gentle and his whole countenance soft. Suspiciously so. He was being too nice given what Regulus had admitted to him.

“It’s a story I told James often when he was growing up – his favourite actually.” The man continued, no sign of animosity in sight. “And I’ve told him it so many times that he now believes it to be true.”

“He believes the tale you told him as a child is true?” Regulus asked cautiously, tense as he waited for whatever trap he was about to fall into.

“In his defence, I believe it’s true as well.” Monty told him, his eyes glinting slightly with mischief. “May I tell you the story?”

Regulus swallowed nervously. “Yes.”

Monty smiled wider at that, opening his hands to gesture as he began. “There is a legend in our family. The Potters. Though, before that we had many other names. But supposedly we had an ancestor named Salim – a tall man, the legend says. Smart, kind, funny. Beloved by his village. ‘Zareen’, they called him – it means ‘golden’.”

“Like the sun.” Regulus found himself interrupting. “Sorry– go on…”

The man just smiled at him unbothered. “It more means: auspicious, joyful, successful, best; but yes, I suppose it could mean… bright like the sun. In any case, he was well-known and well-loved. Except by one household in the village – another Wixen family, though the people of the village didn’t know it. This family envied him. Hated him. Thought him too loud, and reckless, and constantly irritating.” Monty leaned forward excitedly. “In particular, the eldest daughter, a young woman named Attiya. She hated him more than most. Could barely stand to be in his presence. So one day, she cursed him and his bloodline.”

“His bloodline?” Regulus asked, concerned. If this story was indeed true that meant the Potters were still cursed.

“Yes.” The man grinned, dazzlingly. “Both James and I are rather convinced we’re both cursed. My father thought so too, and his father before that.”

Regulus frowned worriedly. “What’s the curse?”

Monty’s smile widened impossibly further, his eyes shining. “This is my favourite part. Attiya hated that everyone loved Salim so much, so her curse was that he, and every firstborn son of his line, would only ever fall in love with someone who hated them.”

Regulus blinked in surprise. “That’s terrible.”

“Is it?” Monty was still grinning. “Salim was distraught at first. He dated many beautiful women but he could not love them the way he desired. Eventually, he gave up and went back to Attiya, begging her to lift the curse, but she would not do it. And so, out of options, Salim resolved to change her mind about him – if she no longer hated him then, perhaps, she would lift the curse, he thought.”

Regulus suddenly saw where this was going. “She fell in love with him, didn’t she?”

“Indeed, she did.” Monty confirmed cheerfully. “He brought her fresh flowers every day. And helped her with her chores. He told her jokes and conversed with her even when she didn’t want to hear it. He was there for her when her mother passed away and he helped her through all of her hardships. Eventually, his loudness became endearing. His recklessness became courage to her. He was no longer constantly irritating, and instead irritatingly constant. A strong pillar for her to lean upon. Her hate became love and she finally came to him one day, ready to lift the curse, but he stopped her.”

“Because he loved her too?” Regulus guessed.

Monty nodded with a smile. “The curse said only that he would fall in love whilst his love still hated him. It said nothing of him continuing to love her after her hate faded away. He told her not to lift the curse, saying that he wanted every firstborn descendant of his to experience the same thing that he had. There is a fine line between love and hate, he said (or something thereabouts), and any love worth having takes work and pain to blossom.” Monty chuckled a little. “She called him a madman but he said it didn’t matter what he was, as long as he was hers.”

Regulus’s heart clenched at that, reminded so very painfully of James. James who had never cared what names he was called as long as he got to be Regulus’s.

“My grandfather fell in love with a woman who hated him.” Monty told him next. “He never did change her mind and married his best friend instead. A beautiful but ultimately passionless partnership. My dad, on other hand, managed to woo my mum after they spent years and years at each other’s throats. It was a mutual hatred, and then a mutual love. Eventually.”

“And as for myself…” He sighed nostalgically. “Effie hated me for years.”

“Really?” Regulus asked in shock. They seemed so blissfully happy together.

“Mhm.” Monty hummed, smiling fondly. “She thought me a loud-mouthed, immature brute. Called me ‘Flea-bite’ for quite some time. It was rather horrible really.” He was still smiling.

“But?”

“But one day, in our last year at Hogwarts, I was asked to tutor her in Potions.” The man explained, reminiscently. “It took most of the year, but she eventually stopped hating me. Of course, I had been in love with her for three years by that point.”

“Three years?” Regulus repeated incredulously.

“Yes.” He grinned. "It was a painful existence. But it was worth it in the end. A month after we graduated, she owled me with strict instructions to show up for a date, and we’ve never looked back since.” He regarded Regulus pointedly then. “And now you can see why James is also convinced the curse is real.”

James had fallen in love with Lily while she hated him. That much was for sure. But then… he must have done the same with Regulus. The Slytherin wondered when exactly it had been – Regulus had certainly hated him for years – but it hadn’t actually taken him long this year for that hatred to fade. So, James must have fallen very quickly or before the plan even started, for him to believe that the curse applied.

“I’m sorry.” Regulus burst out. “I did hate him and I meant to hurt him at first, but then… I fell in love. And I abandoned the plan, I promise. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore – it breaks my heart that I have–”

“Woah!” Monty soothed. “Calm down, my boy, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have–”

“You shouldn’t have." Monty agreed and Regulus’s heart dropped. “But you did. And the important part is that you stopped. You learned from it. You can’t go back and change what happened, but I shan’t be holding it against you when you have so clearly learnt your lesson.”

Regulus stared at him in disbelief. “You’re not angry?”

“I’m a tad disappointed.” Monty admitted. “But it wasn’t me you hurt. It’s up to James – and the rest of your friends – to decide if (or rather ‘when’, as I am quite optimistic) they choose to forgive you.”

“I don’t know if they will.” He whispered, not meeting the man’s eyes.

“Oh, my boy. Come here.” Monty murmured, opening his arms invitingly. Regulus collapsed into them without hesitation and the man started stroking his back soothingly with one hand as he held him tight with the other. “They’ll forgive you eventually, I’m sure. It’s just that these loves – both romantic and platonic – are only worth it because they take work and pain to blossom.”

“Just like Salim said in the legend.”

“Precisely.” The man pressed a kiss into his hair. “Your crime was letting your hate consume you. I trust that you have changed, my boy, and that it won’t happen again.”

“It won’t.” Regulus promised strongly into the soft material of the man’s jumper.

“So now, you must be patient and perseverant. Continue to work towards forgiveness and it will all work out in the end.” Monty assured him. His embrace was so warm and his words were so soft, Regulus wanted to stay here forever.

“How do I do that?” He asked in a whisper, utterly at a loss.

“Well,” The man began, making no move to pull away, which the boy appreciated. “Everyone is different, so it shall be different for each of them. Neither Marlene nor Peter will believe a word you say until James forgives you. And even then, only action will convince them.”

“Will James forgive me, though?” Regulus asked, his voice small.

“Yes.” Monty answered immediately and unhesitatingly. “He is very much a Potter in his love. When he found someone who loved him back… that was it. If he’s anything like me, or my father, or my grandfather, or Salim, he’ll never love anyone else the way he loves you.” The man had the look of someone who had experienced this first hand. “So, he’ll forgive you. I don’t think he’ll know how to do anything else.”

Regulus wasn’t sure how to respond to that. This was where the curse part became clear. There was an undeniable tragedy in the notion of loving someone who hated you. Of knowing they would hurt you and loving them anyway. Of being unable to love any other way and unable to love anyone else.

“It really is a curse.” He remarked sadly, to which Monty sighed.

“If it’s true. I’m not saying it is. I personally see too much of a pattern in my family to think otherwise, but it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s what my Effie thinks – we believe it so it becomes true.” He squeezed Regulus for a quick moment. “I have something to ask of you, although I know I shouldn’t.”

Cautiously, the Slytherin pulled back at that to look him in the eye. “What is it?”

“Be careful with his heart?” Monty asked quietly. “As far as James is concerned it’s yours. I know because I am the same way with Effie. You’re a truly wonderful person, Regulus, and you’re one of mine now, no matter what. But I have to ask that you be careful with him. He won’t be careful with himself.”

A lump formed in Regulus’s throat. A stopper for the tide of emotions rising within him. “I’ll try my best. I don’t want to hurt him like this again.”

“I know, my boy. I believe you.” Monty pulled him back in for another hug. “Just be patient with him. He’ll come to you and tell you what he needs when he’s ready.”

“That’s what Barty said.”

“Barty’s a smart lad.” Regulus could hear the smile in his tone even with his face buried in the man’s neck. “Jamie has never been very good at asking for help. He’d rather pretend that everything’s fine and help everyone else – he got that from his mother. But he trusts you. He’ll tell you what he needs.”

Hope bubbled in Regulus’s chest. “Okay.”

“As for the others…” Monty continued after a moment. “Pete and Marls are action people, as I said. Remus – bless him – will only respond to gestures so grand, even he can’t deny they’re genuine. It took the boys becoming animagi for him to believe they were really okay with his lycanthropy.”

“So, you do know about that.”

Monty smiled. “It’s the only secret James has ever successfully kept from his mother and I, only for Remus to tell us himself. We let him use the Manor grounds for full moons in the holidays. It’s far better than that wretched basement his father has for him.”

Regulus hadn’t known that. He imagined a terrified young Remus, seven-years-old perhaps, hyperventilating in a locked basement room as he slowly lost control of his body. Utterly alone. It was an awful thought.

“The rest will follow suit, I think. And I don’t know Dorcas or Emmeline well enough to presume about them. Though, I do hope you all make up, Pete and Marls looked so happy with them, and they were a delight to have around the house.”

A wave of guilt crashed over him.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Monty squeezed him soothingly.

“No, it’s fine.” Regulus denied, burrowing closer, his words muffled. “I’ve made up with them both myself but they miss Peter and Marlene. I feel bad about it.”

“They made their own choices.” The man said gently. “They’ll just have to be as determined as you to find forgiveness.”

“You’re really not kicking me out?” Regulus whispered hopefully.

“I’m not. Effie and I aren’t in that sort of habit.” He paused. “If I’m being quite honest, we care for you all so deeply that any one of you could commit murder and we’d simply help you hide the body. …That’s not the most moral thing to say, but…”

“It’s nice to hear.” Regulus smiled into his shoulder. It was almost like unconditional love. His parents would never have said such a thing – admitted that they would go against their own morals, just for Regulus. It was just another way that Monty and Effie were so very different.

“I’m glad.” Monty replied. “I also hear that you and Sirius have made up.”

“Not all the way.” Regulus told him. “But it’s a start.”

“A start is good. I’m very happy for you both.”

A thought suddenly occurred to Regulus. He pulled back from the hug, his voice urgent.

“Remus and Peter are trying to get James to move out.”

But Monty just smiled. “Yes, I know. There’s not much that James keeps from his mother or I.”

“Is he going to do it?” Regulus asked anxiously.

“He doesn’t have any intention of doing so.” The man informed him soothingly. “He’s expressed an interest in moving out after a couple of years, perhaps, but nothing immediately imminent.”

“A couple of years?”

Monty gave him a pointed look.

Oh. “After I graduate.”

Monty hummed in confirmation.

Regulus’s mind exploded at the information. “He’s still planning for a future… with me?”

“He’s in love with you.” Monty answered, as if that was all there was to it.

The hope inside of Regulus was crawling into his veins now. “He’s so stupid.”

“He’s so smitten.” The man corrected. “At the very least, don’t doubt that.”

“I don’t think I deserve it.”

“Then try to. Try to deserve it from now on. I believe in you.” Monty put a gentle hand on his shoulder. It made him feel warm. No-one had ever believed in him quite like the Potters did. So, he would try. For them. For himself.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “For coming. For… everything.”

“We’re family, my boy.” Monty smiled at him, his brown eyes as achingly warm as his son’s. “I’ll always help you.”

“May I have another hug?”

Monty didn’t hesitate to pull him in again and Regulus sank into his embrace. “You may have as many hugs as you want. ‘Till the day I die.”

*

With exams well and truly behind them, the last few days of term dawned on the school. The last few days of the year, in fact.

The final feast was a grand affair, with a celebratory mood that Regulus couldn’t quite get into, even despite Slytherin winning the House Cup. The Quidditch Cup, of course, went to Gryffindor, and James was cheered on raucously as he accepted the trophy on his team’s behalf.

Regulus’s birthday fell onto the Friday. The literal last day of term. It was five days after Evan’s birthday and two weeks before Barty’s. The day of the feast and the day that the three boys spent finalising their packing as they were to leave the next day.

His friends woke him up with a few picnic baskets of food and they commandeered the Astronomy Tower, skiving off class to spend the morning together. Gifts were given and jokes were exchanged, and it was much like every other birthday Regulus had had at Hogwarts. It was lovely and the freshly sixteen-year-old felt better than he had in weeks.

Even though, right beneath the surface, something was clearly missing.

After the feast, the group retreated to the boys’ dorm, chatting idly while Barty rushed around having left his packing to the last minute.

Suddenly, a commotion could be heard from the Common Room.

“What the hell?” Dorcas frowned, after distant screaming erupted.

A knocking on the door followed quickly and Evan opened it to reveal a bemused looking Emma Vanity.

Her eyes met Regulus’s straightaway. “You should come down right now.” She told him urgently.

“Why?” He asked suspiciously even as he got up.

“It’s your boytoy.” Vanity explained, half-amused, half-concerned. Regulus’s heart leapt in his chest. “He’s asking for you, while his horde of friends are quite viciously trying to keep him back.” She stepped out of the doorway to give him room. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks.” He said distractedly, hurrying out of the dorm towards the Common Room, his friends hot on his heels.

The scene he arrived to was quite dramatic really. James was a few paces away from the portrait entrance despite Marlene and Peter bodily trying to push him back out, screaming as they did so. Remus was right behind him, a hand out as he tried to cajole the man out, while Sirius was crowding behind too, trying to contradict everything his ex-boyfriend was saying. (Godric, he was actually on Regulus’s side this time. Holy fuck).

Evans, Mary, both Prewetts and Fenwick were blocking the portrait completely as they watched on worriedly, calling out here and there. Meanwhile, Vanity’s girlfriend, Amelia, stood bemused nearby, clearly having been the one to let them in with Vanity.

As for the Slytherins, a few like Mulciber and Avery had their wands out, ready to start cursing at the slightest of provocation, while most of the rest of the students stood by in shock, amusement or wary caution. Sometimes a mixture of all three.

“Regulus!” James called when he spotted him. “Fucking hell, get off me! I just want to talk to him!”

“Which is not allowed!” Marlene yelled as she wrestled against him.

“This is a relapse!” Peter told him firmly. “This is you relapsing and we won’t let it happen!”

“Just come back to the dorm.” Remus persuaded sweetly. “We can cuddle and cry together.”

“Don’t listen to them, Prongs!” Sirius countered. “If you want to talk to him, then talk to him.”

“As if he’d listen to you, traitor!” Peter screeched.

“Would you all shut up!” James suddenly shoved Marlene and Peter hard, pushing them away from him. “I’m a grown man – I can make my own decisions!” He looked up at Regulus again. “Can we talk, please?”

“Yes!” Regulus answered immediately, stomach churning nervously but hope bubbling up inside him. “My dorm’s free, we can–”

“No!” Marlene cut in, blocking James’s path. “This will be bad for you!”

“He’ll bat his eyelashes and charm you and you’ll fucking take him back!” Peter agreed. “We can’t let that happen!”

“It’s not up to you.” James started to walk forward but Remus caught him by the shoulder.

“Have some self-respect, James.” He said firmly. “You deserve better than this.”

“Don’t give him the satisfaction of crawling back!” Macdonald called out from behind them.

“You don’t need him!” The lesser Prewett added and Regulus was two seconds from hexing his tongue out.

“I can decide that for myself, thanks!” James shouted in frustration. He wrenched away from Remus and pushed past Marlene forcefully.

“Then, we’re coming too!” Remus declared, hurrying to follow.

“What?” James stopped in his tracks, incensed.

“No, he’s right – you can’t be trusted on your own.” Peter nodded along, walking up to them.

“I am a grown man.” James repeated, looking furious for once in his life. Despite the situation, it was extraordinarily hot. “I do not need supervision to talk to my own boyfriend.”

Regulus’s heart leapt to his throat. ‘Boyfriend’. He supposed they had never actually broken up, just… taken a break.

“Ex-boyfriend.” Remus corrected, causing Regulus’s heart to sink again. The tall boy bravely strode right up to his friend, who was admittedly quite menacing with as angry as he was, and placed a hand on James’s cheek, cradling it the same way he had done in the owlery. “Stay strong, remember?”

“I am strong.” James said firmly, pulling away.

“He used you.” Remus stepped right back in again, causing a flurry of whispers to break out in the Common Room.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t speak to him.” James insisted. “Alone.”

“Don’t do this, Jamie.” Remus pleaded quietly, leaning in to rest their foreheads together and cradling him in his hands, just as before.

They really did look like they were together like this. Regulus wondered if this was how they’d been coping – replacing Sirius and Regulus with each other for the time being.

“I’m ready.” The man said equally quietly, eyes falling closed. “I know you’re not, but I am. I’m going to speak to him.”

“You’re going to ruin your life.” Remus whispered, and a few paces away, Sirius stiffened.

“It’s my life.” James emphasised. “And I’m not ruining it.”

The tall boy sighed, pulling back. “Fine. But just know I don’t approve.”

“What?” Peter reared up. “We can’t just let him–”

“It’s his funeral.” Remus interrupted with a shake of his head, already turning away. “Let’s go.”

He walked straight out of the Common Room then, a concerned-looking Evans following quickly as Macdonald, Fenwick and the Prewetts trailed behind them. Sirius watched him go longingly but stayed to see the remaining two out.

“Jamie–” Marlene tried but he cut her off.

“Go, before this lot start shooting hexes.” He told her firmly, gesturing vaguely to Mulciber and Avery.

“Yeah, fuck off!” Avery called. He was such a fucking half-wit, he was unknowingly backing James up.

“Fine!” Marlene spat, grabbing Peter’s arm. “Let’s get out of here, Pete! Let him dig his grave – we can laugh when he comes crawling back, crying.”

“You’re going to regret this!” Peter yelled viciously as he made his way out.

When they were gone, Sirius cleared his throat. “Good luck, mate.”

James regarded him carefully and just nodded once. Sirius quickly turned tail and left too.

The final Gryffindor sighed and squared his shoulders. “Your dorm, then?” He asked Regulus.

The Slytherin swallowed nervously. “Yeah. Guys can you…?”

“Stay out of the way for a bit?” Evan filled in. “Absolutely. Take your time.”

Regulus shot his friends grateful looks as they went to go sit down in the Common Room, before cautiously leading James up to his dorm. They both settled down on Regulus’s bed awkwardly, sitting with an odd gap between them and not making eye contact.

There were a few minutes of awkward silence between them as they both gathered up the courage to speak. Eventually, Regulus got there first.

“James, I’m so sorry.” He burst out for what must have been the millionth time, his heart in his throat. “I’m so–”

“Can you stop apologising?” James interrupted, looking pained.

“James–”

“I believe you.” He said, then, looking Regulus in the eye. “I believe that you’re sorry. So, you can stop saying it.”

If not ‘sorry’, he didn’t quite know what to say next. There was so much to say, but also so much that had already been said.

James pulled a small box out of his pocket and started turning it over in his hands, staring down at it. Regulus noted absently that all of his initials had faded from James’s skin, leaving his hands bare. He was still wearing his necklace, though. The Regulus star right by his lion heart.

“I wanted to apologise though.”

“For what?” Regulus asked incredulously. “I’m the one who fucked up.”

“I promised you once that I would never run away from you again.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “And I ended up doing just that.”

Regulus wasn’t going to let him feel guilty for this. “You didn’t– You didn’t run from me. Not this time. You were just… taking some time. You deserved to take some time.”

James didn’t look convinced, his eyes still downcast. “I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.” Regulus insisted. “You’re – you’re allowed to do whatever you want here. You can cope however you need to.”

James hummed in acknowledgement. There was a pause. Then:

“I also promised that I’d love you forever.”

Regulus’s heart dropped to his stomach. Monty had been so sure, but: “If… If that’s not true anymore… that’s…” He swallowed down his heartbreak. “That’s okay.”

James shook his head, still looking at the box in his hands. “I meant it. I still mean it. I’ll love you ‘till the day I die, I think.”

Emotions exploded within Regulus at that – dangerous hope and immense guilt clashing in his gut and making him feel vaguely sick.

“I love you too.” He whispered because he couldn’t think of any other way to respond.

“I know.” James replied gently. “I really believe that too, despite what everyone’s been saying.”

Regulus felt like he couldn’t breathe. “But…?”

“But I’m struggling, Starlight.” James admitted in a rush, his upset making his voice thick and Regulus wished he could take the pain away. “I’m sad. And I feel… betrayed. And I’m so confused all the time.” He took a steadying breath. “It’s like I don’t know which way is up anymore – I’ve been doubting everything.”

“James…”

“But at the same time, I know that you love me. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Regulus watched a tear escape his eye and start trailing down his beautiful face. “I know that what we have is real. I don’t care what anyone says, I can feel it. All the way down to my bones. They don’t know us really. They don’t see what we’re like when it’s just us.”

“It is real.” Regulus told him breathlessly. “I swear to Hecate above, this is real, James.”

“And I’m mad at you for hurting my friends.” He said next, tilting his head to the ceiling but still not looking at Regulus. “I’m so fucking mad. They don’t deserve to be used in some revenge plan. Even if you did stop.” He took another breath, even as another silent tear fell from his eye. “It just hurts me to know that anyone – especially you – would want to hurt them like that.”

“I’m–” He started to say but caught himself.

James sighed, tilting his head back down. “Sorry, yes, I know.”

There was another moment of silence and it killed Regulus not to break it as he waited for James to speak.

Instead, James held the box out for him. Regulus looked at it in surprise. “Are you… giving this to me?”

“Happy birthday.” James said quietly and tears welled in Regulus’s eyes.

“James…”

“Take it.” The man said, quiet but firm. “I spent weeks on it.”

Regulus felt a wave of nausea surge through him. “Weeks?”

“Just open it. Please.”

So, Regulus did. He carefully untied the neat ribbon that decorated the box, and slowly opened the lid. There inside, delicately nestled on a bed of plush green velvet, was a heavy black signet ring with a pair of antlers intricately carved on it. With shaking fingers, he picked it up and noticed a small inscription on the inside of the band.

‘I love you in the light.’

“James…” He gasped as the tears finally flowed down his cheeks.

“I considered getting it made.” James explained slowly and quietly, watching him closely but making no move to touch. “But I thought it would be more special if I did it myself.”

Regulus felt like every inch of his soul was cracking under the weight of James’s words and stare, guilt crushing him down.

“I specially owled a jewellery maker and he walked me through the process.” James continued. “It’s actually made from solid diamond, believe it or not. I wasn’t sure that was possible but apparently it is – all you need is a nice big diamond and a lot of finicky spells.  It was very expensive too, but… you have expensive tastes.”

Regulus stared at it in shock, his heart pounding in his chest. He almost wished James would stop speaking – he might be sick any moment.

“I thought you would appreciate the colour – I mean, a solid diamond ring that’s black. It felt very you.”

Fuck.

“The overall shape was easy enough to do – apparently, transfiguration skills lend well to jewellery shaping. It was the engraving that was the tricky part.” He cleared his throat. “I was planning to tell you about my animagus form when I gave it to you. I got permission from Remus to explain everything.”

Regulus brought a hand to his mouth, his stomach roiling dangerously. “James.”

“It was meant to be a promise ring of sorts.” He confided. “We’re too young to be courting really, but… this was meant to show you that that’s where I see this going. One day.”

Regulus was crying in earnest now, his breath hitching dangerously. “I’m– James, I– Merlin fucking dammit – I’ve ruined everything! Hecate–”

James suddenly enfolded Regulus in his arms, hugging him tightly and letting him cry into his arms.

“James–” He gasped brokenly.

“Shhh. It’s okay, Starlight.” The man soothed, rubbing a gentle hand over his back. “I’m right here.”

“You…” hiccup “…shouldn’t be.” The Slytherin managed to say through his tears. “I–”

“But I am.” James replied softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Regulus just cried harder at that.

Fuck, why was he still here? Regulus had fucking ripped his heart out and stomped all over it, just like he had predicted, but here James was – comforting him, holding him close. It didn’t make any sense. He should be running. He should leave Regulus in the dust and find someone better. He shouldn’t fucking be giving Regulus diamond bloody rings and promising not to leave.

Salazar, he had really fucked up this time, hadn’t he? He never should have thought up this stupid fucking plan in the first place. Or – he should have seen how dumb it was immediately after he started. Maybe he should have told James himself. He didn’t fucking know anymore.

So, he just cried. Just clutched the ring to his chest, sobbed into James’s arms, and soaked up the warmth he didn’t fucking deserve while this perfect man whispered honeyed and soothing words in his ear.

Eventually, Regulus couldn’t cry anymore. Eventually, his breathing evened out. Eventually, James stopped talking and just held him.

They stayed like that for an indeterminate amount of time.

“I missed you.” James whispered at last, breaking the silence.

“I missed you too.” Regulus rasped back, his voice wrecked from all the tears.

“I don’t know how to move on from here.” James muttered into his hair, still holding him close.

“You should walk away.” Regulus told him. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

He felt more than saw James shake his head slightly. “I’ll never leave you. I’ve promised you that before.”

“You should.” He said miserably. “You should leave.”

“I don’t want to leave.” James responded. He took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want the last few weeks. And it’s a lot.”

“Anything.” Regulus vowed foolishly.

“I want you.” He started. “And I want you to wear this ring. I want you to earn back my trust somehow and I want you to make it up to my friends. I want us to work on this together because I want forever with you. Maybe that’s naïve, I don’t even know if it’s all possible, but–”

“Okay.” Regulus said, pulling back from the hug. He held out the ring for James. “Put it on me.”

James gave him a wobbly smile and took the ring. Slowly, carefully, he grasped Regulus’s hand and slid it on. It was a perfect fit.

“I may have stolen one of your other rings temporarily for sizing.” He admitted, smiling down at it.

“I’m going to spend the rest of my days making it up to you, if I have to.” Regulus told him seriously, looking him in the eye. “I’ll buy you flowers. And write you poems. I’ll sing you songs and shout from the rooftops how much I love you. I’ll help you brew potions for kids I couldn’t give less of a shit about. And help you with your dumb pranks because it makes you smile. I’ll learn how to cook your favourite spicy foods that make my tastebuds want to commit suicide and I’ll go to all of your Quidditch practices just so I can cheer you on. Whatever it takes. Whatever you want. I swear it.”

James’s smile widened, his whole demeanour becoming impossibly softer and warmer. “You don’t have to do all that–”

“I will.” Regulus insisted. “I’ll do it all for you.”

“You don’t have to change for me.” James said softly. “I love you exactly as you are. Just… be here. Help me heal. Be patient with me.”

‘How will you be able to trust me with your heart when you’ll know I’m the one who smashed it to pieces?’ Regulus had asked only a month ago.

‘Because I’ll love you even then.’ James had answered with complete confidence.

“I will.” Regulus swore to him now, cradling James’s love like the precious gift it was. “I promise.”

James smiled at him, so unbelievably warm. “I believe you.” He paused. “One more thing?”

“Yeah?” Regulus braced himself.

“I know who you are.” He said slowly. “I know you’re going to play games and come up with schemes–”

“I won’t.” Regulus interrupted rashly. “Never again.”

James shook his head. “Don’t promise me that; you won’t keep it. And most of the time, I like your games, your plots, and your schemes – they’re exciting to me. And I’ve seen them bring people together.” He explained with a small smile. “So, promise me this instead: that your schemes won’t be malicious towards anyone we care about. That promise, you can probably keep.”

“Definitely.” Regulus relaxed a bit. “I promise.”

James moved to take his hands and Regulus quickly acquiesced, his new ring in pride of place.

“I’m not quite ready to forgive you yet.” He began. “But I want to work on this. Love is always worth the work and the pain.” Monty’s story came echoing back to Regulus; James really did believe it, didn’t he? “So, I want to start choosing you again, my Starlight.”

“I’ll choose you right back, Sunshine.” Regulus breathed out, hope and joy blooming warmly in his chest.

“Yours.” James corrected. “Your Sunshine.”

Regulus basked in the warmth.