Engagement
I: James
James wanted to slap himself across the face. How, by all the Saints, had he not noticed? Surely there had been signs- signs that James most definitely missed. Did that make him a bad son? He wasn’t paying attention enough- hell, what did this say about his future position as Captain? If he missed this, how by Saints Godric, Salazar, Helga and Rowena, was he supposed to take care of an entire crew?
Monty had a meeting with General McGonagall in the upcoming week so they were headed back to Ravka after a successful stop in Ketterdam - much to Remus’ dismay. James had been positioned at the wheel, keeping the course steady as Mary filled the main sail with wind on the deck below. Pete stood at the bow, his hands raised as he ensured a smooth journey. Everyone else ran around the ship, filling in odd jobs. Moony was behind him, doing something fancy with metals that James couldn’t even begin to understand but every time his dad came around, it was clear that he did, humming in approval over Remus’ shoulder. James had decided to temporarily ignore the flush that built along Remus’ neck at every compliment and planned to drill him about it later. Monty himself drifted between each crew member, checking up on them and providing help when he saw fit on top of his own tasks.
James should’ve known. He shouldn’t have brushed off the paleness of Monty’s skin, aside from the unusual flush under his ears. He shouldn’t have mistaken the sweat building along his hairline as an effect of the beating sun and hard work. He should’ve noticed the way that Monty stumbled slightly with every step, sat as often as he could and would occasionally grip the nearest object for balance.
James should’ve known. But he didn’t until his father went down.
James had seen that. Monty had just descended the stairs from the upper deck where he and Remus were working and was headed across the main deck to check on Pete at the bow. He had paused at the bottom of the stairs, gripping the handle so hard his knuckles turned white. His eyes scrunched shut for a moment before he shook his head. He moved to cross the deck and make it to the bow but he didn’t get past Mary before his knees buckled and he went tumbling towards the floor.
James let out a vile curse as he saw his father fall, a stream of fear trailing down his spine like ice water. Remus’ head shot up as James took off running, shouting over his shoulder, “Moony! Get on the wheel!”
It had taken James a ridiculously long time to get the hang of swift, sharp orders instead of taking the time with gentle, friendly pleasantries. Each time he still felt a twinge of guilt about how stern he needed to be.
Who would’ve thought his father collapsing all sudden would vanished that sliver of emotion.
Thankfully, Monty didn’t crash in a heap of limbs. Mary must’ve heard something and had caught him the best she could, gently helping him to the ground. His father’s back hadn’t even hit the deck before James materialized at his side. “Marlene! Get over here! Lily, go find my mother!”
Marlene, who had been working to untangle a large knot of rope, sprinted over. Lily, who had been working by Gideon, disappeared down below.
Marlene knelt down beside the pair, gently positioning Monty’s head in James’ lap. “What happened?”
“I- I don’t know,” James stuttered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, putting on a calm facade despite the rapid hammering of his heart. “He was fine a moment ago. He just collapsed.”
Marlene gave him a concerned look but shook it off, raising her hands. “It’s nothing major. He’s severely dehydrated and his muscles are a little sore, but that’s it. He’s breathing fine, his heart rate maybe a little elevated but that’s normal,” she turned to address Mary, who had gone back to filling the sails while keeping an ear in the conversation. James didn’t miss the occasional gust whipping through her hair, something he noticed she did after touching someone. “Can you go grab a bottle of water, please?”
Mary nodded before scurrying away and the ship slowed to a crawl. A moment after she dipped below deck, Lily and Effie came above.
Effie gasped, the panic in her eye like stars blinking to the familiar rhythm of James’ failure. She rushed over and James gave her a small, reassuring smile. Or he hoped, at least.
“What happened?” She asked, sitting down and taking James’ place. Her fingers ran through Monty’s hair gently, despite the light trembling of her hands.
“Passed out from dehydration, nothing too bad.” Marlene replied, waving away her worries. “I sent Mary to get him some water and- oh, look, there she is.”
Mary quickly crossed the deck and pressed a cool flask into Marlene’s waiting hand. Marlene handed it over to James, raising her hands once more.
Slowly, Monty’s face twitched and his eyes fluttered open. He groaned, instantly shutting them again. He raised his hand - or tried to, at least - before instantly setting his arm down with another groan.
Marlene frowned. She grabbed his hand, ignoring the small whimper, and pressed her fingers to his pulse-point. James felt his stomach drop as her eyes widened.
“What?” He demanded.
“His pain has increased tenfold. Lily, can you sooth some of his muscles while I try and figure out what in the name of Djel is wrong?”
Lily nodded, shuffling forward to take Marlene’s spot. James watched his father’s shoulders slump as he let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“Hey, Captain. Do you remember what happened?” Marlene asked.
Monty, now able to move his arms, lifted his free one to his face, rubbing at his eyes. “Not…exactly?”
“You passed out from dehydration. And I’m thinking pain, too. I’m going to need you to drink all of that flask.”
James gave him the flask in question and watched as Monty gulped down the cool liquid eagerly.
“Have you done any harsh, unusual physical activity in the past couple days? I can’t even begin to imagine when and where this could’ve happened but it’s the only explanation for the kind of pain you’re experiencing.” Marlene asked after he had swallowed.
Monty glanced slyly up at Effie. “Harsh, maybe, but not unusual.”
Effie let out a little giggle and Marlene’s mouth dropped. Mary, having returned to eavesdropping once again, burst out into startled laughter. Lily snorted, leaning forward to bury her face in her lap, shoulders shaking.
James glanced between them all, heavily confused. “What did I miss?”
Mary laughed harder, kneeling over and steadying her hands on her knees.
James imagined the moment he realized would’ve been comical, if not for the fact that he gave an over-dramatic gag at the thought of his parents shagging. And not just shagging, but shagging regularly. The Captain’s quarters were right next to his room, a small little thing he had taken for himself once Monty's first mate had properly retired, the space supposed to be used for an otkazat'sya surgeon but with Corporalki on board, was not needed.
“Mary, babes, you need to breathe.” Marlene said as the latter collapsed to the deck, clutching her stomach and heaving gasping breaths between wheezes.
“It’s not funny!” James cried. “The idea of my parents-“ he interrupted himself with another gag.
Effie rolled her eyes affectionatly at her son's dramatics, patting him soothingly on the shoulder. "It's natural darling."
James gagged again. "It's disgusting."
"Alright, enough," Marlene muttered. Though she had come a long ways in her two years aboard The Marauder, Marlene was still a little prudish around certain topics. It would fade, James was sure of it. Between the little comments he heard her whisper to Mary and the way she sometimes snickered at the jokes thrown around the crew cabin, Marlene was sure to be as bad as the rest of time, given time. "If it wasn't...that, I'm not quite sure. Do you think you'd be able to make it to your cabin? No matter your condition, your body is tired and deserves the rest you've surely been denying it. James can take over for a bit."
James nodded. A distraction would be good. A distraction would help the snarling dragon of guilt to fade, at least for a little bit.
Monty's face scrunched up with displeasure. "Maybe, with some assistance."
James stood up. "Mary, back on the sails. The sooner we dock, the better. Os Kervo should only be a day or two away. Marlene, Lily, help Mum get Dad to the Captain's quarters. Afterwards, Lily I want you back up here on standby if we have another medical emergency. Marlene, try everything you know to figure this out. When you've done that, go find Lily and let her take a stab at it. I don't care if she tries all the things you already have. Two opinions are better than one. But don't forget to take a break. Mum, if you could make sure they do, that'd be wonderful. Dad, don't stress about it. Don't try to deny it, I know you are. Stop. It'll probably make whatever is wrong worse. I've got this."
They all nod and head off to complete whatever task James had just assigned them. He took a deep breath before setting himself into motion, making the very same rounds Monty had been doing before, informing all his remaining crew members of the situation.
On the second day, Monty couldn't get out of bed, even with the help of both Marlene and Lily.
By the time they had docked, Monty was unable to keep anything down. His stomach emptied of all its contents and then some, heaving even when nothing refused to spill past his lips.
Mary had encouraged their sails faster. James hoped that once they met with some people in Os Kervo, one of them would turn out to be a Squaller so she'd be able to get breaks without the ship slowing to a crawling speed.
The Corporalki kept checking in on James. Apparently, since Monty went down, his heartrate has been fluctuating so much to the point where Marlene gave him his own examination to make sure he, too, wasn't ill. And he wasn't, physically. James thought he was sick, but a completely different kind of sick. His duties as acting-Captain hadn't shoo'd away the snarling guilt like he thought it would. The dragon still thrashed. The dragon still breathed fire, flames of self-disgust buring his heart from the inside out. The dragon still poked around, wings twitching as they tried to spread, tried to find some sort of space to breathe. But it couldn't. His emotion like a cage, pressing in, trapping the poor beast. James felt horrible for the way he didn't feel bad for the dragon. In it's own pain, it was hurting James. And James deserved to hurt. Maybe, if he knew what it was like to suffer without people noticing, he'd learn not to do it to everyone else.
They docked at Os Kervo, but no one left. Unlike so many times before, no one hopped off to stretch out their sea legs. No one ran to the market to grab any sort of sustinence apart from the rations they kept in the Galley. No one seeked the nearest hotel to sleep in a bed for once. They all stayed right where they were, anxiously waiting to hear what was wrong with their Captain, the man who had saved them from varrying situations.
While all of them were restless, Lily and Marlene were worse than any of them. Several times, James had found Lily asleep in the small library/meeting room. On multiple occasions, Effie had to forcfully pull Marlene out of the Captain's quarters and watch her to make sure food found it's way into her system.
James knew why, though they told no one. They were the Healers. They were supposed to know what was wrong. They were supposed to make it right. But they couldn't. They came up short at every try. Monty's body refused any sort of treatment they were trying to give him. They were guilty, powerless in a situation that was in no way their fault. James tried to show his support as best he could but with reassuring his mother, providing comfort for his father, making sure his seven other crewmates were okay and trying not to breakdown, he was quite busy.
Everyone was trying to help the best they could. Mary made sure Monty was never too hot. Arthur made sure he was never too cold. Peter made sure he was always hydrated. Remus had taken up Lily's habbit of taking apart the library in hopes of finding something. Gideon and Fabian made sure he was never bored. Molly made sure Effie took breaks, both from Monty's side and from the kitchen, where she anxiously cooked up a storm when she wasn't tucked up with her husband.
James made sure everyone was okay. Everyone but himself. But that was fine. He was fine. He'd be fine. He didn't have time to focus on himself. There were other people who needed him. And how selfish would it be to tend to himself when so many others relied on him to be there?
As they were coming up on day three, Remus and Lily had finally cracked the code.
Effie had been softly reading Monty one of his favourite books. Marlene was trying to ease some of his pain. Peter had fallen asleep with his head in James' lap, who gently carded his fingers through blond strands and forced his eyes to keep dry. Everyone else was resting - or supposed to be resting - when Lily and Remus burst through the door, hope gleaming in both of their eyes and a book tucked under Remus' arm.
James had instantly sat up straighter, accidentally knocking Peter awake, noticing the change in his mates' usually sombre demeanor. "What did you find?"
Everyone's attention snapped to the two new arrivals.
Remus cleared his throat, a flush to his cheeks under the attention. He waved the book. "Well, Lily found it-"
"Oh, shut it," she snapped with a roll of her eyes. "You suggested I look through it in the first place."
"But you actually found the passage-"
"Which wouldn't have been possible if-"
"Alright," James inturrupted as gently as possible. "You both found it. But what is it?"
Lily turned to Monty. "How often have you been practicing the Small Science?"
Monty blinked, surprised. "I do brew a few things regularily."
"Have you maybe slipped off in the past couple of months?" Remus asked.
After a moment of thought, Monty nodded slowly.
Remus and Lily broke out into simultaneous relieved grins.
"Oh," Effie breathed. "Grisha who don't use their abilites fall ill."
Realization sparked in everyone and James felt his shoulders sag. It was okay. His father was okay. He wasn't going to pass, not for a long time yet. This was something that could easily be fixed.
And avoided, whispered the small, taunting voice James had grown accustomed to hearing over the past few days. If only his son cared enough to pay attention.
"It's obvious I'm not as young as I used to be," Monty began, hesitating slightly. "But...I can't be Captain and an Alkemi at the same time anymore. It's far too much for my body to handle, which is why I stopped in the first place."
Slowly, one by one, gazes began to fall on James.
He blinked as he began to notice them all. The brown of his father and mother, the green of Lily, the amber of Remus, the blue of Marlene and Peter. His own eyes began flickering between them, each pass quicker than the last. What else did I do? Whatever it is, I didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just trying to help. Did I do to much? Am I too much? Oh, Saints, they all probably wanted me to leave them alone but I can never take a hint, can I? What is wrong with me? I'm sorry. I'll try to do better, I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm sorry 'sorry' isn't enough.
Monty spoke before he could start rambling. "James, I know we said we'd wait until you were of age but how would you feel about becoming Captain a few years early?"
II: Sirius
I hate them. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them.
That had become Sirius' mantra as years and years of constant abuse passed by. It raged loud, and rather dramatically, in his mind as he fought his with suit, once again trapped behind the walls of Grimmauld Place.
It had been a very refreshing few months. Walburga and Orion had been gone on an unusually long - not that Sirius was complaining - misson on the Fjerdan border since February. Sirius had been allowed, rather dangerously, a freedom he never had the luxuary of experiencing before. He got no letters, his cousins or his brother weren't forced to drop by his dorm every now and again to make sure he was doing the Most Noble and Acient House of Black reputation justice, he wasn't scolded for hiding away with the Bones twins at meals, he wasn't dragged home after every small stroke of mischief(though General McGonagall had dealt with him in her own, much prefered, way) and he didn't have to actually use his Healer training outside of classes.
The only low point of these few months had been the lack of James. Sure, his best friend had always been busy- y'know, with the constant travelling, but there was never a month were James didn't appear in the bushes by the Etherealki lake to check up on him. That was, until he had been promoted to Captain. Sure, he still made sure to send letters at every possible chance(thank the Saints, Sirius would've gone mad if he hadn't, even with his parents absent) but Sirius hadn't seen him since he made the announcement in December. Sirius had tried really hard not to be disssapointed when James told him how it would effect their visits and instead be happy for how James' life was falling into place exactly as he had hoped but, well, Sirius had always been a little selfish. He didn't outright say he was dissapointed, but he was sure James picked up on it anyway, the fucking empath. Sirius knew James must be struggling with the new position, with the concerning inconsitancy his heartrate had gained, but James had slipped away before he could bring it up.
Anyway, for all of the fun he's had the past few months, Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus dragging him away from the Little Palace, shoving him into his room at Grimmauld Place and demanding he change into the red and black suit he's worn since he was nine(not literally. Obviously he's gotten new suits that fit, but just in the exact same style) had seriously - or siriusly, he would've said to James - put a damper on his mood. He scowled as he fumbled with the waistcoat. His dress shirt was so tight - in an uncomfortable way, unfortunetly not a sexy way. What a wonderful way to greet his mother that would've been, giving her a heart attack - it restricted his arm movements to the point where getting the waistcoat on was a challenge and a half.
There was a soft knock at his door. Sirius didn't even have the time to call the person inside when Regulus slipped it open, dressed immaculate, his blazer draped over his arm. Sirius knew he hated them, but would never even think of showing up without one. No, perfect little Reggie wouldn’t even dream of displeasing Mother.
Little thoughts like that had been popping up over the past few years since Regulus had broken the barrier between himself and his power. Mother and Father had been thrilled, despite the fact that Lockhart and Snape had been seriously injured in Regulus’ rage. Sirius had been a little, too, but instantly felt guilty - on behalf of Lockhart, Snivellus can suck it - for feeling anything remotely similar to his parents. Of course, Walburga and Orion had promptly punished Regulus after the little celebration they had thrown in his honour for taking so damn long. Or, they had planned to, before Sirius “accidentally” knocked a bowl of soup into Bellatrix’s lap. Their fury had shifted from his little brother to Sirius, and he had suffered the consequences.
That was another thing that changed. Taking Regulus’ blows for him had become so ridiculously easy that Sirius had been a little surprised. Now that they weren’t so focused on forcing Regulus’ power out of him, they were now hammering down on Sirius’ behaviour, specifically his stroke of mischief. Thanks to James, James’ Tidemaker friend Wormtail and the legendary Moony, Sirius had been able to cause all kind ruckus. From tampering with those running the bells, to turning all tables upside down, to exposing General McGonagall’s birthday to the entirety of the Second Army, to swapping Snivellus’ purple keftas with servant white(don’t ask how he got those, considering there hasn’t been a Grisha among the King’s servants since Genya Safin).
Sirius had barely even needed to cover for Regulus. Though he knew Regulus never meant it to be, Sirius had always sort of viewed his lack of Heartrending as a sort of rebellion. As long as Mother and Father were angry at them both, they were on the same side. They’d fight their parents, one disappointing act at a time. But now, it was just Sirius. Sirius against the House of Black. Sirius against Walburga, against Orion, against…Reggie? Maybe? Sirius didn’t know anymore. Regulus was everything his parents wanted him to be, wanted them to be. Sirius didn’t know if Regulus was on his side anymore and he hated it.
That being said, he didn’t hate Regulus. But he hated this Saintsforsaken suit.
Regulus’ eyes twinkled with humour and Sirius scowled. “Shut up.”
Regulus’ smirked. “I can’t believe you’ve been bested by a waistcoat. This truly is a new low for you, Sirius.”
“I said shut up, you little shit.” Sirius hissed, turning back to his mirror. He began wrestling with the wretched piece of clothing once more, spinning in ridiculous circles around his room in an attempt to get it on.
Regulus laughed quietly, shaking his head. “You look like a bloody dog.”
Sirius crossed his arms - with much difficulty - and huffed, the waistcoat a pool of red on the floor. “Are you just going to stand there and make fun of me?”
“It’s tempting.”
Sirius scoffed.
“What?” Regulus asked innocently with a tilt of his head. “Would you prefer I do something else?”
Sirius narrowed his eyes. “You’re an asshole.”
“So you’ve said. Many, many times.”
Neither moved, instead staring at each other from across the room. Sirius; agitated and stubborn. Regulus; amused, patient and equally as stubborn.
Eventually, Sirius huffed a dramatic sigh and mumbled, “Help me.”
Regulus cupped his ear. “What was that?”
Sirius gave him the most deadly of glares before repeating himself. “Help me.”
“Help you…?”
“I’m not gonna say please.”
Regulus laughed and crossed the room, tossing his blazer on Sirius’ bed and grabbing the waistcoat from the floor. Sirius scowled because of course Regulus’ suit fit perfectly. Chains dangled from his own coat - red now, no longer grey, as it had been the past two years. Even though Regulus had become an official Heartrender at eight, he was never allowed to wear the red and black the rest of the family did. That was, until he was suddenly surpassing even Sirius in his Heartrending course. Rings glittered along his fingers, some ebony, most silver and a snake curled around his pinky.
“See? Was that so hard?” Regulus said teasingly as he buttoned Sirius’ waistcoat for him.
Sirius shoved him away. “Yes. I hate this ridiculous suit.”
“Hm. Ask for a new one.”
“Mother would kill me,” Sirius brightened. “On second thought, I will. But until then,” Sirius unbuttoned his dress shirt, releasing some of the tension along his arms. He rolled his shoulders at the new freedom and reached for his tie, using it instead to tie back his hair, which he had grown down to his shoulders while Walburga wasn’t around to chop it off. He grabbed his own collection of rings, slipping them onto his fingers. His chains, unlike Regulus’, went around his neck instead. “Ta-da!”
Regulus was no longer smiling, instead taking in his appearance with worried eyes. “This is a bad idea.”
There it is again. Are you with me or them? Sirius rolled his eyes. “It’ll be fine, Reggie. You take the fun out of everything.”
“That’s what you said about the dribble cup. And with spiking the punch last year. And with the bats. And the dungbombs. But how did all those instances turn out?”
Sirius scoffed. “Nothing we can’t fix. And, if I remember correctly, those dungbombs saved us from a very awkward, rage-inducing conversation.”
“Still…you could get hurt.”
Sirius waved his hand through the air. “Nothing that hadn’t happened before. I want to dress like this, like this I shall dress. And besides, it could be worse. Imagine if I wore something like eyeliner. Mother would explode-“
Sirius cut himself. The picture in his mind was so clear. He would quite literally die if he didn’t make it a reality.
Regulus obviously thought differently, eyes widening. “No. No, no, no, no, no. Not happening.”
“Pleeeeeeeeeese Reggie? Just a little wing? I’d owe you big time.”
“No! Sirius, I’m not going to help you lead yourself down the road of darkness and pain. My answer is no.”
Sirius’ lips turned down in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll get help elsewhere,” and before Regulus could stop him, he threw open the door and ran down the stairs calling, “Oh, Trixy!”
Regulus ran after him, pleading and demanding he stop the entire way down.
Bellatrix and Narcissa stood at the door, waiting for when Walburga, Orion, Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella would come through any moment now. They both turned to watch them come barreling down the stairs.
Bellatrix scowled at the nickname, as always. “Siri. What do you want?”
Sirius didn’t answer, only snatching her bag as he ran past and darted around the corner.
“SIRIUS!” She shouted. Her footsteps started to follow, only for them to stop as the sounds of a scuffle started up. Narcissa trying to spare Sirius’ life, he assumed.
He dug through the bag, only coming out of his hiding spot and handing it back once he found her eyeliner pencil. He twirled it between his fingers, grinning manically. Bellatrix abruptly stopped struggling, watching curiously with a tilt of her head. Narcissa’s brows furrowed as he uncapped it and stepped up to the circular mirror mounted on the wall.
“Sirius, don’t. Please.” Regulus begged.
Sirius rolled his eyes and ignored him. Through the anticipation thrumming through his veins, he knew better than to actually attempt a wing, as inexperienced as he was. Instead, he drew a star on the corner of his eye. If that was easier or more difficult, he didn’t know. What he did know was how to draw stars(you wouldn’t believe how many he’s drawn on himself when he’s bored in class) and this one wasn’t half bad.
Sirius beamed at himself through the mirror and capped the pen, turning to face his cousins and brother.
“This is going to be fun.” Bellatrix sang with a cackle.
“Sirius. Take it off.” Regulus said for the um-teenth time, voice strained.
“No.”
Regulus pressed his lips into a thin line, then flicked his fingers.
Sirius whipped back towards mirror, having seen Regulus’ Tailoring enough times to understand the gestures. Sure enough, the star had vanished without a trace, his skin smooth and pale.
He glared at Regulus through the mirror. “Put it back.”
“No.”
Sirius promptly uncapped the eyeliner and redrew the star.
Once again, Regulus Tailored it away.
They did it again. And again. And again. And again.
“Alright, enough," Bellatrix snapped, thrashing out of Narcissa's grip and snatching the eyeliner pencil out of Sirius' grasp. "If you want to waste it, get your own."
Sirius scowled at her. "You know damn well Mother would never let me."
"Since when has that ever stopped you?"
Sirius paused. "Y'know what, you're right, for once in your miserable life."
Bellatrix grinned. "Let me know when you decide to inform Aunty of your decision. I want to be there."
"Noted."
Before Regulus could properally object to the idea, the door slammed open. Three out of four cousins snapped to attention, posture immaculate. Sirius simply leaned back against the wall, watching as much more than his parents, aunt and uncle came through the door.
First came Walburga and Orion, both dressed for dinner, as if they hadn't spent half a year on duty. Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus followed. Then, came Abraxas Malfoy and his wife, Celestia Malfoy and their son, Lucius. And finally, Reinhard, Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange.
Sirius' eyes narrowed, watching the other Heartrenders fill his home. Not once in his sixteen years of life had his parents invited anyone but family to their annual dinner. Sirius met Regulus' gaze, which had turned to stone. He tilted his head as if to say 'what the hell is this?'. Regulus shook his head an infinitesimal amount, 'I don't know'.
"Kreacher!" Orion bellowed and the old servant slunked into the foyer, quickly taking his and Walburga's bags and scurrying up the stairs to their room.
Walburga stepped forward, nodding to her nieces. She stopped, towering over Regulus. He stood, shoulders back, chin up to meet her gaze. He was without his blazer, having left it in Sirius' room while he chased him. His face showed no sign of worry but Sirius saw a glimpse of his hands picking at his fingers behind his back. After a moment, Walburga stepped away, seemingly satisfied despite his incomplete outfit.
The instant rage in her eyes when her gaze landed on Sirius was almost comical.
He watched as the flames grew brighter at each thing she noticed. His hair, his unbuttoned shirt, his posture, his lack of a blazer, his necklaces, his boot against her wall, the fact he had boots on at all, opposed to his dress shoes.
He was almost sad that her rage was masked in her voice as she addressed their guests. "The dining hall is this way. Sirius, make sure the young Malfoy and Lestranges feel welcome."
He scowled at her and her lip twitched up in a smirk. She pinched his arm, hard, as she passed, Abraxas, Celestia, Reinhard, Uncle Cygnus, Aunt Druella and Orion in tow.
An awkward silence settled over the remaining Heartrenders. Lucius kept glancing at Narcissa, who refused to look away from a portrait on the wall. Rodolphus and Rabastan were seemingly having a conversation made up entirely of small gestures and facial expressions. Bellatrix was picking at her nails, she and Regulus both observing the new Heartrenders to the point where they kept subconsciously shifting their weight.
"I couldn't care less whether or not you feel welcome." Sirius said bluntly after the uncomfortable pinpricks along his neck became too much.
Everyone glanced his way and Rodolphus cracked a grin. "We know, mate."
Sirius nodded, satisfied. "Good."
"SIRIUS!" Walburga shrieked down the hall. Lucius jumped and the Lestranges' eyes widened.
"What did you do?" Regulus demanded, gaze sharp.
"I actually don't know this time," Sirius replied, grinning all the same. "She's upset, that's all that matters."
"Saints, child," Narcissa grumbled, shaking her head. "Do you have a death wish?"
"Nah. Just gotta play up the family disappointment in every way possible, yeah?" He cackled, turning down the hallway.
"So, yes." She said, tailing after him.
"Yes, Mother?" Sirius called cheerfully as he slipped into the dining hall.
“Our guests would like to meet you formally. And you as well, Regulus.” Walburga said with a tight smile.
Abraxas’ grip was deadly as he took hold of Sirius’ hand for a shake. His grin was chilling, a wild gleam in his eye. “Sirius Black, eh? I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“How unfortunate.” Sirius said flatly.
Regulus stomped on his foot.
Abraxas’ gaze shifted, his head tilting to take in Regulus instead. Sirius was freed from his grip as Abraxas reached for his brother. “And, of course, Regulus. You gave everyone a right scare, you know. A squib in the Noble House of Black?”
Regulus’ jaw ticked. “A pleasure to meet you, too, Mr. Malfoy.”
Celestia clicked her tongue, hand coming up to rest on her husband’s bicep. “Now, now, dear. Let it go. He came around eventually.”
Sirius hummed in agreement. “Indeed he did. Quite the Heartrender, my little brother. The best in his year. Dare I say the best in mine as well. On his way to being one of the Second Army’s finest.”
Regulus scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “You flatter me.”
Sirius grinned. “It’s true.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s-“
“Enough,” Walburga snapped and the small upturn of Regulus’ lip vanished, shoulders straightening. “Now is not the time for bickering.”
“My apologies.” Regulus mumbled.
They took turns greeting both Celestia Malfoy and Reinhard Lestrange, breaking away the moment they were able.
Sirius quickly found the table of drinks, grabbing a glass of champagne and knocking it back like a shot.
Regulus blinked at him. “Where did you learn to do that?”
Sirius gave him a sly smile, reaching for another glass. “You’d be surprised how much trouble the Bones twins can be.”
Regulus shook his head, muttering something unintelligible and reached for his own drink.
Narcissa sidled up next to them. “Move. I need a drink if I have to listen to Lucius drone on about the possibilities of a secret boarding school for wizards for even another minute.”
Regulus snorted. “Why am I surprised?”
Narcissa shrugged and shot a glass of champagne much like Sirius just had. She scrunched up her nose as she set it down. “Not nearly strong enough,” she then fished a flask out of her sleeve and snuck a sip while everyone else was distracted.
Sirius’ mouth dropped. “What’s in there?”
She winked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yes, actually. I want some.”
“In your dreams.” She said, swiping another glass of champagne before walking off, almost immediately swept into another conversation with Lucius.
“If I know Cissa, that was kvas.” Regulus informed.
“Now I definitely want some.”
Dinner went normal. They all sat down, Kreacher brought out all the food he must’ve made throughout the day. Conversation was made. Regulus had made friends with Rabastan, Lucius had yet to free Narcissa, Bellatrix was engaged in something Heartrender related with Abraxas and Reinhard, Celestia had been dragged into something with Walburga, Orion, Druella and Cygnus, and finally, Sirius had reluctantly warmed up to Rodolphus, both complaining about the troubles of being the oldest sibling.
It was normal, until it wasn’t.
As Kreacher took the remains of dinner away, a look was exchanged between all the parents. With a nod, Abraxas tapped on his glass gently with a knife. Conversations fell silent as he smiled, gleam glowing brighter.
“Thank you, Walburga and Orion, for allowing us Malfoys and Lestranges into your lovely home,” the two Blacks nodded. “Tonight, we celebrate yet another successful mission from our hosts and the beginning of a bond between our families.”
Simultaneously, Rodolphus and Lucius stood, one looking like he just swallowed a lemon and the other nervously ecstatic. They dug matching ring boxes from their pockets and Sirius’ eyes widened, glancing sideways at Regulus who was just as shocked. Lucius took hold of Narcissa’s hand as he fell to one knee. Rodolphus did did the same with Bellatrix, fingers twitching.
It was like a performance, watching the whole thing unfold. Lucius was the passionate lead, living for this moment like it was his sole purpose in life. Rodolphus was the kid who couldn’t care less about the play but went along for his parents’ sake. Narcissa was the one who had terrible stage-fright, watching the man before her as if he had suddenly grown a second head. Bellatrix was amused, lips turned up and head tilted sideways as she played up her part. Some might say she looked giddy. But not Sirius, no. Not Sirius, not Regulus, not Narcissa, and not, if she had been here to witness it, Andromeda. No, she wasn’t giddy. She was absolutely, undeniably furious. The fingers twirling in her corkscrew curls were not nervous, were not smitten, were not happy. They were pulling viciously at every turn. The twinkle in her eye gleamed white-hot and red, flames barely contained. The teeth peeking through her smile were ready to fucking bite.
“Narcissa Amara Black,” Lucius began.
“Bellatrix Lyra Black,” Rodolphus said at the same time.
“Would do you me the honours,”
“Of forging our families forevermore,”
“By being my wife?”
Sirius resisted the urge to laugh. How unique. Two engagements, both exactly the same. It was like two separate drama companies fighting for who could do the play the best.
(Lucius and Narcissa won, considering Malfoy was the only one who wanted this)
And, because there was no debate about what the next line of the script was, even if Bella and Cissa were unaware of the play at all, they replied.
“Yes.”
Smiles broke out down the table. The Malfoys pleased, Reinhard and Uncle Cygnus proud, Aunt Druella delighted, and-
Walburga was watching him, an idea brewing in her gaze. She leaned over and whispered something into Orion’s ear, something Sirius couldn’t hear no matter how hard he strained his ears. Orion glanced down the table at him, too, and nodded, mischief and malice lacing his grin.
Oh. No, he didn’t like that.
By the time Sirius was back in the Little Palace, dates had been decided. Bellatrix and Rodolphus would be married on Christmas while Lucius had pushed for a spring wedding.
No one but Lucius was happy about this.
The minute they were able, Rodolphus and Bellatrix acted like the other was Sankt Salazar’s hidden beast- no, scratch that, Bella would probably hunt it down for fun. They acted like the other was doused in bright pink glitter and if they were to so much as breathe in their direction they, too, would be bedazzled.
Narcissa didn’t quite have that option, since Lucius tailed her like a lost puppy. She smiled, she nodded, she listened, she obeyed. She reminded Sirius so much of Regulus it was terrifying.
He desperately hoped that one day, Regulus would prove he was on his side, that that was not his little brother’s fate.
To make matters worse, everyone in the palace was on edge.
It seems that just before the school year let out, the seed of a rumour had been planted. Over the course of the summer, its stalks grew tall and wound their ways around every corner of the Little Palace, into the minds of every student, every professor, every soldier, every servant.
The Darkling - the Black Heretic, the creator of the Shadow Fold, the Black General, Aleksander Morozova, descendant of the Bone Smith - had a secret son, one he had years ago, possibly even before he created the Fold, one that’s been hiding away somewhere for over a thousand years. A new Shadow Summoner with the same line of thinking, and a plan to execute his goals.
The chatter in the Great Hall was far below its usual ruckus. Instead, hushed whispers cloaked the tables. Even those at the high table were subdued, leaning closer to their coworkers in quiet conversation.
Sirius took his spot beside Edgar. “What’s going on?”
Amelia gaped at him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I just got here. Obviously I haven’t heard.”
“You parents didn’t mention it at all over the summer?” One of Amelia’s friends Emmeline Vance - Inferni - asked.
“I prefer to keep communication between them and myself to a minimum. So, no.”
“Well then surely you heard about it on the way in.” Zarah Zabini - Alkemi - said.
“No!” Sirius whisper-cried. “What, by all the Saints, is it?”
“The Darkling had a son.” Edgar mumbled, shivering as he spoke his name.
Sirius’ eyes widened. “What?”
All four of them hissed at him to keep his voice down.
“The Darkling had a son,” He said, quieter. They nodded. “How is he still alive?”
“The Darkling himself lived hundreds of years.”
“Yeah. Hundreds. Four hundred, at least. The Shadow Fold fell a thousand years ago. Surely he had been born before then.”
Edgar shrugged. “They’re powerful summoners. They have the longest life span.”
Sirius shivered. He glanced down the table and found Regulus’ eyes already on him.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. Did you know about this?
Regulus gently shook his head. Not a clue.
Sirius frowned, his thoughts a whirl. “Who said this?”
Amelia tilted her head.
“Who found this out? Who exposed it? Is it actually real? Or is it just some silly rumour meant to invoke fear?”
Zarah tilted her head back, thinking. “My mum spoke of it just before summer.”
Emmeline nodded. “I heard it from Varvara Kostyk last year as well. She’s an Inferi two years above us.”
“We found out when we got here last night.” Edgar said and Amelia hummed in agreement.
Sirius leaned back in his seat, arms crossed. “So, late June, you’d say?”
“That sounds about right.”
Funny. Mother and Father came back in late June.
III: Alice
Being able to admit the fact that Alice was excited for the educational year to roll around was something she never thought she’d be able to say.
And it wasn’t for school, no, Alice had aged out. It was her first year where she didn’t have school, since she hadn’t bothered to further her education. She had all the knowledge she needed to help her mother run the day care centre for all the children in their fair sized town along the Fjerdan border. That wasn’t the reason either.
No, the reason was the absolute goddess of a Heartrender that has been assigned to the north-east corner of the town. Long, unfairly soft looking platinum waves often tied back out of her face with a crimson ribbon. Soft cheekbones, a perfect jawline, grey eyes that shined silver when the light hit just right, lips as pink as her cold-flushed cheeks. She’d started just after Yule, often seen with someone else, until her supervisors fizzled out to nothing and she was alone.
That was when Alice decided to approach her.
Frank, Alice’s best friend, had found it mental.
“She’s Second Army, Alice,” He had said, exasperated, when she told him. “You know what they do.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “She’s not gonna find out, it’s fineeeeeee.”
“She’s trained for this sort of shit. Of course she’s gonna know.”
“True, but we’re trained to hide.”
“She was professionally trained. We rely on survival instincts. She’s going to be able to tell Heartrender from otkazat’sya. Don’t expect me to come save you when you’re whisked away to the Little Palace.”
“Well, then, I’ll just tell everyone you’re a Squaller and you’ll be able to come with me!”
Frank narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“And you wouldn’t let them take me alone.” Alice countered, sing-song.
He let out a huff. “Touché.”
Alice shivered, wrapping her jacket tighter around herself. “Saints, it’s cold.”
He rolled his eyes and grabbed her by the collar. “C‘mon.”
She squeaked. “Let go of me!”
Frank did not. He dragged to the nearest coffee shop and shoved her inside. “Get something.”
Alice glared at him, rubbing the back of her neck. “I could’ve walked here myself, y’know.”
Frank smiled evilly. “But this was more fun.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll pass. I find myself more attracted to the males of the human race.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“You make it a point to remind me daily.”
They stared at each other, Frank grinning and Alice with her arms crossed over her chest. They stayed like that for a minute. Then two. Then, they burst out laughing.
“You’re an idiot, you know that.” Alice said between wheezes, reaching up to ruffle his hair.
“You’ve mentioned it.”
The lady behind the counter cleared her throat. “Can I get you anything?”
Pink bloomed along Frank’s ears and Alice stifled another fit of laughter. He quickly stepped up and ordered a tea. Alice put in her order after him and reached for her wallet, side stepping in front of Frank to block his view.
He frowned. “No, I’m paying.”
“Are you?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve already got my vlachki out.”
“Rock, paper, scissors for it?”
“Best two out of three?”
“Fine.”
Alice turned, hands at the ready.
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”
Frank grinned. “One for me.”
Alice narrowed her eyes as they went again.
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”
Alice smirked. “One-one.”
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”
Alice laughed, triumphant.
Frank frowned. “You cheated.”
“How?!” She laughed again. “It’s a game of chance.”
“Still. You cheated.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did n-“
“AhEM,” the lady cleared her throat louder. “Will that be all?”
Alice opened her mouth to answer, then stopped. She glanced back at Frank. “Do you think keftas are heated?”
He blinked at her. “What?”
“Keftas,” Alice repeated. “Surely she’s cold, no?”
Frank sighed as realization dawned. “Alice, no. Leave her alone.”
Alice turned back to the lady. “Make it three.”
Frank groaned.
You can do this, Alice. You can do it. You bought a whole extra drink for this. Can’t let it go to waste.
Narcissa Black was walking along the edge of the forest, the one bordering the edge of the village and Fjerdan territory. Alice listened to her heart beat from her spot along the fence of someone’s backyard as she drew near, her own heart beating frantically inside her rib cage.
This was so simple. Just, walk up to her, say hi, give her a drink and leave. She could do this. She could totally, easily, do this. Nothing to be worried about. Nothing at all.
Narcissa seemed to disprove of this plan. The minute Alice had worked up the courage to start moving, she appeared directly in front of her, hands raised, and slammed her against the fence. Her fingers curled as she brought them back to her chest and Alice gasped, tea falling to the ground and hands flying to grip the front of her jacket as her heart clenched. She tried to take a breath through the flare of pain, power thrumming as she forced her own heart to keep beating. She squeezed her hand into a fist and Narcissa grunted, stepping back and fighting Alice’s Heartrending with her own, prying her lungs open to allow oxygen through.
Alice jumped back when she could, falling into a defensive stance. Sure, Narcissa had military-grade training and is probably going to squash her like a bug without lifting so much as a finger but, well, Alice has always found it hard to stop when she gets going.
Narcissa blinked, staring her up and down. Her head tilted, like she was listening. Then, her posture snapped straight and she clasped her hands behind her back. “Apologies. I heard loud and nervous heartbeats and mistook you for the enemy.”
Alice’s mouth dropped. Narcissa’s voice was honey sweet, far too innocent for someone so dangerous. Should she be concerned for the raging butterflies ramming around in her stomach? Probably. But she couldn’t help it. Alice could listen to her speak for hours. Narcissa could make the inner-workings of an ant colony sound thrilling. Oh, the things Narcissa could say that would turn Alice to a puddle of goo at her feet-
No. Now is not the time for this.
“No, no it was my fault!” Alice blurted, cringing at the light strain of her voice. Narcissa raised an eyebrow. “I was an idiot for hiding behind a fence this close to the border. I was only trying to bring you something warm, I swear! Which, now that I say it out loud sounds kind of creepy. I’m- oh no, I’m rambling. I’m sorry. My mouth just doesn’t know when to stop sometimes. Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Alice pounded the heel of her palm against her temple, once for every time she told herself to keep quiet.
Narcissa’s hand shot out - and Saints, she’s fast - and wrapped around Alice’s wrist before she could do it a fourth time and Alice thought she might die. Her brain short circuited. The only thing she could think of was Narcissa’s ghostly skin against her own. And how the fuck could a fucking soldier have skin as soft as she does? Narcissa’s thumb rubbed along her wrist, right along the pulse point, so gentle it was driving Alice insane.
Narcissa’s lips twitched up in a small, knowing smirk. But when she spoke, her tone was deadly serious. “No. None of that.”
Absolutely powerless, Alice nodded.
Narcissa drew back and Alice had the ridiculous urge to fucking whine. Though, with the distraction on her wrist gone, Alice had fallen deep into her hypnotic eyes. From here, Alice could tell she had been wrong. Narcissa’s eyes were silver, yes, but they were so much more than that. Hints of green glinted when the light hit it just right. Sometimes, specs of blue sparkled in their depths. The best moments were when green, silver and blue swirled together all at once, sending Alice spiralling down a kaleidoscopic tunnel where nothing else existed.
“You’re a Heartrender.” Narcissa observed.
Alice felt her stomach drop, realizing far too late the magnitude of what she had done. “Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to die. Oh fuckin’ hell. Frank was right, this was a bad idea. Why do I never listen to him? Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Narcissa caught her hand again as it rose to smack herself. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Alice blinked, mouth parted. “What?”
Narcissa smiled again, small and hidden. “It seems I’ve forgotten half of my job description. I can only remember protecting this village from Fjerdans.”
Alice broke out into a blinding grin. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Narcissa tugged on her hand, bringing her to her feet. “Don’t worry about it,” she glanced down at the two spilled cups of tea. “Sorry about that. I appreciate the gesture.”
“I’ll remember that.”
And remember she did. The next day, she brought Narcissa a cup of tea. And the next. And the next. And the next.
It was the beginnings of October when Narcissa came around again, walking that same path up and down the tree line. Alice grinned and happily sauntered over, two beverages in hand(if Alice has spent maybe a little too much extra vlachki on drinks incase Narcissa was on duty, that’s nobody’s business but hers). Narcissa looked over at the sound of approaching footsteps and beamed.
Alice pressed the steaming cup into her hand and dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Hello, daffodil.”
Narcissa gulped down an eager sip, seemingly unaffected by its scalding temperature. “Thanks. Y’know, most people call me Cissa as a nickname.”
“Since when am I ‘most people’?”
Narcissa laughed and Alice’s heart jumped.
They walked and Narcissa reached out to lace their fingers. Alice smiled giddily at the sweeping passes her thumb made along the back of her palm. Alice brought their hands up closer to her chest, twisting Narcissa’s rings around, cataloguing the bands she knew well. The one embedded with the Black family gemstone(onyx). The one with the Orion constellation, both for her uncle and her sister, Bellatrix. The one with the Andromeda constellation. The one with the Leo and Canis Major constellations. The one that spins. The one-
Alice paused, twisting the ebony ring of vines with diamonds instead of thorns. “This one’s new.”
Narcissa glanced over and winced. “Unfortunately.”
Alice cocked her head, listening. “Bad summer?”
Narcissa huffed. “You could say that again.”
Alice waited patiently.
Narcissa looked pained. “Do you really want to know?”
“I want to know everything you’ll tell me.”
“…you can’t- you can’t tell anyone else, though.”
Alice’s brows furrowed. “It’s not illegal, is it?”
Narcissa shook her head. “No, no, no. It’s just- if it gets out to the wrong person, things can go terribly.”
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, I’m fine. I- you know what, I really shouldn’t say.”
Alice stopped them, stepping in front of Narcissa and cupping her face in her hands. “Are you sure you’re okay, daffodil? Is this just inner demons or is there someone making you feel like you can’t speak freely?”
The watery curtain of unshed tears fell over her eyes and Alice wanted to burn whoever had sewed her flower’s vocal cords shut. Narcissa let out a breath. “If I’m going to tell you, please let me finish before saying anything. If you stop me, I don’t think I’ll ever have to courage to keep going.”
Alice’s heart panged but she nodded, rubbing gentle circles into her cheeks. “Of course, sweetheart.”
“Things are…different, in the House of Black. When it comes time for Testing, people are often nervous. Scared to be taken from their families. Scared to fight in war. Excited to see if they can do something most people can’t. Anxious to prove they’re worth something. In the House of Black, you have to be a Heartrender. Anything else is not an option. Very recently in the bloodline, we were blessed with a Tailor. Well, I think blessed. Only one other person besides myself thinks so, too. Even before his Testing, he was put through intensive homeschooling to try and change him, to make him a Heartrender, to get him to pass as one. The worst part? It worked. Everything they did to him in the name of their perfect image, every horrible act- it worked. See, there is nothing more precious to my family than their reputation. We’re ruthless. We’re efficient. We’re leaders. We’re vital. If you don’t fit that description, well, you’re done. They’ll do anything to guarantee a full generation of Heartrenders. We’re rather famous for arranged marriages. I mean, my aunt and uncle are second cousins. Yeah, I know. Well, this summer, it was decided that Bella and I had grown old enough to be married off. Rodolphus Lestrange - heir of the House of Lestrange and, of course, a Heartrender - proposed to Bella at the same time that Lucius Malfoy - heir of the House of Malfoy, also a Heartrender - proposed to me. And, Alice, you have to understand, the word ‘no’ doesn’t exist in the House of Black. You do as you’re told, or you be dealt with. Simple. I didn’t have a choice.”
Tears bubbled in Narcissa’s eyes and Alice would gladly kill every family member that has ever caused her pain, as well as that Lucius fellow. Alice wrapped her arms around her protectively, tucking Narcissa’s head under her chin. Narcissa leaned in gratefully, grip painfully tight. She breathed heavily, desperately holding back tears.
Alice pressed a gentle kiss to her hair, her own eyes watery. “Cry it out, sweetheart.”
Narcissa cracked, shoulders heaving with each sob, nails digging into Alice’s hips. Alice couldn’t care less. She repeatedly pressed kisses to the top of Narcissa’s head, mixed with her own salty tears. She whispered sweet nothings in her ear, rubbed gentle circles into her back and shoulders, did everything she could to show her flower that she was here. That it would be okay after all.
A long time later, Narcissa pulled away, still sniffling slightly. Alice’s hands came pup to cup her cheeks, thumbs gently wiping away a few stray tears.
“Thank you.” Narcissa whispered.
“Anytime, sweetheart. Do you mind if I ask a couple questions or would you rather I save them for another time?”
Narcissa’s lip wobbled. “Not now, maybe?”
Alice held her tight once more. “Of course, daffodil.”
‘Another time’ came in late December, a week or so before Christmas.
Narcissa groaned at the sky for what seemed to be the millionth time that day.
Alice grinned fondly. “Something on your mind?”
“Yes!” She burst out, like she was only waiting for permission to begin ranting. “Bella’s wedding is in two weeks and I’ve never seen my family so chaotic. Reinhard and Father got in an argument a few days ago about where they were to have the ceremony even though this was decided months ago, Mother called off the wedding three times already because ‘the Saints told her to’, Aunt Walburga waited until last night to tell everyone that my Grandmother’s ring would be unavailable for Bella to wear, my cousin Sirius somehow managed to change Bella’s dress from black to bright orange, this morning Uncle Orion suddenly revoked Regulus’ permission to Tailor Bella on the big day, Rodolphus ended up being allergic to the material his wedding band was made out of, Rabastan was allergic to the flowers and no one can find a decent replacement and Bella herself seems determined to rearrange the entire chapel without anyone noticing. The wedding is in fourteen days and absolutely nothing is going according to plan,” Narcissa heaved a large breath, then smiled. “I feel loads better, thank you.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“Fourteen days. I just said that.”
Alice smiled, ignoring the churning in her gut. “I meant your wedding, daffodil.”
Narcissa instantly went somber. “May.”
Alice took a deep breath. She had been psyching herself up for this conversation for several days, fretting over this little haven she had in the palms of her hands. “How do you feel about it?”
Narcissa winced. “I don’t want to, but I have no choice.”
“Well, you do have another choice.”
Narcissa side-eyed her. “You’re fucking with me.”
Alice shook her head. “I’m deadly serious.”
Hope sparked, glinting green. “Really? What is it?”
Alice shrugged. “Leave.”
Hope was squashed by a sour look. “Not an option.”
Alice stopped them, stepping in front of Narcissa and taking ahold of her hands. “No. I mean it. Leave. Get out of this wretched country with me. We’ll go to the Southern Colonies or Novyi Zem- they’re both safe for people like us.”
Narcissa shook her head. “No. You don’t understand. I can’t leave. It’s not even the Second Army and the deserter charges I’m worried about. Mother and Father have already lost one daughter, they can’t dare loose another, especially considering their last child is unfit to be heir. They will hunt me down and drag me back. I cannot leave, for the sake of my life.”
“Narcissa, don’t you see what we’re doing? This is infidelity and, come May, adultery. That is a crime, daffodil. I’d be hanged. Or they’d find out I’m Grisha and punish me some other way. They’d punish you, too.”
“Alice?” Narcissa asked, voice cracking, wide eyed.
Alice breathed in shakily. “Daffodil, I know it’s not fair but I’m going to ask you again. I am leaving this country, are you coming with me? Please, please come with me.”
“Are you- are you asking me to choose between you and my family?”
A tear seeped out of Alice’s eye. “I- I guess I am.”
Narcissa’s grasp tightened on Alice’s hands, though it more felt like they were wringing her heart. “Don’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Alice whispered. “But I have to.”
Maybe it was Narcissa’s vice grip. Maybe it was the absolute crushed look in her eyes. Maybe it was the way miniature waterfalls had begun to run down her cheeks in rivers. Maybe it was something else entirely, something Alice would never be able to explain, just a feeling. Alice knew what the answer would be before the words even tumbled past Narcissa’s lips.
“I can’t.” She said in a broken whisper.
Alice squeezed her eyes shut. Gently, slowly, she pulled Narcissa forward. A hand came up to cup her cheek. Alice leaned in and their lips brushed, soft and soaked with rushing tears. Who knew the smallest of kisses could feel greater than being hunted down by your county’s special military? A zip of thrilling static rushed between the two, so deliciously perfect Alice was oh so tempted to revoke everything she had said and stay here, tucked away, wrapped around her flower in a little pocket along the Fjerdan border. It was a mocking beat of her heart, slammed against the grass along side Narcissa’s, both their hands bleeding from where they wrenched them out of their own chests. Narcissa couldn’t go, and Alice couldn’t stay, and they couldn’t keep going on as they were.
“I’m sorry, daffodil.” Alice murmured, fingers pulling at the ribbon in Narcissa’s hair. It unfurled and blonde strands fell forward. Alice forced herself to take a step back, and another, and another until their clasped hands had no other choice but to fall apart.
“I’m sorry, too.”
Alice turned and sprinted to the road, back towards her home, back to where she would leave. She ran and ignored the shattering sound of Narcissa’s sobs, nearly drowned out by her own.
Frank was there, two horses ready and packed with their things. His expression was solemn and empathetic, but not at all surprised. He hadn’t even bothered to saddle up a third horse just in case.
Alice mounted and refused to speak their entire journey to Os Kervo, where a ship and a Captain with a concerning heartbeat were waiting.