The Hogwarts Express
Sirius felt like a ghost haunting Grimmauld place. Most days Sirius woke from his half sleep and dressed in the pressed robes and attended breakfast with the family, as demanded by Walburga. He didn’t speak back, or raise his voice, he barely said anything at all. Sirius spent most of his days laying in the library watching dust motes swirl through the filtered sunlight, trying to keep his mind blank.
The day before returning to Hogwarts Bellatrix arrived with a loud bang into the usual silence of the house. She immediately began shouting for Sirius, her favourite cousin, to come attend her. When he didn’t appear she had torn up the stars into the library and unceremoniously shoved him off the couch. Sirius had been so startled he had forgotten himself for a moment and threw a jelly-legs jinx at her.
Bellatrix was not offended, in fact, she seemed to relish his fight and immediately blocked the jinx before sending back a curse that had blood pouring from Sirius’ nose. He had nearly blacked out from blood loss before she saw fit to mutter the counter curse.
It was only after Bellatrix had screeched for Kreacher to get a bowl of beef stew for Sirius to ‘perk him back up a bit’ that she had informed him the Dark Lord had a mission for him at Hogwarts. Sirius had choked on a large piece of carrot as Bella chortled and congratulated him for his usefulness. Apparently, it was a big deal getting a mission directly from Voldemort for such a new recruit. Fucking hell, he really was a lucky chap.
“What the fuck am I supped to even do for him Bellatrix? I’m still at school, its not like I can start cursing people in the halls.” Sirius snarled shoving his bowl of stew too harshly onto the side table, which proceeded to spill over the mahogany. Kreacher immediately appeared and glowered at Sirius before vanishing with mess and bowl. It was a completle mystery to Sirius how the Elf could know something had soiled his precious house one moment after it happened.
Bellatrix tutted as she folded her legs neatly under her like a schoolgirl. “Dear Sirius, you mustn’t call me Bellatrix. It’s Bella to you. I am your favourite cousin after all.” Sirius rolled his eyes. She was just as delusional as she was before she had sold herself to Voldemort.
“Cissa is my favourite.” He shot back.
“Not for long my darling.” Bellatrix cooed as she scooted closer making Sirius shift further down the couch until he was pressed against the armrest. Before he could react she grabbed his left arm with a grip of iron and forced the sleeve up. The gleam in her eyes grew brighter as she began gently stroking the dark ink of him mark. Sirius avoided looking down. He had avoided looking at his arm for weeks and he wasn’t going to start now just because his cousin wanted to stroke her own fantasies.
“We are both servants of the Dark Lord. We are the chosen, his disciples. Nothing can bind us closer than that.” Her words were reverent and lilting, like she was saying a prayer at Beltane. Sirius jerked his arm back and quickly rolled down the sleeve.
“I’m not interested in anyone getting off on my tattoo, thanks cousin. Not sure your Lord would appreciate it either.” Sirius said.
Bellatrix just gave him a playful flick on his now covered mark, but leant back anyway.
“Our lord, Sirius.” She tutted inspecting her long blood red nails. “Fine, to business then. The Dark Lord wants you to, in his words: ’sow discord among Hogwarts students.’”
“What? Why?” Sirius asked nonplussed.
“Stop being dense. You know darling, put a little Black charm into the mix. Target kids that may be tempted to fight for Dumbledore. Knowing your track record fucking up relationships, I’m sure this will be easy for you,”
“He wants me to get them to hate each other?” Sirius asked incredulously.
Bellatrix snorted, “If you could get them to hate each other I would be impressed. No, the Dark Lord just wants them to trust each other less, to have doubts. You know how easy it is to get people to turn on each other when they don’t know what to believe, when they don’t trust in their friend’s loyalties. Perhaps you can even get them to turn on Dumbledore. We’ll certainly see.”
Sirius sat on the brown leather Chesterfield long after Bellatrix had left and thought about how very fucked he was.
***
The Hogwarts Express looked just the same, but also nothing like he remembered. The scarlet colour brought flashes of his brother’s blood pooling on the floor. Sirius shivered.
He hadn’t spoken to Regulus since that night. They had exchanged a few brief looks passing each other in the halls and over dinner, but the walls had ears in Grimmauld place, so nothing was said. His brother’s whole demeanour was that of a dead man. Sirius guessed that finding out he meant so little to his parents that his mother was willing to watch him die to keep her precious heir in the ranks might have changed his outlook a little. Sirius knew his brother had always kept a little sliver of hope alive that deep down him parents loved him, that family meant something more than reputation.
Regulus had seemed to recover somewhat in the week before they were due to return to Hogwarts, but really only relative to his previous half corpse like state. He still looked ready to keel over at any moment. Guilt and fear had continued to gnaw at Sirius as the summer drew to a close.
Walburga had apparated both boys directly onto platform 9¾ and immediately dropped their arms as if touching her sons for another moment was intolerable. She gave a pointed and almost threatening do well to Sirius while ignoring Regulus completely before disapparating. They were left alone on the platform.
Sirius had half turned to Regulus and opened his mouth before a loud yell interrupted him.
“Sirius! You’ve finally shown up you bloody bastard. Had us worried you’d miss the train.” James jumped on him and threw his arm around Sirius’ shoulders pulling him towards the train and away from Regulus. The words were now stuck in he’s throat and he couldn’t say anything in front of James. Regulus looked right through him as he was dragged away.
James hurriedly pulled him into the compartment that had been taken over by the Mauraders.
He was immediately caught under Remus’ sharp gaze. He looked different. Sirius immediately noticed a new scar that lightly trailed from Remus’ temple to under his ear. His honey coloured hair was longer and streaked with more blond than Sirius remembered. A light stubble covered Remus’ jaw that was certainly not there before summer started. Sirius stared.
“Padfoot, what the fuck happened?” James said, as he dropped onto the train bench and pulled Sirius with him. All three of his friends had tanned during summer and had a healthy, well rested glow, which put his own pallor into sharp relief.
“You stopped using the Mirror. I thought—Mate, I thought for a second there you were…“ James bit his lip and didn’t continue his thought.
“Well, you’re here now. That’s what matters.” James said, and clapped Sirius on the back. “Though your brother—couldn’t help but notice, he isn’t looking so crash hot.”
Remus and Peter both had raised eyebrows. His friends never brought up Regulus around Sirius, they knew the topic was off limits. But James never really had any limits, or boundaries, when it came to Sirius. Though, this topic usually remained private.
Sirius sighed. Regulus did in fact look terrible, much worse than himself. He wished they had come up with some sort of cover story before leaving Grimmauld, but that would have necessitated actually talking.
“He’s been sick.” Sirius shrugged and didn’t offer any more details. James’ arm remained around his shoulders and pulled him closer just a fraction. The marauders exchanged looks.
“Yeah, right. Well, good.” James caught himself. “I mean, not good, but at least it’s not anything else.”
“Not anything else?” Sirius questioned. Clearly his friends had been discussing amongst themselves what else it could be that had kept Sirius from contacting them all summer and had Regulus looking like he was at death’s door. A stab of anger had Sirius abruptly shrugging out of James’ arm. He didn’t want them talking about him behind his back, even if it was because they cared.
James looked a bit sheepish, but pushed on anyway. “Well, you know—” he said, shrugging. “We thought maybe Walburga had—I don’t know. Fucking hell…” He ran his fingers through his messy hair. “Maybe she had gotten her claws into you or something.”
“You can’t really blame us. It’s not just Regulus, mate. You look a bit like shit too.” Peter told him seriously.
Sirius couldn’t help it something in him broke a little, he started laughing. It was not a happy laugh, it was high pitched and completely unlike Sirius’ normal bark. He was verging on hysteria as he lent his burning forehead onto the cool glass of the train window. His friends had already clocked that something was not right, and they’d been back together for less than 10 minutes. How on earth was he going to hide that he was a branded Death Eater from them for a whole school year?
The mood in the compartment was tense as Sirius continued to laugh. He finally calmed down enough to try and lighten the mood.
“I’m still better looking than you, my rotund one.” He kicked halfheartedly at Peters shins. “My luscious locks are still intact so don’t think you can move in on my position as best looking marauder.”
There were subdued chuckles from around the compartment. James raised his eyebrow and Sirius knew his clumsy deflection was not going to dissuade him. He seemed content to drop it for the moment though, and for that, Sirius was grateful.
“Well we better hope no-one ever slips you a hair loss potion as a laugh. I reckon that would make you a murderer.” Remus said, his lips quirking up. “We’d have to pick the poor sod up in pieces.”
Sirius suppressed a shiver, he’d though for too long about when he would be made into a murderer since he was marked. Moony’s comments always hit too close to Sirius’ soft underbelly, like he was able to see right down to his core. Sirius suppressed a shiver, and tried to smile along, but he could tell it was more of a grimace.
The compartment fell into silence.
The compartment door was thrown open abruptly, and Mary was framed in all her glory. Her usual afro had been braided into neat cornrows and she was wearing a violently coloured shirt and bellbottoms, which all seems like it was probably the hight of muggle fashion. The wavy pattern was so much it almost made Sirius nauseous if he wasn’t so happy to see her. He could only imagine what the uptight purebloods on the platform were thinking, their fashion had been stuck in the Victorian era for decades.
“We’ve arrived!” Mary exclaimed as she swanned into the compartment with Marlene and Lily trailing behind her. The two other girls were wearing much more muted muggle clothes, but Mary’s exuberant colours seemed to brighten them.
“Wow, who died?” Mary asked, as she glanced around the silent compartment. “Or was it the lack of my presence that has gotten you all in such a glum mood?”
Mary inserted forcefully inserted herself between James and Sirius, making the former hastily scramble out of her way before she could sit directly on his lap.
“Budge up Jimbo. I want to be next to my favourite boy.” Mary said as she ruffled James’ hair. Her smile was bright before she caught a good look of Sirius’ face.
“I thought I was the one who had a shit summer. What fucking happened to you, Black? You look like you’ve been through the wringer.” She asked, as she gave him an appraising look.
A beat passed.
Before Sirius could even begin to form a reply Mary hung her smile back on her face and wrapped her arms around Sirius. The air from her slow exhale ticked Sirius’s neck.
“Love you. Don’t worry about it, you know the bullshit that comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.” And with that, Mary leaned back and put her long legs over Sirius’ lap before draping her upper upper half over James. James started stroking her hair absentmindedly. Sirius’ heart felt lighter.
“So, how was your Summer Peter?” Marlene enquired pointedly. For a moment Sirius felt he could breath easier as Peter regaled them with a story of him being propositioned by an ancient witch while abroad in France. James’ warm arm was kept pressed against his own, and he couldn’t but help but lean in.
The girl’s arrival broke the simmering tension of unspoken things. The shadows lengthened as Sirius relaxed into his seat content to listen to his friend chatter about simple things as the headed back to school.