For you, my brightest star

04/07/1979

POV – SIRIUS BLACK

After Peter leaves, him and James hurry up.

At the terrace where Sirius’s bike – Bambi- name courtesy of James Potter- is parked. Quickly casting a disillusionment charm on the bike and themselves, and casting the navigation charm to point them in the direction of the muggle hospital, they are good to go.

James sits behind him, tightly holding on Sirius’s leather jacket.

James must have felt Sirius shiver as the next moment he feels warmth from a spell wash over him. 

“It was good.” James says casually, “talking to Peter.”

Sirius nods his head. Knowing all too well that their conversation that morning has hurt James so much that he formed a bubble where he begin avoiding everyone. It must be heavy. But Sirius knows better than apologising to James.

It feels good. Riding his bike with James sitting behind him. Lily had prohibited James after a situation with muggle police. But now that she is out of the picture, James is no longer required to respect her wishes.

Sirius never liked the thrill of a broom ride. That was always James’s department. But whenever he is on Bambi Sirius understands what James means when he says that he and the broom feels like one entity whenever he is flying.

“Can…” James’s hesitant words make him pause his chain of thought, “can I ask you something about he who shall not be named.”

Sirius feels his lips twitch at the private joke despite the way his heart pangs with guilt of the distance he has caused between Remus and James. If only Peter had not opened his big mouth that day.

Sighing, he replies with a much too casual, “of course, Prongs.” Despite knowing that it can be anything.

“Were you…” James begins uncertainly, “I mean,” Sirius can imagine James running his tongue on his lips to think it through, “Didn’t it ever crossed that boundary of just sex? Between you and him?”

Sirius thinks this through before answering. He knows how fragile James is about the entire thing.

Truth be told, Sirius never felt anything above friendly affection for Remus. The sex was, however much good a release it felt at the time, afterwards it always left Sirius feel a hollow sensation. So, no, he doesn’t think that he ever, even for a second, felt that he wants more from the arrangement. Opposite in fact, it was Sirius who had started pulling away from the physical part too because deep inside he heard someone screaming at Sirius that this is wrong.

Even before becoming Animagus, Sirius had this inner voice that told him what is right and what is wrong. The same voice that made him question his family's bigoted views.

It was loudest when his mind was calm. But after he left home, something heavy settled in his chest and he just stopped hearing that inner voice. Already adrift after leaving the only home he knew till then; he mourned the loss of that invisible constant in his mind.

It reappeared when Sirius sent Snape into the shack.

It wasn’t just him who was irked with Snape nosing around their private business but that day Sirius was in a particularly bad mood. When Snape cornered him and taunted that he will uncover their secret shenanigans and implied something about Sirius and James’s pet animal. Sirius just lost it.

He told Snape if he was desperate to know, he should go to the shack. Told how to enter it.

Sirius was sure that Snape would not enter a haunted building. His status as a Slytherin made Sirius think so. But turns out that Snape can be brave when his vindictiveness is at question.

Not only did the idiot followed Sirius, his enemy no.2’s, instruction but the moronic little bat had to go on the night of full moon too without a backup.

Nevertheless, Sirius’s inner voice was back with vengeance, shouted at Sirius at what a mistake he has made in his attempt to teach Snape a lesson.

That was the reason Sirius immediately went and told to James. Trusting his best friend to know what is right.

The same voice that he supressed when he agreed to Remus’s condition for forgiveness. That same voice which appeared every time he had sex with Remus. One day Sirius has had enough and gave in to that voice which never once steered Sirius in a wrong direction.

Taking Sirius’s silence as his unwillingness to reply, James begins babbling, “I mean, with Lily, I don’t know. It became more real after,” sex, “you know. The intimacy and the vulnerability of being naked and bared, it felt, I don’t know,,,,” thinking a bit, he says, “Anyways I just wanted to know, didn’t getting intimate made it real? For you. Made it more than just friendship.”

“Prongs.” He replies loudly, the wind making it difficult to be heard, “I don’t think sex plays that much of a big part as far as I am concerned. Like I don’t know about Remus but for me it was a means to an end.” Sirius stops, not wanting to turn James’s mood sour by reminding him of the contractual aspect of the benefits situation.

But he understands James’s need to know more. Wanting to know this part of Sirius’s life. Not only because they have always been the type of friends who were in each other’s personal space but also because James must not like it one bit that he was unaware of this big issue within their friend group.

“I mean, being in this benefits arrangement is like an implicit understanding that both of us acknowledge that we aren’t compatible as life partners.” Sirius trudges carefully. Not wanting to discuss the initial months where it was all about earning Remus’s apology. But the later part where he himself agreed that things can continue as they were.

“That is why it remained an arrangement and didn’t translate into a relationship during the entire period. I don’t think either of us was harbouring any sort of secret crush for each other back then.”

James is quite for a while. Sirius wants to add one more point but he decides against it. Sometimes lying to the people we love is the best way to go on about things. Or hiding a painfully true fact.  Like Remus's deep infatuation for Lily Evans.

“But like,” James says agitatedly all of a sudden, “I mean being friends with someone is like basically 50% part of the relationship and remaining 50% is sex! It is the perfect recipe of a relationship. I don’t get it!”

“Prongs” Sirius says softly, wishing that he could look his friend in the eye to make him see that Sirius really means what he is saying, but maybe this is why James brought this up now, so that the conversation doesn’t feels too real, too overwhelming, “Relationships are more than that. Just sex and friendship. They are a big part but just the two of those are not what makes two people a couple.”

James sighs behind his back. In a voice so small, Sirius barely hears, “It was like that between me and Lily.”

“Why did you break up then?” Sirius counters, wanting James to answer his own doubts, “If it had both the necessary requirements then why end it?”

James is quite for a while, Sirius lets him think it through. Then he hears a sigh from behind as James tucks his face on Sirius's shoulder and tells him somberly, “It was McGonagall’s words that sealed the deal for me, you know.” James replies.

“Really?” Sirius asks, surprised. Turns out it was not only him hiding things, big and small. A slight feeling of annoyance passing in his chest at not already knowing this little aspect of James’s life.

“Don’t be a twat, Pads!” James admonishes, likely already knowing Sirius’s bitter feelings of not knowing everything about James. “I, myself,  didn't even know at the time. I just realised it later, that she played a big part in my decision to end it. She herself must not know that she supplied the last straw.”

Sirius nods in understanding. James continues, “Remember I was charged with patrol duties of Hogsmeade in February." When Sirius hums in reply, he continues, "I met Maggie.” Sirius snorts at James casually calling their professor by their nickname for her. He can never not laugh at the name. Remus, accidently, coined the nickname- Maggie in their 3^rd year.

“We were talking, you know. And I am telling her about my job. You guys. Everything. She asked me how it was going between me and Lily.” One of the hands holding Sirius’s jacket pulls away and Sirius imagines James ruffling his hair, “We had a big fight the night before. Lily and I. So, I couldn’t make myself say good things about our relationship. Not that I wanted to badmouth about it to my school teacher.”

“So, I began babbling about general things. How lucky I am that Lily finally gave me a chance, after me losing any hopes of her seeing me that way. And I began counting to her all the virtues Lily has, you know. How beautiful she is and how smart and quick witted she is. Her talent in potions and all that. I thought I did really good job at hiding details of my struggling relationship. But then she did that thing she does. Looked me in right in the eye as if she was looking right at my soul and told me something I will never forget.”

“What did she say?” Sirius asks, curious.

“She said - If you're always telling yourself how lucky you are, it's probably because you're afraid to ask yourself how happy you are. And I kid you not Padfoot, we kept staring in each other’s eyes. I don't know what she was thinking. Or how did she knew. Me being busy trying to think if she is telling from experience. Or what.”

“It stuck with me. For an entire month I asked myself if I am happy, finally getting the girl of my dreams. Turns out that all I felt was disappointment that it was not as good as I had imagined in my mind. My relationship. How perfect we were supposed to be. In the end my gratefulness for Lily giving me a chance just dried up and I was left with the truth that it stopped working a long time ago.”

Sirius nods his head; he was one of the selected few individuals who witnessed James and Lily being cruel to each other. It was painful to watch. Reminded him of the time before they got together with the only difference that earlier it was only Lily who threw bitter words at James. Meanwhile James was trying to woo her in all his teenage stupidity. It was painful to watch. Especially after witnessing the moments where they seemed to be truly good for each other.

James and Lily were the couple who had too good and too bad times together. Nothing in between.

“So, you get it? That relationship are more than friendship and sex?” Sirius asks.

James shrugs behind him, “I mean, on a theoretical level I get it. But I don’t get what more is required.”

Sirius bites his lips to prevent from saying that it is a good thing that James broke up with lily then. Because as far as he understood by witnessing two couple madly in love- Cissy and her peacock of a husband and James’s parents- he can honestly say that it is more. A perfect relationship has respect. It has care and concern. It has understanding and growth. It has safety and shelter. It has attraction and devotion. It has sacrifices and pain. It has anger and jealousy. It has fear and anxiety.

It is too much for words to ever fully describe.

“You will know when you find the right one.” Sirius tells James.

“That’s what dad tells me. You will know when the right one comes into the picture, Jay.” James sulks but Sirius’s mind goes to Harry, unbidden, of the day of their first meet. Quickly shaking his head to disperse the thought, he listens to James’s grumpy voice, “I thought I felt it when I met Lily!”

Sirius snorts, “Well, Lily was not bad to look at, Prongs. Are you sure it was your heart that told you she is the one or was it some other organ?”

“Ha ha very funny.” James sulks but doesn’t deny. Sirius barks out loudly, James was too predictable. Never liking criticism but Sirius has seen the ways his friend begun accepting his faults and wanting to be better. It was a truly beautiful experience seeing a person you are fond of grow into the person they have become. Earning your respect daily by growing and getting better.

“Seriously though.” Sirius steers the conversation back to the point, “The sex was mechanical for me. I wasn’t even attracted to Remus that way.” He is a bit uncomfortable because he never shared this part of his life with anyone because of one of the hidden clauses of the deal was that Sirius keeps it between them.

But James has always been one person who knew the most about him. Not entirely but Sirius is unsure if there exist anyone with whom he would like to bare himself fully to. Ever.

So, he continues, despite the discomfort he feels in sharing about this now. It feels like breaking Remus’s trust. But Sirius never promised Remus that he will hide it. He just acted on the expectations Remus had at the start of this thing.

 “You can say that it was more about sexual desire than any attraction, at least on my part.”

“What’s the difference?” James asks, confused.

Sirius takes a minute to think. Sometimes it is difficult explaining basic things to other people. It’s like asking someone how do you feel attraction towards the same sex people. The reply will be the most obvious- just like the so called 'normal’ people feel attraction for opposite sex, some people exist who feels the same towards people from their own sex.

One cannot explain the why’s and how’s of few things. Some things just are.

“Mostly I don’t feel the need to have sex with people. I feel arousal. Physically it felt good to get off. But beyond that it was more like a chore.”

James, more confused than before, asks, “So, the sex was so bad that you felt it was like a chore?”

“It wasn’t bad per se.” Sirius replies immediately, “I just,” biting his lip, Sirius thinks before finally sharing, “it lacked the connection, I think. My heart wasn’t in it. It was doing sex for the sake of just sex.”

This is the best Sirius can explain.

“Oh, I get it.” James says wisely, “It’s like a woman.”

“What!?” Sirius exclaims.

“I mean. For some woman, playing with their breasts is pleasurable.” James tells him. The two of them had gone through those types of magazines together when they were in their 4^th year. It is not as uncomfortable when talking about sex in general or James’s sex life as it was when he talked about his own experience.

“Like with a partner it is pleasurable but when a breastfeeding mother is nursing her baby, it is nothing like that. Because emotions are all too different in both cases.”

Sirius’s eyes widen at the weird but oddly correct analogy James drew. Because he thinks that the experience could have been better altogether if Sirius some level of emotional or romantic connection with Remus. Remus's mean behaviour in the beginning made Sirius wary of Remus during the entire time but he only came to that realisation in the hindsight.

Sometimes he feels that he is defective for not having those sorts of feeling for literally anyone. He appreciates beautiful people when he sees them. But never has he felt those butterflies people say they feel when their crush is around. He feels broken for not having felt those kinds of things.

James’s hands tighten on his shoulder when due to his lack of attention the bike jerks off the way a bit.

Though James’s example is too simpleton-ish. But he got the gist. So, he replies, “Honestly Prongs, not the same case. But yeah. Thanks for the image.” He says with sarcasm.

“Don’t be prude, Pads. I am just trying to understand.” James says in a baby voice. 

Sirius rolls his eyes, “Just because I have certain reservations about the odd example you gave. Doesn’t mean I am prude. And now I am left thinking why you would know anything about a pregnant woman. ” He scoffs.

James simply pets him on his back.

“Won’t you ask me about my sex life now?” James jokes.

“I don’t need to. Without me asking you shared as much as a gentleman can without actually telling. Not that I need to be told anything after happening upon you two and subjecting my eyes to the most traumatic scenes.” Sirius replies.

“What can I say,” James boasts, “Our sex life was as explosive as our fights.”

“No shit, sherlock” Sirius says.

 “What?” James asks.

“A muggle reference.” Sirius tells him. For a guy who bagged the most desired muggleborn girl of their year, James is still a clueless pureblood, Sirius thinks fondly. James doesn’t know about that side of world and he doesn’t want to know.

“Now I can rest relieved.” James says dramatically, “I mean I frankly find it offensive that with me being right there you will even think to go for Remus. Our chemistry is off the charts. Why would you ever think to go for someone else with me right there. And to go for a guy who is a snake in lion's clothing?! You are too good for the likes of Remus.”

Sirius shakes his head. Leave it to James to picture Sirius as a saintly man. Not that Sirius thinks that he will wilfully commit immoral acts but he believes in the theory that everyone has a weakness and when pressed enough they will become unrecognizable.

Look at how Peter’s case turned out. Remus too will do anything to hide his werewolf secret. James and Sirius will also commit atrocious acts if they felt their loved ones’ life is in jeopardy.

But Sirius doesn’t correct James. It feels good to be held so high in someone’s eyes. To be held at that pedestal. James has begun to see people as people. Not just good and bad. He will come to the conclusion on his own that life is not simply about the good guys conquering over the bad ones.

“Only if you were not straight as an arrow my friend. It would have been us against the world.” Sirius assures James.

“Are you barmy, Sirius?” he asks rhetorically, his voice oddly taut, “It’s still us against the world! Don’t let wannabes tell you otherwise.” His words suddenly hardening.

Sirius sighs, a horrible feeling churning in his stomach. He never wanted this to happen. Never wanted James to feel this intese dislike for Remus. A guy for whom they all risked even Azkaban at 15. Just so that Remus would have company and scarless nights. The same James who came up with the plan, the same James who helped Peter and Sirius through the entire process because James Potter is a Transfiguration protegee. 

And now the same James calls Remus a wannabe. 

Sirius takes a deep breath. Wanting to stay calm in the face of James’s sudden anger.

“Hasn’t seen him around.” James comments casually when Sirius remains quite for a long while. A little too casually.

“He is staying at Lily’s” Sirius too replies casually.

“Oh?” James says. “Still living at my dime, it seems.” He remarks bittely. James is the one sponsoring Lily’s flat because he has paid the entire year’s rent for his then girlfriend.

“Speaking of,” Sirius begins, “You ever think about getting back together?”

“With Lily?” James asks, and then says immediately, “No. It was good while it lasted but we bruised each other in many ways one can never come back from. More importantly the real Lily is much different than the Lily I crushed on from distance. I like her from far. So, the only relationship I will have with her is where I can stand her. That means an entire life of long-distance relationship.” He jokes.

Sirius snorts. He only senses truth in his best mate’s words. If James is not supressing any wishes to get Lily back in his life than Sirius should tell him. Just so that James has a chance before things change. “You sure? Because I am more than sure that Remus has got a solid crush on Lily.” He says waiting for explosive reaction.

But thankfully getting none. “I know.” James replies. “What!?” Sirius asks, shocked.

“I wasn’t being an irrational jerk for being jealous of Remus’s budding friendship with Lily after the incident.”

It has stopped making his heart heavy now, after all these years. Back then, even the slightest mentions of the shack incident used to make Sirius freeze in panic and anxiety. Now he just feels numb about the entire event.

“So, now you are okay with those two practically living together because you are done with Lily?” he confirms.

“Of course not.” James denies quickly. “I will hate it if the relationship I absolutely failed at, only for Remus to come and charm Lily.”

“So, why are you so chill about Remus staying with her?” Sirius asks. Now irritated at James for stretching it.

“For one,” James replies calmly, “Keeping him away from you takes priority over my potentially bruised ego. Also, I know Lily has a type. Charismatic guys with a certain status. Remus possesses neither.” He says dismissively.

Well, Sirius can understand James’s deduction. Not at all liking being mollycoddled by his friend at all but James is like a bull who has seen red, Sirius has no power to stop James as far as the situation with Remus is concerned.

Sighing he supplies, “Love is blind, you know.” He tries, not wanting James to get hurt if Remus does somehow convince Lily to get together with him. The man has all the tools to make Lily, emotionally weak after her best friend- Mary’s death, believe how they can be good together.

“Love maybe.” James snorts, “Lily is not.”

“You seem sure.” Sirius states.

“You know the reason you and me gel so well, Pads?” James asks but doesn’t wait for his reply, “It’s because we understand each other’s obsessive streaks. We aren’t scared of or shy away from the caveman style possessiveness the other has. In fact, we like it. Being in each other’s life all time. Every time. Most people don’t get it but we two get each other on that front.”

“What has that got to do with this?” Sirius asks.

“What I am saying is that I hated that Snape” James literally spits out the name, “got to be so close with Lily. Lusting over her behind the excuse of friendship. You think I would have been alright with one of my best mates crushing over the girl I had chosen for myself?”

Sirius doesn’t correct James by telling him that it was Remus who was first attracted to Lily. The boy suppressed it because of his low self-esteem. Unlike James, Remus never was one to pronounce his feelings to the world. Till the time James came around seeing Lily as someone he desired, Remus was already half in love. But if Remus Lupin is an expert in anything, it is in being a victim.

Remus took great pleasure in divulging to Sirius about how James doesn’t deserve a girl like Lily. In the post sex haze, the man used to be loose tongued. Singing his sad song. How if he weren’t a werewolf, he would have proposed to Lily much sooner. How James took the chance away. And many variations of it.

Sirius never told Remus that it was his own fault that James came later and still got to be with Lily. Remus could have asked her out. It wasn’t as if he was super concerned about following bro-code.

“I employed Wormtail to spy on them.” James tells him. Sirius literally turns his neck back to give James a ‘what the fuck’ stare because really, spying on Lily with Snivy was one thing but to spy his own friend?

“What?” James says innocently, “I knew, Pads. Remus was salivating over Lils. And it was clear to me, at least. I mean, I know how a man behaves when Lily’s magic is working on them! I just wanted to be sure.”

“Sure about what?” Sirius asks.

“I thought that if he had feelings for her, I can help him out.” James replies quietly.

Opening and closing his mouth like a fish, befuddled, Sirius asks, “What!?”

“It was perfect! My plan. I thought I could bargain with Remus, you know. Ask him to forgive you and in exchange I help him get together with Lily. Peter was to scout if Lily showed any true interest.”

“Really?” he never knew that James was ready to let go of Lily just so that Sirius could be brought back into the circle.

“Anything for you, pads.” James admits. “You know I realized how little my anger is when it comes to you. Within a week, I was done with the entire thing. But then for Remus’s sake I kept waiting. He just let us all marinate. In the hindsight I think he must be getting a kick out of seeing us all so morose.”

Sirius feels his eyebrows raise. Because no, despite pulling the cruel arrangement to get one over Sirius, Sirius himself can attest that the first month Remus was nothing but a scared little kitten.

Prancing around forest with your friends with no care of any unwitting suspect happening upon them and enjoying a scar-free life is one thing but being brutally reminded about the horrors his animalistic side possesses shook Remus.

Sirius sighs, once again regretting his naïve act of rivalry.

“Anyways, initially I was tempted to kick Remus out entirely for being such a mood killer. I hadn’t accounted for him being grumpy for so long. I thought a week or two at most. And poaching a girl I already staked my claim on? That was like the breaking point. I was ready to just tell him off for taking this too far. But then I decided to listen to mum.”

“What did she say?”

Ever the precious baby of the family, James used to share everything with his mum. Mia, in turn, used to live a second life through her son’s experiences. Many a times even egging him to be even more silly and enjoy life.

“In a letter she wrote – Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path, Jamie. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem from a lost soul. At the time I didn’t knew who she was talking about. I thought it was about Remus! So, I changed my mind and decided Remus can have Lily if he stops being mean girl to you.”

Despite the unethical plans, James’s efforts for Sirius are greatly appreciated. “Prongs.” He mutters in overwhelming gratitude. Wanting to be on the ground, right this second so that he can hug his idiot mate in a tight hug.

“But it was all for naught. Mum meant you in the letter, later she told me. I shouted at her for being so cryptical. Anyways, Pete’s research led us know Lily’s darkest secret.” He says mystically

“What? Don’t tell me she is a werewolf too?” he asks jokingly.

“No.” building suspense, James makes him wait, “Lily is uncomfortable with Remus’s lycanthropy.”

“Uhh.” Sirius says unintelligently.

“Yes!” James exclaims, “They tip toe around the entire matter. Treat as if Remus doesn’t turn a deadly creature once a month.”

Sirius silently drives for 5 entire minutes, unsure of what to make of the situation. He feels bad for Remus. The boy literally is in love with her and she makes attempts at behaving as if a big part of Remus is not there.

“But what if she is over it?” Sirius counters.

James shrugs, “Good for Remus then” he says nonchalantly.

Sirius wants to asks more but they are almost there and landing a magical motor bike is tricky so he relocates his attention to it as he feels James also circling is arms tightly around Sirius’s waist.

Parking Bambi on the roof of the hospital, they arrive at the room the receptionist directed them towards and knock on the door.

“Enter.”

James, ever the mumma’s boy, jumps in to hug his mother. Sirius takes the chance to give a side hug to Monty. The familiar and soothing scent of Eucalyptus making him feel content and grateful.

“All good, Sirius?” the man asks as Sirius assesses his health by looking at his face for any signs of troubles.

He nods his head shyly. Still not adapted to fully accept the warmth the elder couple offers him. In the background he can hear Mia complaining to James about not coming soon. He replies to the nicely aged old man, “Never been better.” That is an exaggeration but at this point him and James have become habitual of lying to the elderly couple and making it look like everything is great in their life.

With a shrewd look the man harrumphs. Sirius winces. Fleamont must be doing really well because in all the previous visits, Monty had been agreeable to their lies.

He is saved from making corrections when James literally shoves him aside to hug his dad and Sirius takes his place and embraces Mia.

She is more effected by the disease in comparison to her husband. The marks the ailment has left will always be a part of her. Her skin a strange shade of yellowish green tint. Sagging from exertion and aging. Once a beautiful and regal woman is now aged beyond her age because of her ailment.

She sighs in relief and tucks his head to her neck when he tries to pull away. Sirius feels his chest constrict at the little gesture. Speaking more than enough about her concern for him.

“You are supposed to steer my son to the right path.” She complains as soon as he pulls away. Pulling at his ear, “I forgot that you two together are known to create even bigger chaos.”

“Ahh, Mia! It hurts.” He rubs at his ear when she finally stops. Pouting to let her know that he doesn’t appreciates this gesture. Giving him a final glare to let him know of her anger at the situation, she looks at James.

“You look thin.” She tells her son, who is sniffling for some reason, looking ashamed and away from his father’s disappointed gaze.

“We have been eating just fine. How are you, Mia? Monty?” Sirius asks. Wanting to take away the eyes from James so that his friend can compose himself.

“We will live.” Mia replies drily. Her focus back on James, “How is Lily dear?”

Sirius supresses his cringe reaction. Oh James, all your lies have caught up!

The last two times they visited; his parents’ condition was so bad that James never came around telling them that he has broken up with Lily. In the fear that their condition would worsen if they learned that their son’s personal life is not so settled after all.

Now that they are getting better, they must be told. James must have come to the same conclusion as he sighs, looking at the door he replies, “I don’t know. Okay, I guess.” Sirius’s eyes widen when he watches a small hopeful smile take over Mia’s face. Quietly James confesses, “We broke up.”

“Finally!” Monty mutters more to himself causing James to look up at his father in confusion.

“Good.” Mia agrees with her husband. “I like her,” She says seeing James and Sirius’s bewildered expression, “I don’t like her for my son.” She replies simply.

James sags a bit. Finally, having done one thing right in his parents’ eyes.

“I hear Dorea gave you two a good reprimand.” She states casually. Meanwhile Monty loses interest in the conversation, reverts his attention back to reading the Prophet.

The silence that ensues is stifling. James takes this time to enlarge the container of home-made muffins that the two of them prepared yesterday as a peace offering.

Both husband and wife pick up the vanilla flavoured one. He knows it is perfectly made, just like she taught them. Not being told any of the shortcomings implies that the muffins are tasty.

This works as a nice ice breaker as Mia begins recounting her life for the past month here at the muggle facilities. Their struggles at having to understand the lingo of muggle people. The ways of life and trying not to appear as nutcases.

The anecdote of how one of the nurses that they have, lost it when one day she stumbled upon Monty brandishing his wand around.

James and Sirius, in turn, tell their life as Auror trainees. At least the watered-down version of it. Where they appear as cool dudes fighting the bad guys and winning.

Mia too takes out her knitting needles and begins working on a sweater. The couple listens despite having busied themselves in their respective tasks.

All in all it was a great visit. That was until it was time to leave.

Then Monty puts his paper down and looks at both of them with his piercing warm eyes behind the square spectacles. “I hope you both know what you are doing.” In the end he says, his eyes flashing with years’ worth of experience gained through many trials and tribulations.

Sirius hangs his head low, not meeting the man’s eyes who is as close to a father Sirius can get. Seeing as his own dad had no concern about either of his sons’ life until it was something he can be proud of. Then he will be standing first in the line to take credit. That is why despite being distant with them, Regulus still managed to be the favourite of Orion because Sirius was the troubled kid.

 And, no, Sirius doesn’t feel absolutely certain about the choices he has made. It felt right, fair, to be a part of Dumbledore’s organisation. But now, he is no longer sure of. With Dorea’s claim about her family's safety being at risk to the attack orchestrated to make a turncoat out of Peter. To their group almost shattering because of James learning about Remus and his arrangement.

All that has happened last month has made Sirius unsure like never before.

Add on top of that Harry’s claim that he has the key to end a war in which Dumbledore’s efforts are almost useless. Because even more shocking that a guy younger than them making such outrageous claims is that Sirius, for some reason, believes that Harry is right.

And Sirius hates it. This blind trust his inner voice has on this guy he barely knows. Never met before that fateful night. Sirius isn’t one of those people who happily jumps into befriending new people. He takes time. He scans them for deceit.

The only person with whom Sirius didn’t do that is James. The immediate feeling of home that he felt on the first meeting itself? But at 11 it was easier to be so open and trusting.

Now, at 20, 9 years of complex life situations later, he is no longer feeling safe in getting the same feeling of home from yet another person. Even if that person comes with the surname -Potter.

Mia chimes in, “Dorea and Charlus told us everything. And it pains me to agree with that cow.”

Sirius bites his lips to prevent the snort that almost escapes at Mia referring to aunt Dorea as a cow.

“But she is right.” Mia sighs in some mix of regret and disappointment. “Not one thing she says that I can debate on. From Jamie, you lacking education of our customs to your stupidity in not only being a vigilante but also hiding it from us.”

It seems that Monty is done with the lecture with the single statement as the man once again returns back to the newspaper. Though the way his fingers grip tightly on the parchments, Sirius is sure that all his attention is on the conversation but like always he has given the reigns to his wife. 

“Though I know you the way she doesn’t. Both of you.” Euphemia says arrogantly, “And because of that I know that you will neither back away now in the fear of being cut off. Nor you will ever be able to live with the guilt of any of your actions directly causing harm to your family.” Her voice has an all too knowing tone.

“And you not visiting us as soon as you learned about our improving health is a sign of your indecision.”

Sirius looks at James, unsure where Mrs. Potter is going with this. Maybe her son will know? But James looks as confused as Sirius feels, as he merely offers a shrug.

“So, here is what you two are going to do.” She tells them firmly. “Dorea is organising a soirees two weeks from now. I want you two to attend that.”

“Mum, I am not,,,,,” James protests but Mia shuts him down immediately. “No!” her hard voice leaves no room for debate, “I have convinced Charlus and Dorea, both of them, to not exile you from the house on the condition that you attend the garden party. I will not hear any excuses.”

Sirius feels his eyes almost pop out. “What's the catch?” he asks. If Dorea has agreed to not kick them out on the mere condition that they attend this party, then it has to have some twist to it.

“Well, “Mia pauses, “Everyone who is someone in our society is called. It will have people from all classes that Dorea can invite without appearing overzealous. It will be promoted as ‘Charlus’s branch of family’s return to the society’ party. But it is a show to send message to the right people that the family as a whole is neutral. But it will be a tough message to sell. Seeing as you two are not hiding in your fight.” She sighs heavily. Glaring a bit at the two of them.

“James, Sirius.” Monty finally puts the paper down. His voice almost booming with a repressed anger and frustration, “this is the least you two could do after the mess you have created.” Grimacing a bit, “Dorea is not at all happy with how things have turned out. We have been disgraced by my cousin and his wife. Still, we made your case in front of them. I will not accept you two letting us down. Again.”

“You two will not only attend the soiree.” Euphemia takes over, “but also dress upto your station. You will make attempts to converse with people who we all know are siding with the Dark Lord. You will be polite. You will not create any new drama. You will behave.” She orders. “You will also not give your aunt Dorea any reason to deride us again. Am I making myself clear?”

Sirius and James nods like two brainless sculptures. But this is like a lifeline and they will be fools to not grab it with both hands. If Dorea is able to make the situation better for the Potter family, against all odds, than they can all rest burden free.

“Boys,” Fleamont calls for their attention once again, “Help the new lord and lady Potter to salvage the situation. Any possible way. But if this plan fails, you will have to quit your vigilantism.”

For his part, Monty does look a bit distressed at James and Sirius’s choice being taken away from them. But the couple must be as tied to the situation as him and James are. After years of being the executors of the Potter house, it must not sit well with them to be usurped by Charlus and Dorea.

It is just the respect that the new lordships have for the elderly couple for allowing James and him to be given leeway. Otherwise, they would have landed themselves in a tough spot.

The least the two of them can do right now is to not let down Mia and Monty who have gone above and beyond in convincing Dorea to come up with a plan which will give them all an honourable way out of the situation.