For you, my brightest star

16/06/1979

POV – James Potter

It has been a calm and quite Sunday morning. James had decided to chill today with his best friend and his brother. But when he woke up, only Wormy was awake, Sirius had decided to sleep in today. The both of them had order mission last night. But James Potter was a morning bird while his brother Sirius was a night owl. This was one of the only few things that the two had different. Otherwise, they were like twins. His platonic soulmate, his brother, his best friend, Sirius Black.

Then suddenly, Moony came out of his room. That is a shock in itself. Because all three of them had thought that moony had once again left for his top-secret mission that only he and Dumbledore know what it is about.

It feels strange to not know what Remus has been doing all alone. All four of them had so much part in each other’s life that it feels strange now to not know how their friend is. James is scared for him. He had no one to protect him. Sirius and James are sent together on mission most of the time. Wormtail is paired with their friend Benjy Fenwick, Hufflepuff, a year their senior. But Moony is all alone, with only Dumbledore knowing what is this mission of his.

James just wishes that Moony will come out and tell them all. After all Marauders have no secrets between them. And Moony had entrusted his biggest secret with the three of them so it’s not like this can be any bigger a secret than his furry little problem. Also, the remaining three are Animagus and Moony knows about that. This is their thing - to be close knitted together. All the other people feel like outsiders when the four of them are together. But alas, Moony and his silence on his top-secret mission.

Due to these secret missions Moony has been able to spend only three moons with them in the year after their graduation, while other times James doesn’t know how did he manage to cope without the other marauders. The four of them had been doing this since their 5th year. Out of those three full moons on which Moony was home, Wormy had been unable to come two times.

Before James can predict, the conversation between Wormy and Moony escalates. Moony thinks that Wormy is rubbing in his face that he has a job, which Moony doesn’t have and that he has a girlfriend, which neither of the three have. James doesn’t want to be a part of this discussion.

The thing is all four of them are perceptive but all due to different reason. Moony because he was only 7 years old when he was bitten and always knowing that you are different, keeping this much big secret with no one to share it with, not having friends growing up because he can’t explain his illness. So, he became the guy who quietly observes you from distance.

Wormy because his muggle father was abusive towards his mother.

Olivia Pettigrew nee Selwyn, is a sweet kind hearted woman. The squib daughter, who was casted out of her family. She built a life outside in the muggle world and married Timothy Pettigrew, a muggle. She being a victim of domestic violence and Peter being the child who had grown up seeing his mother hurt by his own father. Wormy had never wanted to share this aspect of his past with them initially. But one drunken night in 5th year, he had spilled out his pain. James still doesn’t know what happened to his father, is he dead or simply no longer part of their family. But he is sure that Sirius knows more about it. The two of them share a special friendship because of their common childhood sufferings. They understand each other in a way that James and Remus cannot because both of them have loving and understanding biological parents. So, anyways that is how Peter became this observing person.

Sirius is a master of this language. Because he has grown among Slytherins where they say something and means something else. Where there is always a hidden meaning behind most of the things. So, Sirius is perceptive.

And James, he was not perceptive when he came to Hogwarts. Living the most carefree childhood out of all four of them. He would not say that he had grown to be perceptive by now. Because no he hadn’t. But if James Potter is anything, it is being a good friend. So, he learned to read his friend’s moods. He might not understand other intricate details but he is master in his friends’ body language and unspoken words.

That is why he knows that Moony is in the mood for a fight and Wormy being the observant guy that he is, he also knows that. And Wormy is not rising up to Moony’s bait. James knows that something is up between these two for a long period of time. He had even talked to Padfoot about this. Padfoot thinks that Pete will just simply have to apologise to Moony for not coming to two moons with them and they all can get over this soon enough. Doesn’t seem like it to James though.

Moony is definitely trying to rile Pete by bringing Dorcas into this. She knows about Moony’s fury little problem. Apart from the four of them, Lily, Mary, Dorcas and Marlene also know.

Remus and Lily had been close friend since their 6th year, so either Lily being the intelligent person she is, she identified for herself or she knew because Snape already had hinted at knowing that something is up with Remus and then she connected the dots or Remus simply told her, he doesn’t know which one it was, but either way she knew.

Marlene knew because she being a pureblood knows what signs to look, she is James’s childhood best friend so she became fast friends with the rest of the marauders. And being close to the group, she could identify the signs just like Sirius did.

Sirius was actually the first one out of the three of them to know about Remus but being the loyal guy he is, he kept quite until one day Pete talked about it in their second year when Moony was away on a full moon. Then all three of them knew. Again, James being the least observant of them all was the last to know among marauders.

But that is how he thinks Marlene found out.

After graduation Lily asked Remus that she wants to tell her best friend, Mary about it too. By then Mary had started spending time with them because James was dating Lily. Also Mary is a close friend of Remus outside of the Marauders. So, Remus confided his secret in her too. That’s how these three girls knew.

James doesn’t know how Dorcas knew. Because one day when Sirius advised Pete to request Moony to let Pete tell Dorcas about their secret, since both of them were going strong in their relationship and instead of lying on full moons again and again he could just tell her the real reason of absence during full moon nights. Pete just shrugged his shoulders and said that Casey already knows and quickly changed the topic.

But James is sure that neither Peter as a boyfriend nor Marlene as a best friend would have straight out told Dorcas about it because it was never their secret to tell. So how did Dorcas actually know remains a mystery for him and Padfoot.

James is intrigued listening to Wormy saying that Dorcas had met his cousin, Harry Potter. He will remember to ask him tonight at dinner about this. He is excited to meet his cousin Kay, and his aunt and uncle. But the most exciting is this guy Harry Potter. Because he had intrigued the marauder side of him with all this mystery. Padfoot is also in the same boat as him albeit a bit more suspicious and paranoid than James about the arrival of this new Potter out of the blue.

James tries to make them shake hands and let this matter slide but Moony is having none of it. Pete is also unwilling to apologise because he thinks there is nothing to apologise.

James can understand where Wormtail is coming from. He is right that they are not in school anymore. That now they have so many new commitments and responsibilities all of a sudden and the ongoing war is not making any of this easier.

James remembers one full moon he had a really shitty day at work because there was a death eater attack at a muggle mall, wrapping it up and making sure that all the muggles who were witness to the magic being performed had been obliviated, proved to be quite difficult a task. He just wanted to go to bed that day but alas it was a full moon and he had to go to the shack. He had not eaten anything that whole day. The next day was also a work day and it was no longer just school where they could be forgiven for not submitting homework on time and sleeping in classes. He rushed that day at job with all the muscles aching from last work day and prancing in the forest the whole night not having even a lick of rest. It was more difficult day at job with him barely able to keep his eyes open.

That was one of the days that made him realise that adult life is a pain in arse and that you could not excuse your way out of situations.

So, yes James knows that Peter is justified in bailing out on two moons for reasons. And he could not understand why Moony is not letting it go. Remis is a reasonable guy most of the time. Unless it's close to the full moon, then all bets are down. Because the guy gets maniac during those days. 

But James thinks that whatever this is, it is much bigger an issue than just Pete skipping on Moon nights. Because Peter had been behaving a little differently whenever Remus is around. Just like today he got all stiff seeing Moony as if he doesn’t know that Moony is one of their flatmates and he was surprised by his sudden presence.

**********************************************************

Peter had been distant with moony since their last school year. Or maybe it was since their 6th year, he can’t tell. Because 6th year was quite strange for all of them.

In the summer before their 6th year, Sirius left his family’s house and came to live with James and his family. It was the best summer James has ever had. He had thought that their 6th year will be the best year they ever had because in their 7th year they will have to worry about NEWTS so he wanted to make the best of that year.

Everything was going fine. But it all changed when Sirius told Snape how to enter the shrieking shack when Snape taunted Padfoot about how he knows that ‘the marauders have a pet animal that they take out every full moon and that he is going to tell everyone about it’. Padfoot being the hothead he is, told Snape that if he so desperately wants to meet their pet animal than he can come to the shack by pressing the knot of the womping willow.

James can’t for the life of him understand why Snape listened to the words of one of his enemies and decided to do as he had been told and that also on the night of a full moon. What idiot listens to the suggestions of your school enemy number two. What was he thinking that he will catch them red handed and if so, then didn’t he think that his own life could be jeopardised by that 'pet animal' he was taunting Sirius about?

James knows that Padfoot had never even in his worst nightmare would have thought that Snape would actually come to the shack. But still telling Snape how to enter it was a real big mistake on his part and which shook the entire base of their friendship. He broke Moony’s trust by giving Snape the weapon to hurt Remus.

James knows that Sirius neither wanted Snape dead nor wanted to make a murderer out of Moony. It was just an example of extremely poor judgement on his part. But even unknowingly so, he had hurt Moony.

James had obviously sided with Moony when he decided to stop talking to Padfoot completely. His feeling of betrayal was justified irrespective of whether Sirius had really had motives to hurt Remus or not.

But Peter having grown in a home where his parents were always at each other’s throat could not bear his second family, the marauders, having altercation and falling out. So, he stayed out of it all. He was cordial to all three of them.

He also said to James that although Sirius had hurt Moony a lot, he did not plan any of it, that it was sheer stupidity on Sirius’s part and not any action out of bad or evil intentions. So, although they should make Sirius see that his actions have negative consequences, he did not want Sirius to be completely cut off.

So, Sirius was on one side and Remus on the other. James was on Moony’s side while Peter was on no one’s side specifically but he was pretty much normal towards Sirius also.

This kept going on for like this for three complete months. Moony demanded that no one come to the shack on moons and that he will be alone and that he doesn’t care that being with others helped in transformations.

Somewhere around Moony’s birthday in March month he came around and decided to forgive Sirius. James didn’t know when it happened exactly or how Sirius convinced Moony. He just saw that a Week before his (James’s) birthday, Remus and Sirius were once again talking to one another in their dorm. Peter and he had decided to not make a big deal out of this, and not ask the details. {Remus’s Birthday - 10th March and James’s Birthday – 27th March}

Things were still not like before for the remaining of the 6th year because Sirius was walking on eggshells around Remus, who was himself trying to leave this incident behind. Sirius and James took no time to return back to their previous companionship as if those three months never happened in the first place. James and Peter never had an issue between them to begin with. Peter never stopped talking to Sirius, so they were as normal as always.

But the 2nd friendship which was never the same was between Peter and Remus. James can obviously understand that Sirius and Remus’s friendship had changed forever and that was understood because no matter what, Remus can never forget that his whole life could have changed due to Sirius’s fault, could only forgive Sirius and move on, Which he did.

But why Peter started having troubles with Moony, James couldn’t understand.

One day at the end of 6th year when they both were the only alone in the dorm, with the other two doing merlin knows what, James had asked Peter what had happened between him and Remus. Initially Peter seemed unwilling to reply, so James tried again and asked why is he completely okay with Sirius but still not comfortable around Remus completely.

Peter was gazing at the night sky while he answered, “I don’t know Prongs. I mean, I don’t understand Remus. We all knew the risks we were taking at the full moon you know. Running in the forbidden forest and around the village. He knew about the few close calls we have had during those times but he never stopped us. He never said that he wants to remain in the shack and not go out so that he does not hurt anyone on the off chance where us three are unable to stop him from attacking someone. He knew the dangers. He knew all this. And I am not saying that Sirius is justified. But would it have been any different than any of those other close calls? Is Snape’s life more important than the lives of those villagers who are strangers to all of us? So, why only this time he made a big deal out of this. Because this time blame could be placed on someone else other than himself?”

Saying this Peter got lost in his thoughts, giving James time to process what he has heard. James can understand what Peter is trying to convey.

This time Sirius’s idiocy brought a probable victim to the shack but wasn’t Remus himself okay with taking a dangerous werewolf out in the open when Dumbledore had given him the shack to stay at moon nights. He could have killed anyone those times too. In fact, Sirius’s dog form had been the biggest help in diverting Moony from those innocent villagers because Peter’s Animagus form is very small and Prong’s antlers aren’t much help in guiding an angry werewolf. The most help was of padfoot because of his canine nature.

So, Peter is right. That yes Sirius caused Moony pain this time but he had also played the key role in stopping him from killing, hurting or tuning people so many times in the past. So, why did Moony undermine when Sirius was helping and took this much offence when Sirius caused trouble?

Peter started speaking once again bringing James out of his musings, “This makes me feel that Moony is undermining all the trouble that all three of us are undertaking for him. I know he never asked for our help but he also never straight out refused and said that ‘guys I am okay with staying at the shack all alone and with few more extra scars on my body but I don’t want either of us to get in trouble’ or ‘ I don’t want to go against Dumbledore who had provided the shack for the transformations for the sole purpose of my transformations only’. It wasn’t like we took his right away and forced him or lied to him about taking Moony in the forest and Hogsmeade.”

“He was okay with it until it was our problem. He never saw the pains we undertook to become Animagus. He never saw the bruises Moony left on Padfoot on full moon nights in attempt to guide him away from people. He never acknowledged how much of a big risk it was to attempt it on our own at such young age. We all just got lucky that, all three of us, succeeding at it without any harm. We are every day at risk of being imprisoned in Azkaban for being unregistered Animagus for merlin’s sake! And Padfoot being stupid could have hurt us three too if Snape found about our animal forms. So, I know he was not being straight out cruel to moony particularly. He was not trying to kill his school enemy using Moony. He was just being Sirius.” He said with tears in his eyes.

James gave him a tight hug and kissed on the top of his head. “I know Wormy. And Moony knows all this too.”

“Does he Prongs? Because I don’t think he gives us much credit.”

“He is just not good with thanks and sorry’s Wormy. You know this. And Moony had forgiven Padfoot and we have left this incidence behind us. You don’t have to be angry at Moony now. Otherwise, we will all continue to fight.”

“I was never the fighting or confronting type Prongs, and neither is Padfoot, atleast amongst us marauders. That is your and Moony’s department.”

“Its okay to be upset on Padfoot’s behalf, Wormy but Padfoot has resolved it with Moony. So, I think we should move on too.”

“I don’t know Prongs. Something doesn’t feel right. I can’t exactly put my finger on it but I am still having bad feelings about it. We are missing something.”

“Nothings wrong Pete, its just your fear. Let it go Pete. I don’t want us four to fight anymore.”

Peter didn’t reply and that was that.

Moony allowed all three of them to join him on moon nights but listening to Pete's words from last year, James had made sure that they remained in deep parts of forest only where no one would come at nights. And altogether stopped entering the Wizarding village. 

That was the beginning that Peter started to speak more freely. Later on, they deduced that it was Dorcas’s magic that their friend started putting his thoughts out and not just in his own mind. James knows that Peter is the most emotionally intelligent person out of all of their friends that is one of the many reasons why a smart witch like Dorcas is dating his friend.

Peter did let go of this grudge that he seems to be holding against Remus by the time they returned to School for their last year.

But that only lasted till Christmas. As he mentioned earlier, perceptive though he might not be but he was the best at reading moods of his best friends, so despite Peter trying really hard to act normal, James knew that something had happened once again that had made him wary of Remus. He never found out what it was though, because a few days later Lily asked him on a date and his attention was successfully diverted from his friends.

**********************************************************

Peter and Remus seem to be having none of it. He also resigns to the fate that today will be the day when it finally comes out what had Moony done to earn Peter’s indifference.

But then, Moony started blaming Sirius for telling Peter to apologise for not being there at full moons and get this matter over with.

And then to hit where it hurts the most, Moony brings The Prank in between all this. Why is Remus doing this? Sirius and his mistakes have nothing to do with trouble that peter and Remus have.

After setting Remus straight when he was unnecessarily dragging Sirius through the mud, James heads for the kitchen to prepare lunch for them knowing that once both Remus and Peter had their fight, all them can eat food together and make up.

He still hears when Wormy says that if Remus was not ready, he should not have started talking to Sirius again. James is as shocked as Sirius at Peter’s words.

But what he hears the next was enough to make his heartbeat faster as if his heart knew that something big is going to come up. His mind goes haywire on listening to the words coming out of Wormtail’s mouth.

‘Sexual benefits in exchange of apology.’

‘Coerced him to be your fuck toy.’

‘Only accept the apology if he becomes your bitch.’

‘I was honestly disgusted.’

‘Padfoot was that desperate for your forgiveness.’

He cannot believe what he has listened. So, when he hears a chair scrap, he leaves the kitchen and stops Peter by placing hands on his shoulders.

“Not so fast Peter.” He speaks. His voice strangely cold and breaths ragged from suppressed anger.

Behind Peter, Remus and Sirius also stands from their respective seats. Remus’s eyes widens and James can see that his eyes are more golden than their normal forest green colour. So Moony had come out listening to Peter’s words too. While Sirius’s skin is sickly pale and for the first time since that incident in the shack, Sirius doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Hmm, so what is it you were saying that Remus accepted Padfoot’s apology in exchange of sexual favours? I don’t understand.” Here his voice cracks a little. He takes a deep breath and plunges froward. “I mean as far as I know, nothing of that sort happened. Remus simply had decided that Padfoot was enough punished during those three months, that’s what he told me. Sirius, would you care to explain why is Peter saying all this?” He calmly asks his brother in all but blood.

Sirius looks up and the emotions swirling in those beautiful silver orbs sends tremor through his entire body.

Sirius moves towards him and Pete, Remus is still standing back. But his posture is stiff. He is either planning to run or to fight, James can’t be sure but Moony is overpowering Remus. The wolf is out for blood it seems.

“Prongs,” Sirius says and his eyes pleads for him to understand, “it was not this big of deal really. I mean you and Remus were not talking to me and avoiding me at all costs and I was ‘desperate’, as Wormtail put so eloquently. So, one day when we were alone you know, I asked Moony to forgive me and told him that I would do anything in return.” Here he pauses, selecting his words carefully, He swipes his tongue at his dry lips and continues, “You know, how Moony used to be those days, never asking any girl or boy out and rejecting all the proposals he got because he was scared due to his furry problem. So, uhm, he thought that if he lets some steam out you know, so it will be good, right?” He ends as if asking instead of telling. “So, we slept together and he lost all those angsts he had stored in bulk and you know, forgave me.” He finished with a small smile.

“So, it was just one time, then?” James asks, fearing the answer. “When was it?”

Sirius again laughs that nervous laugh and combs shaky fingers through his hairs, “It was on Moony’s birthday that year (6th ) and no, it was not just once,”

“How long, Padfoot?” He asks sternly.

“Till the end of our 6th year.” Came the silent reply.

Peter gives Sirius a look which he can’t decipher but Sirius only looking at James for his reaction. But James who wears his emotions on his face all the time, for the first time does not give any reaction.

James nods and decides that they may as well have everything out in the open today itself. Afterall it’s not every day when they all are free.

“So Wormy, when did you found out about all of this, and why didn’t you tell me? Was it during our 7th year became I remember you being so angry at Remus?” He asks in calm voice as if they are talking about weather and not at all about Sexual abuse of his brother at heart, through coercion.

“Initially I also thought that Padfoot had repented enough and that’s why Moony has started talking to him again and all is fine. But then in our 7th year,” Answers Pete, “It was Christmas time and we all had decided to stay at Hogwarts because full moon was on 27th.

You remember that the two of us went to meet with Casey and Marlene at the three broomsticks. (The two already graduated as they were a year senior) and Padfoot and Remus had stayed behind. Then, we had that snow fight. Later on, you gave us your invisibility cloak so that the girls can come to our common room to exchange gifts and you said that you had some head boy duties so you will join us later. At the castle, Marlene and Dorcas went to our common room under the invisibility cloak while I went to bring snacks from the house elves.

When I returned to the common room, Marlene was sitting alone on the couches, so, I asked her where is Dorcas, she said that Casey had gone upstairs in our dorm to get a quilt from there. I also decided to go upstairs and get the marauders map to find out where these two guys were. But as soon as I climbed two stairs, Dorcas was running down, her face a little shaken and apparently disgusted. She was so shocked with the scene she had stumbled upon that she started telling us both. That’s how I knew.”

“What had she seen?” James asked. Frustrated at Peter for hanging him on suspense. This is a serious matter and not one of their pranks that he is building up the lineup.

“You don’t wanna know, Prongs. Casey is still traumatised with it and I would also rather not.” Oh, so he is not being dramatic, he just doesn’t want to revisit it. What was so bad. Now, he definitely wants to know.

On James stern look, Peter sighed and answered, “Apparently these two were engaged in some form of hate sex?” Once again takes a deep breath and with a frown on his face continues, ”And Moony was saying all these humiliating and degrading things to Padfoot when they were at it. Casey was shocked still at finding out that these two had a thing and apparently that it also involves some kind of power dynamics and she was just going to leave after her initial shock was over but then Remus here starts talking about The Prank. He was apparently recounting the whole thing while also fucking. Telling Padfoot what he did and how he will have to hurt just the same as he has hurt Remus”

Sirius is flushed out at listening to all this. So, these two didn’t know that Dorcas had stumbled upon them. And from the looks, it seems that Padfoot had known about Peter knowing but he didn’t have any clue that Dorcas also knew and knew like this.

“So, that’s why Dorcas knew about us being Animagus and Remus’s fury problem. Because I was sure that neither Marlene nor you would tell her before asking Moony’s permission.”

Just saying the words ‘Moony’s permission’ are making his thoughts go to this weird sex thing that his two best friends had going behind their backs. But Peter was still not telling the full thing, “What was Remus saying for degrading Padfoot? Tell me.”

“Really Prongs?” Peter huffed, he then glared at James and said, “He was saying that no one will ever want to be with such a disloyal person and that he should be thankful that Remus has chosen him. That his family were right at hating him and there was nothing to love him, he is just a good bitch………ughhh and there were many things more but I think you get the picture.” Peter finished with a shudder, his face red and disgusted.

James nods his head. Things are now starting to fall in line with somethings that had happened. This must be why, not only Pete but Dorcas and Marlene also seemed to be uncomfortable around Remus. Both girls kept Remus at a distance and he was just a friend of a friend, kind of thing.

While they mashed in quite well with Sirius. Well James and Marlene were childhood friends so they were close and Dorcas was also a good friend of his. So, only Remus was left out whenever they hung out with those two girls.

James has tears in his eyes as he thinks at what his brother had been through, and how was James so blind to see this.

“Padfoot is it still going on? You said it ended in our 6th, so what was this in our 7th?” He asks, trying to keep his emotions and tears in check.

Sirius answers, appearing to be resigned. “It was a friend with benefit situation in our 7th, Prongs. The sex in exchange of apology was only in the last 4 months of our 6th.”

“And what about this last year. Was this still going after our graduation.”

“No, it was only till our school years. I promise, there is nothing going on between Remus and I, now, Prongs.”

James again nods. And turns his back to all three of them and takes a deep breath. He cards his fingers through his hairs and pulls at them hard enough to hurt, so that the sting helps him form coherent thoughts because his thoughts are all mushy at the moment.

He rubs his face to wipe off the tears that are freely falling from his eyes now. 

“Prongs, Say something.” Sirius pleads in a small voice.

James turns around, feeling so much strained that small actions also take so much energy from him. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this much bone tired.

He turns to Peter, “You should have told me Peter. I deserved to know.”

Peter nods his head, “You did deserve to know Prongs. But it wasn’t my truth to tell. But more importantly I didn’t know how you will react. I mean one of my friends who accepted this deal and was a victim of this doesn’t even thinks that what happened to him was wrong. Hell, even much more wrong than his birth family had ever done to him and he is okay with being used and hurt in such a way.

My second friend is the one who didn’t even think that he is hurting Padfoot, Emotionally and mentally. He was enjoying this high of the power he had. The chance to one up over the Sirius Black.

And you prongs! I didn’t know how would you react. I mean do you remember the talk we had at the end of our 6th; I told you that something doesn’t feels right but you told me to let go. I couldn’t bear it if after I told you and you didn’t confront Remus because you thought that us four shouldn’t fight. Like you said to me that night that it is between Remus and Sirius, I wasn’t brave enough to bring this to you and let my trust in you fail too. I had given up on Remus long ago. But I can’t lose you too. I was scared.” Peter replies with his eyes not meeting his.

James knows this. Remus and Peter never hang out alone. Only whenever either him or Sirius or both of them were present too. And then also Peter is only cordial with Remus, he would never joke around with him and banter with him. As if he is not with Remus, his long-time friend but some stranger with whom he will only be polite but also standoffish. Peter and Remus’s friendship is already crumpled, it’s just that James was choosing to ignore it in the hopes that the two of them will make good once again.

James knows this but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t gets to be angry.

“To hell with your fear Peter,” James shouts, “You should have told me! I deserved to know if some fucker was hurting my brother. How could you think that I will ever side with Remus on this. There is no chance. I would have……”

Peter cuts him off, “No James, you don’t get to shout at me. I did what I could. I talked to Sirius but if he didn’t want you to know then I was not going to go against his wishes. I did what I could. I tried to confront him. After that I tried to make him see reason.”

James looks at Sirius and tears fells out of his eyes; he can no longer control all the emotions within him. After all James loves with all that he has. And the only person he has ever loved this much besides his parents, is Sirius. No one else. Ever. Not even Lily when they were dating.

Sirius’s eyes are also red and a deep frown on his face.

“How could you, Moony? Why?” He asks Remus while still looking at Sirius. His voice breaking. 

When no reply comes, James looks at Remus and faces the stoic expressionless face of his best friend.

He continues, “Pete is right Remus. If you couldn’t get over it, then you should have said that this friendship is over. It would have hurt but this, this hurt so much more. What happened to you shouldn’t have happened but that was just once and unintentional and you know it. But what you did to my brother was aimed to hurt him, again and again and again. How could you look yourself in the mirror, after hurting him, using him like this? Saying those things about his family when we all know that that topic is out of bounds unless Sirius decides to talk on it himself.” He shakes his head and swipes at his eyes.

James falls on his knees before Padfoot and joins his hands in a prayer sort of way and says, “When you came with your belongings at my home that summer before our 6th year Padfoot, Mum, dad and I, we all knew that we will take care of you as one of our own. But we failed hmmm? someone so close was hurting you all this time and I didn’t even know. I am so so sorry, Sirius. I can’t even begin to…………”

Sirius’s eyes widen seeing him apologising and he cuts his apology and puts his hands on James’s shoulders to bring him up, “Prongs, shut the fuck up. It is not that much of a big deal. And it’s over now. I promise you that it all ended before our graduation. There is nothing to be sorry for. I don’t understand why Pete and you are making a big deal out of nothing.”

James just stares at him and tries to decipher how he had missed such big aspect of his brother’s life.

They will talk about this. But not here. Not with that bastard still standing here. No, it will be just the two of them.

He heads towards Moony, no, towards Remus Lupin and Punches him with all his might. The guy stumbles back with the effect of the punch but he is still looking unashamedly unapologetic.

“You know Moony,” He spits the name, “It was me wasn’t it. Sirius was wary of you; Peter was shy and didn’t talk until he was talked to but it was I who brought you in and made this group. I never thought that that would be the thing I will regret the most in my life. Befriending you!

I think you were right, all those times you used to wallow in self-pity and cry that you don’t deserve our friendship. You were right that we should be scared of you. But the monster that comes out on full moon is less scary than the monster standing right here in front of me. You are really a disgusting piece of utter shit Remus. I don’t know why I befriended you. How could you do this.” He looks at Remus as if he is seeing him the first time. Trying to find out all the signs he had missed that his friend was so much hateful.

“Like Sirius said James, it is not a big deal you are making it out to be. He hurt me and asked what will it take for me to forgive him and I told him. And that was that. Next year, he came asking for more, even though I had fully forgiven him, so who was I to deny. It was just sex. Neither of us had any romantic feelings for the other. No need to be dramatic about it Prongs.” Remus spoke for the first time and James wishes that he had kept quiet. Then, it would have been better, then James could have held hope that Remus atleast is remorseful for his wrong deeds. His shoulders slumped in defeat. 

“Wormtail and me are making a big deal about it because what you did was wrong. Don’t you see Remus? You hurt him intentionally and constantly. You humiliated him, degraded him. Used his insecurities which he shared with you as a friend and twisted them and made him feel even bad about himself. Told him he is unlovable! If you were that much hurt, why not distance yourself from that person? What have you gained by doing all this? What kind twisted and dirty mind have you got up there to be so casual about this and not at all guilty about coercing your fucking best friend for sex in exchange of an apology.”

“Prongs, let it go. Its in the past.” This comes from Sirius.

“Yes, like we should have let go when The Prank happened right. But we didn’t. We all gave this fucker the power to decide. He misused that power and made this all a game. A game to fulfil his perverted fantasies. You are right Sirius; I should let it go”. He closes his eyes and speaks out loud, the words he never ever thought will leave from his mouth. “There will be no full moon nights because I am ending this friendship. No one will ever see us four together ever. This is the end of the marauders. And this is my final decision."

There are two deep inhales from his back but he has eyes only on Lupin. Remus seems to be getting the hang of the real gravity of the situation now. But it’s too little and too late. He opens his mouth to say something but then all of a sudden a silvery doe Patronus lands in front of Remus and its lily’s voice that speaks, “Remy” She cries and then sniffles, “Its Mary Remus. She is, she is gone. I don’t know what to do. Please.” and then she cries even more. “Moody had called an urgent meeting at the headquarters.” She takes a deep breath. “Inform the other three to come.”

All four of them are shocked speechless. He looks at Remus and there is an unspoken agreement to deal with their problem later on. Knowing that this not over.

Remus is the first to apparate out, James goes and gives his brother a tight hug for a long moment then nods his head to Peter telling him that things are fine between the two of them. Then all three of them also leave the flat.