When the curtain falls
This is a very familiar scene for Harry. To wake up at an unknown location or a different place after losing his consciousness. Whether it being due to dementors or quidditch or his scar hurting him or many other such life threatening instances. This time he tries to remember what was the cause.
He is at a place which is filled with big trees, plants with various colourful flowers and green luscious grass as far as he can see. Soft wind is flowing around. He has never been to this place before but this place feels peaceful and safe to him like not many places are for Harry. Like a balm to his wandering and hurting soul. Only Hogwarts and the Burrow forms part of that list.
He stands up and moves forward to explore this magnificent garden. A little far ahead there was a swing hanging from a tall and vast banyan tree. He walks towards it and sits on the swing set.
Harry swings on it, with fresh air blowing on his face and making his messy curls even more messier. He takes deep breaths, feeling a sense of tranquillity which he does not remember he has ever felt before. He closes his eyes and tries to be fully in this moment. To just be. To breath and feel and observe the beauty before him and listen to the song of the wind and birds. He feels his magic soothed by the nature surrounding him.
Harry notices for the first time that the scar on his forehead feels just like that. A scar. A reminder of a past hurt. For the first time it does not feel like a burden which he had carried for the most part of his life.
He finds that his thoughts are the most organised and that there is no rush or sense of urgency. He can be happy at this place, of that he is sure of. And only an idiot would choose to leave such calmness and peacefulness.
“Ethereal isn’t it? “, said a deep voice.
Harry couldn’t agree more, he opened his eyes which he does not even remember closing, and looks around to see who is talking to him.
But there was no one there. He was alone.
“Try looking through your soul's eye human. Physical eyes can only help you so much. But inner eye is the one that can help us glance into other souls and beings.”
Seven years in magical world and no one has ever told Harry about any soul's eye or how to look through it.
“Just allow your magic to feel me child. No one can teach you about your own soul."
It was as if this person can listen to his thoughts and feelings. Harry felt exposed but he knew nothing can be done about it. Occlumency was never his strong suit. Snape can attest to that.
Thinking about his recently deceased professor sent a pang through his heart. Suddenly all calm and peace was gone and he was reminded quite painfully about the killing curse that he has taken. That means that he is dead. And is in some sort of afterlife?
“This is not afterlife human. You are not dead.“, the same voice corrected him, bringing Harry out of his thoughts.
Harry tried to focus on his magic so as to see the person talking to him and not feel like a complete lunatic talking to himself. He closes his eyes and felt for the magic running through his body.
He could see his magic, a brilliant shade of bright golden yellow colour flowing through his body from his head to toe like blood flowing through his veins. His magic was originating and flowing from the front of his forehead, just at the centre of his eyebrows. He suppose that’s where his soul resides.
This time when he opened his eyes, The first thing which he noticed was the powerful aura of the person standing before him. Harry could tell that he was in the presence of a powerful being. Harry had faced Voldemort and had been in Dumbledore’s company quite a few times, but even those two had nothing over this being.
His appearance was quite impressive, Wearing an all white muggle tuxedo along with black leather shoes, combined with his salt and pepper hair. If not for his strong and inviting aura, Harry would have considered him to be a normal muggle with a handsome personality and good wealth.
Harry followed his instinct and bowed to the being standing before him.
“Hello, my name is Harry Potter. Who are you?” He asked with a small smile, looking in the deep brown eyes of the being.
Harry got the feeling that this was not the being's real form. That he had adorned this particular look just for him.
“You are right human. Then again there is no one except my family who has ever seen my real appearance. But I do appreciate that you are not intimidated by me, when many men before you shook like a leaf in my presence. As for who I am. You may call me Death. “
“Nice to meet you sir. “ Harry said with an awkward smile, not knowing the protocol on how to behave when meeting an ethereal being. But if Harry Potter was expert at anything, it was running head first into things and making them work most of the time, so he pushed forward. “please call me Harry and umm, if I am not dead, as you told, then what am I doing here?.,, ,,,sir” he added afterwards.
“Harry, did you know that before your death, you were the owner of all the three deathly hallows?"
This confused Harry a little. He had his invisibility cloak and he knew that he was its owner as the last of the Potters. But he had thrown the resurrection stone on the forest floor before Voldemort had stuck the final blow. And even if he owned it, there was still the elder wand, which was definitely not his.
“This is where you are wrong young human. The Death stick had its allegiance swore to you. And the resurrection stone was also in your possession at last. You are the one who had brought all three of my gifts together. “
“But the wand became Voldemort’s when he killed Snape.”
“The wand was never pledged to the being called Severus Snape. It was Draco Malfoy who was its previous owner before loosing it to you. Young Malfoy became its owner after winning it from Albus Dumbledore.“
Harry remembered how Malfoy had disarmed Dumbledore at the astronomy tower that night last year before Snape had shot the killing curse. And how he himself had disarmed Malfoy at his manor.
So Harry was the owner of all the deathly Hallows. Does that mean that he is the master of death? Does that mean that he is immortal!
Listening to his thoughts, Death barked out a loud laughter which was eerily similar to that of his godfather, Sirius Black. Harry quickly pushed Sirius’s thoughts aside before he gets drowned in the all consuming ocean of grief, guilt, pain and emptiness.
“You did combine all the hallows and you were the owner of all three of my gifts but no you are not the master of death nor you are immortal. That is just a tale told among your people. No one can be above Death, Magic, Fate and Time. We four are the all powerful beings. Fate, Time and I have to follow the rules and regulations of magic. Our duty is our utmost priority.”
“But you said I did not die.”
“You, young human are an anomaly, you see. You had a soul piece of another human within you. When the killing curse was aimed at you, that soul piece died and you survived. But because that soul was contained in you, your physical body died along with it. Thus, you are alive but your body is not.”
“Can’t you send me back if I am alive. Voldemort is still alive. There are people who need me. My friends. I have to go back.”
“I can send you back to your life. But I want you to make an informed decision before that. Now listen to me very carefully human. I already told you that your physical self had perished due to that curse along with the unwanted soul leeching your body. That leaves your soul, free of an unwanted parasite which was impacting your whole life in many little ways. You have invoked the blessings of mother magic by willingly walking to your death. You had your whole life ahead of you, your dreams, your friends and family. But you sacrificed yourself so that the enemy to human kind, muggles and wizards alike, can meet his end. Even if you didn’t wanted it, you still chose to put end to your life so that the others can live happily. But even if Tom Riddle dies, the world would not be restored to it’s original place. The muggle world will prosper at its pace but the second war had pushed the wizarding world many centuries backward. There are lesser and lesser people born in each coming generation but after this war is done with, that number will be too little and too late. Thus, a time will come not too far in the future where there will be no magical beings. Making your sacrifice for the betterment of this society worth nothing. On one hand, Mother magic is quite grateful for your attempt at saving her people, but on the other hand she is mournful for the end that is to come much too soon. Thus, she had asked me, fate and time to grant you some help. Willingly or not, you are once again the chosen champion. This time for Magic herself. But you do have a choice of course, mother magic is compassionate like that, she would never force her child to,,,,. ”
“Excuse me sir, but why me, my mother also made the same sacrifice. She died so that I can live, so why did mother magic not make her this champion of hers.”
“Hmmm because what your mother did was for just her child alone and not selflessly for a society as a whole like you did. Whether you agree or not but as a mother, like all the mothers in the world would, she too wanted what was the best for her baby. Like most other parent would, she wanted the life she brought into the world to live a long life and be happy and content. Many parents make sacrifices for their children, mother magic cannot bless them all for it. The choice that your mother made was for your protection alone but the choice that you made was like a blanket protection for many, some of which you don’t even like personally and others are the one that have at some point in your life hurt you in one way or another. But you let go of that to end a long going war once and for all. Your mother was not that much forgiving and selfless as you are, human.”
Harry bristled at the jab death made at his mother. Everyone had told him that Lily Potter was a great witch. How dare he talk about her like that!
Death replied to his inner feelings with a wry smile. “Harry, you should know by now that humans have a tendency to forget about bad qualities of a human after their deaths. We tend to remember them only for their good deeds. Your mother was a human with both good and bad characteristics but her last actions lead to the end of a vicious war and thus she became someone she was not. She was just as flawed as all other humans. But her death had immortalised her. You do not know who the real Lily Evans Potter was. You only know about someone who was a war heroine, Lily Potter. ”
Harry supposed that rationally what death is telling him was true. This was the same as when he learned from Snape's memory that his father had been a bully with a cruel streak attached to him whenever it came to Slytherins and due to some particular reason he had made Severus Snape the biggest target of his not so harmless pranks. But no one had shared much details about his mum, so maybe she was as flawed as his dad, he just would never know.
Facing death has made Harry also come to terms with his parents’ death to a deeper level. Looking at this beautiful place, he thinks, that maybe they are at peace and for the first time in his life, he let’s go of the childish naïve wishes for them to be with him. Knowing that is not possible whatsoever. Seeing them through resurrection stone has made him accept this reality of his own existence.
Death continued, seemingly amused by his inner monologue. “so as I was saying. Magic had asked me to offer you a choice. You will be told about both options and you will decide what is that you wish for. The first option is to be placed back from where you have come from and resume your life. Once the war is over, your life will carry on. You will once again become the beacon of good and great for the society and hailed as their hero. With it expectations will be tied to your image. You will be indirectly required to live a certain way, do a certain things, be a certain someone. This pressure will not only come from general public but even from your friends and family. You will marry and have children but you will never be fully satisfied because the world where you are going back and willing to resume your life will not have the one for whom your soul is craving for. You will always have this emptiness within you. But the good thing is that you will get the life and family that you have always wished for. The society as whole will also undergo a major reform so that no such war takes place again but it will all be a little too less and a little too late as the population of magical folks would be declining so rapidly that nothing would work. In about almost a century, there would be very little number of witches and wizards left and those remaining will choose to live among muggles and not be a part of magical community. This sums up about your first option. And in the second option… ..”
“wait a minute, what did you meant when you said earlier about my soul craving for someone who will not be there in the world I will be going to.”
“I was referring to your soul mate. You see this is a very rare phenomena even amongst magical beings. Once in every century, two beings who have a very close connections due to their past experiences are pulled towards each other. They pass through such situations that they understand each other on much deeper level that nobody else can match. Their life are interwoven in such a way that they feel comfort and trust in each other's company. They care for you like no one has ever before. They complete each other. Make you even better in your good traits and help you fight your inner demons. But like I said earlier, your soul mate is dead in your world. The emptiness will be a part of you because your soul has met its mate once and even though the soul bond was never fully sealed, your soul will never fully accept any other as a partner for you. This does not mean that you cannot have romantic feelings or attraction towards other people, it’s just that you will never feel complete in the absence of the one that your soul has chosen for you.”
Harry’s mind was whirling with the questions, thoughts and feelings passing through it on lightening fast speed. He had a soul mate! Who Was dead! Just his luck, one person who would have understood him as just Harry is alive no more. But who were they. As per death's answer they were dead but harry had met them, also he trusted and cared for them, found comfort in their company. Harry thought through the list of all the people he knew who have died and tried to find the ones who matched through these pointers. The only person for whom Harry cared for enough and whose death tore him apart as if someone had shook his entire existence was his godfather, Sirius. Sirius was the one whom Harry trusted from the beginning. For whom Harry had no doubt that he was their first priority. But how can that be true, Sirius was Harry’s godfather. The bond they shared was familial and not a soul bond as far as Harry was aware. Harry could not ever imagine being in a romantic relationship with his godfather. That is practically incest. And Sirius would be the first one to laugh at this. He was already disgusted by his family’s habit of marrying within Blacks. No, it must be someone else.
“You are right human. Your soul has a bond with Sirius Black. You both had a special situation where you can understand each other on an intrinsic level. But the both of you have been too broken to ever complete the soul bond even if he were alive. You, because of the presence of shreds of the evil soul within you which would never have allowed for the soul bond to complete. And him because of staying with those soul sucking monsters for over more than a decade. Both yours and his soul were tainted too much for the both of you to ever come together. But the soul bond existed. You were made for him and he for you.”
“I don’t understand, how can my soul mate be Sirius. I was his godson. We were family.”
“Young human, the soul does not understands these rules of society. It wants what it wants. Your soul and his and your magic and his are complementary to each other. You and him had a similar childhood. The both of you had similar deep bond with your friends, almost like a real family. The both of you craved for a loving family. He was rich, handsome, talented aristocrat but just like you he tried to draw as little attention to himself as possible. And later on, he tried to create an image for himself, even if it meant for him to let go of certain part of himself which made him as he was, so that he could separate himself from his family. From the Black name. He rebelled and pranked and overcompensated himself so that people around could never mistake him for a dark pureblood scion. He lost track of his real aim and became just everything that his family would hate, even when he himself hated some part of what he became. His whole focus became to be everything they didn’t want him to be. You can understand this, can’t you, young man. You also tried to mould yourself to be what the wizarding world and your peers wanted you to be. You both know how it feels like to change yourself to fit in. Your soul connect on a deeper level. In a world where there had been no war and both of your souls were not befouled by dementors and horcrux respectively, you both would have made a wonderful couple. Competent like no one else. Made for each other. What do they say in your muggle world, match made in heaven. True soul mates! And no, you two were not born to be each other's mate. Your experiences and expectations and home life, made you both to be so fit for each other. When the both of you met, your soul and magic felt that but before you reached of age he was gone. And both of your souls were so depleted that neither of you could feel the beginning of this bond which only a few lucky people can witness let alone experience.”
All of this was too much for Harry to process. So he asks death about his second option, so that he could be done with all this as soon as possible.
“Your second option is where magic's blessing will take a part. You see, Mother Magic does not want the magical community to be vanished so she had asked me, fate and time to help her protect her beings. We will each help you, her champion to achieve this. Time will send you back to a time where the destruction of magical world has not reached a stage where it is beyond saving. Fate will help you meet another who had the same goal as you. He too had decided to sacrifice himself so that Tom riddle can meet his end and I will give you a body so that you can live in that time and finish Magic's task, thus undoing your corporeal death. The cherry on the top of all of this is that you will meet your mate where his soul is still intact from dementors and since now your soul is also freed from that evil wizard’s soul, you both are free to seal the bond and be each other’s forever.”
This was not what Harry thought would happen when he had walked to his death. He had assumed that he had done what everyone expected him to do. He had given them a way to get rid of Voldemort forever. But this, to be asked to be the champion of Magic of all people, when he had been Dumbledore’s champion all his life. Will it ever end? Why is it his responsibility to end the war? Why all expectations were always landed on his shoulders? In Snape's words, why was he always chosen to be the pig for slaughter?
“Harry,” death heaves a huge sigh and looks at Harry with compassion in his eyes, “I did not want to offer you this last option, neither did mother magic. But I think I should tell you. If you do not wish to continue then that is also possible. You are right. It is not your responsibility to end the war or always fight the big bad. This is a task that others and you yourself have set upon on your shoulders. But even in your absence the war will end in your time. It’s just that soon magic will end. So you can stay here comforted with the knowledge that war will end, your friends and family will live. But I will also tell you that being magic’s champion does not mean risking your life. In fact we both know that sooner or later Tom riddle will die. She want you to travel time for saving the people who died for no reason. She wants to protect the magical world but she is not expecting you to end the war by yourself. You can just sit aside and let others do the work by passing on the necessary details on how to end the war. You could decide to trust few selected individuals and take their help. You could do it all alone. The choice is all yours harry. No one is pressuring you or expecting anything. No one will judge you here. You could chose to not go back at all. All three choices are yours and only yours to make, my human.”
Harry did not know what to do, what is right or what does he want. He knows the morally right thing to do was the second option which will help save countless lives of muggles and wizards. But that also means to once again search for horcruxes and that is in no way a one man work. Dumbledore was an idiot in handling this responsibility to three teenagers. But they were almost done. Only the snake remains.
He tried to think for each option logically. Hermione would be so proud of him at not running head first into things without thinking.
In option-1 war will end, he will have his friends and family but there he will be the Harry Potter. Also as death said he will feel incomplete without Sirius. In option-2 he will have Sirius but that Sirius will not be his godfather. He will have option to save lives and live a life without too much scrutiny because there he can be just Harry and not the saviour of the wizarding world. He would not have Ron and Hermione as friends in that time, they will be much too younger than him and he will not have Weasleys as his family. But he will have his own parents there. He could have his own family. He could finally be with his mum and dad and… .. .
“I will stop you right there young man. By going to the past you will surely meet many people but I will warn you against expecting them to be something they are not. You will get to know them as a real person but they are not your parents. They will only be young individuals who resemble them in looks and personality in the beginning. But your mere presence in that time will cause changes. Each such change will have a domino effect of it’s own but all such combine changes will be so much big that sooner it will stop resembling to the past as you know it. Surely there will be people who will become dear as a family to you and you to them but do not expect people you have met or known to behave a certain way.”
Harry nodded, knowing that Death was right. Going in past will not mean him stop being an orphan. The James and Lily there will be too young to be parent of an almost 18 year old person. He will not put that burden on the two people already weighed down by a war.
“Will there be a way for me to come back in the second option?” He asked, thinking about the time Turner that he and Hermione had used to save Sirius and buckbeak in their third year.
“No. Once you are transported to that time, there will be no coming back. Whatever happens there, you will be a part of it. If you die there you die permanently. If the war finishes, you will continue living your life as if you had been born there itself.”
“But then there will be two of me.” He said thinking about the baby Harry of that time.
Death's eyes had a mischievous gleam in them when he answered. “There will be only one Harry Potter there. That is you. If any other child is born to your sires then they will be someone else and not you.”
Okay so this is all about the second option. Harry did not want to think about the third option. He wants to live. He did chose to walk to his own death but only so that Voldemort could die. Not because his will to live had ceased to exist. In both options one and two he had chance to live and he will never chose anything else over living.
So between one and two he has to decide. The main thing Harry wanted ever since he can remember is to have a family. Even though he will have them in option one but to what end, when he himself will not be at peace and content with it. His whole life he felt lonely and alone but even after finally having a family of his own if he would not feel complete then that option is not the one he will select. God but he will miss Ron and Hermione.
And Sirius. He loved his godfather. But Harry knows that just like his parents, he will never meet his godfather again. The Sirius Black in second option will be just his look alike. He cannot expect Sirius to love him for being his best mate’s son. His godson. But Death said that they were soulmates. So maybe he could learn to care for this young Sirius in a different way then the love he had for his godfather and maybe that feeling will be reciprocated by this young Sirius for him.
Harry had the best chance of living a happy, carefree(as he will not be the boy who lived there) and complete life in second option. He takes a deep breath knowing that he had reached the final answer. He feels excited at the prospect of finally getting a chance at a better life. At being given the chance to chose for himself. At being selfish for the first time in his life.
He will miss Ron and Hermione a lot but maybe they will also get to live in a world which is better for everyone. Where they do not have life threatening situation in school every year. Where Hermione will not have to face prejudices. Where Neville will be brought up by his parents. Where Ron will not have to live under the shadow of his siblings. He will miss Ginny too. But maybe both she and Harry will get to be with someone who will be a better partner for them. He will also miss Luna. There was a peace in her company like no one else. He will try to save his dear friend's mother. Pandora Lovegood. so that Luna has her mother while growing up.
He meets Death's eyes knowing his final answer and tells him that he choose to go back to past. He looks around the beautiful garden for one last time, trying to save this image in his mind. To store the peacefulness and the tranquillity.
Death snaps his fingers and Harry feels a jolt run through his body. He felt pain on the right side of his neck and on inner side of his left forearm. When he glanced down at his left forearm, a creative design at the centre of his forearm. The tattoo had a little resemblance to the deathly Hallows sign. He guessed that there must be another tattoo on his neck.
Then he felt a tingly sensation run through is entire body.
Finally death finished his words and said, “No young man, it’s not the sign of the deathly hallows, although it is a little similar to that on your arm I have placed magic’s mark. Anyone from the old families will recognise it and would know to either aid you or to stay as far away from you as possible and never to cross you in any way or form. You will only tell the entire detail of your life to the people whom you fully trust. Oher than those people, one look on this mark and people who really believe in mother magic will come forward to help you but you need not over indulge. I have also placed a mark on your neck. It depicts presence of a magical soulmate. It will be totally up to you and your mate about what your actual relationship will be, if any is there. Presence of this bond will not compel either of you to form any sort of relationship. You both will have free will. The bond is only of any real significance when both party want it sealed. But also there will always be level of trust, comfort and security between you and him. Your mate will be able to see this mark once he decides to make a place for you in his life but he may feel its presence there. No one else will be able to see the mark on your neck before the bond is sealed.”
Harry touched the right side of his neck to feel the soul mark and felt a warmth rush through him. He closed his eyes to let the feeling run through his entire being.
“One last advice magic's champion, you should doubt every person you meet even if you know all good things about them as per your past life. But you should also give benefit of doubt to every person whom you think is your enemy in this war. Do remember that things are not always as they seem. Good people do bad thing for the right reasons. Just because they are on the right side does not make them automatically good. Similarly being on the side of dark does not necessarily mean evil. Keep your eyes open. Try to look past the whats to learn about the whys and you will know whom to trust. You will meet many people who have not yet committed the sins you know they have committed as per your timeline. You will help those too who had to side with evil for their loved ones along helping those who are fighting the evil.”
Then suddenly he feels his eyes become heavy and he is surrounded by darkness. He think he hears death say, “Wish you good luck magic's champion. Hope you will live a happy life with your soulmate.”