As the preparations for his wedding to Bellatrix continued Rodolphus felt dizzy.
The sadness he'd felt for the past few weeks never seemed to lessen. He'd truly never felt anything like this.
He had never even imagined that it would be possible to feel a hopelessness like what he felt, his heart was so destroyed he knew there was no coming back. Even his magic could feel it...his magic was angrier, harder to control. His magic seemed to want to destroy, wanted to burn down the world around them so that they would not be alone in the darkness that was now where his heart used to be.
Rodolphus had spent the last few weeks in a haze, only his brother had been allowed near him, only his brother knew how truly broken he was at this moment.
As he looked around and saw all the happy faces around him including the look of glee on Bellatrix's evil face he felt the urge to get up and run.
He wanted to get up and curse the hell out of everyone around him, how could they be smiling when his entire heart, his whole life, everything beautiful to him was no longer his to have.
The fact that he was being forced into this sham wedding made him feel reckless.
Walburga had thrown Sirius away, their marriage contract broken and had stuck Bellatrix in his place.
As if Bellatrix could hold a candle to Sirius.
"just breathe, brother. just try to find small slips of happiness...anything. it wouldn't do anyone any good if you lost it now."
Rodolphus looked up at his brother, his only friend in this moment, his baby brother Rabastan all of two minutes younger than him and currently his only life line.
"we'll figure something out Dolph...we have to. I heard back from James last night, Sirius may be worse off than you. So we'll have to think of something soon."
Basti squeezed his shoulder before he turned around and continued to shoo people away from him.
His sweet Sirius was worse off than him? Rodolphus had thought he had no more tears left but his eyes burned at the thought of his little love feeling any pain. His desire to destroy grew.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes and pictured Sirius. His beautiful face, berry crushed lips, his perfect black wavy hair as it fell around him when he laughed. His sharp cheekbones and how his grey-blue eyes would sparkle with love and mischief every time he looked up at Rodolphus. The way he still blushed every time they kissed. He pictured his lithe perfect body, his broad shoulders and slim waist. His perfect arse and toned legs. Sirius was a walking wet dream.
Rodolphus had been Sirius' first. His first date, his first kiss, the one to take his virginity.
He may have been Sirius' first everything but Sirius was everything to Rodolphus.
He was his heart, his smile, his love, his better half...Sirius was the reason he breathed.
Without Sirius' soft lips and addictive kisses, he would've never known true desire.
Without Sirius' soft words and sweet hugs, he would've never known true love.
Without Sirius' hand in his everyday for the rest of his life he'll never know true happiness or contentment again.
He looked at everything happening around him now that he was to marry Bellatrix instead of Sirius and felt his control slip.
He apparated straight out and into his room. He closed his eyes so that all he could see was Sirius' sweet smile and the way he'd bite his bottom lip when Rodolphus would declare his dedication to Sirius before they made love.
All he can picture in his moment is Sirius' glistening blue-gray eyes staring back into his.
Rodolphus falls asleep holding his pillow the way he holds Sirius at night. He has no idea he's getting the last bits of peace he'll ever have again before he marries Bellatrix and takes the Dark Mark.