Pencil stood in front of her mirror, analyzing her body & picking it apart in her mind. She brought this new bathing suit for the pool party Match had planned to celebrate Freesmart being on .. decent terms. Ruby was quick to forgive, and while Bubble took some time, she ended up coming around as well. Needle was very hesitant to forgive Pencil — for reasons Match wasn’t sure of — but she was starting to warm up to her. Book and Ice Cube are still on the fence, but they’ve been hanging around as a sort of test run to see if things had really changed. It was nice, and Pencil should be thrilled to be having this hangout with the friends she missed so dearly, but she wasn’t.
She wasn’t unhappy about the hangout, moreso the circumstances. This new bathing suit, along with all of her bathing suits, showed a lot of skin. Usually, this would be fine by Pencil, but recently, she’d been covering up a lot more. The reason behind this was something she was extremely ashamed of, an addiction she was practically forced to stop during TPOT, self harm. She picked it up in The EXIT, using the scissors from the pencil case Four had provided her with. In TPOT she gained access to a small blade, and she had started using that instead. The only people who ever knew were Match and Golf Ball (Unfortunately. That bossy bot found out about it through sheer nosiness. The only upside of it was her doing anything she could to force Pencil to stop), and she was far too ashamed to tell anyone else, let alone allow the rest of Freesmart to see her healing scars with this bathing suit on.
The scars, to her, showed weakness. They showed that she wasn’t as everlastingly proud of herself as she constantly acted like she was. They were hideous in her eyes. Ugly, dark red lines that glided across her arms, legs, and stomach. Looking at them made her wanna hurl, and if she was this disappointed in herself she could only imagine how disappointed her dear friends would be in her. Pencil, the brave, cool, strong leader being so .. weak. So vulnerable. The thought disgusted her.
She sighed, dragging her pink track suit out of her drawer and putting it over the bathing suit. Crossing her arms, she walked out of her room and down the steps, walking towards the door that lead into her yard. She grabbed the handle, sliding it open to see everyone but Match had already gotten into the pool. Match was sitting on a beach chair right by the pool, but the second Pencil arrived, she ran straight up to her. “Pence-Pence! I’ve been like, waiting for you! What took you so long?” She put her hands on her hips, looking her up and down. “..And why are you like, in a track suit?” Pencil shrugged in response. “Why didn’t you just get in the pool without me if I was taking so long?” She said bitterly, walking over to the chair next to the one Match was sitting on and sitting down on it herself. Match was confused, staring at her for a bit before slowly getting into the pool, immediately engaging in a conversation with Bubble to try and get her mind off of the odd interaction before she could start overthinking it.
Ruby jumped up from under the water, slamming her hands on the edge of the pool and looking up at Pencil excitedly. “Hi Pencil! Are you gonna get in the pool soon?” She beamed, flashing a smile at her and bouncing up and down happily. Ruby admired Pencil, looking up to her as a fierce leader. If she saw that Pencil had started hating herself to the point where she’d cut through her own skin over it she’d probably be disappointed. She’d give her sympathy, she’d see through her vision of Pencil and actually see her as a human with struggles. That’s not something Pencil wanted. She had to be admired, to be seen as a higher being, and letting her biggest admirer see her scars would make her the opposite.
“No, I’m not feeling like it today. Sorry, Ruby.” Ruby frowned, and it made Pencil’s stomach turn. “Whaat? But this is your pool!” She cried out, putting her bounces to a stop. “Please please please, will you get in the pool, please please? At least later?” She put her hands together as if she were praying. Pencil looked around to see the rest of Freesmart staring directly at her, all looking as if they were anticipating her saying yes. She felt her breathing pick up, trying to form an answer that wouldn’t concern anyone, an answer that would make them all leave her alone, no worries. She looked at Match, she looked at Bubble, she looked at Book, she looked at Needle. They had scars too, but they weren’t ashamed of them. They didn’t make themselves look weaker, so why did they make Pencil feel this way? Why was she so overwhelmingly ashamed of them? She felt a lump in her throat. It was just a simple question, why won’t you get into the pool? Why are you so scared? The thing is, even she didn’t know the answer to that.
She looked back at Ruby’s pleading face once more, letting her words spill out. “No, Ruby! I’m not getting in! I don’t care if it’s my pool, I just don’t feel like it! Will you— all of you just leave me alone?!” She stood up, turning around walking out the yard, slamming the sliding door shut. Ruby fell silent, staring at the door. Book scratched her arm a bit, looking over at Ice Cube before walking up to Ruby, putting her arm on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s ok, you did nothing wrong. That was pretty .. out of nowhere of her.” Ice Cube pitched in with her usual “Yeah!”. Match was concerned. Pencil was getting better at not randomly lashing out on others, she wouldn’t do that unless something was going on. She turned her head towards Bubble, who was now quietly talking to Needle. This was bad. They were all gonna start hating Pencil again, and they’d separate for good this time, not wanting to give her another chance. They’re all gonna think Pencil hasn’t changed as much as she promised she did, and they’ll never know how much she’s tried. They’ll never know as much as Match did.
“Pencil’s been acting off like, all day. I— I swear this isn’t usual .. well, anymore.” Everyone turned to her. She picked at her nails as she continued to speak. “Something’s definitely like, wrong. I’m not sure what, but like..” She trailed off, not knowing what to say next. She had to defend her, but she didn’t even know what was wrong. Sighing, she continued. “I’ll go check up on her.” She slowly walked out of the pool, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself. She turned back to the pool. “You guys can like, continue with your activities. I’ll be back.”
Pencil slammed her door, locking it. She fell to her knees, starting to sob. God, she was so overdramatic. Everything just had to be the end of the world with her. All of her issues were caused by herself, she was only harming herself because she deserved it. Although she had put it to a stop, she wished she could continue. She wished it wouldn’t disappoint Match, she wished it wouldn’t disappoint Ruby, she wished she could punish herself for her actions without anyone feeling bad for her, because no matter how amazing she was, she didn’t deserve it, and nor did she need it. She felt her stomach turn, her breaths so shaky and uneven that it started to hurt. She choked on her sobs, grabbing onto her sleeves and burying her nails into them. She was disgusting, inside and out. She was never going to change, all of her efforts would bring her right back to square one. Thoughts flooded her head, causing her to spiral. It was so odd how something as simple as being asked to get into a pool could set her off like this, how being upset over one thing could make her upset over .. everything.
She heard the door knob rattle a bit, and she quickly covered her ears. She hated that god forsaken sound, it reminded her of her time in The EXIT. With her hands over her ears, the only thing she could hear were her muffled sobs and her fast heartbeat. Her vision was blurred by her tears and she felt as if she was gonna vomit. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her hands slowly left her ears as she looked up to see Match — who opened the door using a bobby pin — still in her bathing suit, still showing her scars. She didn’t look disappointed, she didn’t look mad. “Are you like, okay?” Her voice was so soft. Her touch was so gentle. “I.. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Match’s hand slowly moved up and down, caressing her arm. She didn’t deserve it, not after everything she’s done. “Why didn’t you wanna go into the pool?” Silence. “..If you like, don’t wanna tell me, I understand. I’ll be here for you anyways.” Pencil practically jumped into Match’s arms, sobbing into her chest. She let her tears flow, holding onto Match for dear life as she carried her over to her bed, sitting down on it. She gasped for breath, trying to follow Match’s breathing through her sobs. The fingers in her hair, gliding through the many strands, calmed her down.
As her sobs came to an end, she slowly moved next to Match, rather than being on top of her. Match rubbed her back comfortingly. “..Were you disappointed?” Match’s hand stopped at the top of her back, confused. “What?” Pencil looked at her before continuing. “In me. Were you disappointed in me when you figured out that I..” Pencil’s silence made Match realize what was going on. She pulled Pencil into a hug, laying her head onto her shoulder. “No, never. I was just like, concerned. Out of everyone I know, you’re like, the most closed off. You don’t ever share how you’re feeling until it all like, blows up in your face.” Pencil stayed silent, slowly unzipping the top of her track suit. Match lifted her head as she slowly slid the top off her shoulders, revealing the scars on her arms. “I just.. didn’t want them to see.”
Match ran her fingers down Pencil’s arm, leaning down and planting a kiss onto one of her scars. She started planting kisses onto as many of them as she could, slowly moving down Pencil’s arm. When she made it down to her hand, she lifted it to her mouth, kissing the back of it gently. “They’re beautiful.” Pencil was bewildered. The part of her that she found disgusting was considered to be beautiful by Match. Every part of her was beautiful to Match. She never understood it, why she stood so proudly by her side their entire lives, no matter what she did. But as much as she didn’t understand, she was still so everlastingly grateful. Snapping out of her thoughts, she realized she was now oddly close to Match’s face. This always happened, it was as if fate had continuously roped them into each other. They never knew how it happened, but neither of them moved back.
As soon as they knew it, their lips were intertwined. It was soft, passionate, and slow. Usually, Pencil’s lipgloss would taste like cherries, but today it tasted like strawberry lemonade. Match took note of that. Her fingers trailed down Pencil’s back, landing on the top of her pants. She slowly pulled them down, their lips still connected. She gently rubbed Pencil’s thigh, feeling the scars. They slowly pulled apart, breathing heavily as they looked each other in the eyes. Match lowered her head down and started kissing the scars on Pencil’s stomach. It made her feel less ashamed, knowing they were coated with love. Match had moved down to her legs, covering each scar with a gentle kiss. Pencil felt so calm, so in love. She thought she could start floating at any moment.
Finally, Match lifted her head and looked Pencil in the eyes.
“Your scars don’t make you weak, Pence-Pence. Instead, they like, show how far you’ve come. If anything, they make you like, stronger.” She giggled. “Now like, come on! Everyone’s prob like, waiting for us.” She held out her hand, and Pencil took it.
Pencil got into the pool right after Match, watching as she joined in on all the laughter. Bubble turned to her, her eyes widening a bit upon seeing Pencil’s scars. She walked up to her before whispering, “Oi thought the reason yoi doidnt wanna get ointo the poil was becoise yoi got yoir perioid.”