trouble

Harry got woken up in the middle of the night by noise in the room next to his. It began as a gasping complaint, eventually Malfoy started talking, almost imploring in his sleep. Harry got up, eyes middly open, in his pajamas, and barefoot walked in Malfoy's room to wake him up. The boy was sweating, agitating, panting. 

"Malfoy." 

As it didn't seem to have any effect, Harry touched his shoulder and repeated, louder. 

"Malfoy !"

Draco opened wide, terrified eyes, suddenly moving backward and grasping Harry's hand. He looked around, as if he was surrounded by immediate and overwhelming danger. A few seconds passed, though, and he realized where he was, and who he was with. He took a deep breath and tried to quiet down. 

"Are you okay ?" 

He still had his hand on Harry's, who felt petrified by its warmth and, surprisingly, its softness. But also kind of repulsed by all the sweat. 

"Yeah… Yeah I'm sorry…" He brought his hand back to himself, embarrassed. "It's just… I don't know, just a nightmare."

He seemed so ashamed and upset that Harry sat on the bed and said hesitantly : 

"That's fine, I have them too." 

Draco didn't respond to that, he just threw a severe look at Harry from under his eyelashes as he still figured out how to control his breathing. 

"We probably all have, I mean we've all seen terrible things." He hesitated for a while. "Do you wanna... talk about it."

"Are you making fun of me, Potter ?"

"No I'm not, jackass, I'm tryin' to help you, and you don't make it easy. Shouldn't even bother." 

"It's just hum…" Draco's voice had gone lower, he was almost whispering. "I remember some stuff from last year, at the Manor. Some Muggle Studies teacher at Hogwarts ? I didn't know her, I mean, never took Muggle Studies… I dunno she was… Merlin…"

"Hum… s'ok." Harry had no idea what to say. 

"It was awful. I was terrified, all the important Death Eaters were there… They made me sit next to my dad. And she was there and… You-Know… You-Know-Who, he said she was proning breeding with muggle or something like that." 

Harry listened silently. He'd seen something similar in his very own dreams at the time of these events. Well of course they weren't dreams. But he was having trouble reconciling the Malfoy that was sitting and shaking and sweating in front of him with the image of a Malfoy that would quietly assist to the violent death of that poor woman.

"He fed her to his snake." 

Harry looked down.

"Alive…" 

They stood quiet. Draco's breath had gotten slower now. 

"Now when I sleep I sometimes… It's me hanging there with the snake coming at me and You-Know-Who saying stuff about me and everyone laughing…"

"They were laughing ?"

Draco exhaled. His face was covered by a fine pellicule of sweat, which made his forehead and collarbone shiny. 

"It was awful. And I didn't…"

His words got lost and he never finished this sentence. He seemed to come back to himself and feel as embarrassed as Harry had ever seen him. 

"Don't know why I said all that. Sorry I woke you up." 

"Oh, I…"

"I'm fine now." He said abruptly. 

Unsure, Harry got up, and left the room, leaving a clearly upset Draco Malfoy who was trying his best to fake a smile and turn his back on him. 

***

"Goodmorning." 

"Goodmorning."

Harry was already seated, drinking coffee, when Draco came down in the dining room. He was acting very ostentatious as usual, but Harry noticed he was escaping his look. When he sat on the other side of the table, away from him, Harry asked : 

"Everything okay ?" 

"Everything great."

"You… You're feeling better ?"

Draco rolled his eyes and started buttering a slice of bread.

"Come on Potter, let's not make a big deal out of it, its…"

"What ?"

"It's embarrassing."

He blushed and looked at his plate. Harry was feeling a little uncomfortable. 

"You don't have to be embarrassed. I've had nightmares my whole life. If anybody knows about that…"

 Draco didn't answer right away. First he stared at Harry. His long eyelashes flapping, his mouth twisting in consideration. 

"Really."

"Yeah." 

"What do you dream about ?" He asked, acting casual, before biting in his toast. 

"Well…" 

Where should he start? Harry usually didn't think much about his nightmares. Considering his complicated history of having nightmares, he actively tried, in fact, not to think about them. He didn't want to get into heavy details of it with Malfoy. He didn't want to talk about Voldemort. Ever. But especially over breakfast. 

"My parents sometimes. Or people who died. Or just… stuff that happened to me."

"You sure have the material."

He decided not to react to that. He wasn't sure if Draco was being ironic or sympathetic, but he didn't like it either way. 

"Well now you know what it's like."

Draco didn't even notice the attack. He was thinking, seemingly concerned, slowly chewing. Harry noticed he'd shaved. It hadn't struck him because Malfoy wasn't particularly hairy, but a very light, hardly noticeable beard had grown on his jaw in prison that was now gone. But the absence of it, to his eye, appeared even more eye-catching. He had soft, smooth glowing skin, and while he was eating Harry could see his jaw muscles and bones move. He sighed and minded his own plate. 

"Everything alright Potter ?" 

"Yeah."

He softly smiled at Malfoy who smiled back. That's when they heard violent knocks on the door. They both jumped, Harry felt terrified at this sound. He was always scared when people arrived unannounced at the Weasleys. He'd hoped no one would come disturb him here. 

"I will get it, Master" said Kreatcher grumpily in the hallway. 

Draco was staring at Harry, fearful. Who could it be ? Was it the Ministry ? Was it the Order ? Were they coming for him ? He closed his fists not to let anyone see that his hands were shaking, and instinctively got ready to run at the slightest sign of danger. 

"Yes ?" They heard the fierce voice of Kreatcher ask at the door. 

"Where's Harry ?"

Harry  got up, and ran in the corridor. 

"Ron !"

"Harry !"

Kreatcher let Harry's friends come in, and they hurried to take him in their arms. 

"We missed you dude."

"Well, you should write him letters then instead of complaining about it." Hermione said sharply. 

Harry grinned. 

"It's nice to see you. Why did you come by ?"

They both put a very insistent look on him. 

"When were you going to tell me that you'd let little bitch Malfoy crash with you."

"I supposed Hermione would have done it."

"I sent you a letter too."

"You call this a letter ?" 

"Anyways" Hermione said "Tell us what happened."

Harry thought about Draco in the dining room, and blushed. Or at least figured he was blushing. 

"This might get a little embarrassing" he hushed "as he's actually down the hallway."

Ron looked appalled. 

"There's no way you're letting that scumba…"

"Shut up, Ronald."

Harry, surprised, prepared himself to Hermione’s sermont. 

"I'm sure Harry has a very good reason, and he's going explain it to us right now."

***

Harry got back to Grimmauld Place. He'd gone outside to talk with Ron and Hermione, he didn't want Malfoy to hear them, or them to meet Malfoy. That would have just been too awkward. 

"Nice day, Potter ?" 

Surprisingly, Draco's tone was very agreeable. He was coming down the stairs with a calm expression. 

"Yes, in deed... "

Draco's pale blue eyes dived into his as he stopped in the middle of the stairs, and Harry held his breath. They were cold, and strong, and he didn't know what to do. 

"If you want me gone, it's okay I'll figure something out." 

What... 

"What are you talking about ?"

"I'm sure your friends must have a very strong opinion about my being here."

"Well, it's not up to them. I said you could stay so you can stay." 

Draco waited a moment, as if to see if Harry was serious or setting some kind of trap. 

"Okay."

He started getting down again until he came at Harry's level and walked past him, suspicious. Harry didn't know what to think. He felt himself blush, and moved to get to his room. 

As he was undressing, thinking about the events of the day, he heard Malfoy steps in the hallway. His back straightened as they stopped in front of his door. He waited but he couldn't hear anything else. So he reached for it and opened it slightly. Draco was behind the door, apparently deciding whether or not to knock. His eyes widened as he saw Harry and he thought about saying something but changed his mind and just stood there with his mouth opened. 

"Yes ?" 

"I just… I…"

After an embarrassed sigh and a distressed shoving of his hands into his pockets" he said while staring at the wall :

"I don't know I thought… I have been thinking about our talk, yesterday. You know about dreams."

"Wanna talk about it ?" 

"Hum… sure."

"Let me just put my shirt back on."

Harry invited him in while he was looking for his pajama top. 

"What did you want to say ?" 

Draco sat on the bed, uncomfortable. 

"It's a bit ridiculous, I don't know if I should have…" 

"Oh come on you're here now just spill it." Harry said, trying to sound encouraging but, as he realized, ending up rather a bit harshly. 

"Well… I told you about my… dreams. About the snake and… I mean, what I want to say is…."

He seemed to be looking for his words but having trouble finding them, so Harry smiled gently at him. That reassured him and he said : 

"I know why I have this dream. Apart from the… girl being eaten by a snake... part. I know why I dream that I 'm, being eaten by the snake. I…" he took a deep breath "My point is I know I should have done something."

He glanced at Harry to check his reaction. 

"I've always known I should have done something, I… I feel atrocious, because I never did. Nothing. And I should have. I always knew and I never did. And now I can't live with myself. So. Yeah. I'm sorry."

Harry had to take a few moments to answer. He was standing in front of Draco, leaning against a dresser. 

"Honestly, there wasn't much that you could have done. I mean I don't see you or any of the Death Eaters politely asking Voldemort to let her go. That would have been a brave, but a stupid and certain way to die. Or worse."

"I know but… in general. All I did, throughout the war, I did it for me. To… survive, or at least that's what I was telling myself. And I should have done so much more but I was so scared…"

"You didn't do nothing. You helped me. And I'm very grateful for that."

"But I could have done more."

"Well…" Harry said on a lighter tone "You were never the bravest one of us."

He meant it as a joke, but Draco's sad look darkened even more. 

"I'm sorry…"

"No, you're right. You were." 

An awkward silence fell on them, as Draco beat his eyelids. 

"Hum, I don't really know what to tell you. I don't think I really had much of a choice. I had to do what I had to do and you… you had to do what you had to do too." 

Draco shook his head. 

"No. You were always brave, and I was always a coward."

He scraped his throat, smiled oddly and got up. 

"Sorry I came here to bother you, sleep well."

And he left the room.