Chapter 22
September 19th 1978
Hermione
"No, no, no, no..."
"It's going to be okay."
"Don't be foolish child, remember what I taught you."
"All you need is with you..."
"Hermione!" I awake with a startled gasp, knocking my head into the bathroom wall that stands behind me. I hiss in pain. "Shit!" I whisper, clutching my head.
"Hermione!"
My mind is snapped back to reality at the sound of lily's voice. I take in my surroundings and am surprised to see myself huddled on the bathroom floor. What the...
And then it all comes back to me. The sickness, the potions, the—
Fuck.
Toujours pur. My right arm reads, ironic since the left one has Mudblood scrawled on it. Looking between the two is like looking at the transformation of my life, both versions tragic and disturbing. I clench my eyes tightly, trying to get the images out of my head of two equally deranged people carving into my arm.
I resist the urge to slam my head back into the wall as Lily calls my name for the third time. "Hermione, is everything okay? You just got up and left yesterday and when we got back you were already sleeping with your curtains drawn. Are you feeling well?"
I internally groan, pressing the edges of my hands into my eye sockets as I try to figure out a way out of this situation. I can't just very well walk out of here and throw caution to the wind. I mean, bloody hell, I'm too afraid to look in the mirror, I can't even imagine how the others would react to this. I could probably waltz into the slytherin common room and pass for bellatrix, for goodness sake!
I could just imagine it, my father would be too stunned to talk, Lucius would gloat about the golden girl was one of there own, Andromeda would smirk, Cissa would nod, watching me with her knowing gaze, and Uncle Sev would Roll his eyes at my dramatics—That's when it hits me.
Severus.
All you need is with you...
I tune back into whatever Lily is saying on the other side of the door. "—if you need to talk It's just me—" I quickly stand, avoiding gazing into the mirror. My legs are shaky as I listen to Lily's voice on the other side of the door. "—Marlene, Mary, and Ginny have all gone for breakfast if you want to talk, we'll all be going to Hogsmead in an hour if you'd like to join, we don't have to though, if you want we could stay here and have a night in or—"
I swing the door open, cutting off what she was going to say. She opens her mouth to say something but then my new look registers. She lets out an audible gasp, clutching a hand over her mouth, her eyes blown wide. I understand the shock.
I give her a sad smile as she takes a hesitant step toward me, her hand going to my hair and snagging one of my tight black girls in her fingers. She gasps again. "Your hair!" She says breathlessly as her gaze connects with mine and her eyes widen once again. She puts a finger under my chin to tilt my head up.
"Your eyes!" She exclaims and I put my hand over hers, my eyes searching hers intently.
"I need your help."
Regulus
"Darling, why don't you wear that button up I got you from hogsmead?" Narcissa coos to Lucius as Me and Mini Malfoy watch in amusement as she fusses over the collar of his shirt, treating him like a seven year old who just learned to dress himself. "It's like the rolls are reversed." Mini Malfoy comments and I can't help but chuckle along with him, imagining a younger version of himself in the same position as Lucius.
"Bloody hell, Cissa! Stop fussing over him like he's a child and lets go! Bella isn't coming and crouch and lestrange are here, let's go!" True to Dromeda's word, Barty and the lestrange brothers are already down stairs, standing just behind her.
"Trying to leave without me, Andromeda dear?" We all look to the stairs to find Nott Jr, smiling mischievously as Andromeda rolls her eyes. Even I can't help the grin that rises at the boys entrance.
In the time they've been here, we've all come to realize that Nott is basically Crouch reincarnated, much to Dromeda's annoyance. It's particularly annoying for her seeing as he has made it his main mission in life to annoy the bloody bollocks out of her. She rolls her eyes. "No, that was just a bonus." She quips but it does little to deter him.
"Oh how you wound me, you know if you weren't to be happily married I would—oof." Mini Malfoy elbows him in the ribs glaring at him as Andromeda's face goes a bit pale. Hm, what's that about, I wonder. The boy seems to realize his mistake and is quick to change the subject. He clears his throat. "What are we waiting for mates? We've got thing to see, vaults to drain, and things to buy, let's get on with it!"
He waves his hands around dramatically and I hear Severus mumbling what I assume are some very not so friendly words. Bloody hell, I'm about to start calling him Crouch Jr. "I like this lad's attitude!" Barty chirps from behind him, throwing an arm over the boys shoulder.
Nott grins. "Now that's the spirit, let's—oh bullocks I forgot my wallet, back in a jif!" He ducks from underneath Crouch's arm and rushes back up the stairs as a collective groan sounds from the ground. "Bloody hell we're never going to get to Hogsmead at this rate!" Evan murmurs, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance.
A harsh pounding sounds from the door to the common room. Lucius rolls his eyes. "Bloody first years, you'd think they'd learned the password by now." He grumbles, getting up from his spot on the couch, giving Cissy a kiss on the cheek and moving to open the door for whichever idiotic first year managed to lock themselves out once again.
Footsteps sound from the staircase and moments later we all are met with Nott holding up his wallet like it's the bloody quidditch cup. "Found it!" He grins and crouch jumps up enthusiastically. "Fucking finally, can we go now—" his words are cut off by screaming from the doorway.
"Let me in Malfoy or I swear to Godric, Salazar, and Rowena, I will curse you into the fucking new year!" My brows furrow at the sound of Potters voice and confused looks are exchanged around the common room. "Just what we needed, potters come to delay us even further." He grumbles from beside me.
"What is that mongrel doing here?" Cissy scoffs, crossing her arms, her expression one of distaste. "Imagine if one of us went barging into the gryffindor tower! We'd be hanged!" She scowls and the sentiment is shared among the rest of our group.
It's not like what she's saying isn't true. If one of us had come knocking at another houses door, demanding to come in, we'd be seen as trying to cause a disturbance in another house which is a strict violation of the rules. But Potter is not one of us.
He's a gryffindor.
"Snape, you slimy bastard, get out here!" He shouts from the doorway where Lucius currently blocks his entrance. All eyes turn to Severus and I laugh. "Got anything to tell us Sev?" I chuckle but he just smears at me. "I know as much as you do, Black." Now that, I don't doubt.
"Snape!" Potter yells again and Lucius snarls loudly. "Potter if you and your little girlfriend don't get out of our dungeon, I'm going to—" bloody hell, Evans is here too? I snort. "You make a move on Evans or something?" I ask just as I see potter push past Malfoy to get to the common room.
He takes long strides towards us, ignoring Lucius who is trying to grab him and pull him out, all the while Evans follows cautiously behind them.
He finally comes to right in front of us and I stand along with Severus and mini Malfoy, creating a small barricade. "No need to prepare for war lads, just have some business to discuss with Snivel—snape, I mean." He emends and Evans elbows him in the ribs.
Narcissa comes to stand beside Lucius. "What is it you had to barge into our common room for, exactly?" She says in an ice cold tone that could freeze over Antarctica itself. I am reminded tone I've heard my own mother use that could make even the biggest of men shiver. Not the time.
Potter gulps nervously and seems to notice the eyes of the entire common room on him and rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Well—I erm, you see—we kind of, we, well we um—" Evans elbows him in the ribs. "James!" She whisper tells. He raises his hands in surrender. "What she's scary!"
Evans rolls her eyes before stepping in front of him, taking charge, her eyes going from cissa to snape.
"We need your help."
James
I front of me stands Narcissa Black. One of the scariest women I've ever met. And I have to ask her for help.
Lily's words are sincere, her eyes are hopeful as she looks at Narcissa, showing just how desperate we really are. I was more then surprised when Lils came frantically down the stairs to me Sirius and Remus, telling us that it was an emergency, especially when she vehemently disagreed with anyone of our friends coming as well.
I understood that aspect when going up to the girls dorms—the wards being dismantled—and finding Hermione—only she doesn't look like Hermione, sitting on top of the toilet cover, fidgeting nervously.
I remember Sirius's dramatic gasp. "You did get the black family hair!" He had yelled, laughing, making her throw a bottle of soap at his head, which I imagine will leave quite the nasty bruise in the morning but that is the least of my concerns at the moment.
I remember looking at her in shock, not moving as Remus slowly approached her shaking figure and crouched down in front of the toilet seat before taking her hands in his and pulling her into a hug. She had held him with a ferocity as she tried to keep her tears at bay. I wanted to go to her, to comfort the strange girl I'd come to love and appreciate in the short time we've known one another, but I stay still, the shock keeping me at bay.
She sat there in Remus's arms blinking back tears from her now grey eyes. Her skin is just a hint paler, her hair longer than ever, sitting just under her waist where as before it was only above mid back. Her hair is thicker and dark, deep, black, her curls tighter and more defined than I've ever seen them, and much less frizzy. She's still beautiful, just different.
"Hey, kiddo, what's wrong?" Sirius finally seems to realize that this is not a laughing matter as he comes to crouch beside Remus, letting her lean her head into his chest. It's at his words that hermione lets a single tear drip down her face as she whispers, "I need your help."
After she had calmed down, hermione explained that she needed one of us to take a potion to her godfather, saying that once consumed Snivilous would be willing to help. Did it sound suspicious? Fuck yeah. Was I going to question her? I'd rather die. So me and lily set off for the dungeons, her because she's the only one of us Snivilous will trust, me because i wasn't going to send my future wife marching into a den of vipers alone.
"Why don't the rest of you head to hogsmead, while Lucius, Severus and I handle this, hmm?" She suggests/demands, and though most of the group does as the ice queen wishes. That is what we like to call the Narcissa effect. Blimey, she's scary. Slowly but surely, everyone but the three leaves the room—however hesitant they may be.
All but two.
The only other members of the black family present. Regulus and Andromeda. "I think we'll stay, if you don't mind, cousin." Black states, dropping himself onto one of the nearby couches once again, opening a bottle of liquor that had been on the table. Andromeda simply watches us with thinly veiled suspicion, wrapping her arms around her middle.
Narcissa sighs, meeting Andromeda's eyes then moving to Regulus's where they linger for quite a moment as they have a silent conversation. She shakes her head in annoyance but otherwise doesn't continue the topic, moving her gaze to me and Lily who had both been silent during the interaction. My mind only wondering where the third and most infamously scary Black sister had disappeared to in all this mayhem.
Malfoy steps forward. "What is it we can help you with exactly?" He sneers, clearly not over my, well, less than polite treatment at the door. I cross my arms, glaring right back at the prat. "That's none of your business, this is between us and Snape." Lily, smacks me upside the head with gusto. She glares at me, hissing through her teeth, "Shut. Up."
She takes a deep breath, turning back to them but looking past Malfoy and Narcissa, looking straight to Snivi—snape. "I know we aren't on good terms anymore, and I know my house mates have been cruel to you, but as your former best friend, I'm asking—no I'm begging you, please help us with this one thing and I will never ask anything of you ever again."
I can't help the clench of my jaw as I hear her pleading soft tone. I know lily has never thought of him as anything but a friend but it still doesn't ease much of my jealousy. I look anywhere but the two of them and find myself analysing Black—er regulus. It's hard to look at him and know that this prat will in only a year's time, be the father of one of the most amazing and astonishing witches I've ever met.
I hear Snape sigh and look back at him to see him pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed, making Black snort. He finally sighs and opens his eyes to look at lily. "What do you want?" Lils practically deflates in relief, turning to me.
She's just staring at me.
I look behind me and no one is there. Ok so definitely looking at me then. I stand there, waiting for her to say something and nervously start whistling at the silence. Lily shoots me a glare. "James!" She yells making me jump. "What?" I ask and she practically knocks my head off. "The potion!" Oh yeah. "Shit, sorry."
I shove my hand in my pants pocket and rummage through the rubbish that's in there until my hand meets the cool glass of the vile. I pull it out of my pocket. "Bingo!" I smile looking at lily before handing over the clear vile, holding the translucent blue liquid. "Here you go." She takes the vile from my hand and turns to the trio who now all stand with their arms crossed in apprehension. all the while the youngest Black watches it all from the couch, refilling his glass with whiskey.
"And what pray tell, is that for?" He smirks like the trouble starting git he. Narcissa eyes it with suspicion. "That's quite a good question cousin, one I would like an answer to." She says looking to lily but lily ignores her, in the favor of looking over to Snape with pleading eyes.
"I need you to take this, that's all I ask of you, take it and all will reveal itself."
Regulus
"I need you to take this, that's all I ask of you, take it and all will reveal itself." Evans says making me snort, never took her as a divination kind of person but right now she sounds like those little cookies Sirius used to bring back from muggle london after sneaking out. The little ones with the note inside. A fortune cookie.
Sev scoffs—just as I would have. "Just as I thought you were genuine, honestly Evans, do you take me for a fool? I know better than to take anything that comes from him, especially a potion." He crosses his arms glaring at the chit he's been pining over for the past seven years. Bloody hell, didn't know he had it in him. But then again Potter brings out the worst in him.
Speaking of potter, he doesn't look the least bit chagrined, in fact he's cool as a cucumber as he pushes off the wall he'd been leaning against to speak to Severus directly. "Well, if it makes you feel better, it's not from me, in fact I don't even know what it is." He shrugs as if giving someone an unknown potion is just a regular everyday errand to run.
I'm apparently not the only one who thinks the idea is outrageous because Cissa is quick to speak up. "And do you know what this illustrious potion is miss evans?" Evans winces giving us all the answers we need. Malfoy shakes his head in exasperation, dropping back onto the couch right beside me, holding out his glass for me to fill.
I pour him a hefting sum as we watch the scene play out. "You can't possibly think we are going to just take your word for it. At least tell us who the potion was curated by if we are to even consider this." Narcissa intervenes. The couple share a look of consideration, having a conversation with their eyes before Evans turns to narcissa again.
"I will only show Severus, and only if he enters my mind, I won't say the name aloud." I narrow my eyes and watch an equally confused Cissa stare her down in contemplation before turning to severus who gives a silent but hesitant nod before stepping forward and closing his eyes, and I assume, going into her mind.
Evans closes her eyes as well and we all wait with baited breath until only a moment later, Sev opens his eyes. they are both silent as he stares at her and contemplates. Whatever he saw must have been intriguing because the Sev I know would never take a potion offered by anyone but himself let alone his bully of six years. Sev stares at them in contemplation before sighing and once again pinching the bridge of his nose as he grumbles. "Give me the damn vile."
Me and Malfoy immediately jump to our feet. "Sev, you can't be serious!" I yell thrusting a hand in their direction. "They could be trying to poison you for all we know!" I point out, outraged at whatever spell Evans had put my friend under, Salazar knows he can't say no to her. Sev sneers in my direction. "Do you take me for a fool Black? I wouldn't take it if I thought harm could come to me."
"Yes I think you're a bloody fool! You're about to take an unknown potion from the man that has made your life a living hell for seven years!" Narcissa latches onto my arm, holding me from lunging at him. "Calm your self cousin, fighting like a rash gryffindor doesn't become of you." She whispers in my ear but not quiet enough to stop Potter from hearing, seeing as he grumbles something back under his breath.
Lucius comes to join our little quarrel. "Cissy—" He automatically stops at her glare. Coward. "This is neither of your decisions—now Miss Evans, if you could kindly administer the potion so we can see what all the fuss is about, it would be greatly appreciated." She says ignoring the two of us in favor of telling the red head what to do.
Though she seems to not take the ordering around kindly, she still does as told and gives the vile with the blue almost transparent liquid over to Severus. He stares at it as Evans and potter stare at him, waiting for him to take it as we all hold our breath. Sev looks up from the palm of his hand where the vile sits to look at evans. "If this hurts me, I'll kill you." And then he downs it in one gulp.
And everything goes to shit.
We all stare intensely at Severus, waiting for something to happen, waiting for the potion to take effect. He snorts. "Obviously whoever made this potion had the mind of a brain dead troll—" He stops, gasping, dropping the glass vile, making it crash on the floor breaking into a million pieces while Sev gasps in horror, his eyes blown wide as a dear stuck in the headlights of a muggle car.
Than he drops.
"Bollocks!" I yell, Lucius immediately going to catch him. He convulses for a few moments before going completely still. My bloody boils as I turn to Potter. "You!" I yell, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, shoving him into the wall, my hand around his neck, choking him. "What. Did. You. Do." I seethe as he gasps and claws for breath that I don't give him.
"I—not...I didn't—he—" I'm pulled off of him by Evans and just as I'm about to lunge for him once again, she gets in front of him, pointing her wand in my direction. Her eyes are wide as they move from Severus's unconscious body, Narcissa's deadly stare, to my heaving chest. "Please stop, this wasn't supposed to happen, if you just let us send a patronus and we can figure this all out!" She pleads with me and narcissa, Lucius too distracted with his fallen friend.
My chest heaves up and down with my rage and worry but instead of acting immediately I look to narcissa, who behind me is fueled with rage, her eyes burning with enough of it to melt this entire castle to the ground. She looks at Evans with a glare cold enough to freeze over hell. "This is your last chance, Miss Evans, and if I find out that you have in some way hurt a member of my family—because that is what I consider severus—you will find yourself wishing that I would only kill you." Evans gulps, the fear evident in her eyes.
"Do I make myself clear?" My cousin asks, to which Evans nods, slowly lowering her wand and turning to look behind her at james. "Send a patronus." She says quietly as if scared that being too loud will invoke Cissy's wrath. Potter, still shaking from the lack of oxygen he had moments ago, pulls out his wand uttering the incantation of the patronus charm, making a wispy blue dear appear from the tip of his wand.
"Go to padfoot, tell him to ask her if passing out is normal for whatever potion she gave Snape. Tell him to be quick about it." The doe gives a slight nod of the head before hopping out and through the door as we all stare after it.
Padfoot. I can't help but shake my head. Of course sirius had something to do with this, I hope he knows that if this goes wrong Cissa is going to raise hell, Sirius should know better than anyone that she is not one to be trifled with. Speaking of sirius, after a few minutes a shadowy blue dog comes running in and potter lets out a breath of relief.
The dog runs in circles around him as it delivers a message. "She says it's normal but rare and apologizes for not warning you, she says you just have to wait it out." Sirius's voice explains and lily puts a hand to her heart. "Thank godric." She whispers but my mind is to busy trying to figure out who the illustrious She is.
I see a sharp movement waking me from my thoughts. Every single one of us snaps our attention to a now upright Severus whose chest heaves for air as his eyes dart all around the room before stopping at Evans and Potter who are watching him with wary eyes. Sev goes pale, his eyes darting between them as they clutch each others arms. Evans is the first to approach him. "Sev—" She starts but is completely cut off by Severus's harsh voice.
"Where is she."
Sirius
"Sirius, if you don't stop pacing you're going to give me an aneurysm." Remus groans from the couch but I don't hear him as I continue to pace the common room. Where are they? My mind screams. They should've been back by now. I'd sent the patronus twenty minutes ago and yet there was still no sign of lily and james.
I find myself biting my nails as I let my mind wander. Harry comes down the stair from the girls dormitories. "Godric, padfoot, you look like shit." He exclaims chuckling but I ignore the remark. "How is she?" I ask, finally coming to a stop.
Harry shakes his head and sighs. "Not great, she refuses to look into anything the has a reflection, so she's basically sitting on the toilet seat with her eyes closed hoping that all of this is a dream but everytime she opens her eyes she realizes it's not and, well, it's not the funnest thing to watch." He sighs, running a hand through his black hair. Just like his father. I note.
He plops down on the couch next to remus who has a book open in his lap. "I didn't even know she had a glamor." He says quietly, mostly to himself, making a forlorn expression appear on his face as he looks sadly down at his hands. Might as well be of use to somebody.
I too take a seat on a couch—though not as energetically as harry did—clutching my hands together in front of me. "Talk to me pup." I encourage and harry lets out a sad sigh as remus gently closes his book. "I just feel like, the older we get, the more I realize I know nothing about hermione's past." He says as me and remus give him our full attention.
"Almost everything she's ever told me about herself was a constructed back story, and the real one, her real story, it gets more messed up by the minute and I don't know how to help her deal with things I don't even know about—and things I don't understand. I hadn't even known anything real about her until fourth year and even then all I knew was her father's name and the fact that he died! Everything I know about her I'm just finding out." He huffs, once again reminding me of his father.
I give him a soft smile. "Does it change anything?" I ask him making him scrunch his brows in confusion. "Does her past change who she is to you?" I re explain. His back snaps up straight. "What? Of course not! She's my best friend!" I meet remus's eyes as he smiles at me. Loyal to a fault. I turn back to Harry. "Are you mad at her for not telling you?" I ask.
He shakes his head vehemently, opening his mouth to say something but I beat him to it. "Than what does it matter if her last name is Black or granger, if her father is dead or living, if her hair is black or golden? She's your best friend, harry." My eyes fleet to remus. "She's your pack, your family," My eyes go back to his. "And family doesn't always have the same background or history or world view, but that's what makes it work." I see him take in my words and I know they've sunk in when he gives me a small nod, solidifying his resolution.
The door slams.
"Where is my goddaughter!" Snivilous's deep voice question as he comes around the corner. The three of us stand and I put on my most amused grin. Opening my arms wide I greet him. "Snivilous, how—" He bypasses me, gunning it for the stairs while sending me a stinging hex to the stomach. "Bloody git!" I wheeze as I watch him run up the stairs.
I turn to lily and james who stare awastruck at his back. I wait for one of them to say something but neither does. "What was that about? What was the potion?" Lils is the first to snap out of it, meeting my eyes. "It wasn't a potion." She mutters making me cock my head to the side in confusion.
"What are you talking about lily, I saw it with my own eyes, a blue, translucent shimmery potion!" I tell her but she shakes her head just as James comes to put a hand on her shoulder. "It wasn't a potion sirius. It was pensive memories—his pensive memories." She takes a deep breathe.
"Snape remembers the future."
Hermione
I stare at my hands.
I stare at the walls.
I stare at the floor.
I stare at anything that isn't my reflection.
About thirty minutes ago, sirius had come to ask about the side effects of the potion, which I'm assuming means he took it, so now, we wait. Remus had come up a little under an hour ago to ask if I was hungry, I'd politely declined, my stomach being in knots since I woke, I'm starting to regret that choice as I now stare at my shaking hands trying to fight the feeling of lightheadedness threatening to overcome me.
More than ever, I wish for my mother now.
Wish I could tell her the truth, wish I could confide in her about all my wrongdoings and all my mistakes.
but I guess I'll settle for my godfather.
I hear heavy steps coming from outside the bathroom and the dorm. I hear muffled words as shouts that I'm mostly unable to interpret until the voices get closer and I hear his voice. "Let me see my goddaughter you mangy dog." I barely register it in my mind before I've risen on my feet and pushed through the door of the bathroom to find myself in my dorm where Uncle severus, uncle Sirius, Lily and james all stand.
He turns around to see me and within seconds I'm in his arms as he kisses the top of my head and squeezes me in his embrace. "Oh, my sweet girl, I knew you would figure it out." And all at once I feel his words break me, my last straw, and I allow myself to cry for the second time today. My legs buckle from underneath me and he catches me, holding me as I sob in his arms.
I allow myself this last privilege.
to be held.
to be comforted.
to be loved.
5359 words
Holy fucking shit, it's been a while. Almost two months. I would really like to apologize for the wait, to be honest I didn't have much of an excuse besides life. I am in college and was stuck in final exams all of last month, and then there was the holidays where I had planned to post but got caught up because I somehow forgot how dramatic my family is, but other than that I'm happy to say I had a pretty good holiday and passed all my exams with the lowest grade being an 83. I hope you all had a good holiday break and thank you so much for the pacience and support, I know this chapter is kind of a drag but bare with me.