Sirius barges into the Slytherin common room. He notices Regulus sitting with Barty and Evan at the corner near huge bookshelves. He hurries to them immediately.
“What the hell are yo…” Regulus starts with a confused expression on his face but Sirius interrupts.
“He’s not getting up!” He says with slight panic in his voice.
“Calm down, what are you talking about?”
“James!” Sirius nearly shouts. The few people who are in the common room point their eyes at them.
“Don’t shout, I’m coming.” Regulus says as he gets up from the armchair he was sitting in.
“Don’t wait for me.” Reg whispers to the two boys who sit together with tangled limbs, before he rushes out with his brother.
“What happened? I need a little bit more information than this.” While they’re hurrying through empty corridors.
“I really don’t know. He hasn’t got up from his bed for like three days now. He’s not eating, he’s not talking he just lays there. I only saw him like this once…but he said he’s doing better. It can’t be the same, right… it just can’t be….” He looks at his little brother with horror in his eyes. Regulus just stares back into his eyes that are starting to shine with unspilled tears. Regulus doesn’t say a word he just starts to rush his steps even more.
He remembers how weak and burned out James looked like when last year Regulus ran into the hospital room, where his boyfriend layed in a bed with heavy bandages wrapped around both of his arms. He remembers perfectly how the always glowing boy he loved so much was nowhere to be seen when he rushed to his bed. How he was just a shell of the sometimes foolish, too affectionate but always loving and caring boyfriend of his. Then he looked into James’ eyes that were so empty, still filled with endless shame and regret. Tears have started to spill out from Regulus’ eyes and he couldn’t stop them.
“I’m so sorry.” James whispered with raspy voice. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I haven’t wanted to… I just….” Tears started to pour down his cheeks, too. Regulus leaned down and hushed him with a light kiss.
“It’s OK darling, I’m here.” He mumbled into Jamie’s neck while he curled up next to him and hugged him gently.
Regulus was so lost in the horrible memory that he hasn’t realised that they arrived to the portrait of the Fat Lady.
When they enter the dorm room he immediately notices the closed curtains of James’ bed. Remus is sitting on Sirius’ bed as he holds a book in his hand which he’s clearly not reading, because at the moment they step into the room his eyes shoot at the entering brothers. Peter’s sitting at the desk fidgeting with some stuff but he stops too when he notices the two boys barging in.
The four of them stare at each other for a few minutes not really knowing what to do. Eventually Sirius speaks first with slightly unsure and wobbly voice.
“James, Reggie’s here.” When there is no answer Regulus tries to get his attention.
“Jamie, baby it’s me. Could you open the curtains please?” He requests with a soft voice.
After a few moments a quiet growl comes from the bed but the curtains remain shut. Remus stands up and takes Sirius’ hand.
“Come one Pete, let Regulus handle this.” Says Remus while he starts to pull his boyfriend out of the room.
After the door is closed and the two boys stay alone James murmurs a spell and a small gap appears between the two fabrics which were closed by magic a moment before. Regulus takes a step closer and he sees James curled up into a ball with dark circles under his eyes. He slides next to his boyfriend into the bed and he starts to gently stroke his arms.
“What’s wrong, love? Tell me.” He says while kissing his cheeks. Regulus knows that Jamie loves when he calls him by petnames, he has told him before several occasions.
James looks down into the grey eyes on his chest. He opens his mouth but there is no sound coming out. His eyes start to sting so he rubbes them.
“It’s alright Jamie, I have time.” Regulus assures the boy beneath him. After a few quiet moments James starts to talk. His voice is hoarse, probably because he hasn’t use it for days.
“I don’t know what happened. I was doing so well.” He starts and shakes his head with confusion. “I’ve been actually doing weel this time. I was so happy… with you, with my friends, even my mother started to worry less, my grades are perfect. I basically have a perfect life! Then why the hell do I feel like this? I jave no reason to feel like this! My parents are not abusive, I’m not a werewolf, I don’t struggle with my studies. Nothing happened with me that could explain why I’m so fucked up!” Somewhere in the middle he sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest. When he started to talk his voice was barely a whisper but now he is nearly shouting. By the time he finishes he’s breathing heavily.
“Listen to me James. Just because there are people with-as you call it-“bigger problems” it doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to struggle or that your feelings are not valid.” Regulus states with confidence in his voice.
“I know….” James starts.
“Do you, really?” Interrupts him the curly haired boy. “Just because it doesn’t seem like it, love. You always care about others’ feelings, you always try to save someone. There’s always someone who has problems you could solve, but in the meantime you don’t care about your own feelings, you hide and bottle them up until you can’t deal with them anymore, especially not on your own. You have to learn how to express your emotions so we can help you Jamie.” Regulus looks deep into the brown eyes’ of the boy sitting in front of him.
“I know Reg. But I feel so selfish. You just escaped from that awful house, and Sirius had a hard time accepting his feelings for Moony, plus he still has panic attacks sometimes. And of course Remus would have such a hard time without us, without me. Also, I have to help Wormy with his grades because his mother can be quite demanding. Meanwhile Lily’s sister hates her which is destroying her so I have to be there for her. And there’s the situation with Marlene and Dorc…”
“Shh James, enough. Like I said I know you feel like you have to be there for everyone, and I love you for how caring you are, but don’t you think that your friends would also like to help you? That they don’t like to see you suffer, and they wouldn’t appreciate if you would share your struggles with them?” Regulus can almost see how the gears are starting to work in his boyfriend’s brain.
“And I hope you know that I’m always here. You could barge into my room at three in the morning, or while I’m sitting in class, whenever you need, and I will always listen to you, even if all you want to say is how much of a little bitch Snape is.” He finishes with a smirk and even James lets out a small laugh.
“Thank you Reg. I really needed this my star.” James says while he places a hand in Regulus’ hair and pulls him in for a soft kiss. When they separate from each other the younger boy starts to crawl out of the bed.
“I’ll get you something to eat from the kitchen.” He glances back to James who’s now sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Oh, and I’m sorry, but I’ll have to let my idiotic brother in, it must have been hard for Lupin to keep him out of here.” Regulus can hear a laugh coming from James’ direction while he steps out of the door and Sirius is rushing in just barely a second later.