“Are you okay?” Remus looked at his husband who was sitting cross-legged on their bed, listening to Queen.
“Fine.” Severus mumbled.
“You don’t seem fine.”
“What do I seem like?” He couldn’t talk above a whisper, what felt like pink fiberglass stuffed into his head, in and around his brain, so any sort of emotion or effort was impossible. Is this what a lobotomy felt like?
Maybe he didn’t want one after all.
Then again: this was better than meltdowns and the usually inescapable, all-consuming, dread he felt, so….
“I don’t know, just….Just blank. You’re just staring blankly into nothing, like you’re not even here.”
“Just tired, I think.” He lied. Maybe he was tired, but he wasn’t thinking about it. Couldn’t think anything.
“You’ve been tired a lot lately, even though you’re sleeping as usual.” Remus bit his lower lip, pulling it inward. “How much have you been eating?”
“I don’t know.”
“What have you had today?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sev.”
Severus hated his beginning, didn’t like the pain that came with it, so did his best to recall the past fourteen or so hours. “....I had that breadless pizza this morning and a brownie half-an-hour ago.”
“Is that all?”
“Yeah.”
“What have you drank?”
“....All but a drink or two of that Pepsi.” He was much more sure about that, but still not 100%.
“Yeah, that’s probably why.”
“Why what?” Severus had already forgotten what they were talking about.
“Why you’ve been so tired and dazed all the time recently.”
“Why have I?”
“Maybe because you’re not eating and drinking enough. Your body needs more water and calories and vitamins and all that then you’re giving it.”
“Not hungry.” The ravenette closed his eyes to hide from the overwhelmingly bright light coming from the dull ceiling light that needed a new lightbulb, unable to suppress a yawn as his body slumped a bit forward.
This was exactly how he had felt just before he fell asleep in class when he was still a student.
“Ever?”
“Never.”
“How come?”
“Don’t know.” Severus fell to his side, left knee bending over the right out of his control, but otherwise just laying there the same way he had sat.
“Are you okay?” Remus repeated.
“Fine.”
“What are you doing?”
“Sleep.”
“Maybe you should eat or drink something first, your body needs it. Or maybe bath, or brush your teeth, or…anything. I haven't seen you leave that bed for longer than five minutes at a time for the past week.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Will you actually do any of that tomorrow?” The brunette asked, but Severus ignored him, rubbing his head against the pillow in an effort to the perfect spot, without really moving.
“Sleep.”
Remus sighed. “Alright, then, baby. Sleep. You can try later.”
“Sleep.” Severus repeated one last time before going completely numb, shutting down.
He couldn’t even tell if he was awake or asleep anymore.