Hi, my name is Emma Longbottom. I’m in my second year at Hogwarts with the rest of my SPECTACULAR friends in Hufflepuff.
Today is a cold December day, and I dress up in my cutest shorts and crop top to impress George Weasley, my sixth year crush!! He’s so adorable. I don’t know why that idiot Fred is so obsessed with me, he’s kinda ugly if I’m telling the truth.
Anyway, after I get dressed, I go down to the Great Hall to get some breakfast before class. All the boys wave at me and one even asks for my number!! I tell him this is the 2000’s, there ARE no iPhones, and he walks away sadly. I go sit my petite bottom down on the seat and flinch at all the food on my plate.
Yikes! I think. I’m soooo small, I could never eat as much as everyone else..
I stare around disgustedly at the absolute slobs around me actually eating this crap.
“Hey Emmakins.. can’t wait to have double Herbology with you today..” said Harry Potter, picking his ear flirtatiously.
Cho Chang ran out of the hall crying. Harry just shrugged and ate the earwax off his finger.
“Okay, see you later Harry!” I said back in my girly voice. I only get to swallow a bite of egg before George comes up to me. “Hey my little Cupcake Sugar Pie Poo Poo Bear,” he said, and I turn a bright shade of purple with blue veins sticking out. I got the worst genes from my Uncle Vernon, I know.
We aren’t dating yet, but basically everyone in the school knows we basically are together by now. “Wanna go… on a w-w-walk with m-me?” He asked shyly.
“O-o-oh! S-sure!” I say, the veins coming dangerously close to popping. George and I walk outside, passing several seventh-year boys who were catcalling me. Honestly, I don’t blame them. My beauty is unmatched and is very irresistible.
“Hey girl, can I get a picture of you? I gotta show Santa what I want for Christmas,” he said, leaning against the wall.
“Oh, you guys.. you know I’m one of “da boys”!!! I say, fixing my miniskirt to look more desirable.
George shook in anger, his arms starting to grow fur. Oh no, I thought. He was turning into the Alpha Wolf, the form he took whenever he was really protective over me. He’s so cute!!! I think.
“DON’T TOUCH MY EMMA WEMMA POOKIE POO POO BEAR SUGAR BABY BOO BOO CUPCAKE PRINCESS!!!!” He screamed, ripping off one of their arms. The boy lay on the ground in pain, and that’s when Professor McGonagall came over to see what was going on.
“What on Earth happened here????” She asked.
“W-well professor, m-my boyfriend was just trying to p-p-protect me!” I say, holding back tears.
“I completely understand Emma. You’re free to go,” she said kindly, stepping over the bleeding boy. When she was gone, George was back to his normal form. “Y-you said I was your boyfriend..” he said.
“Yeah..” I said, looking away. I focused my attention to Cho, who was sitting across the corridor from us getting snot and tears all over her robes. I change my mind at looking at her ugly face and decide to take my chances looking at George instead.
“Cool,” he said. Then he leaned closer. And closer. And then he was so close, I could see all the little hairs that didn’t disappear from his Alpha mode. Actually, maybe that’s just him aging.
Anyway, then he leaned in to kiss me, but I guess I was supposed to lean in too, but I didn’t. George missed and accidentally kissed my elbow instead.
Just then, Fred walked in the hall. He sobbed as he pulled out his wand.
“If I can’t have you, NO one can!!!” He said turning me into a cockroach. Harry and Dean came running into the corridor screaming. “Emma!!!! NO!!!!!” they screamed. “I wanted to marry her..” said Harry sadly.
Nearly headless Nick suddenly floated through the wall, confused.
“Where’s Emmakins?” He asked worriedly.
“Fred turned her into a cockroach!!” Harry and George wailed together. “Are you kidding me? I was just about to propose!” He exclaimed sadly.
“Guys! It’s fine, I’m still here, aren’t I?” I asked happily.
“Well.. yes. So what?” George asked somberly.
“So what? I thought you loved cockroaches! Let’s get married right now!!” I say.
“Hey.. she’s right!” said Harry in ecstasy.
Him, Fred, George, Dean, and Nearly Headless Nick all skipped jollily into the Quidditch field, and the rest of the Hufflepuffs helped set up decorations. Even the teachers were excited to have some activity going on, so they helped set up too, even getting a wedding cake arranged on a table.
Once everything was ready, I walked down the aisle, marrying all the boys in turn.
After the ceremony, Professor Snape came up to me to congratulate me and my new husbands. “I-I was j-just wondering.. if you would like to marry me too?” He asked shyly.
“Of course Serverus! As a matter of a fact..” I say, climbing up to the microphone fortunately positioned by me.
“Um, hi,” I say into it. “If anyone else would like to marry me, please come down to the field!” I say. Once the words are out of my mouth, all the boys in the school came running out, including Professor Flitwick, Professor Lockhart, Professor Lupin, Professor Moody, and Professor Dumbledore.
We all got married happily ever after
THE END