33 ⏤FOR NOW (spiderman remus au)
“I’m…I’m sorry,” Remus finally meets your eyes with a shaky exhale. You can see that he wants to say more but when he opens his mouth…nothing.
For a moment, you look away and regain your composure, biting your lip absentmindedly as you do so. When you finally meet his soft brown eyes again and recognise a pain parallel to yours swimming in them, the ache in your chest is, somewhat, soothed and the tightness in your throat gradually subsides. You anticipated this response from him beforehand but there’s always going to be that glimmer of lingering hope that still makes you feel the hurt, no matter how small.
Nodding, you force a small, timid smile, “It’s alright,” you step back and he steps forward, making you smile more easily to yourself; he still cares for your feelings despite himself. He’s so unbelievably kind. That’s the reason why you fell for him so hard. And why, maybe, it was for the best that you do let him go because he deserves someone better, someone who can be more than just a pretty face to stand beside him. Although, you’re sure that he would vehemently protest your self-deprecation if he ever heard you say it out loud, like he always does, “I’m sorry if I made things awkward for us but,” the next sentiment makes your stomach fall from the thought of it’s potential permanence, “I really value your friendship so I hope we can still be friends,”
He nods. And you nod. Then walk away.
Remus could only watch in his own heartbreak and anguish as you do so, your retreating back small and hunched over - not your usual self. People argue how you can so easily put up a front around others, unreadable and unapproachable despite your warm smile and sweet eyes, but Remus can read you so easily. It only takes a simple shift in your silhouette to express how sorrowful you were in that moment and Remus loathes himself for being the person to make you feel that way.
But it’s for the best…
It happened when you were walking home, heartbreak still fresh and making a detour for a scoop of ice cream. You were just about to make a start on the waffle cone when the structure of the building beside you exploded, sending bricks and debris shooting out to passersby while you crash into the ground. Your ice cream cone is gone and your legs take the brunt of the damage.
You stare down at the mess of broken bricks littering your legs and wince when you go to remove them, recognising the early signs of bruising on your exposed skin. The city was riddled with criminals that often go off the rails with their schemes. It’s like they’re all wanting to be recognised for a specific crime and the only way to do that was by being unique. Unfortunately for this criminal, you thought spitefully, making a building explode isn’t very noteworthy. Distracted with removing the detritus, you didn’t notice an approaching, imposing figure until their emerging shadow was cast over your, now, free legs.
Frozen in place, you stare up at the smirking villain towering over you, mind racing with the scream to run away. But you couldn’t move, the fear paralyses your limbs and jumbles your thoughts, you can’t think straight. Before the villain could utter a word, however, there was a flash of red and blue that pulled you into a pair of arms as they quickly made work on temporarily curbing the criminal.
“I’ll be taking this hostage for myself, thank you,” the hero announced cheekily, “hold on tight,” he warns hurriedly before shooting into the air with you in his arms. Naturally, you’re screaming your head off and quickly move to push your face under his chin and your arms around his neck, “Lets get you somewhere saf-Ah!” he shouts painfully, losing concentration for a moment and sending the two of you to free-falling. A shrill scream rips from your throat and your eyes lock shut. Thankfully, he’s quick to pick you and himself back up and finally lands in a nearby park to set you down.
“Oh my fu-” you couldn’t finish your curse as your lungs begged for air.
“Looks like you can still stand, good! Get home safely, okay?” Spiderman waves a brief goodbye before moving to get back to dealing with the criminal.
Panicking, you shout, “Wait!” he turns to you and you’re immediately flustered from the attention, “um…” the rapid movement of your eyes catch sight of his injury as you try to formulate your next sentence but are distracted by the treacle of blood leaving the wound on his upper arm, “oh no, you’re hurt,” guilt weighs down your heart as you observe his injury. That must be why he shouted in pain earlier, did he get shot at? It looks painful.
“No worries, all in a day’s work but I should really get back to the guy, see ya’!” He was already up in the air when he finishes talking and you rush forward to shout your thanks. Hopefully he heard you.
You make an interesting observation the next day.
Yesterday night, you also couldn’t stop thinking about how familiar sounding Spiderman was, especially when, at one point, he was speaking right to you.
Today, you connect the dots.
Across the classroom, Remus sits in his uniform with gauze wrapping around his upper arm and peaking out from under his short sleeve. The realisation hits you like a ton of bricks, ironic especially after the events of yesterday, which a fair number of people have spoken to and pestered you about since video of you being in Spiderman’s arms was all over the news yesterday night.
The constant badgering and prying of others was annoying but you could use it to your advantage. Angling yourself so that Remus was in your sight, you entertain the questions on your interaction with Spiderman as you subtly observe Remus’s reactions.
If the main reason why he rejected you was because of his secret identity, you’ll understand but the fact will only make you love him even more, which can be troublesome. If he’s not, then…no- you were confident in your theory.
“Come on! Stop being stingy with the details and tell us everything!” a blonde girl asks, her eagerness translating in her elevated volume. The others around her nodded and you sighed, acting shy and daydreamy. It wasn’t that much of an act, you still liked Remus very much and imagining him being the one that saved you made you swoon so much.
“He was really sweet and made sure I was safe and away from the criminal before he went back to finish the job…” you confess, “he also had a really nice voice, it was soothing and really kind,” around you the girls swooned and you observed the pink hue tinting the tip of Remus’s ears. Interesting…
“What else? What else?”
You allow some of your bashfulness to show, really selling the act even though all these feelings were genuine when you imagined Remus under the mask, “He also had really good muscles under his suit so it felt nice being in his arms,” this made the girls squeal loudly, made you giggle and made Remus run a veiny hand through his hair, biting back a clear smile as his cheeks blossomed an endearing shade of pink. You didn’t fail to notice how the movement of his arm exposed more of his neatly wrapped upper arm and smirked to yourself.
So it is him, Remus is Spiderman.
The revelation is bittersweet. Now you know why he rejected you despite the two of you clearly sharing a connection. It also explained the pained look in his eyes when he had to turn you away, maybe the feelings were reciprocated?
However, he still isn’t yours and you don’t think he ever will be.
Remus is as stubborn as they get but it all comes from a good place. He wants to protect his loved ones and do what’s best for them no matter the sacrifice. Unfortunately, that sacrifice is affecting the two of you and no matter how much you want to confront and reassure him, you know that the answer will remain the same.
So, with a fond but bitter smile, you resolve to respect his decision and not initiate anything.
If only you could reveal your confirmed suspicions to him, not for the selfish reason to have him for yourself but for consolidation. The rejection and distance hurt you but he was hurting too and you wouldn’t want to add any more to his suffering.
You realise too late that you should have taken your friends up on their offer of a taxi. It was late and the shortcut you confidently used to take looked far more dangerous under the moon than it did in the daylight. A curse pushes past your tinted lips and into the chilly night air before you pick up the pace but are stopped when your path is blocked by two tall men who manifested from the shadows of the alley.
“Look here,” one chuckles, his words stinking of cigarettes and something nasty you can’t pinpoint, “what a beauty,”
Despite the compliment, your expression becomes cold and hard like steel, “Get out of my way,”
“Oh! Feisty!” the other man laughs, reaching out to touch you but you slap his hand away, adding to his statement and shuddering when you see him lick his lips, “I like that in a woman…”
They weren’t going to let up until they had their way and you knew that so you ran. You couldn’t beat them with speed but tried to take as many twists to throw them off as much as you could. In the chase, you let out the occasional scream for help, wanting to alert others but not wanting to prolong a shout when you needed your breath to keep up your speed and endurance. You pray to god that someone calls the police as you turn the corner and feel your stomach drop to your feet.
A dead end.
“Looks like the little miss has ran out of luck,” the man with cigarettes on his breath utters, his amusement laced with anger at the wild chase you put up. His partner, however was more sickeningly satisfied by the pursue.
“It makes the prize all the more worth it though,” he pants loudly, “give it up doll,” he slowly approaches as you back up into the brick wall blockading your escape. Tears surface and blur your vision as you shake your head vehemently, the bricks pressing into your back becoming a nauseous reminder of your harrowing circumstance. This can’t be happening…if only you had taken that stupid taxi!
“I don’t think so,” came a typical line, cheesy but something you were incredibly grateful for because it meant one thing. Remus was here for you.
“Shit!” the two men scatter but easily get apprehended and subdued by the hero, who immobilises them with his webbing and pins them to the brick wall that once was a symbol of your inescapable fate. The two men were black and blue with bruises, unconscious and looking like pinned up insects. Scum of the earth. They deserve to rot in hell and to be treated hatefully.
Then suddenly, his voice calls out to you, warming your figure and making your knees weak, “Can I take the pretty lady home?” your heart stutters in your chest, the flattering remark meaning more to you knowing who it was really coming from.
“Before that, can I please thank my hero for saving me twice, now?” you suggest with hopeful and suggestive eyes, slowly approach him as his lowers himself, hanging upside down with a string of strong webbing. If you can’t have him as Remus, you can have a small piece of him as Spiderman.
He doesn’t say anything as you gesture to his mask and take his silence as approval to continue with your actions. Carefully, you pull his mask down past his lips and smile to yourself. You recognise his angular jaw and pretty lips anywhere. It’s really him, he’s Remus. You’re clear about your intentions and the fact that he isn’t pulling away must mean that he wants you too, that makes your heart race faster. Now with full confidence, you tenderly hold the sides of his face and you lean forward, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. You don’t know how long the two of you stay there, lip-locked, pressing kiss after kiss after kiss onto one another’s lips, neither one feeling satisfied even when the kiss escalates into a clashing but harmonious tango of tongues, moans getting swallowed up by one another. You never want to let go and Remus wants to savour the moment and your taste for as long as it takes.
This will stop some of the ache in your heart for now.