Not Regulus’ fault
It was all Potter’s fault. That was what Regulus was telling himself. Really, though, he had no one to blame but himself for his current predicament.
It started with Sirius, so technically it was his fault. He thought it would be hilarious to embarrass Regulus in front of everyone! The little menace marched straight up to him in the hallway to loudly proclaim that they looked too alike, before James Potter himself appeared behind Regulus and cast a spell before he could even render what was going on.
The spell had turned his hair pink.
Yeah, it was Sirius’ fault. Sirius was the reason he was hiding under a bed right now.
Though really, it was Barty’s fault. Barty had reminded Regulus that the Gryffindors would be having a party tonight, which would leave their dorms vacated.
Now, Regulus hated his brother’s pranks. More than anything, he did not want to sink to his level. On the other hand, his hair was freaking pink! What choice did he have?
So, he snuck in. It was surprisingly easy, all he, Evan, and Barty had to do was wait for someone to go in. Actually, Evan was the one that did that. For whatever reason, he seemed hesitant to sneak into the party, but Barty had convinced him to at least do this. Yeah, it was totally Barty’s fault. So, right before lunch ended, Evan left to stake out the tower. After finding out the password, he reported back to Barty and Regulus, who were waiting in the dungeons.
They assumed 10:00 PM would be an appropriate party time. They were right.
What they hadn’t seemed to remember, however, was that is was a Gryffindor party. Hence, James Potter.
Taking back the last two statements, it was totally James’ fault. He didn’t have to look so bloody good for a party! He was obviously drunk, but that was beside the point.
He had cut through the crowd of rowdy students with a grace Regulus had only ever seen in ballrooms, and jumped on a table.
Now, Regulus hadn’t meant to stay and watch, he had a job to do! But when James was dancing like that…
“Enjoying the show?” A voice drawled behind him. Regulus jumped so violently that his hood dropped off of his head, exposing his flamingo-ness to the world.
Barty quickly realized his mistake and pulled Regulus’ hood back on.
Apparently, he had been watching for so long that Barty had already located which dorm was Sirius’. He would’ve already done what they had come there to do, but he wanted Regulus to get his revenge personally.
Barty Crouch Jr. was not Regulus’ best friend. No, that title went to Pandora. But Barty was Regulus’ first friend. Regulus told Barty everything. Really, he told his whole group a lot, but Barty knew everything. Mostly because he was too nosy for his own good.
So yes, Barty Crouch Jr. knew about Regulus’ huge ugly crush on James Potter.
Barty had decided to wait outside of the common room for Regulus to finish their revenge, leaving Regulus free to ogle James for as long as he wanted.
In the end, he hadn’t ogled him for long. James had pulled Lilian Evans onto the table with him, and she laughed. She smiled with nothing but adoration in her eyes and shook her head at his ridiculous dance moves. Regulus couldn’t handle it. He had a job to do, anyways.
Yeah, it was James’ fault.
Regulus had stalked up to the room Barty had told him was theirs and peeked inside. It was empty.
He tiptoed in and flicked on the lights. Instantly, he could tell whose bed was whose.
James’ bed had quidditch posters everywhere, and a golden snitch sitting on his dresser. Now, it could have been Sirius’ bed, sure, but Sirius’ bed was made obvious by the record player. Oddly enough, it didn’t look very slept in. Sure, it looked lived in. There were cigarettes everywhere (another indication that it wasn’t James’) and the sheets looked rumpled, as if someone had sat on them. But not slept in them.
Regulus knew what his brother’s bed looked like when it was slept in, because he lived with him, for Godric’s sake, and Sirius had always refused to make his bed. Odd indeed.
Next to his brother’s bed, with a record player in between them, was Lupin’s bed. This one was probably the most obvious, given the cigarettes, books, and of course the record player. Honestly, his bed was more of a mess than Regulus had assumed for someone usually so put-together.
That left the last bed, with clothes strewn all over, to be Pettigrew’s. Regulus had thought that Lupin’s bed was a mess, but Pettigrew was a whole different story. Clothes, wrappers, food, and crumpled up papers were just the tip of the iceberg. Regulus could only imagine the beating his mother would give if it were his bed.
He reached into his robes and pulled out the bottle of fake tan. If Sirius thought they looked too alike, it was the only thing that the brothers agreed on. Regulus would be the one to change that, not Sirius.
He snuck into their bathroom and easily located Sirius’ body wash. It was the same thing that their parents sent them every month or so. Only the most expensive, the very best for the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
Regulus emptied out the bottle and replaced it with the fake tan. He ran out of the bathroom but stopped with his hand on the doorknob. Looking back, he decided to indulge in his crush just a little bit. Slowly, as if afraid to be caught, he inched towards James’ bed.
He reached out towards the snitch. But James was a chaser. How did he get a snitch?
Regulus wasn’t given much time to dwell on it, though, because he heard footsteps on the staircase. He had lived with Sirius in a more than strict household for long enough to recognize his footsteps.
Panicked, he had done the only thing he could think of. Since he was already kneeling in front of James’ bedside table, he tried to fit himself under the bed. Fortunately, he was just tiny enough to get into the tight space. Unfortunately, his tie was not. He had no choice but to undo it.
That was how he got into his current situation. Hiding under James Potter’s bed, already forgetting about the tie that he threw off, listening to his brother make out with his secret boyfriend.
Whoever’s fault it was, it definitely wasn’t his.