Second Chances
When James was finally cleared to leave the hospital wing, the morning after his Auror interrogation, he tottered out of the ward alone.
The last twenty-four hours hadn’t been easy. The Ministry Aurors had arrived soon after his parents, grim-faced men and women who came striding into the hospital wing demanding to talk to James and Severus, pumping them for all the information they had on Voldemort and the sleeping Death Eaters in the Forest. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, sitting on a stool behind dim privacy wards, recounting the incidents of the Forest to an Auror who listened in impassive silence before presenting him with a nasty-looking confidentiality form.
“What do I need to sign this for?” James demanded, blinking at the stack of parchment.
The Auror, a hard-faced man by the name of Alastair Moody, gave him a piercing glare. “What you have just told me, Mr. Potter, is highly sensitive information. It is far too dangerous for you to go blabbing your mouth to everyone you meet. Or anyone at all, for that matter. We’re making your parents and your teachers sign too, never fear. And, just in case you feel tempted to brag to all your little friends about defeating the Dark Lord, you should check the penalties clause.” His glare turned even more piercing. “Well, go on, check it!”
James checked the penalties clause and felt sick. There were some very serious penalties for running his mouth, ranging from expulsion to a spell in Azkaban. Rather shakily, James started from the beginning and read the whole agreement. Luckily, he wasn’t expected to keep his mouth shut forever, though he would have to seek permission from the Ministry before giving any public statements.
“Does Severus have to sign something like this too?” James asked, signing his name on the line.
“Of course,” snapped Moddy, whipping the parchment away. “You’re free to go.” He waved away the privacy ward and shooed James off.
Madam Pomfrey ordered James back to bed while Severus’s interrogation continued, invisible and inaudible behind his own privacy ward. The Slytherin’s interrogation took much longer than James’s. By the time the Aurors were done with him, Severus was white-faced and exhausted, and James didn’t have the heart to ask him anything about it.
The Aurors immediately left the hospital wing with Dumbledore, presumably heading off to talk to the Forest centaurs and formulate a strategy for extracting the unconscious Death Eaters. By then it was late in the day. James and Severus ate dinner in company with James’s parents, who insisted on staying in the ward with them. It had been nice, eating with his mother and father, but James and Severus were both too drained to make much conversation. When the meal was over and Fleamont and Euphemia headed off to their guestroom, the boys both fell asleep as though knocked over with mallets.
James woke the next morning to breakfast in bed and Madam Pomfrey telling him he was cleared to leave the hospital wing once he’d eaten. “But don’t wake Mr. Snape,” she murmured, glancing at Severus’s silent, sleeping form. “He needs his rest. And I’ve been told to keep him isolated from other students for now.”
James scowled at this reminder of how Severus’s life had been unjustly upended but knew there was nothing he could say or do to change the situation. He ate quickly and donned the fresh uniform brought in the night. He hesitated, casting a look at Severus’s thin, sleeping face, but at Madam Pomfrey’s “Get along, Mr. Potter!” he gave up and left the ward.
Now James swayed out of the hospital wing and slowed to a halt, blinking. Around him, he could hear footsteps running and excited cries: whatever forms James and the adults had signed, rumor, it seemed, had done its work. Everyone in the school knew of Voldemort’s defeat and the Aurors coming to collect the Death Eaters. James tried to be happy about it—he really did. But the last twenty-four hours, on top of his experiences in the Forest, had drained him dry. All he could think of was Severus, alone back in that ward, about to go into exile because he saved the wizarding world.
“James!”
James looked up to see three familiar figures, jumping up from a nearby bench and rushing over. Despite himself, James grinned broadly to see his friends: Sirius, Remus and Peter, all of their faces shining with joy and relief to see him. “Hey!”
The Marauders reached James and fell on him, hugging him and messing his hair. “James!” Sirius beamed. “Are you okay, mate? Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t let us into the hospital wing to see you!”
“We heard you defeated the Dark Lord in the Forest,” said Peter, staring at James with awestruck eyes. “Is that true?”
“And you were in the Forest?” Remus added. “How did you survive?”
“Hold on!” James extracted himself from his friends’ embrace, half-laughing. “I’m fine. Severus is fine.”
“Severus?” Sirius raised an elegant black eyebrow. “We heard old Snivellus was with you in the Forest, but—”
“Don’t call him that!”
A surprised silence fell, Remus and Peter going still and Sirius blinking. “Don’t call him…?” Sirius sounded utterly astonished, staring like James had grown a second head. “What? Why not?”
James rubbed his forehead. “Look, it’s a long story. Can we go somewhere private?”
“Nowhere’s private in this castle right now, mate,” Sirius said. “Whole school’s buzzing with the news about the Dark Lord and those Aurors. The teachers aren’t even trying to keep people in class.”
“And everyone’s saying you defeated him, James!” Peter added, eyes shining.
“I didn’t defeat—look, let’s go to the Room of Requirement. I’ll explain everything. Well, as much as I’m allowed to.”
The Marauders made their way to the Room of Requirement, ducking out of sight several times as roving, celebratory bands of students, shouting and shooting sparks from their wands, went charging past. Not all they passed were celebrating, however: there was a knot of sulky students standing in a corner muttering darkly, casting sulky looks at the revelers. Not everyone was happy about the Dark Lord’s defeat, James remembered, and felt his heart swoop, thinking of the danger to Severus if they ever got hold of him.
James walked back and forth across the expanse of blank wall on the fourth floor several times, thinking hard of a small, private space. When he opened his eyes, he found a small door set in the wall. He opened it and led the other Marauders in.
The Room of Requirement had taken the form of a small, cozy chamber, its floor soft with a colorful rug, a sofa and chairs facing one another. Light streamed in through the window, making the cushions on the window seat glow. James caught glimpse of the grounds and the Forest beyond. He wondered if the Aurors were in the Forest now, if the centaurs were leading them back to the hollow where the Death Eaters lay in enchanted sleep.
“Okay, mate.” Sirius threw himself onto the sofa. “What happened, exactly?”
“I can’t tell you.” James lowered himself into one of the chairs, sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. God, but he was so tired. “I signed a form saying I wouldn’t. There are nasty penalties if I tell anyone exactly what happened in the Forest. For at least the next thirty days.”
“So why bring us here?” Remus asked, practical as ever.
“Because I wanted to see you again. And…I wanted to talk.”
Sirius cocked his head at him. “You’re acting weird, mate. And what’s all this about Snivellus?”
James’s head snapped up. “I told you not to call him that!”
“Sheesh!” Sirius held up his hands. “Calm down, mate! What, you and Sniv—Snape became best friends in there or something?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
There was a moment’s shocked silence. Peter, Remus and Sirius all stared at James with, he decided, an unflattering amount of astonishment. Like it was inconceivable that James Potter would ever change his mind or revise his opinion on anyone, ever.
“What happened in the Forest, James?” Remus asked at last.
“Like I said,” James sighed, “I can’t tell you exactly what happened. But I can tell you this: Severus saved my life. He saved me from the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. He didn’t have to, but he did.”
Sirius scoffed. “So, what, we all have to be nice to him now?”
James looked him straight in the eye. “Yeah. We do.”
There was a further silence. James’s friends kept staring at him, bug-eyed.
“What happened to you, mate?” Sirius was still gaping at James like he’d been Transfigured into a three-headed bright pink pony with a rainbow mane. “It’s like you’re a completely different person! Are you sure Snivellus or the Death Eaters didn’t take over your mind?”
“Stop calling him that!” James found himself leaping to his feet. “His name’s not Snivellus, it’s Severus and he’s a human being! He’s a total genius with spells and potions, he loves Shakespeare, he can recite all this poetry and he has to deal with some really awful stuff at home. I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone but trust me. It is. Completely. Fucked. Up. And he has to go home and deal with that and then come back to school and deal with us!” James was panting, hardly able to draw breath. “We were the idiots. All of us. The Marauders. We were the jerks and the stupid gits. Bullying Severus for no reason. Just like the Death Eaters. And now it looks like he’ll have to leave Hogwarts, just because he was brave and quick thinking and did the right thing!”
James came to a halt, gulping air. Peter, Sirius and Remus all looked stunned, like a tornado had just swept over them.
Remus spoke first. “What did Severus do, James? Why does he have to leave Hogwarts?”
“I can’t tell you that.” James dropped back into the chair, utterly exhausted. “It’s too dangerous for anyone to know right now. But trust me: if it wasn’t for Severus Snape, we’d probably all be dead by now.” James propped his elbows on his knees, staring at the carpet. “He saved us all,” he said. “And he’s being punished for it.”
“I don’t know.” Remus sat on the sofa. “It’s not like Snape was having such a good time here at Hogwarts. Getting away might be a relief for him.”
James let out a hollow laugh. “Yeah. That’s what he said.”
Sirius, meanwhile, was still staring incredulously at James. “James…you really think…you really think we were being that awful?”
“I know we were.” James leaned back, letting out a breath. “My parents know too. They’re going to talk to Dumbledore. I’m probably going to be put on wand probation.”
Everyone fell silent. Wand probation—being allowed to use a wand only in the classroom and having to turn it in to a teacher at the end of each class session—was serious. Not only was it awkward and humiliating, but it was a sign that you were in serious trouble and only a step away from suspension.
“That’s not fair!” Peter scowled. “You get through the Forest, you defeat the Dark Lord and you’re put on probation?”
“I didn’t defeat the Dark Lord, Peter,” James said wearily. “I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but really, I barely did a thing. It was all Severus. And wand probation is fair. It’s very fair. I deserve it.”
There followed more silence. James found he couldn’t look at his friends. He gazed out the window at the blurred green mass of the Forest. A part of him wished he was still in there. Alone with Severus, talking about Shakespeare and eating berries by the stream.
“You’ve changed, James,” said Remus. There was an odd note in his voice. Something almost hopeful. Almost wondering. “You really changed in the Forest.”
“Yes.” James turned back, facing the others. “I changed in there. And I don’t want to go back to the way I was. The way we were.”
“Are you saying we’re all evil bullies and you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Sirius sounded stricken.
“No!” James cried. “I still want to be friends—you are my friends! But I don’t want to go back to jinxing first years for fun or bullying Slytherins just because we can get away with it. That just puts us on the same level as the Death Eaters. Just petty thugs with wands who build themselves up on other people’s pain. I realized in the Forest that I could be better than that. And I want to be better. A better person than that.” James gave his friends a long look. “We can all be better than that. All of us.”
More quiet fell. Sirius and Peter still seemed astonished and incredulous, and also shocked. But Remus was smiling, that slow, warm smile that lit his whole face.
“I think we can be too,” he said simply. “And if any of us backslide, we’ll just have to remind each other.”
James grinned at Remus, feeling his heart lift for the first time. “Thanks, Remus. Next time you catch me trying to jinx someone, feel free to slap me.”
“There won’t be a next time,” Remus said gravely, “because you won’t have a wand, remember?”
This struck all the Marauders as funny, and they all fell about laughing. It felt so good to laugh again.
“Well, you know, James still has his wand right now,” Sirius said, looking hopeful. “We could go wreak some mayhem now, just as a sort of swansong to our bad old days—”
“No, Sirius,” James and Remus chorused. Peter looked disappointed but didn’t protest.
“Come on, I wasn’t thinking of cursing anyone! Just some fireworks.” Sirius nodded out the window, where a group of students was dancing across the lawn, giggling and pointing at the Forest. “No one’ll notice, with the whole school celebrating.”
James found himself grinning. “Oh, all right. Some fireworks out the window. But that’s it.”
They crowded around the window and shot fireworks out their wands, laughing and yodeling. The other Marauders shot off fireworks of many colors, bright sparks and rainbows, but James’s were all green and silver. In honor of Severus.
A week later, well after curfew, Lily and James stood in an undistinguished antechamber, just within an insignificant side door, both clutching packages.
They’d had to beg and plead to be allowed this. Dumbledore and the Aurors only grudgingly agreed after Lily signed a confidentiality agreement, binding herself to the same pact of secrecy as James. Though James really wondered why they were even bothering at this point: Voldemort’s defeat was plastered all over the Daily Prophet, with photographs of the unconscious Death Eaters being hauled out of the Forest bound with magical cords, and more details from their interrogations were spilling every day. The newspapers and official reports only specified that “a Hogwarts student” had taken down Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but everyone in the wizarding world knew it was Severus Snape who had brewed the blue dream potion and enchanted them all. Severus had had to spend the last week in complete lockdown, in an undisclosed location in the castle, and James and Lily hadn’t been able to even find him, let alone get near him. And now, under cover of darkness, he was leaving Hogwarts for good.
“This is so unfair,” James grumbled, shifting his package around. It was heavy and awkward. “For Severus, I mean.”
“He made himself a lot of enemies,” Lily pointed out. “Lots of people—powerful people—are very angry about what he did. It’s better like this.”
“Miss Evans, keep quiet,” Professor McGonagall ordered crisply. She was hovering nearby, in the role of chaperone and watchdog. “You as well, Mr. Potter. Remember the confidentiality forms you signed. Mr. Snape isn’t out of danger yet.”
Lily and James fell silent. Not just because they were ordered to, either. They could hear footsteps approaching down the staircase.
A band of cloaked figures came down the staircase. It was Severus, surrounded by a phalanx of Aurors, Dumbledore accompanying them. James felt a strange lurch when he saw Severus. He was carrying his satchel, his trunk levitating along behind him, and underneath his cloak he wore Muggle clothes: jeans, a zip-up jacket, brand-new white trainers. It was as though he’d already shed Hogwarts School completely, even before he’d left the castle.
The departing party came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. With everyone crammed in, there was no room at all in the little antechamber. But still, Severus approached Lily and James, as though they were the only ones there.
“Goodbye, Lily,” he said quietly. “Goodbye, James.”
“Goodbye, Sev!” Lily rushed to throw her arms around him. Severus stiffened, then relaxed and embraced her back. “I’ll miss you,” Lily said softly.
“I’ll miss you too, Lily.” Severus gave her one last hug and released her. “I’ll write to you when I’m able,” he promised. “I’ll let you know where I am. When it’s safe.”
“You’d better!” Lily gave him a mock swat. “You’re so cruel, Sev. Who’s going to make me read out Shakespeare plays now? Because I feel like my Viola role was really coming along.”
“You’ll just have to keep going without me, I guess.” Severus tried to smile, but it came out more as a sad little flicker.
“Don’t look like that. We’ll read Twelfth Night together again one of these days.” Lily handed him her brightly wrapped package. “Here. Just so you remember me.”
Severus unwrapped it. “Wow! Thanks, Lily!” It was an anthology of poetry written by wizards in the 16th century. Severus put the book away carefully in his bag. “But you know I could never forget you.”
Lily grinned, a little tearfully. “I’m not going to forget you either, Sev.”
Severus’s eyes were suspiciously bright, but he blinked away any tears before turning to James. “James.”
“Severus.” They stood in mutual silence a moment, all that had passed between them hovering like a ghost. Then James thrust his present into Severus’s arms; he staggered a little under the unexpected weight. “Here. I ordered it from Flourish and Blotts, like I promised.”
Severus tore off the paper and his face lit up to see a brand-new copy of The Norton Shakespeare. “Thank you, James!”
“Latest edition,” James said with pride. “Told you I could buy a Muggle book!”
“Right, James.” Severus rolled his eyes. He held his new book close to his heart. “Thank you, James,” he repeated.
“Least I could do.” James paused. “Severus…will you write to me, when you’re able? I’d—I’d like to know where you are. And I’d like to keep being friends.”
“I’d like that too,” Severus said slowly, as though only just realizing that himself. “I’ll write to you, James. I’ll let you know where I am.” Behind him, Alastair Moody cleared his throat. “When I’m allowed to, of course,” Severus added.
“I hope it’s good, wherever you go,” James said quietly. “I hope you like it there. Better than here.”
“I think I will.” Severus smiled, looking almost excited. Eager to be gone. “Thank you, James. For the book. And…everything else.”
“Thank you, Severus,” said James, then grinned. “And look on the bright side: you get to miss OWL year at Hogwarts, you lucky dog!”
“Right, James,” Severus repeated while Lily laughed. “Goodbye, James. I hope I can see you again soon.” He flashed Lily one last smile. “You too, Lily.”
Moody cleared his throat again. “If we’re all quite done with the heartfelt farewells,” he said dryly, “we really need to be going. The carriage isn’t going to wait forever. And I’d really like to get back to the Ministry. Plenty more Death Eaters to interrogate.” The Auror chuckled rather nastily.
They all filed outside, squeezing through the narrow little door. Outside, the night wind was chilly with the first frosts of autumn. Lily and James shivered, watching as an Auror levitated Severus’s trunk onto the roof of the waiting horseless carriage, then opened the door.
Severus placed one foot on the step, then looked back. “Goodbye, Lily and James,” he said again. “I’m glad we’re all friends now.”
“Me too,” said James, and meant it. “Good luck, Severus.”
“Yeah!” Lily waved furiously. “Good luck, Sev!”
Severus waved back with one last smile. Then, hauling himself up, he climbed into the carriage.
Moody and the other Aurors climbed in after him. The door shut, cutting the passengers off from view. Then, with a lurch, the carriage started down the drive.
Lily, James, Dumbledore and McGonagall stood and watched as the carriage rattled off into the darkness, finally disappearing from view. Lily sniffled a little, and James found himself putting an arm around her shoulders. She didn’t step closer. But she didn’t move away or throw him off, either.
“Well,” said Dumbledore at last, “Mr. Snape is safely off. And you two have said your farewells, as friends should. And now it’s time to go to bed, I think. For all of us.”
“Yes,” said McGonagall with her usual briskness. “I will escort you two back to Gryffindor Tower, and then you must go to bed. You have classes tomorrow. Potter, I will give you your wand at the start of your Charms class.”
James sighed, remembering his wand probation. “Yes, Professor.”
They all turned and headed indoors. Climbing the stairs toward Gryffindor Tower, James thought of Severus riding the carriage toward a hidden Portkey and a new life, a new future. Whatever lay in store for the former Slytherin, James hoped it was good, that it was full of new friends and opportunities and possibilities. Severus deserved that. He deserved a good life. And James hoped that he himself would be a part of that life.
Second chances were never guaranteed. James Potter intended to make the most of this one.