Chapter 1
The Regulus star is bright in the night sky.
Sirius is brighter.
But when tears fill your eyes, the starry night becomes a dark canvas filled with streaks of light unidentifiable from one another.
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Just like the stars in the sky, Sirius has always shined brighter than his brother. Nobody takes a second look at the silent brother in the corner when a force as strong as a supernova is near. Nobody will ever cast a second look at Regulus, for all the second looks will go straight to Sirius… first looks too.
Right now, all eyes are on Sirius. Regulus is simply another face in the crowd of people cheering his brother on. Regulus hates it. He hates that he has worked twice as hard as his brother, that he has trained more intensely, and that he has a drive compelling him to make the impossible become possible when he is on ice.
The sound of blades coming to a stop on the ice draws the younger brother out of his thoughts. He hates them. He should be happy for his brother. “It’s not a competition Reggie, at least not between us”, Sirius has always said to him, so why is it feeling like one now? Why does it feel that Sirius is always winning at everything while Regulus keeps losing?
Soft music begins to play as Sirius starts his program.
It’s fucking captivating, nobody can deny that. It only makes the anger in the pit of Regulus’ stomach blaze stronger, as if every perfectly executed skill is another branch fueling this ever-burning bonfire that happens to be jealousy.
Sirius goes into his first jump. Rotating one,
Two,
Three times before landing again on his right leg. As he begins his footwork sequence, the boy manages to steal a glance at where his mother vowed to be sitting. Front row, as always.
She doesn’t sit in the front row to support her son, she sits there to catch any mistakes he makes - and for him to know that, in the case of mistakes being made, he will be punished afterward.
He catches sight of her eyes first. Sharp and piercing like an eagle, analyzing his every move. Sirius can practically see her playing through his program in her head, drawing out what a perfect execution of them would look like before Sirius can even begin executing them.
Then he meets the eyes of his father. Not as piercing as an eagle, but focused like an owl. Tracking all of Sirius’ moves, making sure he doesn’t turn out a disgrace.
Finally, he shifts his gaze to his younger brother, which is what gets him. He looked at his brother expecting them to be full of support and encouragement - the one thing in his family that keeps Sirius going throughout all of his competitions.
Instead, he finds his brother's face masked cold. Not a single emotion is to be gathered. As Sirius prepares to go into another jump he swears he can see his brother’s eyes narrow with a hate-filled emotion. Anger? Jealousy? Disgust?
It's that look that is plaguing Sirius’ mind as he takes off for the jump, propelling himself off his left blade and already planning the landing on his right one.
Beginning the first rotation, Sirius immediately notices that something is off. Continuing to the second rotation, he notices how tilted he is and at that moment knows;
There is no way he will land as planned.
There's nothing right about the jump. Sirius barely makes it to the middle of the third rotation before accepting that his jump was under-rotated.
Instead of landing on his right foot, Sirius lands on his right shoulder, the rest of his body weight crushing itself down onto the shoulder and sending a searing pain all throughout his arm and neck.
In the stands, Regulus makes a run towards the ice rink, only to be stopped by Orion’s firm grip placed on his shoulder. Regulus watches as his brother is helped off the ice and taken away to a doctor.
As Regulus watches, he feels a small glint of something. It's as if his brother’s fall had caused someone to begin extinguishing the fiery hatred in his stomach as if there is still a glimmer of hope for Regulus to be the brightest star in his family.
Then, a pang of guilt enters the scene. Why the fuck does he feel like this when his brother is on his way to the hospital, not knowing what is wrong with his shoulder and if it will ever heal completely.
Regulus pushes all these feelings aside and focuses on making it out of the stadium and into the car. He follows Walburga and Orion into the garage and into the car. He lays his head against the window and closes his eyes, thinking about anything but his brother - not allowing himself to feel any emotion whatsoever about Sirius.
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When the car finally comes to a halt, Regulus immediately recognizes the parking lot they have arrived in.
It's not the driveway of their house, where his parents could have dropped him off.
And it’s not a hospital parking lot, where Regulus thought they were going to see Sirius.
No, it's the parking lot of Regulus and Sirius’ skating rink.
Walburga exits the car, eying Regulus in a way that says, “Get out of the car and follow me or there will be consequences”.
So Regulus does so. Walburga is silent the entire way until they make it up three flights of stairs and to Regulus’ locker. She motions for him to unlock it before saying, “It’s doubtful that your brother will ever get a shot at such a large competition ever again. Even if he makes a full recovery, the boy never had the potential that you hold. Get ready and be on the ice in 15 minutes. I trust that you will not disappoint me as your brother has.”
“No Mother, I promise I won’t”, he says as he grabs his spare skating clothes from the locker and heads over to a changing room to put them on.
Once he enters the rink area of the arena, Regulus can’t help but feel at least a tiny bit thankful that his brother is out of the picture, at least for some time. He knows that his mother won’t give up until she has produced at least one Olympic champion, having won the Olympics herself back when she was a professional skater, and Regulus is now her main focus.
He steps onto the ice and goes to take a few laps around the rink in order to clear his mind and slightly warm his body up.
After 5 laps, Regulus spots Walburga approaching and skates over to meet her. When he stops, she says, “I will take over coaching you. You know what that means, longer and harder training sessions, but more victory”
“Yes Mother”
“I have already had one son fail me. If you do not intend to train until you are perfect, do not waste my time”
“I will train mother, I promise”
“Good. Warm-up jumps, we’ll start with that”
And so, for the next two hours, Regulus jumps, spins, and showcases his footwork and tricks as Walburga judges his skating abilities. It’s already well on its way to being completely dark outside and Regulus is feeling drained, but it’s the first time that Walburga has given Regulus her undivided attention in years, so he blocks out any feelings or thoughts that may interfere with his performance.
To him, this is more important than any competition he has ever done. Knowing that his mother is watching with the intent of seeing his abilities on ice without Sirius around, and knowing her vow to train him until he is practically unbeatable.
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The moon is out and the stars are shining bright by the time Walburga and Regulus leave the rink. Orion, who Regulus suspects was with Sirius during the training session, picks them up and brings them straight home.
Once inside the Black Manor, Regulus bids goodnight to both of his parents and makes his way up to his room. He’s halfway up the stairs before his mother's voice enters his ears, tone different than he has ever heard before; “Regulus, well done today. I can see your drive and potential shine much more clearly than your brothers ever has”, and with that, she turns on her heels and leaves the room.
Not knowing what to think of that, but being aware that his mother had pretty much said that she was proud of him, Regulus makes his way upstairs to his room. He drops his skating bag onto the floor and opens his window. Carefully, he crosses over to his brother's small balcony and uses it to push himself onto the roof of the house.
When Sirius was 9 and Regulus was 8, Sirius taught Regulus how to climb up onto the roof and told him that it was an escape for the two of them to use when they needed to be alone.
Once on the roof, Regulus looks up at the sky. At this point, he is able to quickly locate all of his family's stars, constellations, or galaxies. He looks down at his shaky hands and all the emotions come rushing back before he is able to build up a barrier to prevent them from bothering him ever again.
Sadness
Anger
Hatred
Hope…
…Guilt
Regulus lifts his gaze away from his hands and focuses back on the night sky, locating his own and Sirius’s stars with ease.
The Regulus star is bright in the night sky.
Sirius is brighter.
But when tears fill your eyes, the starry night becomes a dark canvas filled with streaks of light unidentifiable from one another.