He couldn't breathe something was stuck in his throat, did he have a throat for something to get stuck in it? It hurts everything hurts-
he wants his brother- did he have a brother? he left, he said he would stay, he said we would be safe together? (he lied he always lied-)
it hurts
brown eyes, red sweaters, secrets, whispered promises, ("Reggie one day I swear I'll get you out of there I swear okay? and when I do I'm going to marry you and you'll meet my parents and everything will be okay?")
he wants his brother! his brother would save him! he always did, (did he really?)
But he left, what was his name again? It was- Sirius? No he called him Siri, his older brother his Protector, Siri his older brother, his sweet older brother
("You're my little brother Reg I'll always pick you over them!-")
he can feel the cold water seeping into his bones, feel the hands grabbing onto his skin, it hurts ithurtsithurtsithurts-
(blonde hair and wide teary blue eyes "Promise you won't die out there Regulus, Promise me I won't have to loose another person I love. Reggie I don't know if I can survive that again-")
Screaming?
He can hear screaming? mother never liked screaming in public, it was only his fault for making her mad he deserved what he got (but did he ? He was a kid, he was just hungry and tired and hurt, "it's not normal for a kid to learn how to hide scars at 9 Regulus!"-)
But mother isn't here? but it sounds like her?
Siri almost sounds like mother when he's scared (distantly in his mind he realizes the screaming is him), but he's never scared not anymore, he got out (if he had asked, Regulus would’ve gone with him, why didn’t he ASK!)
Big brother got out (hushed giggles while sitting on the roof after bedtime looking at the stars they were named after-)
("One day we'll get out of here Reg, one day when we're all grown up we don't ever have to come back here-")
and more hands are grabbing him dragging digging into his skin, they’re dragging him down. down and down and down and-
(stern cold eyes “you’re dragging down this family regulus! Your brother is not here! be the heir he could not be!”)
He had stopped struggling long ago, (He’s not thinking about the clawed hands digging into his skin but of a dark house) he's still holding his breath (why? No one is coming-)
Should he just give up? his brother left for a reason, it's his fault it's always his fault, Regulus Black can never live up to the true heir, not now not ever, not then either (even when he left us Mother still liked him better for all she yelled at Sirius and hurt him he was the favorite-)
It hurts, and (“I don’t need you! I have a new brother! One that’s not a slimy snake and his name is James!”) he inhales and-
feels the water rush in his body, (He and Siri would go swimming together at the summer house, his big brother taught him to swim. he can still remember floating in the water next to him-) cradling his broken heart, cradling the mind that once could've been great
(a meeting in a teacher's office "I want you to intern me this summer after graduation, you have a real knack for this Mr. Black I truly believe you could be great")
It hurts and burns, and its-
warm?
(meeting in the come-and-go room with soft smiles and cups of hot chocolate as he watched his Gryffindor ramble about the latest game against Hufflepuff-)
But it was oh so cold a little ago?
he hears voices,
he hears his brother, his Siri (his Star, his guiding light, the sky had gone black when he left him alone in that house-) begging for him to wake up
("REGGIE IM SORRY PLEASE-")
but it's too late isn't it? he was supposed to die in this place, it was destined from the moment he pushed Siri into that fireplace with floo powder in the air, lumps stuck in his throat, terror in his eyes,
(he had looked at his older brother with cold eyes, a mask taught by his mother held firm, if he had asked he would’ve gone but- he wouldn’t be able to stay, no, The Black family needs it’s heir and mother will not let them both leave)
But he feels warm..
Warm like when he snuck into an old classroom, James' hand in his, sharing laughs and secrets and plans that will never happen now, (a soft laugh ”James there is no way we’ll be able to move in together!” A pout on pretty lips surrounded by beautiful brown skin and brown eyes “Yes we will! When the war is over we will!-“)
Warm like hot cocoa that he convinced Kreacher to make him when he was 8, (“please? I promise mother won’t find out!”)
Warm like sneaking into Sirius's bed late at night after a nightmare (Normal kids don’t have nightmares of their parents killing them-) and cuddling with his older brother
(A soft whisper “Siri?” His brother's night sky eyes looking at him “Yeah Reggie?” A pause “Do you think we’ll get out of here one day?” A soft smile as he grabs his little brother's hand tightly “Of course wherever I go, you go Little brother”)
But they haven't been brothers for a while, haven't they? (Sitting at the table when the letter got to mom, when she found out Sirius was placed in the Gryffindor, the screaming and crashing of plates hitting the floor not hearing from his brother for almost a year-)
It hurts but its warm
So so warm like hugging his brother, or leaning into James' arms as they kiss-
He can sleep now, mother won't be mad (what a bad mother she was, yet she still cried when she found out what happened to her youngest the cycle of abuse ends but not in the right way-)
he just needs a bit of sleep, he'll wake up soon.
(a blonde woman dropping to her knees in her kitchen in shock as a necklace goes cold-)
He's just tired
(hours maybe a day later, a dark haired man drops to his knees sobbing for his little brother, his Star,)
And in the night sky, a star shoots across the sky above London passing under the Regulus constellation.