It hurts, her brother is dead, Regulus Black is dead and she was not there to protect him, her sweet brother is dead and he died alone and cold (Reggie hated the cold-)
it hurts, as if someone has taken her heart from between her ribs
it hurts as if someone had taken her very soulmate,
(“Reggie do you believe in soulmates?” A pause as he shifts to look at her “yes, I do with all the magic we have I believe everyone has a soulmate whether romantic or platonic-)
Her brother is dead, and she can not bring him back.
She didn't know how to react when she was told, how to tell them that she had already knew, that Reggie had spent months over the summer making necklaces for them so they would know when one was in danger,
how to tell them she screamed, cried, and raged, against the world when she felt the wooden charm he had carved for her go cold. (how in that very moment she decided she didn’t wish to be here anymore-)
How scared she was when he told her he was doing something that may get him killed, that she had been pacing the floors of her house and baking anything and everything she could,
and how that made it so much worse when it went cold, colder than it had ever been before, when the magic went out completely,
(how it destroyed her to feel as her baby brother's magic slowly left to be with Lady Magic, how she knew. he was gone)
To tell them how it felt knowing your only family was dying and she couldn't do anything.
How to tell them she had started mourning 14 hours before they even got to the cave, before they even found him.
(how she had sat on the floor curled in a ball holding that pendant begging, Praying to every single god and goddess she knew for him to come back-)
She just shut the door in their faces, not looking at the brown eyes filled with tears and grey eyes that resembled her brothers too much for her to look into.
(Reggie always hoped that he would come back, and he has the nerve to mourn the boy who mourned him?-)
She doesn't know how long she's been in her room, her parents are worried, she can't remember the last time she ate, she can remember how she always had to remind Reggie to eat when he got too into his books.
(when he would roll his eyes but still get up and go with her to the school kitchens just because it was her asking-)
She can remember bad days and good days, can remember cookies being made with mistakes while teaching him to bake over the summer, cuddling on the couch with books, and making fun of romance books.
("There is no way that position is possible for the human body!" a wheezing laugh as she almost folds onto herself "Reggie oh my god!" he huffed as he ranted "No! No way! That- that is NOT possible dora!!-" both of them making eye contact then laughing so hard they fell off the couch)
She can remember how he had cried when he realized he could never be with James Potter while he was alive. how happy he was when he was sneaking out with the brown-eyed boy.
(the look in his eyes as he sobbed in her arms mourning the life he will never have-)
She can remember him crying about his brother, that he wanted back but could never see again.
She can remember all the secrets, the nights and days, and laughs and tears, and hugs and gifts. because he always loved giving gifts more than anything, loved learning a new skill just to make something perfect to give her.
(For all he made himself out to be perfect he always wished to be wanted, to be needed for himself and not the mask)
how his mother had starved him for days for ruining his 'Heir' hands, when he started craving the charm for her
how he only told her after the fact when she cornered him
(The stern look in his eyes when she started to cry when she found out “I don’t regret it, I would do it again Dora, she doesn’t care about me, she’s mad I ruined her image of her perfect little heir”)
She can remember so much, but it doesn't stop her tears from wetting her pillows, from starving herself in her bed, never moving from her bed. leaving her hair to matt together in a mess, because memories do not bring back her brother.
(a pale hand held out "Hello I'm Regulus Black nice to meet you" looking at him with a soft smile "Pandora Hadoka but I'll be going by the last name Lovegood soon, It's wonderful to meet you too!-")
Memories do not bring back her star.
(when he gave her fiance a Shoveltalk and said he didn't like him yet helped her pick out the flowers for the wedding anyway-)
Memories do not stop her from wishing she had died with him, because she does not know how to go back to empty spots next to her, to only baking for one, to not having someone rant to her about stupid romance plotlines in books, to not having someone to go to when things are too loud too harsh, to not have someone let her play weak lady but not force her into the mold itself.
(when other people would make fun of her for not liking certain textures but all he would do is get her something new to put on and throw away the one that bothered her, making sure her fiance knew to do the same-)
She does not know how to go back to being one instead of two, she does not remember how she was before she found her brother, her star.
So she will stay in her room, in her bed not eating nor drinking, and keep locking her door every time her parents try to unlock it.
She will keep still and close her eyes, and pretend her brother is still here, until her body and magic give up and let her join him.
she'll see her brother soon
Across the London sky, people around the world study the new Star constellation that appeared next to the Regulus Constellation. It’s decided to call it Pandora.