Chapter 3
Draco Apparated just outside the gates of Malfoy manor. It had taken years for the sight of the gates to stop triggering unwelcome violent memories in his mind. The manor would never be a welcoming reminder of home, but he was grateful that over time it had settled into a place of neutrality for him. It was neither good nor bad, just a geographical existence that housed his parents and the days of his youth. Today it housed his anxious mother and likely stand-offish father. He made his way up the path leading to the grand front door while preparing for the coming onslaught from his mother. The grounds were as extravagant as always with acres and acres sprawling all around the house, the orchards in the distance were in full bloom and somewhere there was a trickling brook where he’d dropped to one knee exactly one year ago asking Astoria to spend the rest of her life with him. He’d felt very brave at the time, putting his entire existence into her hands, and when she’d nodded yes with happy tears in her eyes he had felt like he could conquer the world with her by his side. Now, listening for the gentle tinkling of the stream, he just felt like a fool for believing he could have a good life with her.
He made it just one step into the house before Narcissa was in front of him. She looked him up and down once before she flew into his arms and buried his face in his shoulder. “I- I’m sorry mother” he managed to get out before she cut him off with a blubbering “No! Draco, l am sorry. I am so sorry, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe she would do this…I’m so sorry.” Draco let a hand rest on the back of his mother’s head as he rested his chin on the top of it. “I know, mother, I can’t believe it either. I’m sorry” She backed away from him and sniveled a bit. “You don’t have say you’re sorry to me”
“Well I should have spoken to you sooner.” he mused.
“You don’t have to be sorry for the way you process your feelings” she said as she stepped back letting her hands run down his shoulders before taking his hands in hers. It still took him off guard at times, the change in her that had occurred after the war. They didn’t speak much about what she had been through in her own youth and young adulthood, but after the war she had changed, little by little she had become a different version of herself than the one who had raised him. Any time the opportunity arose to talk to her about the reason for her change Draco let the moment pass by without a word. He felt like a coward for not approaching the subject but his own burden of guilt felt too heavy to add to it the baggage that Narcissa no doubt carried. So he just let it be as he learned to accept things the way they were now.
Narcissa looked him up and down again and wrinkled her nose a bit. “When did you last change those robes?” Draco looked down at the wrinkled robes he had been wearing at the tea shop, he realized they likely smelled like the firewhiskey he had drowned himself in the night before. “It’s been a bit” he replied attempting to force levity into his voice. He appreciated the attentive care of his mother but the interaction was encroaching on the level of discomfort that he started to feel any time they had the chance for a deeper conversation and he wanted a bit of distance from it. Narcissa wiped her eyes and matched his tone. “I’m sure we have something you can change into love.” She called for Mippy and there was no answer and she closed her eyes. “Ah yes, it’s Saturday” Another change that Draco had taken time to get used to. The Malfoys had drastically reduced their elf workforce. The elves that had elected to stay after Narcissa’s crisis of conscience were given a handsome salary and Saturdays off as well as several long holidays throughout the year. “Well if you check your room I know there are some of your old things there. Let me know if you need anything that isn’t there and I will floo into town and get them for you. Draco wondered how many wizards knew that she had adapted to taking care of the manor herself on these days, she hadn’t made a show of her deeds and she kept entertaining the social elites for the most part as she always had. Draco uttered a quick thank you to her and turned down the familiar hall to the stairs that lead to his room.
There was a cozy fire alight in the fireplace, Narcissa had to have kept it charmed to provide a welcoming presence in the room in the event of his arrival. The air smelled of cedar and fresh linen and his large oversized bed greeted him looking exactly as it had the day had left for his second choice potion master’s programme. Draco headed straight for the bath and let the scalding hot water of his shower wash away all that had occurred in the last 24 hours. He had been here before. In this very room and in this very shower letting the water wash away the burn of disappointment of having exactly what he wanted in his grasp only to have it yanked away when he could all but taste it. Being a healer, applying to his top choice potion’s mastery programme- these weren't the first things he had poured his heart into only to fall just short of achieving them. It was in the middle of quidditch season when he’d lost the position of seeker to Harper, the first time Draco had felt this way. He had thrown himself into the shower turning the water to a searing hot temperature to try to wash away the bitter feelings of resentment that overcame him. Somehow the physical pain dulled the internal ache caused each time he came so close to accomplishing something but failed. Unfortunately, today was the exception, no matter how scalding he made the flow of water, nothing could wash away the heartbreak he felt over Astoria leaving him. He began to feel lightheaded and he barely made it out of the shower and threw a towel around his waist before he was dry heaving over the sink. He heard a crack outside the bathroom and then a soft knock at the door. “Is master Draco okay?” he heard Mippy’s muffled voice muddled with concern. “I’m fine Mippy, please enjoy your day off”
“Mippy is back from the off day, Mippy was worried that miss Astoria has left master Draco” Draco rolled his head and took a breath. He opened the door to see Mippy standing before him with a tea tray. “Mippy brought sir some tea and some clean robes.” She set the tea tray on the small table in front of the fireplace and gestured to the set of robes on his bed. “Thank you Mippy” was all draco could muster as the elf shifted on her feet in front of him. “Sir is kind and smart and miss was wrong to leave” Draco leaned against the doorframe and repeated “Thank you Mippy” “Is sir needing anything else that Mippy can get?” “No thank you Mippy, please don’t ruin your day off for me.” The elf shifted again nervously and said “Misses says she is having you to stay for an early dinner” before disappearing again with a crack.
Mippy was a godsend, the tea and biscuits she had brought did their part to settle Draco’s stomach and the robes did at least help him feel like a person again after his literal meltdown in the shower. He finished off the refreshments and let his eyes wander about the room. It was frozen in time from the last moment he had spent here. He realized he hadn’t set foot back into it since he had left for the programme eight years ago. He had been to the manor of course but he’d spent any time here outside the house or downstairs, unconsciously distancing himself from the horrid memories that haunted his teenage years. In his downtrodden emotional state it suddenly seemed like as good a time as ever to let the memories back into the front of his mind. He made his way to the closet and distracted himself with rifling through the artifacts of days past. There were robes and boots of all kinds, an entire wardrobe filled with the clothes that had carried him all through Hogwarts. Missing however, were the dark robes of a young deatheater. Draco’s mouth went dry when he thought about the days he’d donned the silver mask and carried out atrocities in his misguided allegiance to the dark lord. There was a debt to be repaid for his actions as large as the mountain of guilt always lurking behind him. He was grateful for Narcissas part in erasing the evidence of his deeds from their home as best she could. His eyes landed on his old quidditch equipment in the corner. His seeker robe still hung exactly where he had hung it for the last time. Before Harper had snatched the position right from under him. He was running his hands over the sleeves when he noticed something seemingly weighing down the hem of the robe. Curiosity tugged at him and he snatched the robe off of its hanger and brought it into the light of his room. There was indeed a lump protruding from the hem of the robe, something had been cleverly stitched into it. Draco couldn’t imagine why he hadn’t noticed it in the last days he’d worn it. He summoned a pair of scissors and made a quick task of cutting open the hem to retrieve whatever was inside.
It was a neatly rolled parchment with feet poking out of one side and little white strands of thread poking out the other. He carefully unrolled it to reveal a crude figurine, it was a little man, wearing a black robe and a deep green tie around his neck. The white threads made up a messy head of hair and there was a mouth painted into a permanent sneer on its face. Uneasiness crept over him as he assessed the doll. It was truly creepy and an unflatteringly accurate effigy of him as a teen. He ran a thumb over the threads with one hand while he read the neatly printed words on the parchment that had encased the figure.
He’s a nasty one- the Malfoy boy and I will curse him with this little toy.
With all of his desires just out of grasp nothing he wants will come to pass.
He’ll never attain in his life or in love, and he will curse the day he uttered that my blood was mud.
Draco was still, the words swimming in front of him on the page. He read them over and over again. Each time he did they seemed to grow larger until he thought they might jump off the page and consume him right where he sat. There was a crack and he almost jumped out of his skin when Mippy appeared to announce that it was time for dinner.
The early evening meal was pleasant enough, Lucius was there and he gave Draco an assertive pat on the back and an awkward “Chin up son it will turn around” or something to that effect. while Narcissa was chipper and did her best to distract him. It wasn’t necessary, he was distracted quite enough without her chatter. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like” he heard her say as she stood to clear the dishes from the table. She must have decided against calling for Mippy to help her seeing as it was still Saturday. Draco was appreciative of the gesture but still decided against spending an extended amount of time in the manor. He gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek and his father an uncomfortable handshake before sweeping out the door and into the spring evening.