Sometimes thoughts appear in his mind, thoughts with the potential of setting him free. Somedays he only thinks about vanishing, not from life, but from this fucked up reality. Sometimes he thinks about taking all his friends with him. Sometimes its just Evan and himself. But on most days he decides that it not would work out.
That his father would find out and stop him, and then what? What if he fails to escape the one man who destroyed his life before it even formed? The man who can’t seem to understand that children should not be a way for parents to live the life they never could. That kids want their own thing, not something they were forced into. The very man he now can hear clear through all of this thin walls and open corridors because there is nothing personal in them.
This whole house is like a ghost, full of whispers and low voices. He can hear his parents like there’s nothing between them and Barty wished that he would just shut up about it. The owl came around a week ago. His report is not even that bad. But of course these are unacceptable grades for Bartimeus Crouch Senior, how could his son be such a disappointment. He was a Ravenclaw, a Crouch and most important he was a disgrace for the whole bloodline.
No Crouch had ever dared to let himself as low as his son since he had this kind of friends. Slytherin scum, people who favored blood over intellect. He does the same with this kind of talk? Barty had enough, trying not to make any sound he sneaked back into his room.
And then he layed in his bed and waited, maybe for his mother to come with the stupid try to soothe his fathers harsh words, or maybe for his tears. He cried a lot back then when his only purpose in life seemed to make his father proud to have the genuine generosity for society with giving them another Crouch to worship. Barty couldn’t remember a time when his father didn’t forced him to be perfect.
No, not be perfect, just pretend to be it. He had long grown out of idolizing his family. The were not perfect, they weren’t even good. The only adjectives that described his family correctly had a negativ meaning. So of course sooner or later this facade would crumble and reveal what his father desperately tried to hide from the wizarding society, of course Barty had the realization that pretending to be something he was not is tiring.
And of fucking course he didn’t want to pretend for the rest of his life. The only good thing about school was meeting his friends.
Dorcas who lashed out on everyone who dared to laugh about any of her friends. He often called her a snake with the heart of a lion. What now, that she dated this Gryffindor girl, made even more sense.
Reggie, god he hated this nickname, except when it came from the mouth of a certain Gryffindor. But first and forever he would be his brother. The only one who would only ever be able to listen without judgement. The one with enough knowledge to take over the world.
Then there was Pandora, his sweet little panda (she had no problem with nicknames), who could make him feel like he was not a outsider. They sat beside each other in every class they had without the Slytherins.
Oh and Evan, the boy who occupied his first thought when the sun climbed the seemingly endless sky and his last when she died to make place for the moon and the stars. He dreamed of him, lately even more, since they had to part ways because of the summer break. He wished that Dumbledore would have given in, letting him stay over the summer.
But the stern bastard had only looked at him with pretended pity, only to say that he would always listen if there was anything Barty wanted to talk about. As if he would choose this old mans shoulder to cry on when he had friends. Back to Evan and every little detail that Barty choose to remember about him.
1. He was funny, with a very unique humor.
2. This humor fit perfectly with his own.
3. The way his face opened when he laughed, it was like a rose which found itself in the middle of the suns warming embrace.
4. The fact whenever he tried to look stupid, Evan would lean closer and explain it to him. ( This was something he had copied from James)
5. The exact way of how he wants his toast or coffee.
6. His favorite music and artist.
7. What he stands for and what’s important for him.
8. His problems, mental nature and physical and every single one between this two.
9. Barty knew everything about his parents and Evan knew everything about his.
10. They get what the other wants to say, without ever mouthing a single word.
He could’ve listed more things but finally sleep got a hold on him. Finally he could escape reality for a little, he hoped that when he woke up the last three weeks were flown by and the time had arrived that his last school year began.
When you live in a house, not a home, you think that the whole world is without love, but that’s not true. Not entirely, Hogwarts gave him the love he never dared to ask for because he feared to be abandoned. No, that’s not quite right, not Hogwarts gave him love, the first love he ever received, without counting his mothers ( she loved him, he was sure of it but she never dared to stand p for him), was a boy with a brother in another house.
A brother which he was drifting away from. Barty would be forever grateful that Regulus had dared to think that he was worth of being called brother.
But the love who saved him, when not even his brother could, came in form of a rose. This kind of love destroyed his understanding what love was and build it up even greater. Because Evan Rosier not dared to think that he was worth of being called brother, he dared to believe that Barty was even worth of being called love. This was the real reason why Barty wanted to return to school as badly as he did. This way Evan would be within reach for him. This way this ghost like house with its whisperd shouting would be far away.