A before and after
-Flashback-
James walked solemnly, avoiding eye contact with Sirius. "Hey Sirius. Can we talk?"
" Oh. Of course James. What's up? " a million different reasons swam in his head. What did he do now?
"Well... WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING? " Sirius flinched at the sudden change in tone. Ah, right, this one. Out of all of the things James could have picked, he picked that one. "Are you going to speak or are you going to just stand their like a deer in the headlights?"
" I'm sorry. I promise I will make up for it. Just please forgive me James. I'll even obliviate Snape if that will get you to give me a chance! " Sirius pleaded, desperate.
" Don't say this to me! Say this to Remus! "
"He won't talk to me. If I even go within 3 feet of him he moves away! I can't tell him anything!"
"Have even you considered why he's doing that? Or are you just too focused on your popularity and fame?!"
"Jam-"
"I don't want to hear it Sirius, not now." James told him without an ounce of sympathy left in his voice. Then his mind caught up. He yelled at Sirius. The one thing he wasn't supposed to do. How could he let himself do that. "Oh crap. I'm so sorry Sirius. You want to talk about something else? I am so sorry" He asked, wanting to lighten the mood, especially now. He couldn't believe he let himself do that. he had one job and he had failed it. Of all the things he could've done he did that. Why? Why did he do that?
"Should we get revenge on Barty?" Sirius said as a mischievous grin appeared on his face already plotting.
" Yes! So I was thinking-"
They started planning their idea. But something felt wrong. The happiness wouldn't last long. Sirius knew this. A good thing always leads to something bad. He was far too familiar with this. He was the disappointment of the family. The one that caused his brother more harm than good. The one who betrayed everyone he loved. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't let go of it. After all it was all his fault. Nobody else's. Just his. Everything bad that had happened was because of him. He was always the problem. Always was, always is. He never meant for any of it to happen but it was still his fault. His own words had betrayed him. He had put his friends in danger.
-end of flash back-
"Sirius! Hurry up! It's nearly time for charms! You don't want Flitwick to be mad at us again!" Sirius sat up, muttering curses. Did he really have to faint? Of all places he had to do right by the fire place. His back hurt from being against the cold stones of the side of the mantle all night. A finger taped him on the shoulder, making him aware of his surroundings, and a calming voice spoke quietly, trying it's hardest not to startle him.
"Hey Sirius. Are you doing good? We just found you on floor and James was already asleep in his dorm when we got here. It's ok you don't have to rush, Peter is just being pedantic."
"I'm fine I promise. Thanks Remus. Please don't worry about me." Sirius muttered. He turned his head stiffly towards the boy next to him.
"But it's just so hard not to worry about you, darling. Promise me that you will at least try to look after yourself today. Please. I love you too much to see you dead because of me." He held Sirius's hand, rubbing his thumb over his fingers. He knew exactly what he was doing. It brought so much joy to see Sirius like this. He wanted to cackle at the reaction but he had to keep himself composed. He was so in love it was adorable. The way that Sirius's grey eyes looked into his. They were full of emotions. So enchanting. They looked like beautifully cut diamonds. They were mesmerising, he felt like he was looking into a kaleidoscope filled with all of the different shades of greys and light blues and greens. So enchanting and magical. They looked at him, clearly focusing on him. He admired every single detail in front of him. Every single perfect detail. Everything was flawless. He had to admit he was far too deep in this love. Far too deep.
Darling.
Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Warmth rushed to his cheeks. He couldn't handle it. It was too much for him.
Remus looked at him, a gentle look in his soft hazel eyes. Every detail was perfect. Sirius traced every edge of every scar and mark that he had on his face. He knew all of their stories, like he knew the stories of the stars. His eyes memorised every detail over and over again. It was all so soft. Not a single sharp edge in sight. Unlike Sirius. The smell of his sweater was so comforting, to the point that Sirius wanted to bury himself into the fabric. But he to maintain self control. Remus was actually talking to him for once. The first time in weeks. Sirius didn't know what to say. Remus was actually concerned for him. He actually cared. He loved Sirius back.
Sirius loved him back. He always had. His love for Remus was just as sure as the moon rising every night. So predictable you were always sure of it. They were always in each other's company. That was before that night of course but Sirius put that in the back of his mind. He only focused on Moony. His Moony. They were meant for each other like the Moon and the stars. Put together from the beginning and forever together. Where there was one their was another. Always. That word rang in his mind, securing him in to world around him. How he loved that word. The word that brought him a sense of comfort. One of his favourite words.
Always.