2
Maybe Amita should’ve made it clear to James that while, yes, she was Lily’s dorm mate, no, they weren’t quite friends.
The boy had gone on a tirade, naming all of Lily’s qualities, and Amita was slowly regretting accepting his offer to sit in his compartment with his friends. Remus was reading some kind of book about the French Revolution’s execution methods while Peter happily munched on the chocolate the taller boy had stuffed in his bag. Peter had offered a few pieces to her, but Amita had politely refused after the raised eyebrow look Remus had thrown the boy’s way.
Sirius, however, sat next to James, but didn’t pay his best mate any attention. His eyes were locked on the speeding scenery. He hadn’t moved an inch since he had first looked her way as she entered their compartment.
She had never seen anyone so… still.
“So, that’s what I know about Lily,” James finished his enumeration with a long inspiration, trying to catch his breath. “Now, tell me what you know about her!”
Amita swallowed and rubbed her wrist absentmindedly. “Um,” she hesitated, trying to find the right words. She recoiled when her eyes met Sirius’. He was staring right at her, unmovingly.
Seemingly finding her silence telling enough, Sirius scoffed, “I told you she doesn’t have friends, Prongs.”
“And I told you I was her friend, Padfoot,” James cut off with an exasperated sigh.
Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back around to the tinted window.
“We’re friends?” Amita questioned, head tilting to the side slightly.
“Aren’t we?” He asked, genuinely confused. “Don’t you remember helping me in third year?”
“Well, yeah,” she spoke truthfully. “Didn’t expect it to matter so much. I suppose it worked?”
James childishly smiled, nodding quickly. “A stag.”
Sirius turned oddly stiff and Remus finally ripped his eyes away from his book to look at Amita, trying to figure out what she knew.
Her only reaction, however, was to let out an unwanted laugh ripple out of her. “Oddly fitting,” she teased. “You do strut a bit.”
James fake-gasped and threw his arm around her neck, ruffling her hair. “Who knew you could be so snarky, Amita?”
Amita’s neck and shoulders burned from the contact, but she couldn’t stop the beaming smile from making its way to her lips.
When was the last time someone had touched her like this?
Tears pricked her eyes and she maneuvered out of James’ grasp, not wishing for him to notice them. She didn’t wish to scare him away, her friend.
Amita cleared her throat and spoke, tentatively, as if scared James would be mad and start ignoring her as people usually did. “I’m not really close to Lily, James.” She fiddled with her fingers a bit before resting her hand on her wrist. “But, by the number of times she complained in the dorms, I can definitely tell you that she does not like to be the centre of attention. She prefers intimacy, authenticity, small-scale gifts, things like that, you know…” Her mind roamed to the huge confession James had organized in the Great Hall at the end of 4th year: Lily had been fuming.
“But Lily doesn’t even let me near her,” he moaned as he wiggled on the seat she shared with Remus and Peter, making himself a little space on the crowded bench. “How am I supposed to tell her how much I love her without it being in front of everyone?”
Amita sighed as she discretely scooted closer to James and further away from Peter, the boy oblivious to how close to her he was sitting. “Choose your time and place, James. The Gryffindor common room at 10 is already a much better idea than the Great Hall at dinner time.”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you, mate,” Remus spoke, shrugging. “She thinks you’re purposefully trying to embarrass her in front of everyone.”
James had turned deadly pale, eyes fixed on nothingness as if recalling everything he had ever said and done to Lily, trying to figure out what he could’ve done to make her think he was playing with her.
In that moment, Amita found James particularly pitiable. He might’ve been the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, best friends with Sirius Black and first of class in Transfiguration, but he—that much more clearly right now—truly was a naive boy.
The compartment stood silent for a while and, uncomfortable with the weight of its power, Amita cleared her throat softly and uttered a small, “I’ll go change into my robes, now.”
Remus nodded slightly in acknowledgement as she closed the door soundlessly behind her.
**
When Amita had finally left, Sirius was the first to confront James. “What were you even thinking, Prongs?” He snapped.
James recoiled in shock at his best-mate’s tone before his eyes melted into a look of confusion. “Pads?”
“How could you tell—“ he frantically moved his hands, trying to gather his thoughts, “How could you tell someone like Rowle about your form?”
“Someone like Rowle?”
“Yeah, someone so- so—ugh! sneaky, yeah—someone so sneaky and solitary and who doesn’t make it clearly just where her loyalty lies.”
“You’re being paranoid, mate,” James laughed, not taking his friend’s words to heart. “Rowle is just—Rowle. She’s anything, but sneaky. She wears her heart on her sleeve.”
Sirius raised a brow before looking at Remus. “Are we even talking about the same person?”
Remus shrugged, but James could tell by how creased his forehead was that he was mad at him as well.
“Why are you all so mad?” He finally relented with a sigh.
Sirius bit his lip until a bead of blood pooled and turned back to the window. James’ heart ached at seeing his best-mate hurt himself. “Pads…” he faltered. “I just- I don’t-“
“Did you rat me out?” Remus’ monotone voice slashed through the compartment and James’ whipped his head around to meet him.
“Of course, not!” He cried out.
“Then why does she know about you being a stag—you did that for me, you did something so illegal for me—how could you even justify that to her without talking about me…”
James wanted to pull his hair out at the situation, at the repressed look on Sirius’ face, at Remus’ inability to look him in the eye and at Peter’s surprisingly harsh glare.
“No-no, you have it all wrong,” he started, trying to find the words. “I- She helped me find it, the book,” he trying justifying, his voice trailing off. “I thought- I thought I had told you?”
“No, you didn’t!” Peter nearly squeaked.
Remus swallowed. “She- She gave you the book?”
“Yeah,” James sighed, “it had been a month of me sneaking into the library every night—I was going crazy! But she noticed me confused and just- she just gave me the book I was looking for.”
***
He had snuck out, like all the days of the previous week, frantically trying to figure out how to become an Animagus. He found Amita sitting on the window sill, eyes riveted on the dull moon hidden behind the clouds. She didn’t even try to conceal her presence, candlelight dancing right beside her.
“I see you’re back,” she spoke softly, not turning over to look in James’ direction. “You were here as well Monday and Thursday, weren’t you?”
“Yeah,” he replied, not bothering to mention how he was also here on Tuesday and Wednesday.
He sat in a chair near her and asked, “Why are you awake?”
She looked over at him, his concern-filled eyes startling her. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Nightmares,” she clarified without him asking, the words seemingly tumbling out of her lips.
“Oh.”
“Mm.”
“Do you want to talk about them?”
“Do you want to talk about a man being severed alive?” One look at him answered her. She chuckled softly at his expression. “That’s what I thought.”
“No, no,” he cleared his throat, “go on. I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.”
She looked at him with soft eyes—had anyone but his mum ever looked at him like this?—and simply said, “Are you looking for a book in particular?”
“Um..” he hesitated before continuing, “I was wondering about the steps to becoming an Animagus.”
“Mmm,” she hummed to herself silently before sitting up. She walked over to a particularly hidden section of the library and reached for a dusty book. Opening it up, she flicked through the pages before handing it back to him.
“Here you go,” she spoke. “I hope it goes well.”
“Thanks- Oh! It’s not for me! I’m not trying to become an Animagus!”
She smiled before waving at him and left, forgetting her candlelight behind.
He took it from the window and brought it closer to his book to start reading.
Amita had never been the forgetful type.
***
Amita didn’t expect 6th year to be different. She would focus on passing her exams and stay clear of people.
That reality went out the window the moment James sat next to her in the Great Hall, Remus in front of her. It was funny, really, how they had simply sat next to her, but continued their conversations like nothing had changed, like Amita had always been one of them. She felt her heart tug at the prospect of tomorrow’s dinner when she would mostly likely be alone again.
She felt grateful—she really did—but she knew just how much the Marauders lived in a small reclusive bubble of a world. They could be overly friendly a moment, social and talkative, and silent and ostracizing the next. They had secrets, but, more importantly, they had a bond very few could rival.
Amita reached over to the large soup bowl in front of her only to retract her hand in a second when Sirius’ approached his as well. He looked over at her with a curious look, but shook it off, instead grabbing her bowl to fill it.
“Thank you,” she spoke sincerely, loud enough for only him to hear, but scoffed at his wink. “I take that back.”
“Then I’ll take the soup back,” he childishly replied, pouring her soup back into the large bowl.
She sighed, but before she could answer anything, James had poured it back in, tongue out in Sirius’ direction.
“Prongs!” Sirius’ gasped in a joking tone.
Amita laughed before biting her lip to keep silent.
“I like your laugh,” James spoke truthfully before going back to his conversation with an amused Remus.
Bewildered, Amita ate her soup.
What’s wrong with them?