Part 5
"Regulus." the voice sounded so similar to Mother's but he knew who's it was. Not that it shook off the weight on his shoulders.
"Regulus. I would never expect you to stoop so low. What did we say about letting our emotions get out of control? Just when I thought I had a suitable Heir to our throne. Just when I thought I had sensible children."
He couldn't tell who was speaking he wished it wasn't Sirius but he also wished it wasn't Mother. He would never say that.
"Regulus are you even paying attention? Of course not. You never fucking do! The only people you ever listen to are out parents and your little gang!" Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
SHIT.
He should have just kept his mouth shut. He should have never spoken. Why did he always do this to himself, to others. Mother was correct as always. He had no right to speak. He always said the wrong thing and it always started an argument. Whether it's his friends or his enemies. Either one drained him and made him feel horrid but he couldn't control the snarky comments, especially when he believed the person was wrong. He was a worthless piece of shit that didn't deserve the ability to speak. It was the only way that he could punish himself without harming himself. One of Mother's many 'mild' punishments.
Regulus could tell that his voice was disappearing by the minute, as the base of his neck felt like it was being pressed slightly. He found a small notepad and black pen sitting on it next to his bed. How thoughtful. He wrote out in rushed cursive.
Sirius. I didn't mean a word I said. I know I'm being a hypocrite. Mother was right about me. I was incapable of love and that I don't deserve empathy. I can only try. Please forgive me?
He handed the notepad over to his brother, who took it with a crack on his furious expression appearing. He watched as Sirius scanned over the note. Not a single change in his face except for a small softening in his eyes.
"You said it yourself. I guess Mother was right. For once I actually believe her." His voice was still harsh but it wavered slightly near the end. What was he expecting from Sirius? An apology? From him? Laughable. He never learned his lesson when it came to his brother. Who was he kidding? Sirius never apologised to anyone but his gang of friends. Nobody else deserved it. Regulus thought it was fair, he certainly didn't deserve an apology especially after everything he's done. He was a burden to everyone.
Barty watched the two brothers with a mixture of fear and confusion painted onto his face. Why were talking about their mother? Sirius was had already handed to note back and he didn't have a chance to read so he had no idea what it had actually said. Something that Sirius said stuck out to him though. 'For once I actually believe her'. He knew that the brothers had trouble with trusting their mother and each other but had they pushed their limit of each to the point that Sirius of all people believed his mother's views of something.
"Stop playing victim for once in your life Regulus. We get it you are a shitty person so please stop reminding us. Can't believe I actually felt bad that night. Just goes to show that everyone in your family has no sense of what is right and what is wrong."
Your. Not our. Your. That hurt the most out of the whole conversation. Sirius really didn't care then. Why was he even trying? He had put all of this effort into this and then he ruined it. He ruined his own plan. He picked up the pen again a scribbled down on the paper.
Sorry for ruining your perfect life, I'm sure your brother will be happy to see you. I'll just get back to listening to Mother's advice on how I be the perfect son. Ok? Have fun with your new family, tell Remus I said hello. Have fun.
Sincerely,
The future Heir of the Noble house of Black, Regulus.
He shoved the note into Sirius's hand this time instead of gently handing it to him. Sirius didn't even react and simply tossed it away after reading. He didn't care. Regulus didn't matter. Not anymore. He was done being the one who looked after him. Sirius knew that Regulus knew how to defend himself. But he still felt like he had to protect him. He hated that feeling. They had separate lives and, now, separate families. How could he have ever been associated with that spoiled prat?
Regulus had left his bed and alerted Madame Pomfrey that he felt better before walking swiftly towards the common rooms. Sirius had returned back to his dorms but Barty hung back and read the notes. It all began to make sense. Why did Regulus sign himself off like that in the last note, though? He often refused to acknowledge that part of his life. The only time he let it slip was in arguments He would suddenly tense up and every word was cold and apathetic, without a hint of emotion left. It never happened more than twice a year so this was a strange occurrence. He tore out the page and stuffed it in his trouser pocket. He wondered over the whole situation over and over again. He knew that they had been living in tension for years now and that they had tried to resolve it but some wounds were never meant to heal.
He headed back to the common room, half expecting to be berated by Regulus. He pushed against the door and saw Regulus silently reading in a corner. Even though he had just lost his brother again, he looked calm and unbothered. Barty knew it was far from the truth, though. Regulus was hiding from his problems, wishing for them to leave alone. Sadly, that's not how it worked, and Regulus knew from experience. He knew very well. Far better than anyone in their friend group.
The book that the boy was reading was "Nineteen Eighty Four". Fitting. It looked like one of the first copies sold. Strange considering that it was a muggle book and his family didn't like to associate with them. It was a peaceful sight to say the least, so not disturbed by the recent events. It was far better than talking to Evan about the History of Magical Creatures that's for sure. That boy could go on and on about griffins and boggarts. He could never shut up about them, especially when Pandora got involved. Reading, on the other had, was peaceful and didn't require as much thought as holding up a conversation.
"If you're going to keep staring, might as well talk." Regulus muttered, his eyes barely leaving sight of the page.
"What on Earth was going on in the Infirmary Regulus?" Barty finally said, causing Regulus to look up from the book. "Why was Sirius constantly bringing up your house?"
"Barty. Don't pretend like you didn't steal that little sheet of paper I wrote on."
"What do you mean? Why would I do that?"
"You're getting defensive and also a trouser pocket is not the best place to hide something, is it?" Regulus told him. "Also, what would you want with that? It's worthless."
Barty didn't know what to say. It didn't help that Regulus was now staring directly into his eyes, not even blinking. How did he do that? Barty focused on the fact that Regulus had completely ruined his plan. He wasn't meant to find out about it. Oh well.
"Are you going to show it to Evan and show how I act around my own brother. By all means go ahead nothing's stopping and certainly no-one."
"I wasn't going to do that I swear. I- I just wanted to study it, find out more about your family." Barty admitted His hands raised in the air in an act of surrender.
"Or, you could just ask me. I'm not saying that you should but you would have a better chance of finding than studying stupid little notes." Regulus said walking up to him and swiping the piece of paper from the slightly open trouser pocket and holding it up to Barty's face. All in one swift motion and remaining eye contact. It was nerve wrecking to see it happen, even more so to experience it. He had seen the boy do it in the past and he thought it wouldn't be as creepy as it was.