Prologue
Remus’s mother had no choice in the matter; you have to understand that. It would not be the first time she had to do something that she had no say about, and it wouldn’t be the last, but nothing had ever mattered as much as this did. Nothing had ever mattered as much as a living, breathing child that had done nothing to deserve this but be a victim of a stupid policy that his father put in place, a father who killed himself when faced with the consequences of his decisions. Life would be far from fair for Remus Lupin, but Hope could only, well, hope, that things might get better for him one day. However, she knew that she wasn’t what was best for Remus, not now that she could barely support herself.
At that moment, a five-year-old Remus slept in Hope’s arms as they both rode in the back of a Taxi. Hope was very much aware that this would be her last time holding her son, and tears fell down her cheeks as proof of her sorrow. She was careful to avoid his hip where the bite mark was still tender and caused him to wail and cry at the agony at times, but he was so peaceful in this very moment- calm and sound. She bent down to kiss his little forehead and whispered, somehow hoping his ears might pick up the words even as he slept. “Rwy'n dy garu di, Remus. Your Mam loves you so, so much. You are so strong, so brave, and I know you are going to defy the odds. I’m sorry, my love. Mae'n ddrwg gen i that I couldn’t do more for you.” All of her words were jumbled up, and most likely sounded like nonsense to anyone but herself; still, Hope wished with all her might that somehow Remus would remember these words, and that they would be with him even when she wasn’t anymore.
As the car comes to a stop, the taxi driver more disinterested than ever, Hope takes Remus out and up the steps of the place he would be spending, possibly, the rest of his childhood- St. Edmund’s Children’s Home for Boys.
Before she reached the door, she gently ruffled the soft curls of the small werewolf she was holding. How anyone could see her son as a dark creature was beyond her. “Good morning, Cariad,” she said as her son opened his beautiful honey-colored eyes she fell in love with at first sight. She held back her tears with all the strength she had, though her eyes watered profusely. If this was to be the last time Remus saw her, she was going to be smiling.
“Mmmmm.”
She let out a soft chuckle she hoped was comforting, “I know you’re sleepy, my love, but I won’t be seeing you for a long time.”
“Why, Mam? Are you going to Da? Can I come with you?” Remus had a hard time understanding what it meant when Lyall wasn’t around anymore, that he was dead and never coming back. For all the effort Hope Lupin had put into not crying, tears were falling down her face at quite a quick rate, and she knew for certain that they weren’t stopping anytime soon.
“No, Cariad, but because your Da isn’t here to help me anymore, I can’t take care of you the way that you need me to.”
“That’s okay, Mam. I can help you,” Remus said so certainly that Hope almost reconsidered everything she was doing. Almost.
“No, Rem. I’m so sorry, my love. You are so, so strong and smart, but not even a little boy as intelligent as you would be able to help me be who you need me to be. I’m sorry I can’t be your Mam, Rem. I’m so sorry, okay?” Hope didn’t know how she wasn’t sobbing, how she didn’t sob as she opened the door, as the matron took a now screaming Remus from her arms, as she saw her baby’s face for the last time, and she let go of the only thing she had left of Lyall.
Hope hates that she’ll never truly remember the image of Remus’s face the moment he left her arms, her vision blurred with tears and black spots dancing in her eyesight. Maybe she should be grateful that she’ll never be able to fully picture the hurt in Remus’s face, but she isn’t.
Years later, Hope would still think back to this moment and how she would give anything to see Remus’s face one more time, to know that he was okay. To know that the full moons weren’t treating him too badly. To know that he had friends that loved him. To know that everything she imagined about Remus to be true was true. To know that Remus Lupin, the best parts of her and Lyall, truly did beat the odds because Remus Lupin did, because Remus Lupin was everything Hope Lupin hoped he would be and more.