Sirius was sitting, blowing a fag on a bench in diagon alley. Remus had scurried of to the book shop, again. Pete had of course followed, with an icecream from Florean and Fortescues. Remus had eaten his own before they left but Pete was not done. They both enyojed food, a passion which drove them together. But were Remus practically inhaled his food and could eat enough food too feed an entire family, Peter was slower and more calm when eating.
Sirius had insisted on buying Remus a scoop of every flavour. Remus had of course tried to object, reminding him he didin’t have enough money to pay him back. Sirius ignored this and bought Remus 30 scoops of icecream. He managed to convince Remus that he wasn’t doing anyone any good by wasting food. That won Remus over and he decided that chocolate was his favourite, big surprise. Sirius loved the blueberry flavour and the vanilla one. Remus got particularly enthralled by the firewhiskey flavour.
Peter and Remus had always been close, like Sirius and James. Sirius sometimes joked that their big appetites drove them together.
James had sneaked away with Lily to snog. Sirius was quite proud of James for pulling it off whilst finding it hilarious that Lily finally gave in. He tried to ignore how lonely he felt with Lily occupying James mind and time.
Sirius sat inhaling and exhaling the smoke when Remus appeared, Pete trailing behind him, only one scoop of butterbeer left on his melting icecream.
“Pete, you can borrow my newest book if you would like? It is about baking.” Remus offered, smiling benignly at Peter.
“Oh yeah that would be great. Where did you get it?” Peter asked, smiling back.
“I got it from a mate at St Edmunds” Remus shrugged, casually.
Sirius thought it might be a lie, as he did not seem to have any friends there and had been kicked out. But Remus really was an excellent liar so he couldn’t be sure.
Remus handed him a weatherd, worn out book with a faded cover and title Sirius couldn’t make out. Peter smiled, dimples forming in his puffy cheeks.
“Thanks Moony” Peter smiled at Remus. “Of course. Anything for our Wormtail” Remus teased.
They had said “anything for our moony” for years. Peter blushed crimson red before rushing off. Remus chuckled as he lit and sucked a fag.
Sirius always felt a whoop in his stomach when he saw Remus smoke. The smoke blowing in his face. His long scarred fingers holding it. His lips on the fag before opening and exhaling the black smoke.
“Soo, where did you get the book?” Sirius asked casually as if he wasn’t imagining stripping Remus down, taking the fag out of his mouth to feel Remus’s lips on his own. As if he wasn’t imagining finding a private corner to be alone, undisturbed and completely naked.
Remus raised a sarcastic eyebrow. “I told you” he grinned. “I got it”. “So you stole it?” Sirius asked with mock outrage. He cluthed his hand to his chest, truly enjoying the show. “Oh i would
never” Remus rolled his eyes.
His face slowly fell, and his deep brown eyes flecked with a warm amber met his gaze. His eyebrows knotted together in worry. Remus looked down at him and like all the times he looked at him in that way, like he was the only one he could see, he felt that flutter of warmth deep in his stomach.
His chestnubrown hair fell in waves down his forehead, shining in the sun and lighter than the rest of the year due to the sun. Light freckles dotted his cheeks and nose. Pale scars criss-crossing his bonny face. Sirius knew Remus to be self conscious of his scars but he found them beguiling. One crossing his lip another over the bridge of his nose down to his chiseled jaw. Remus managed to look scary, radiating power whilst also seeming pure and innocent. He was the perfect mix between sweetness and the fiery flames of fire. In Sirius mind anyway. Remus never seemed to notice how he looked to Sirius, he had several times displayed surprise that Sirius would want him. It was all so ridiculous to Sirius.
He chastised himself inwardly, it was so easy to get stuck, observing Remus features.
“I think something happened to Grant” Remus admits.
“Why?” Sirius asked
He knew very little about Grant, he only knew he had been Remus first kiss. Jealousy gripped his stomach every time he heard his name.
“I wrote to Adz and he said Grant had gone off to London. No one has heard from him since. I know London and it is not the place for someone like Grant” his face darkened.
Sirius considered this.
Why was London unsafe? And why was it particularly unsafe for Grant? What did Remus wan’t to do about it? How did he know London after having grown up in Essex? Who was this Adz?
The questions bubbled up inside him but he knew in his gut that Remus wanted to look for him. So he only asked “when are we going?”.
Remus eyed him suspiciously, chewing the inside of his cheek, a characteristic move on his part.
“Fine you can come, but you can not make trouble. No matter what you see.” Remus searched his face for signs of disobedience. Sirius nodded, not quite understanding.
“I will make an excuse to James for our absence-“ Remus began. “No i should tell him” Sirius interrupted. “I don’t want him to know and you suck at lying” Remus declared, folding his arms over his chest. “I do not” Sirius grumbled.
Remus merely rolled his eyes and begun walking towards the leaky cauldron, giving Sirius a very enjoyable site of his backside.
Remus was wearing a grandpa sweater he had got from Mrs and Mr Potter as a christmas gift the previous year. He also had a pair of washed out black jeans he had bought in the village from the money he got for selling weed and fags.
The shoes he had apparently stolen from a storage a few years ago. This was the second pair of fake Doc Martens Remus had owned, this pair had crimson and yellow laces.
He had a few chains attached to his trousers, Sirius assumed he stole them.
Remus had a really cool style in Sirius opinion.
Sirius followed silently, pleased with getting to tag along, not that he would ever have let Remus go alone.
James was sitting with an arm around Lily and drinking a butter-beer with the other, gazing down at her adoringly. Lily beamed up at him, drinking her own butter-beer.
Peter stared glumly down his fire whiskey in between sips, appearing completely unnoticed by his best friend.
“There is a gig in London that me and Padfoot would like to go to. I saw a flyer, it starts at nine so we better get going.” Remus lied smoothly.
Remus really was a good liar. Sirius was torned between feeling in awe and being intimidated by it. What could he be lying to him about?
“Okay, just make sure to be back tomorrow, we are going to quality quidditch supplies” James waved distractedly, not looking away from Lily. “Can i come?” Peter asked hopefully, looking up from his nearly empty glass.
“There will be quite a bit of walking and you don’t know the band, not that you like music. And there is usually horrible food if any. You can come but i doubt you would enjoy it.” Remus persuaded but he looked sympathetic to Peters predicament. Peter looked crestfallen.
“Oi Prongs, pay Wormy some attention will you” Remus sighed, exasperated.
“Yeah i am sure Lily will manage” Sirius winked making Lily blush as red as her hair. But she held her head up defiantly.
They swiftly excused themselves and left the warm, stuffy pub.
Remus had an air of determination Sirius loved seeing when he came up with their pranks. Most of their pranks had been made up by the logical, clever yet to everyone else innocent marauder Moony. How mistaken they were, they did not even guess that Remus could be the mastermind behind everything. He usually joined in too though it was in the planning he really excelled.
Sirius was silently stunned as they walked through muggle London. He had lived in London his entire life yet it was so different from this perspective. The streets were bustling with life. Shops lining the sidewalk. Only these shops weren’t like the ones in diagon alley. They weren’t stuffed with quidditch supplies, dressrobes or wands. These shops housed all from clothes the likes Sirius had never seen before to things he had no idea what it was. People of all ages and dressed in different styles passed them.
Remus sniffed the air around them and he seemed to be following some sort of scent.
After a while they entered a darker side of London. A lot of the shops lay deserted and graffiti was sprayed across the house walls and on doors. The people had changed too. A lot of them was about their age with ragged faces and torn clothes. Most was skinny, sickly skinny. Some were drunk and wobbled precariously on the cobbled ground. Others were high and mumbling nonsense. Some looked like they had lost their will to live.
Sirius felt awful watching these people but Remus didn’t seem bothered at all.
Remus begun limping a while later and Sirius could hear the grinding of teeth as he fought whatever pain he was in.
“Lets take a seat shall we?” Sirius asked pointing at a nearby bench in front of a graffitied wall. On it stood “Say no to kids, drugs” and Sirius fought a mad impulse to laugh.
“I am fine” Remus lied through gritted teeth.
“No and we both need a rest” Sirius assured him though it wasn’t necessarily true. Remus gave him a quizzical look before shrugging and sitting down.
“How come you know London since you grew up in Essex?” Sirius asked, perplexed.
Remus looked down at the red and yellow laces o go f his shoes. The moonlight casting an eerie glow over his scars. Sirius wanted to run a finger over a silvery stripe going over his jaw.
“Been here before” Remus explained vaguely.
Sirius could have stopped there but now he needed to know. He wasn’t always sure wether or not to push when it came to Remus but now he did.
“Why were you in london?” He asked.
“I ran away, when i was nine. Was gone for a month before the cops found me” Remus sighed, something darkening in his eyes.
“Where did you stay?” Sirius wondered.
“On the streets, stole what little i could to survive. I know london all right” Remus answered grimly.
Sirius didn’t know what to say to that. He imagined a smaller version of Remus with big brown eyes and a shaved head. In his head he was starved and alone on that very street.
”What were you and Grant anyway?” Sirius asked, suppressing the jealousy rooting in his stomach at the idea of his Remus kissing someone else.
“We were friends that snogged occasionally, there wasn’t anything romantic between us but he cares about me for some reason. We look out for each other” Remus explained.
This satisfied Sirius somewhat.
“Let’s go, shall we?” Remus urged, trying to stand up and staggering.
Sirius stood up too, eyeing the other boy wairily. He didn’t look up for a long walk.
Remus sniffed the air every once in a while and Sirius wondered what he could smell.
“What scents can you smell?” Sirius asked, curiously.
Remus shifted akwardly and a deep blush settled on his cheeks.
“Eh sorta everything” he started.
“Like what?” Sirius pushed.
“Magic, people, feelings, yeah just everything” he looked down, avoiding Sirius searching gaze.
They walked in silence, Sirius staring at their surroundings.
The streets became busier and they passed bar after bar with drunk people staggering out. Sirius hoped Remus wouldn’t be to preoccupied by it. He had always loved a good drink when stuff got rough. Only as he was no light weight, it became many more than one.
Remus began walking quicker suddenly, urgency filling the air around them. “Blood” Remus whispered as he darted of leaving Sirius on his shorter legs to run after him.
He panted as he kept up with Remus fierce strides. They were about to enter a narrow cobbled street in between two brick buildings.
Cry’s of anguish came from inside and cackeling laughter answered it. “Ya stay down ya filthy knob-gobbler” one slurred drunkenly. The sound of boot hitting bone reached them.
“Fuckin nancy boy” another joined in with a strange accent Sirius had rarely heard before. Maybe Irish and he sounded no more sober than the first comrade.
“Dirty faggot” a more sober voice added. His accent wasn’t posh but it wasn’t downtown either. A middle ground.
Remus creeped, with deadly silence into the narrow lane. Sirius followed right behind him. His heart thundering in his chest. He knew the words they had uttered to well only he had mostly heard them in his mothers voice.
Remus swung for the man closest to them, a clean right hook to his jaw, leaving the sound of knuckles breaking bone. He staggered backwards but Remus vengeance would not be thwarted. He kicked his boot on his nose, blood gushing from it, trailing down to the the hard rough ground were he lay, clutching his disfigured, bloody face.
Sirius watched in half amazement half terror as Remus moved on to a ginger fella Sirius assumed to be Irish. His hair just reinforced Sirius theory of his Irish heritage.
Remus head butted him before shoving him roughly in the chest. The man fell immediately, reminding Sirius of Remus immense, unbelievable strength.
He tried to rise but Remus slammed his fist in his stomach, a guteral groan leaving the pathetic loser of a man on the ground.
The third’s eyes had popped in terror, Sirius noticed with some satisfaction.
Remus did not spare him the option of surrender but pounced, slamming him into the brick wall behind him, blood emanating from his head as he slumped onto the ground, unconscious.
Only then did Sirius notice the thin man laying on the ground, bruises showing on every exposed bit of skin.
“Remus, me ol tosser, ya always manage ta find me in the end, ow ya do it, eh?” Grant rasped.
He had clear blue eyes and blond scruffy curls falling over his forehead. His face was thin but so was the rest of him, sickly thin even. Grant’s accent was much like Remus’s had been in their first year only his had quickly changed, matching theirs.
“I found ya cause i looked. Fuckin pissheads an asshats” he flipped the middle finger to the unconciouss or groaning men on the ground.
“Ya okay?” Remus asked, treading closer to the wounded boy. Grant nodded and smiled slightly.
Sirius gaped. His accent was just as it had been in first year only it sounded slightly different when his voice was deeper and darker.
“Who ya friend over there?” Grant asked, gesturing and wincing at Sirius.
“That’s Sirius the mate from me school. Remember?” Remus answered. It weirdly unnerved Sirius that Remus had been talking about him.
“Yeah the guy who broke ya heart? Did’n i tell ya ta stay away from posh boys? Is he your boyfriend?” Grant chastised, as if Sirius wasn’t even there.
A sinking feeling filled his gut as cold shame crawled up his spine. He never wanted to break Remus heart though he knew he had, many times.
“It’s fine now” Remus reassured.
“Sirius this is Grant” Remus introduced, his accent back to normal. Grant raised his eyebrows.
“Ya sound jus like ehm you posho” Grant laughed lightly, but ended coughing and clutching his side.
A frown crease appeared between Remus eyebrows and as always Sirius wanted to smooth it out with his fingers.
“Orright yeah” Remus nodded, a slight lovely rosiness began spreading up his neck, over his cheeks.
“Need ta get ya some food” Remus muttered. “Ain’t got no money on me but theres a pub right roun the corner” he nodded to himself.
Grant seemed to take this as a code for something. “Don go through any trouble on me part” Grant offered, bashfully.
Meanwhile Sirius felt completely lost. How could going into a bar give him money?
“Don be silly” Remus grinned back. “Be back in no time” and he limped around the corner.
“What is he doing?” Sirius asked, his accent sounding strange in his ears after hearing the other two boys speak.
“Nick’n some cash” Grant explained. “Give me a hand will ya?” He asked, trying to stand up.
Sirius helped him up. He couldn’t help but wonder what Remus found attractive about him. Then he wondered if it was really fair to judge Grant’s appearance when he obviously had been living it rough and his face was bloody from an assault. Then he wondered since when he cared about being fair.
Grant winced and Sirius realised his breath was laboured.
“You, alright?” Sirius asked.
“Yeah been through worse haven i” Grant chuckled then winced.
Sirius didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t know what Grant had been through but if he had been worse he assumed he had gone through a lot.
Though Sirius had grown up surrounded by wealth and riches, his life hadn’t been a walk on roses either.
A few moments later Remus came back. His wary eyes looked around him, alert for trouble. Not for the first time did Sirius wonder exactly what he had been through to make him so… what?
He was always on edge, suppressing a flinch at sudden noises or moves. Remus was always on guard with everything, every expression, every word. Sirius had seen his mask slip at times when they were alone or else just surrounded by their friends. Remus had a look that could kill but they were nothing against his fists, but under that he was soft and sweet but scared, scarred. But by what?
Sirius knew of course Remus life couldn’t have been easy but still he wondered exactly what had happened in his life. He never spoke about his parents, St Edmunds or werewolf stuff if he could help it.
His father had offed himself and his mother had abandoned him after he was attacked and bitten by Greyback. But his constant alertness seemed to be something more than that.
“Got it” Remus told them, pulling out a rolled up fat bundle of paper money. “Lets get ya something te eat” Remus suggestion sounded more like a command.
They walked or Sirius walked, the other two limped, to a diner. A few people sat inside, eating a burger or smoking a fag with a bottle of a brand Sirius had never heard of called “Coca Cola”.
Remus tried even harder to suppress his limp as he reached the counter, Sirius and Grant trailing behind. Remus ordered a bunch of food.
He lead them to a table in a dark corner surrounded by other equally unoccupied tables.
“Where you livin?” Remus asked Grant seriously. “Up da road, bunkin wif a few mates o mine” Grant nodded as a waiter arrived with their food.
“Eat” Remus demanded shooting a glance at the plates of food surrounding them. A real smile crept up Grant’s face as he took in the food. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in weeks and was on the point of starvation. “Really?” He asked and as soon as Remus nodded he dived in.
“You too Sirius” Remus commanded, his accent changed once more. Now Sirius wondered if he changed his accent at hogwarts or if it had just adapted in their company like Sirius had assumed. He took a burger and ate it. Sirius had never had a burger before and it was surprisingly good.
“How hurt are ya?” Remus asked Grant grimly. “It’s nothin” Grant mumbled. “Broken ribs for sure” he directed it at himself and then it was a weird jumble of his posher accent and his other accent.
“Ow’s matron? Nasty as ever?” Grant asked as he chewed on a chicken leg.
“Would’n know, got kicked out ya see” Remus replied over a burger of his own.
“Nasty ol pig, only we still had food did’t we? Sometimes i think it wasn’t really that terrible an all” Grant mused.
Remus jaw tightened almost imperceptibly as he raised an eyebrow. “Ow about all the times i had to patch you up?” Remus counterd.
Sirius felt completely lost. Patch up what?
“You get beat’n whereever ya go only there you had food” Grant answered in turn.
A cold stone sank in his stomach. Beaten, had Remus been beaten at that place? Why hadn’t he told him?
“Like it’s really the same” Remus tutted, he tried indiffence and managed it brilliantly except for a moment were his wide eyes scated to Sirius. A look of terror in them.
“Rather take the whip an some food than a beat’n without any” Grant shrugged.
Whip, he had been whipped, that must mean Remus had been too.
Remus shot him another sideway glance, his big eyes wide with panic. Sirius wondered if he really was scared of his reaction? It made him angry that Remus hadn’t told him or that anyone had hurt him.
“Been liv’n off da streets when i was 10 or something. Was able to nick some food but was rid of the nasty ol cow” Remus muttered bitterly, a sour look crossing his face, momentarily forgetting his distress.
Grant chuckled darkly. “S’pose ya make a point” Grant shook his head as he took another mouthful.
Sirius was resisting the temptation to gag. They spoke so casually about it, like it was just everyday problems, not getting food and being whipped. It made him sick.
After they had eaten Grant led them to his place. There were 5 dirty mattresses on the floor. They entered into a shabby kitchen with mustard yellow walls. That was about it, there was one patched, half destroyed couch and nothing else except a bathroom. Two thin people were sleeping on the mattresses with similar looks of living it rough as Grant. Their clothes well worn and torn in places, bruises covering their thin faces.
Remus helps Grant lay down. “Ow ya always manage te find me, eh?” Grant smiled, pulling Remus in for a quick hug even as he winced.
Remus smiled mysteriously. “Go te sleep an maybe i’ll tell ya some day” he teased.
Grant fell asleep quickly. Remus put his hands a good 10 cm over Grants chest. Sirius insides froze. “You can’t!” Sirius hissed under his breath.
Remus shot him a deadly look. He didn’t say a single word nor did he withdraw his wand.
Grant’s breathing immediately became more even, he then proceeded, frowning in concentration over areas that seemed injured. Then satisfied he went back and stood next to him. “How? What? Wow!” Sirius scream whispered, in awe. Remus blushed. “It’s nothing” he mumbled as he scuffled his feet.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius asked. Remus flinched but steadied himself quickly. “It wasn’t important” his voice was void of any emotion. “It it” Sirius insisted, feeling his anger rise. “Later Padfoot, can we take this tomorrow at a reasonable hour?” He asked sounding desperate. Sirius gave a curt nod, he was angry but also exhausted.
“You can go to diagon alley if you wan’t” Remus offered. “No” he responded immediately. Remus sighed. He sat down and gestured fir Sirius to follow. He did and Remus laid his head in his lap. Remus long fingers stroked his hair gently until he fell asleep.