DAY TWO
"Remus,"
Remus peeled his eyes open. The light seeped in dimly through his closed curtains and he groaned at the persistent morning.
His head lifted slightly off the pillow as footsteps came increasingly closer to his bed.
"Shit, fuck, shit," The words tumbled out his mouth in a frantic whisper. Littering his chest was a small collection of petals and alarmingly, a flower.
He shot upright, shivering slightly at the whoosh of cold air that hit his bare back in the process. His hands grabbed at the petals and flower, and he shoved them haphazardly under his limp pillow.
He lay back, propping himself up exhaustedly on his forearms, just as the curtain was yanked forcefully open.
Remus shielded his eyes from the sudden bright light and squinted uselessly at the silhouette of James.
"Good morning!" James' voice was like a stab in his ears.
Remus gurgled in response.
"Prongs-" Sirius popped up from behind James, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Let the poor boy sleep-" He glanced over at Remus and his words failed in his throat.
Sirius studied Remus with an intoxicating silver intensity. Remus felt himself warm up the longer he was stared at, and a small smile blossomed over his face, flicking up in the corner. The tops of Sirius' cheekbones reddened into a gentle ruby and Remus yearned to trace it with his lips.
"Morning," Sirius mumbled, eyes never leaving Remus- or his torso.
Remus raised an amused brow. Sirius reddened deeper.
"Looking very promiscuous, there, Moony," James commented, face betraying the stifled laughter. Remus guffawed, looking down at his naked chest and low-slung pyjama trousers. He flushed slightly at the suggestive state of himself.
Peter's head poked out from Sirius' side.
"Oh, yes, indeed. Looking thoroughly fucked."
Remus chocked on his inhalation, yapping and throwing the nearest object- a sock- at him. James cackled mirthfully and fled the scene, Peter at his side.
Rubbing a hand over his bright red face, Remus peeked between his fingers to look at Sirius.
Sirius was stood in the same spot, blinking at Remus. His face and neck had stained ever-so-prettily into a dark scarlet blush, and he wet his lips distractedly.
Remus stared at him, feeling a heated tug in his groin.
Shit.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom," Sirius muttered suddenly, stiffly. Without waiting for a response, he abruptly turned and all but jogged rigidly away.
"Okay," Remus croaked out to no one.
He was halfway out of his trouser leg when the constricting urge to cough appeared again. His breath tugged out of him in painful gasps, and he keeled over slightly at the strength. His hand reached out for support, and after a few empty grabs, his hand collided with cool porcelain, sending the object plummeting to the floor. His hand landed on his desk, but it wasn't fast enough, as his body hurled forward dangerously-
A hand dived towards him and gripped his arm, pulling him back up.
When the final coughs delivered petals into his hand, Remus sucked in a breath and regained his balance as the blood rushed from his head.
He opened his eyes, gold meeting silver. Remus couldn't help but flush lightly at their proximity. The two of them undressed and embraced. He was suddenly conscious of the trousers pooled at his ankles.
Sirius didn't loosen his death grip as he asked: "Are you okay?" shakily.
Remus nodded. His gaze fell onto the fallen mug.
"I'm fine," He spoke to the jagged pieces on the floor.
"That didn't look very fine," Sirius said harshly, clutching Remus' arm so hard he thought he'd lose circulation. When Remus didn't reply, his gaze turned steely. "What is wrong? You're clearly sick for fucks sake! Why are you lying to me?" His voice waivered, but his eyes remained hard and searching.
Remus couldn't bear it any further. He wrenched out of Sirius' grip and glared at the floor like it was at fault.
"I already told you: I'm sick. It's nothing," Remus felt Sirius go brittle near him.
"Remus, mate, you should see Pomfrey for that," James' voice was the personification of 'walking on eggshells'. Remus wanted to crawl into a ball. Beg forgiveness for how he relentlessly scolded his friends.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-
"I'm fine!" Remus snapped instead. His friends went quiet, sharing glances with one another.
Remus exhaled shakily and pulled his school shirt on. He looked over at James and Peter.
"I'm sorry. I'm just- cranky. I'm sorry," He breathed.
He didn't look at Sirius. He couldn't.
He turned away from his three friends and shot a Reparo at the mug.
He buttoned up his shirt and continued getting dressed without another word.
* * * * * *
Remus only just about managed through first lesson.
By second, he was doing considerably worse.
He felt another tickle at the back of his throat.
Remus stared ahead at the board, where Professor Flitwick was talking animatedly. The itch persisted.
He tried to stifle back the cough that threatened, breathing shallow, slow breaths.
It was no use.
The cough turned into a coughing fit, and a violent one at that.
He braced the desk with his hands and heaved dramatic spurts into his hand. With every second, Remus was closer and closer to murdering himself before the Hanahaki could, out of pure embarrassment.
To his horror, he heard the entire class go quiet as he just about choked on air.
From somewhere on his side, he heard James mutter a "shit" and he felt arms circle around him once again.
"Do you need water? Are you okay? Deep breaths, Moons. I'm gonna get you water," Sirius said to his ear in rapid fire. Remus shook his head.
How the fuck am I gonna drink it?
He would've said, if he wasn't fucking choking.
Remus was worried he'd run out of space to hide the petals, when finally, his attack ceased.
He shuddered a breath and looked up.
Every single eye in the room was on him.
Anxiety spiked through him, nauseating him at the unwanted attention, feeling dizzy as his face drained of any colour.
"Mr Lupin, are you quite alright?" Flitwick asked from the stack of books he was stood atop.
Remus nodded faintly, eyes unfocused.
"No, he's fucking not!" Sirius cried out. Flitwick frowned down at them.
"I think you should go to the hospital, Lupin. Better have Madam Pomfrey take a look," He looked over his glasses in concern.
"Yes, please, Remus-"
"We'll walk you there!"
"Just please go-"
"Fine! Just shut up for god's sake," Remus pleaded as the world stirred beneath him.
"One of you boys can accompany him there, but return immediately," Flitwick offered. Remus shook his head and was about to speak but Sirius cut in.
"I'll go with him. Come on, Re," Sirius stood and offered his hand.
Had Remus not been desperate to get out of the singeing spotlight, he would've stood his ground.
But that wasn't the case, so he gripped Sirius' hand pathetically and stood on unsteady legs.
"Back straight after, Mr Black!"
"Yes, Professor!" Sirius shouted over his shoulder as he pulled Remus out the classroom.
The two walked through the empty halls, shoulders and hands brushing with each sway. Remus felt himself drift closer with every magnetic touch, until they were nearly shoulder to shoulder. He risked glances at the boy beside him, marvelling at the pull he felt whenever he was near him.
And oh, wasn't he a sight to behold.
His black-silk hair was pulled back in a low bun, held up torturously by his wand, apart from a few stray pieces that stirred a new depth of jealousy in Remus as they brushed his face and neck in leisure. The rays of sunlight pouring through the windows and pillars danced across his skin, making it glitter and gleam and oh how Remus wanted to brush his lips over each and every corner of it.
Sirius turned his head, locking eyes with Remus. His cherry lips formed a slight, confused smile.
Remus wanted to curl up and sob.
"What?" He asked with a voice like the sweetest, smoothest nectar. Remus tore his eyes away, though his body begged against it, and shook his head lightly.
"Nothing," And there was that brush of hands once again. The touch burned onto Remus' hand like a branding, leaving simmers of sparks.
Sirius' hand roped its way around Remus'. Their fingers interlocked softly.
Remus swore his heart was ripped out and squeezed at the way Sirius' thumb traced featherlight circles on the back of his palm.
Sirius bumped his shoulder gently into Remus', asking for his attention.
You always had it.
"The full isn't for another two weeks," Sirius said softly, looking at Remus expectantly.
"I know," Remus breathed, looking deep into mercury. "But I'm actually sick this time. Maybe all my lies have caught up to me," The words came out softly, as though if he spoke too loud, Sirius would know the truth.
"Do you know what's wrong?"
Yes
"No."
"Okay," A beat. "Can I stay with-"
"No."
Sirius huffed but a smile played at his lips.
They walked in silence. Sirius didn't drop his hand.
As they neared the hospital wing, Sirius cleared his throat.
"Hm?" Remus was brought out of his daze. "What?"
"No, nothing, just a tickly throat," Sirius shrugged lightly.
"Oh? Have you had something to drink? I can ask Poppy for a lozenge or something," Remus offered. He smiled at the way Sirius was swinging their hands gently.
"No, no," Sirius shook his head. "It's probably just allergies. It's spring, after all. Or maybe I caught your cold."
Huh.
"You have hay fever? I never noticed," Remus furrowed his brows slightly.
"Me neither."
Remus shrugged in return.
They reached the doors to the hospital wing, towering high overhead. Sirius swung their hands one last time.
"See you at break?" He asked, looking up at Remus intently.
Remus felt the evergreen need to feel Sirius' lips against his own.
"Yep, see you then," he said instead, and slipped his hand from the hypnotic warmth of Sirius.
Sirius continued watching Remus. His lips parted slightly, as though he was going to say something. His body pulled gently closer to Remus, until Remus could almost feel the heat off his chest.
"Okay," Sirius croaked, pulling away. He swallowed, and Remus watched the motion. Sirius took a step back, Remus shuddering at the rush of icy breeze that replaced him. He placed a palm on the polished door and slipped inside after one final glance at Sirius.
* * * * * *
The hospital wing was warm and smelled of fresh air and cleanness. A bed was making itself near the back, white linen sheets being stretched and folded under the foggy fuzz of magic.
"Remus, dear!"
Remus turned to see Madam Pomfrey and smiled to her in greeting.
"Come have a seat," She walked him over to the nearest bed and stood quizzically before him once he was sat. "What's the problem?"
Remus inhaled tentatively. He chewed on his lip in thought.
Poppy frowned, recognising his nervous habit, and pulled up a chair to sit on.
Remus felt a cough coming on and brought his hand over his mouth, feeling the flower press against it.
Lowering his trembling hand, he revealed the flower.
"I have Hanahaki."
He looked up at Pomfrey, feeling heavy and choked up from the confession. Though her expression was schooled, Remus had grown able to read the signs around it. She was understandably, astonished.
"Remus, my dear, I'm sorry to hear this," she said softly, a frown sprouting across her face. "How long have you had it?"
"Two days," Remus said, followed by a poisonous bout of coughing. The flowers glided breezily down to his lap.
"You shouldn't have let it get this bad, boy!" Poppy said alarmed. Her expression softened into one of sympathy. "If it's any consolation at all, I know your position," she said, and looked wistfully to a framed photo on her desk.
Remus' eyes widened as he looked closer. The frame was a simple rosewood but embroidered with intricate flowers and vines. The portrait was of Pomfrey and McGonagall.
"Is that-?"
"Yes, that's your Professor McGonagall," she said with a dimpled smile as she studied the photo.
The two were arm in arm, smiling brightly as they both held bouquets of red. Remus squinted closer, seeing McGonagall holding poppies.
"What flowers are you holding?" He asked, studying the red blooms. They had white starred centres and sprouts of light green in the middle.
Pomfrey smiled wider.
"Amaryllis Minerva."
Remus looked at the photo a moment longer, digesting the newfound knowledge.
"So, it worked out for the two of you?" He asked, turning back to Pomfrey. She nodded calmly.
"And I think it will for you and him."
What?
"What?" Remus asked in astonishment.
"Oh, is it not that Mr Black? Do pardon me for assuming-"
"No, I mean, yes, it is him, but how did you know?" Distress leak from his voice as he fiddled the bed cover with a tensed hand.
"I was going to say it was obvious, but you seem troubled. I do have a keen eye, you know," she said quickly. Remus relaxed into the bed, muscles unclenching.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get my hackles up, I just haven't spoken about this to anyone. And I've been in love with him for seven years," His mouth was dry as he swallowed. He felt so utterly exhausted.
Pomfrey nodded again, understandingly.
"I hope you haven't lost hope. If you'll allow me, I do think there's a possibility he loves you too," She spoke soothingly.
Loves me back. Imagine that.
Remus didn't reply, just shrugged a single shoulder and cast his gaze to the unblemished floor.
Poppy stood up after a moment of silence and disappeared to her office.
"There's not much I can do, as I'm sure you're already aware," she said once she had reappeared a few seconds later. Remus nodded. "However, I can give you this potion that you can take before you go to bed, which will act as a pain and discomfort reliever, and should make your throat feel somewhat soothed. You can always come back for a Pepperup which will help if you need a quick fix. But remember, Remus, that none of this will cure the Hanahaki. You need to confess for that to happen," She looked inquiringly at him, presenting the small vial.
"I understand," The words crawled out of his mouth, leaving a bitter, floral taste on his tongue.
Poppy sat down on the chair again, watching Remus with the gentlest hint of pity.
"If you don't confess your feelings, Remus," she said softly, grimly. "You'll die. I know you know as much, but I hope you truly understand the gravity of your situation. I estimate you have only about four days more before this illness kills you. I believe it's advancing much faster given your Lycanthropy. In fact, we can only be grateful that this didn't coincide with the full moon, otherwise Merlin knows how you'd get by. But still, four days is a terrifyingly short amount of time before it happens. The flowers suffocating you, that is. As poetic as it is, it's still deadly. Don't be fooled by the innocent buds," She looked at the few fallen flowers on the floor in a strange mixture of nostalgia and uneasiness.
Remus followed suit, looking at the delicate floral mess.
"I know," He spoke in a whisper.
I know.
* * * * * *
The door shut softly behind Remus, and he slid the vial into his bag. His steps were automatic as he walked nowhere.
"Rem!"
His head picked up from where it had been gazing at the floor, seeing Lily near the end of the corridor. She walked briskly towards him, smiling in greeting.
"I was just on my way to check on you! The boys very kindly sent me as their scapegoat to see you because they didn't want you to snap at them. Are you alright? Sirius said you had a cold-"
Remus tuned out slightly, feeling an oncoming cough.
"-and so that's when they practically begged me, no, really, you should've seen them Rem, it was a pitiful sight, to go to see you! So here I am," she said perkily, panting slightly from her ramble.
Her triumphant smile dropped in concern when she glanced at Remus.
"Re? What's wrong?"
He coughed in response, a single, abrupt thing the hurt his back. The flower sat tenderly in his closed fist.
Lily stepped to his side, patting his back gently.
"Nasty cold, eh?"
And Remus made the split-second decision to tell her then and there.
He replied by uncurling his fingers and pushing his hand towards Lily.
She looked at the flower in confusion.
Her face paled in shock.
"Oh my god," she breathed and turned back to see Remus' face. Her bright green eyes were wide and glistening, and her mouth parted as her jaw hung. "Jesus Christ, Remus," she said quietly. Remus studied her as she studied the flower once more, at a loss for words.
He exhaled shakily and shrugged helplessly.
"Are you going to tell him?" She whispered after a moment.
Remus groaned and ran a hand through his matting hair.
"How does everyone just know?" He gritted out through his teeth.
"Firstly, everyone? Who did you tell before me? Secondly, I'm around you two fools all the time. I think I can tell when my best friend is acting all lovey-dovey," She raised an eyebrow, and Remus was slightly relieved to see her back to her normal self. Somewhat.
"Only Poppy knows. I had to tell her. And also, no comment on the second point," Remus quipped, raising his own brow in retort.
Lily smiled and gently shoved his shoulder.
"But you never answered the main question. Are, no, when are you going to tell him?" She tugged at his arm and the two fell into step.
"I'm not," Remus said firmly, looking anywhere but Lily.
She stopped in her tracks.
"You what?"
"I'm not going to tell him."
Lily guffawed.
"You're either a shit fucking comedian or fucking insane." Her voice raised as she placed her hands on her hips. "Or fucking suicidal! Re, what the fuck?" She pressed a hand to her head in disbelief, eyes wide and crazed.
"I'm none of those. If anything, I'm an overthinker. But I have my reasons and we're not getting into them," he said finally. Lily stared at him as though he'd sprouted a second head. Her lips formed a tight line as she walked to catch up with Remus.
"This argument isn't over, you hear me? We're coming back to this, and you will give me a list of every reason you have, so prepare yourself. For now, let's stop fighting," she said, shaking her head.
"Okay," Remus sighed simply. The pair walked towards the Great Hall in a pensive silence.
Lily suddenly stood still once again.
"Oh! I've just had an idea!" She said as she fumbled through her bag. She pulled out a small black purse embroidered with, ironically, flowers.
She handed it to Remus and zipped her bag back up.
"If we cast an extension charm on the inside, you can use it to store the flowers you cough up, so you don't have to keep holding them!" She exclaimed.
Opening up the purse, Lily pointed her wand at it and muttered a quick, succinct spell. The inside glowed a golden-yellow before returning to its original colour.
"Let's test it," She mumbled, plucking the flower from Remus' hand and dropping it in. The two watched intently as the flower fell in, and then kept falling until it disappeared into a near-abyss.
Remus smiled at it. He flexed his newly empty hand.
"There we go," Lily said confidently, and with a practiced flourish she sheathed her wand.
"Thanks, Lils. That really helps," Remus looked at her appreciatively, a smile warming his features. Lily smiled and flicked his shoulder.
"Let's go eat."
* * * * * *
Remus stared at the meaningless words on the board.
Slughorn droned on and on about something Remus probably should have paid attention to but hadn't. His mind was far, far away, counting down the seconds until the end of the lesson.
"Mr Fenwick, why don't you tell me the ingredient aforementioned that usually makes a potion deadly but in this case doesn't have that effect?" Slughorn asked. Remus blinked.
Shit, he's asking questions.
Remus wracked his brain for information on the potion they were learning but couldn't remember for the life of him.
"That would be asphodel, Professor," Benji answered. Slughorn nodded, satisfied, before surveying the students for his next bit of prey.
Remus stared at the desk.
"Mr Lupin," Fuck. "You've been awfully quiet this lesson. Why don't you tell me the most distinctive trait of this potion?" He leered unsettlingly. Remus was quiet, thinking for a moment.
"Sorry, Professor, I'm not sure," he answered stiffly.
Slughorn tutted.
"That would be the smell it omits. If you'll remember, we're talking about Amortenita, which will release the aroma most attractive to any witch or wizard nearby," He looked disapprovingly at Remus who nodded meekly.
I knew that, for fucks sake.
"Mr Lupin, if I catch you not paying attention again, you will be receiving a detention," Slughorn crossed his arms in finality.
"Professor! That's not fair!" Sirius shrieked in rage, sitting up in his chair. Remus' head snapped to him.
What the fuck are you doing?
"He's the bloody most attentive students in this class and one slip up costs him a detention!"
"Mr Black, I advise you to quiet down-"
"No, I think it's absolutely unfair-!"
"Sirius," Remus glared warningly.
"You two will both stop disrupting my class or else-"
"Oh, so now we can't voice our opinions-"
"Sirius!" Remus pleaded desperately.
"That's enough!" Slughorn shouted, voice booming over the room. Sirius' mouth snapped shut and he glared in defiance.
Slughorn exhaled furiously through his nose.
"You two will both be serving a Saturday detention tomorrow, as a result of disrupting my class and disobeying my orders," he spoke in a quiet, firm voice. His face had reddened in anger.
Sirius and Remus dropped their jaws in unison but wisely, they shut up.
* * * * * *
As soon as the bell rang, Remus and James were up and at Sirius' desk, hounding him with questions.
"What in the bloody hell was that!" James cried, throwing his arms out in astonishment.
"You cost us both detentions when I could've gotten off with just a warning!" Remus mirrored James. He carded a hand through his hair, fuming.
Sirius scowled at them and crossed his arms, sinking into his seat.
"I was trying to defend you!" He spoke through a frown.
"Oh! Well, excuse me for using my logic rather than impulse!" Remus said incredulously.
Sirius flushed and said nothing, shrugging.
"So now you shut up?" Remus scoffed, brow raised high.
Sirius stood slowly, keeping eye contact with Remus until they were just about level. He hitched his bag up his shoulder as his mouth morphed into a merciless smirk, making Remus' stomach churn despite his previous aggression.
"Silver lining, Moons; we get to spend a whole day together."