The Beginning of New Understandings
Poppy didn’t know how she was supposed to do this.
The same day Natsai talked to Poppy in the Great Hall(Thursday), Poppy hurried off toward the Ravenclaw common room before class. It was in her hopes that at some point he would leave the common room, perhaps for class, but no such thing happened.
In the end, Poppy sighed and began heading down the stairs, leaving to attend Transfiguration. She thought about Hans for the rest of the day, thinking on how she would approach this. Poppy decided she would try and talk to him during dinner.
The only problem was that Hans didn’t show up for dinner, and seemed to be still hiding away in his common room. The next morning, Poppy hoped to see Hans at his table for breakfast, but once again, he wasn’t there.
Poppy felt herself starting to lose hope as she trudged her way toward Beasts class the next day. Normally she enjoyed the class, but the lack of Hans and her worry for him was clouding that out. As she approached the hut where the class would take place, Poppy looked out in the direction of the Black Lake.
Just below the castle in that direction is where Poppy took Hans to meet Highwing on the day they met. Poppy missed those days dreadfully, and wished everything could go back to how it was. Though, as Poppy began to look away, she noticed a figure sitting far in the distance, right on the shore of the lake.
Poppy had just the slightest feeling that it was Hans.
Of course the time he would leave the common room was when everybody else was supposed to be in class. That way he got some fresh air, and nobody bothered him about the events on Monday just a few days before.
As Poppy approached Beasts class she decided that now was the best time to seek him out. “Professor Howin,” Poppy walked up to the Beasts professor, who was busy with a container of food.
“Yes, Miss Sweeting?”
“Would it be okay if I could take today off, I have a uh- er- a thing,” Poppy attempted lamely.
“And what may that be, Miss Sweeting?” The professor inquired.
Poppy faltered, trying to think of a viable excuse. She hadn’t thought this far. “Well, uh- I was thinking that, uhm, since I’m so far ahead in this class-“
To her surprise, Poppy watched as Professor Howin smiled. “Yes, Miss Sweeting, you may go. The boy needs it.” Poppy blinked in surprised, unable to think of what to say. How did Professor Howin know? “Now go, before I change my mind,” Professor Howin shooed Poppy away as the rest of the class filed in.
Poppy smiled in what felt like the first time in days, hurrying toward the lake. The small girl still wasn’t sure if the figure in the distance was Hans, but as she approached it was confirmed more and more. As Poppy passed the place Highwing and Hans met, moving toward the lake, she noticed a cloak bundled up next to the person, black and blue, like the colors of Ravenclaw. The figure had the same hair as Hans, and was also wearing the same black and yellow armored outfit he always wore beneath his cloak.
Hans was sitting with his legs crossed, though his knees were raised in the air just slightly as he rested his wrists on them. Hans was twiddling with something in his hands, turning it over as he stared at the object in deep thought. He sat only a few feet from the lake, his boots resting in soft ground.
The boy didn’t notice Poppy approach him from behind, and were it not for the empty state he was in, he would have jumped when she spoke to him softly, standing a few feet behind him and a few feet to his right. “Mind if I join you?”
Hans turned his head slightly, his right eye landing on her boots, which was all he could see from both of their placements. “No,” he whispered quietly, “no I don’t.”
Hans turned his head again and looked out across the lake, watching the water ripple with an empty stare. Poppy took a seat beside him, with about a foot gap behind them. She extended her legs all the way before her and leaned back a little, supporting herself with her hands behind her back.
The moment she sat down, Poppy realized Hans was holding a wand. But it wasn’t his wand. It was a cream white, with beautiful curls along its handle, yet it looked incredibly fragile. Who’s wand was that?
Poppy didn’t know how long she sat there with him, nor did she know how long he had been there before this. However long, he had managed to avoid her, that was for sure. She tried to not be hurt by that, and told herself that it was because he was in mourning, but a small part of her couldn’t help itself but feel the slightest twinge of pain in his abyssal silence.
Poppy lost herself in her thoughts, trying hard not to say anything, but simply be there. She realized that was what he needed, that’s what he wanted. Not somebody to ask questions or to tell him it was okay, just for somebody to be there. And she would, until the end of time. Sure, it was cliche, but what can you do when you’re a sixteen year-old with a crush?
Eventually the silence was broken, not by Poppy, but by Hans. “I started to think I was invincible,” he said softly.
Poppy didn’t say anything, and decided she would only listen. While Poppy was incredibly glad he said something, she was also scared at where this would lead. Scared she would do the wrong thing. Scared she would lose him even more.
“I hadn’t been defeated. I hadn’t been stopped. By anyone. I hadn’t been hurt.” Hans was still staring out across the lake, still twirling the strange wand in his hands.
“Everybody I traveled with, everybody who I helped, I started to think they were invulnerable too. How wrong I was,” his voice was still ridiculously quiet, and his hands were starting to shake. “First Natsai, then Sebastian and Solomon, then Lodgok, and then,” he gulped, the rest of his body beginning to shudder, “and then Fig.”
Poppy was torn on what to do, whether to say something or move closer to comfort him. Poppy had no idea. She was terrified.
“You know what he said to me?” Hans turned and looked at her, a look of pure misery and boyish fear, a look Poppy would never forget.
Poppy shook her head, staring sorrowfully at Hans, watching him speak, “He said, “You are stronger than you know,”” the boy gulped, his body shaking in silence, “I could have saved him. I should have saved him. He believed in me. I just didn’t believe in myself. And if I did, he would still be here.”
Hans broke down in to silent tears, shaking violently, something Poppy could no longer just watch. She scooted closer to him and opened her arms, intending to give him a hug, “Oh, Hans,” she whispered in as much of a comforting tone as she could.
Hans practically melted into her, falling into her arms, falling into her lap and shaking with violent sobs. He was silent as he did, but tears streamed down his face. Poppy didn’t say anything, but only wrapped her arms around him. While Hans quietly broke down in her arms, she stroked his back and rested her head on his shoulder. While Hans didn’t see it, quiet tears of her own had welled up in her eyes and were falling on his back.
For both Poppy and Hans, it seemed that a dam had broken. Poppy had seen him struggle so much throughout the week, and felt heartbroken and helpless as he pushed everyone away. But here he was, sobbing in her lap as everything that had built up inside of him within the past week was let go.
Poppy didn’t know how long they sat there together, holding each other in one another’s arms. Secretly, for both of them, it didn’t feel long enough. Poppy realized at some point that the classes had been excused, as she looked up toward the castle and saw people walking along it’s grounds. Still though, she didn’t move. Sure, Poppy had Defense Against the Dark Arts next, but she felt this was more important.
Eventually, Hans pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. Tear streaks ran down his face, and his gray eyes were red on the sclera, but no more were they hollow. He still looked sad and miserable, but some kind of life had returned to his eyes, and no more did he look like a living corpse. Poppy wondered if he could see any remnants of the silent tears on her face.
“Thank you,” he whispered, resting his hands on her wrists as they looked at each other.
“Of course, anything for you,” Poppy acknowledged back. She didn’t intend for it to sound so… lovey-dovey, but she didn’t know how else to respond. Hans couldn’t help but just look at her, his eyes sad, but full of gratitude. For every moment that their gaze was still met, Poppy felt stranger and stranger.
“Would you like another hug?” Poppy asked genuinely. Poppy didn’t want to seem like she was taking advantage of the situation, but it still looked like Hans could use it. Besides, she could get used to him being so close.
Poppy didn’t know what she was expecting, or frankly even hoping for, but all Hans did was nod and lean back into her. Poppy wrapped her arms around his again, forcing his to go limp at his side as he rested his head against hers. Poppy set her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. The same evergreen smell that she was used to when being near him was intoxicating, but at the time of this hug, it felt more like a comfort than something to get her heart racing as she shared this moment with him.
The hug was far more short-lived, but still just as sweet to both Hans and Poppy. Eventually they pulled apart, and Hans began to stand up. He reached his hand down and helped Poppy to her feet.
The two of them began making their way back toward the castle, in silence, as they often did. This was not an awkward silence, not even a bad silence, but simply a peaceful one. As they entered the castle together, Poppy noticed several students watching them with interest. Poppy tried to ignore this, putting her head down and continuing to just walk forward.
Poppy couldn’t help but wonder why they were staring. Of course, the obvious answer was because of Hans’s involvement in the events on Monday, but Poppy couldn’t help but wonder if it was because they were together.
“Are you going to class?” Poppy asked Hans as they walked toward the Grand Staircase.
Hans thought about this question for a moment, before shaking his head, “No. I- not right now.”
Poppy nodded, “Hm, okay. What will you do instead?”
“I don’t know, maybe go back to my common room,” Hans answered, “I don’t know,” he repeated. After a moment of silence, he asked her the same thing. “What about you? Aren’t you heading to class?”
“Maybe. I’m already late, so I don’t know what good that would do,” Poppy paused, dancing on the edge of continuing, before deciding she would, “I could stay with you, if you’d like.” Poppy looked away from him, feeling a bit of color rising in her cheeks, expecting him to decline.
What Poppy didn’t see was Hans’s eyes light up, and his lips curl into a smile. “I’d like that.”
Poppy looked up at Hans in surprise, unable to help herself from beaming, “Really? Okay!” She said brightly. Despite the somber tone of the recent week, she couldn’t help but perk up as Hans began to let her back in. “So where are we going?”
Hans thought about this question for a moment, before taking her hand in his own, “come on. I have something to show you.”
Poppy was surprised by his bold move, feeling herself turning redder by the second as their fingers interlocked. Hans lead her toward the Astronomy Wing, taking her up many staircases as they went higher and higher into the castle.
“Where are you taking me?” Poppy panted, struggling to keep up with him.
“You’ll see.”
At long last, they reached an empty hallway on the seventh floor. Hans stopped in front of a blank wall, letting go of her hand(much to Poppy’s dismay) and pacing in front of the empty wall. “Uh, Hans?” Poppy asked, worried for his sanity as he walked back and forth in front of this room.
As Hans walked in front of the wall the third time, something astonishing happened. A marvelously crafted black door materialized in the wall right before her eyes.
Hans reached for the door and pushed it open, grabbing Poppy’s hand and leading her through. What greeted her inside was too much like her greatest fairytales.